Why "choose" to bottle feed???

[Difers]

I am a breastfeeding mum and I meet lots of mums who said they tried to breastfeed but weren't able to which I can totally understand but My mother-in-law said she "chose" to bottlefeed and didn't bother even trying...

So I am wondering, given the benefits of breastfeeding, why would anyone "choose" to bottlefeed??

I think this whole thread is disintregrating into a battle which wasn't the point of it. Bridgetthewoolleymammoth - Many people on the thread (mainly the fomer part of the thread) have shared their reasons - some of which are really sensitive and probably not what might come across and a RL mother and Toddlers Group so for me this thread has been an informative and useful topic.

difers u started this vitriolic unpleasnt debate you take ownership of it

What do you mean?

Kiskidee, I have to admit, for the first time in a long time on this subject I am on the verge of blowing an O-ring. I can assure you it is nothing to do with the fact that I failed at breastfeeding as, since I got over PND I have returned to something resembling my pre-child laid back self.

Using your pithy terminology, MY baby had a choice to breastfeed. He just didn't. He wouldn't. Not for one bloody minute would he latch on. Not for 10 seconds. I KNEW how important it was TO ME to breastfeed MY baby, but I couldn't because I couldn't get him to. Neither could anyone in the hospital where I stayed for 10 days trying to get him to do so, and so it went on until after 8 weeks of one tit or another sucked permanently into a pump, with the supply of your average dairy cow, I gave up.

Please, do not come on here in the name of promoting breastfeeding and say, as a sweeping statement that the decision to formula feed is about choice and that he didn't have the choice to breastfeed.

Difers - if only you had worded your OP slightly differently the thread would possibly have not ended up as it has done!

I finally worked out from your posts that you were looking for some support and genuine answers to your question.

JeSuisLeSoup - obviously you didn't read my post thoroughly. I usually do ignore these threads, but this time, I thought "Sod it". Why should the Muffia be allowed to get away with posting such fingerpointing, smug, derogatory threads? Wasn't aware that we had to agree with the original OP or butt out.

And my god, if the reasoning behind this thread was to inform new mums, then I think it has failed immensely. And I would urge new mums to go elsewhere for impartial advice - I've certainly not seen any 'impartial' advice being given in these threads?!

I really feel sorry for the vast majority of proBF mums who DON'T pass judgement on other mums' choices. There are one or two posters here who give you a bad name.

This thread was doomed from the start I think, purely because it is such a personal subject with so many different opinions all connected to our feelings. Just such a shame that people can't be more understanding and a bit less judgemental. I find parenting such a challenge on a day to day basis, and then to come across such awful accusations of not doing the best for my dd (I know not personally directed at me, but still felt as such) is infuriating.

Why oh why can we never have a civilsed discussion about this.

Breast milk is the most ideal nutrition for babies so why do some women opt to formula feed from birth? We are not talking about women who encountered difficulties.

One of the most compelling reasons is because they did not WANT to. End of story.

A very close friend of mine FF fed her 3 children. When she was expecting her third baby I asked her whether she was condidering BF.

Her answer was no. She knew that breastmilk was the best milk for a baby, however the thought of breastfeeding disgusted her. There was no way she could do it.

I respected her honesty and her decision. Breastfeeding was not for her.

I wish more women would be honest, like those who give up within the first week. It is often because they hate it and feel they aren't 'allowed' to say that.

If you hate it, say so. Don't blame it on inadequate milk supply or painful nipples because us 'breastfeeding supporters' will give you solutions.

If you say you hate it, we will say, formula feed in peace.

Choice - that is what it is all about.

I absolutely agree with you Mears
Until your "choice" statement, obviously

Mears, unfortunately it doesn't always work that way. I've always been upfront about my aversion to bfeeding in RL and on this thread, but still encounter quite a few zealous bfeeding ladies who are determined to convert me as such and will not even try to understand that I cannot get myself to do it and although I say to them that I respect their opinions etc, they don't have to common courtesy to leave it at that.

Please forgive me...it is the first thread I've ever started...I never meant for people to get upset at all. I've already tried to explain about the inverted commas which I think have got people up in arms.

I feel like this thread has become an unstoppable monster..and periodically I try to take ownership (is this what you mean scottishmummy??) but it goes back to the BF versus FF thing which it wasn't really about.

It was so hard for me to BF. DS was syringe fed (1 ml of EBM initially, then cup fed (futile with a jaundiced sleepy baby) then I had to beg for a bottle to frankly save him from losing any more weight and becoming dehydrated, the MW's did not give a shite about his health, just whether I breastfed, then when we got home he would cry from 6pm to 1.30am eveynight because I didn't seem to give him enough milk and I did give formula in the evenings for a while so as I have said before I'm not unsympathetic to people who struggle to bf them bottlefeed at all.

loonyballoony eloquent point inability to BF is a demoralising and upsetting difficulty that some mums do not chose, despite what the over-zealous-any-baby-can-breastfeed-pedants-head-in-the-sand-or-is-it-up-their-arse-mantra

What is wrong with the word 'choice' winestein?

