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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH

149 replies

Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 10:29

DH has always been pro breastfeeding.
But now that DC is 11 months old and I am back at work, he appears to see it as a big inconvenience.
For example, I can't express much and so I collect DC from nursery at around 4pm on work days so that I can feed her. DH is a teacher and DC goes to nursery term time only so he is taking care of her this week. He has planned some big days out with his parents and DCs. I've requested they come back for 3.30pm so that I can breastfeed her (she is going without breastmilk all day aside from her morning feed) and he is in a big sulk about having to come home "early." It makes me feel like I'm ruining their fun, but
A) I worry that she won't have had enough fluids and will need to feed.
B) I don't want to get too full.

I just need to vent really. It's all so convenient when he's not having to fork out on formula and not having to do the feeds, but being back in time for her feed isn't convenient for him. We can't give formula as a back-up, one off feed either as she is CMPA.

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 25/04/2019 11:20

If you've finished work by then can you not meet DH and DC wherever they are? (assuming not long distance away) If they've been at say a petting zoo, they could finish at 3.30/4.00 - you could meet them... all go to a cafe so their day out doesn't finish at 3.00pm...

SherlockSays · 25/04/2019 11:21

Yep, even with the dripfeed I get his point. She needs to learn to drink water from a beaker, you could also be thinking about introducing whole milk for her too.

It must be absolutely tiresome to keep to such a tight schedule every single day.

Original poster
Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 11:21

They will be 1 hour away unfortunately.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2019 11:22

@Runawayandsaveyourlife i think you need to speak to your hv or similar, if she's having a feed at those times and virtually nothing inbetween i'd sorry that she's dehydrated or at risk of being.

myrtleWilson · 25/04/2019 11:22

So you're asking for their day to finish at 2.00/2.30 to be back in time? That seems unreasonable. Can you not both compromise and they go somewhere closer and you meet up...

SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2019 11:23

could also be thinking about introducing whole milk for her too
perhaps not, considering she has CMPA. Goats millk worth a try though

Original poster
Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 11:23

Whole milk to a baby with CMPA? Would help if you understood the issues here Sherlock. She has oatmilk on cereal which can't be given as a drink until after 1 year as advised by her dietician. Absolutely can not try the milk ladder yet either, as advised by the dietician.

OP posts:
Celebelly · 25/04/2019 11:24

I think it's a shame they have to cut their day short. Would an hour or two later make a huge difference if it's just for one feed anyway? Do you trust your husband to be a parent and look after her and be able to make his own decisions about whether she is happy/hungry/thirsty or not? The only way to know how it'll be is to let them do it. If they have a bad day or she's grizzly by 4 then he won't want to repeat it.

Original poster
Runawayandsaveyourlife · 25/04/2019 11:25

I do worry about this @sleeping. So far she has been ok and the nursery have kept tabs on her nappies. I worry that DH won't do the same though or encourage enough drinks and high water content food.

OP posts:
BiscuitDrama · 25/04/2019 11:25

Never seen the abbreviation CMPA. You can’t expect everyone to know what it is or google.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 25/04/2019 11:25

I'm with you OP. She is a human with needs and wants. Not a toy for DH to parade about.

In a few months it will all have changed. She won't be this little for long.

I don't see 3.30 as the middle of the day for returning home. She will be having dinner not long after, and then her bedtime routine. I would always try to be home with little ones by 4.30pm so I'd have time to cook and serve dinner. An hour earlier doesn't seem extreme for me.

As a one off, I'd say sure, throw the routine aside for the day. But it sounds like he is planning multiple days out.

What fun days out are there for 11 month olds anyway? They still have 2 naps, and all their usual needs during that time. Other than perhaps a day at farm, I can't think if any other full day trips for an 11 month old. Park, swimming, soft play are other activities that an 11 month old may enjoy. None of those would be an all day activity?

I'd ask him to wait til the summer holidays for the longer days out. She will be down to 1 nap by then and may not be BF at all. This should be much nicer and relaxing for all concerned.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/04/2019 11:27

@BiscuitDrama it's in the thread

Bookworm4 · 25/04/2019 11:27

Seriously you don't trust your DH, her father to feed/water her? You are being really daft, basically they can't have a day out unless under your orders. No wonder he's fed up. Your DD will be having fun and hopefully be busy or have a nap and not miss the 4pm feed.

