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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH

149 replies

Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 10:29

DH has always been pro breastfeeding.
But now that DC is 11 months old and I am back at work, he appears to see it as a big inconvenience.
For example, I can't express much and so I collect DC from nursery at around 4pm on work days so that I can feed her. DH is a teacher and DC goes to nursery term time only so he is taking care of her this week. He has planned some big days out with his parents and DCs. I've requested they come back for 3.30pm so that I can breastfeed her (she is going without breastmilk all day aside from her morning feed) and he is in a big sulk about having to come home "early." It makes me feel like I'm ruining their fun, but
A) I worry that she won't have had enough fluids and will need to feed.
B) I don't want to get too full.

I just need to vent really. It's all so convenient when he's not having to fork out on formula and not having to do the feeds, but being back in time for her feed isn't convenient for him. We can't give formula as a back-up, one off feed either as she is CMPA.

OP posts:
Chartreuser · 25/04/2019 13:01

DS was ebf and had a bowel issue that meant he couldn't eat much solid food at all until 13 months and frequently had to be milk only.

Sadly during this I had to return to work, so he managed a full day at nursery going without a feed from 7 until we were home at 6.

He would eat the odd bit of toast/fruit and drink a bit of water during the day, and would sometimes be a bit grizzly at pick up, but he survived fine (my sleep not so much as he would feed many times at night to make up for it).

Your DD expects her feed at 4pm as that is what her routine dictates, if she is out with DH then she's outside of her routine and their likely won't need her feed exactly at r o clock.

It sounds like a nice way for DH and her AND IS ONLY FOR ONE DAY! If she is too I'll to go out that's a separate issue.

I know it's hard letting go and trusting others to look after the children, a PP had it right don't their way of doing things is different but not less ok.

Hollowvictory · 25/04/2019 13:01

I can see why he isn't in the habit of managing her food and drink, you won't let him! He's in charge if her today let him get on with it and stop micro managing him honestly it would drive me mad. No doubt he can bri g her home if he needs to. If you don't trust him to care for her fir a day with you, you should not have procreated with him!

NorthernRunner · 25/04/2019 13:03

I think you are just being a bit OTT, and actually with all that you have said in your subsequent posts, I don’t think dropping the 4pm feed is a bad idea. It could encourage her to drink more water, and eat more.
Trust your husband otherwise you are going to drive yourself mad.

monal · 25/04/2019 13:04

When they say oatmilk can't replace milk as a drink though they don't mean for a couple of days out, they mean in general. For a couple of days out it would be fine surely?

Aquilla · 25/04/2019 13:04

Did you also wait until the day AFTER she turned 6 months to introduce solids, op?

Sunlov · 25/04/2019 13:09

If you're getting that full, surely you're able to pump? So, pump at 4pm, then he'll have a bottle to give her tomorrow at 4pm.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:10

OP, you are wasting your time for sure. Once the first few posters make the decision, generally... that's the way the whole thread goes. Its ridiculous, and is what I hate most about mumsnet.

People seem too afraid to go against the grain most of the time.

Funnily enough, the majority would have a different view on the care of an 11 month old should you suddenly be split up from your husband. Then it all becomes the advice he should only see her little and often (2 hours 3 times a week is plenty apparently!). She should stick to her routine at all times etc etc. Call me cynical... but 🤷

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:11

Sunlov, what breastfeeding experience do you have? Did you BF? Have you researched the subject before making that statement? Surely you did...?

BeardyButton · 25/04/2019 13:11

Im actually quite shocked that everyone is w your dp. Im with you. Baby's needs (and it is a need if baby is without milk all day, and is used to having feed) comes second to a 'day out'. And you are clearly not ready to give up bf for others' convenience. You want to keep doing it (well done! It is bloody hard esp when back at work). And baby isnt either. Just having a couple of feeds is still clearly important for you both. Every single piece of research shows how important bf is. Even past 1. Who and nhs guidelines state 24 months. Its completely fine if you cant bf, of course. And also fine if you choose not to. But that doesnt mean your decision is the correct one for all (clearly not, given guidelines and research). And it also doesnt mean you should advise others to give up or jst give oatmilk while out. You know your baby. If you and baby will be distressed by this, it is definitely not to be ignored so all can enjoy a day out. In any case, baby will likely put paid to that idea as they will want their feed.