If the thought of breastfeeding was not acceptable to me i would choose to bottle feed. Why is choice wrong?

ps promied myself not to get involved in this thread

I only like to make sure women are making an 'informed choice'.

Women should know the facts before choosing to bottlefeed. If they know the information, yet choose to bottle feed, then they should be respected in their choice.

"so kiskidee what would you say to mothers like me who tried their absolute best even got depression due to it not working and your baby near to getting taken back into hospital through lack of food(she had the shakes) am i a bad parent? "

I would say that you were not given a choice and i would be angry on your behalf.

It was absolutely not working for you for many of the reasons i stated in this thread at 20:17:58.

i also put the word 'choice' in quotes at 20:21:22 because our choice was eroded long before we were concious that we had one and long before our babies were conceived. Yes, I do mean 'our' choice because mine too.

When bf was just not working for me in the early days, I got angry because it began to dawn on me how inept the health service is at supporting us and our babies.

Sad and angry because i watch the gov't doing nothing to improve maternity services for women and babies. Babies don't vote and pay taxes and their mummies are too overwhelmed and busy to lobby on their behalf.

Angry enough to inform myself about everything i can about bf and begin to support other women in the community.

So sad to read about people not wanting to bf in front of others, esp relatives. Reminds me of my father (RIP) wanting to photograph me bf and always making positive comments about it eg "ah, isn't it a comfort for the baby" etc. If bf were as common a sight as bottlefeeding in our culture, far more women would give it a go, and more babies would benefit from the antibodies protecting them from infection.

Kiskidee, pleased to see that you want to direct your anger towards helping other women. Please just don't vilify and insult the ones that perhaps don't want help (regards bfeeing) and just want to get on with ffeeding.

mears, I have to say that when I gave up bf, I didn't feel I had a "choice". To say I "choose" to give up was an anathema to the way I was really feeling. I did know the facts, it is not what I wanted to do but I didn't feel I had any choice.

I think that is why those of us gave up reluctantly don't feel comfortable with the expression.

I know - I promised I would not get involved either

I would never have chosen to bottlefeed, but for reasons detailed in my earlier post I ended up doing so, and I hated it as it wasn't a "choice".
I have absolutely no problems with anyone who chooses to bottlefeed.. because it is then a choice. This is why I do not like the use of the word choice, here.
I am pro-breastfeeding and I am aware of all the arguments for breastfeeding and actively encourage it if there is an appropriate opportunity. This was never the thread to start chucking stats and blinkered opinions around IMO though, because it was inappropriate for the general turn of the thread.

OK I haven't read the whole thread and I don't plan to, but for once I didn't have a problem with the use of the word "choose" in this context. IMO it was implicit in the thread title and the OP that she was referring to women who DO choose to bottlefeed (and there are some, such as the example I gave). I didn't actually feel she was passing judgment on the many many women, myself included, whose choice is taken away.

Kiskidee - I wanted to say that I do understand exactly what you are saying in your post "i also put the word 'choice' in quotes at 20:21:22 because our choice was eroded long before we were concious that we had one and long before our babies were conceived. Yes, I do mean 'our' choice because mine too."

But, I am afraid that it is not that simple for those that tried and failed. The decision is made easier, but it is not and never will simply be a "choice".

Twinkle - no, I didn't feel the OP was saying that either. It is said subsequently (and I admire the way the OP has handled this thread incidentally )

loony and winestein: i did not come here to judge of vilify women who ff. i don't do that in RL. my post that has got people het up was in response to a couple posters (shortly before 20:17:58 ) who became ranty. I thought i would be ranty for a change.

i really really wouldn't do that in RL. I know the 'choice' is hard. that 90% of women who stopped bf before 6 wks would have liked to continue just shows (yes, another statistic which i trust, I don't trust them all, you know ) just how much sadness, grief and disappointment is out there. and that makes me angry too and why i am helping women in my community.

i don't really think there are any women out there, bar one or two psychopaths, who would choose to formula feed from birth if bf was not such a laden issue in our society. Even when women say they did not bf from birth because it was wierd, disgusting, etc. just shows how social conditioning has affected their mindset long before they were aware of it. That's because i think that women are primed to want the best for their baby, or call me naive.

so, no, it isn't really about my tax money.

just wanted to be 500th poster

winestein - I see now where you are coming from and I totally agree.

I was responding to the OP which referred to women choosing to bottle feed from birth.

That is totally different from a woman who needs to bottle feed because breastfeeding has not been successful. That is certainly not a choice and indicates to me that breast feeding support has been lacking.