Soubriquet · 25/04/2019 11:27

Have you tried this?

I know it’s for 1-3 year old, but at 11 months, she is almost there

My ds used to love this and I always thought it smelled lovely

Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH
Looneytune253 · 25/04/2019 11:29

She will be fine without milk during the day. My daughter just had morning and evening feeds when she was that age

CharityConundrum · 25/04/2019 11:30

Could you compromise by working towards a longer-term solution? Obvs the situation with anti-biotics and food refusal is short term, so if you started pushing back the afternoon feed then you could add an hour to their day within a couple of weeks. I'm sure you've tried loads of different bottles/teats/cups etc, but if not, it's worth exploring different options to see if there's one she prefers - my youngest only liked ones with straws for example. If you are prepared to meet in the middle, it becomes something you are working on together rather than something that you are at loggerheads about.

llangennith · 25/04/2019 11:30

Sounds like you just don't like your DH having nice family days out with his parents and other DC.

BertrandRussell · 25/04/2019 11:31

“I worry that DH won't do the same though or encourage enough drinks and high water content food”

If he isn’t going to look after her, then you have to stop him taking her out at all.

SD1978 · 25/04/2019 11:32

I fully expected to read and feel your husband was unreasonable- but I'm afraid I don't think he is. The child is 11mo the old. They are drinking water and solids by that age. It does seem unfair to have every day so heavily restricted, a few days where they can stay out doesn't seem like an unreasonable thing to want

NewAccount270219 · 25/04/2019 11:32

I worry that DH won't do the same though or encourage enough drinks and high water content food.

He's her dad. Do you really not trust him to care for her? Has he shown in the past that he's likely to just not bother with her basic needs? If yes, then he shouldn't be caring for her at all. If no, then let him do it his way - and if she has one day out where she gets really grizzly at 3.30 he won't repeat it. Let him learn, just like you did.

Celebelly · 25/04/2019 11:39

Also what I've learned from parenthood so far is that DP doesn't parent how I do sometimes, and that's OK. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands a bit, but he's finding his own way of looking after DD and soothing her and DD is safe and happy and that's what matters. It can be hard to stand back when it's not how you would do something, but he needs to be given the opportunity to parent her by himself in his own way. If she truly is miserable or has a bad time then he'll either learn from it and make changes or he won't want to do it again!

ZaphodBeeblerox · 25/04/2019 11:39

OP my DD is 16 months now (still bf) and has a dairy allergy. The reason she's wanting a feed at 4pm is because you've set up that expectation and she's in that routine at nursery. She'll have more water I'm sure when she's out with your husband. No need to express, just send them off with a big bottle of water, and a small tetrapack of oatmilk or soymilk and let him see how he gets on. Many mums I know are back at work FT 9-6 or so when baby is 11 months and feed first thing in the morning and once they're back from work. At 11 months I started getting a babysitter and going out for the evening and DD would be fine without it. If you plan to do extended bf (and I do for example) it needs to start getting a lot more flexible now and just like a little comfort topup for her rather than her big source of fluids.

OverMoon · 25/04/2019 11:40

I’m very pro breastfeeding but I have to say YABU. If she gets grizzly at 3.30pm because she wants a feed, then that’s your husbands problem to deal with, right? He’s her dad too. You won’t have to deal with it.

He’ll either be fine because he can distract her with food/water/play/nap, or she’ll be really upset, he’ll come home and you can breastfeed her to calm her down and prove him right. At 11 months having her feed a few hours late won’t damage her. You have to let him parent too. And the “she refuses water/bottle etc” stuff is usally only true when mum is there and they know there’s a better option (boob). At 11 months on a day out, she might be distracted enough. Or she might not. But I think you have to make your husband make this “mistake” as you perceive, rather than being so controlling.

QuaintDuck · 25/04/2019 11:51

As someone who BF for 3y and is still BFing no2. YABU

99calmbeforethestorm · 25/04/2019 11:51

You can get alpro soya growing up milk in individual cartons to use out and about. We switched to non dairy alternative from lactose free formula at 11 months on the advice of a dietitian.

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