LittleSprite · 25/04/2019 13:11

Will she drink oat milk from a beaker or bottle? At 11 months I can’t imagine that the odd drink of non-breast/non-formula milk would be a problem, it just shouldn’t be her main milk drink before 12m.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:12

Monal. It does not contain enough calories for a growing, developing infant. So no, it shouldn't be the main drink before 1.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:13

And by giving it to her on her "days out " it is replacing her usual feed. Thus it becomes her main drink regardless of how you want to see it.

MustardScreams · 25/04/2019 13:14

@ThisMustBeMyDream so at the strike of midnight on the first birthday it suddenly becomes nutritious enough does it? Amazing

SoHotADragonRetired · 25/04/2019 13:15

But there's no need whatsoever to give up BF. Just not to organise everything around a 4pm feed. Even a 6mo who hasn't really started solids is fully capable of going for 12 hours without feeding, if necessary. An 11mo certainly is.

An access schedule for divorced parents is not the same thing as a day trip out with Daddy.

Quartz2208 · 25/04/2019 13:16

This isnt a breastfeeding issue per se. This is how to deal with a child who has been ill and has a dairy and soya allergy and clearly a Dad who is not taking these into account

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:17

Mustard. The guidelines are there for a reason. Not just to annoy you.
Would you give wholemilk instead of formula before 1 as a main drink?

Amy326 · 25/04/2019 13:20

I fed mine until over 2 so I understand completely however she honestly will be fine waiting until after 4pm for her milk, at that age it’s not that much of a big deal if they go longer without and your supply will be totally fine as well. Presumably she’ll be back by 6ish at the latest so it’s only a couple of hours longer than usual, she’ll be fine and will drink water if she’s thirsty / eat solids if she’s hungry. It’ll be ok honestly! Just ask that she’s back in time to have a long feed before bed!

Ginger1982 · 25/04/2019 13:21

Yeah you are because you've drip fed a whole load of stuff and clearly you think you're right and thought everyone else would think so too. So what's the point in even posting?

Your DH needs to learn to cope in these situations and you can't always be there just to whip out your breasts. What if you were in an accident or a traffic jam or something delayed you? Your DD would survive. Surely he could bring her home for 4.30pm as a compromise.

MustardScreams · 25/04/2019 13:22

I’m still breastfeeding dd at 2.5, but yes she had whole milk when she was with my mum when I was working and couldn’t get back in time. I went back to work when she was 11 months, a whole 4 weeks before she turned 1!! Shocking I know. It was fine, and obviously didn’t affect her in anyway shape or form.

Plus she has a fab relationship with my mum now as they’ve spent so much time together without me dictating constantly. Bonus all round!

EvilDog · 25/04/2019 13:23

Actually we were advised to gradually mix whole milk and formula from 11 months, upping the ratio until it was all whole milk, so that the child would make the switch easier.

The think yabu op - your dd can’t tell the time, she could easily be distracted for an hour or so with a snack or juice until she gets home.

Kokeshi123 · 25/04/2019 13:26

Breastmilk is a great food, but older babies and toddlers shouldn't be "over-breastfeeding" either--the risk of anemia goes up in older babies who are having more than five feeds a day. By 11mo, a morning feed and a couple more in the evening should be enough. Within a few months, two feeds a day should be more than enough.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:26

Who advised you of that evildog? No HCP should be advising that. You can do that at 12 months to make the transition. No need to start prior to 12 months.
I'd be making a complaint against the person that gave you that advice. It goes against every guideline.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 13:27

Evidence kokeshi?

Notonthestairs · 25/04/2019 13:31

What time were they intending to return?

I think it might be helpful for both of you to be more flexible. He can pick up cucumber/watermelon etc now and keep encouraging sips of water whenever he can - and aim to be back for 4/4.30. And you can express a little to take the pressure off your breasts.

Both of my children are CMPA.

Bookworm4 · 25/04/2019 13:32

Oh my, I'm so glad my youngest DD is 13, I don't think I could cope with the rigid neurotic mothers now.
@thismustbeadream
You would report a HCP for suggesting 11mths instead of 12? You're nuts, guidelines is exactly that 'a guide' not a law and every child develops differently. All 4 of mine were completely different with feeding as are all kids.