Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

Yes.

GinaLinetti99
I hope you've changed GP?!

Ah. Must be that other Mumsnet where it’s absolutely fine to say that you found bf easy, cheap and convenient. Where suggesting to someone struggling early on that it will probably be OK. And where, if someone posts, pre birth that they are not going to bf, it’s OK to say why not keep an open mind about it- you might change their mind,

I think people need to try things out for themselves and make their own minds up. There shouldn't be pressure either way; it really doesn't matter. If someone has said that they don't wish to breastfeed then that's their decision and it needs to be respected. Likewise for the reverse situation. It isn't anyone else's business in the end (unlike, say, vaccination where there are wider effects from individual choices).

It's good for people to share their stories. No one should feel judged or ashamed by how they choose to feed their baby. It is absolutely not worth compromising your mental health in order to breastfeed.

However, on this thread I've read (not from everyone but a few posters) that there is no point in breastfeeding and there are no benefits. That is not helpful to anyone and also untrue. Really unfair for people to imply human milk has no benefits to a human baby just to justify their own choices. There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula, but let's not pretend breastfeeding is a waste of time.

Breastfed my first for 18 months and the first 8 weeks were hell... cluster feeding, damaged nipples, pain, bleeding and then i was hospitalised with a breast abscess that was close to rupturing... however, after that it was a doddle! The thought of no longer breastfeeding him made me so sad even though i was actively encouraged to switch to formula.

Ds2 i was a lot more prepared for. First week was sore but soon got easier. He doesnt cluster feed, hes gaining weight very well and he sleeps all night. He also doesn't feed for comfort so its been a lot easier than i thought, especially as ds1 is only 2 and still needs a lot of my attention! Will probably aim for 18 months again.

I so desperately wanted to breastfeed my first, but my milk didn't come in and my son ended up back in the hospital at 4 days old with dehydration. I 'mix fed' (meaning baby chewed on my nipple for 20mins and then had a bottle of formula) for 12 weeks and then went full ff after that.

I'm due to give birth to my second soon and have visited a lactation consultant who has diagnosed me with mammary hypoplasia (lack of milk making tissue), so I will be FF again.

I'm disappointed that I won't be able to breastfeed, but remind myself if I lived in a different time or different part of the world and didn't have access to formula and safe drinking water all of my babies would simply die soon after birth, which is just horrific to think about.

I do wish that I wasn't going to have to spend the first few days and weeks after baby is born repeatedly explaining my body's failure to every health care professional I meet, but it is what is.

IMO the pressure you get when they're tiny to breastfeed is massive and amplifies the feelings of failure if it turns out, for whatever reason, you can't.

Why is there so much pressure to BF?

Insurance companies/hospitals fear litigation, lactation consultants make good money, lots of money in pumps/accessories, formula makers aren't allowed to advertise, because it is actually an important thing to do in 3rd world countries where water quality is poor and women can't afford formula, and I think there are some ties to misogyny as well as women who are breastfeeding find it harder to go back to work, etc.

Yeah, that must be it. Evil capitalists pushing breastfeeding......

But WHY is there so much pressure to BF? We don’t see this with any other ‘thing that results in a small effect that’s measurable on a population level but a bit fuzzy at the individual.’

We aren’t seeing mums castigated for not feeding organic foods, or for a bit much TV or a few too many chocolate buttons or any of the stuff further down the line. It’s unique to early feeding methods. The sheer judgement and ire of it. Women who want to ff made to feel bad. Dire warnings of nipple confusion, women who want to bf unable to access help and told off in public. It’s like the judgement is there no matter what you do. Women just can’t win.

And it really is worst around bf - I’ve not experienced another ‘mothering choice’ item thats evoked so much criticism. Like I said above I breastfed my kid until he was 18m and I was called disgusting for doing so. Yet when I say that people should feed however they want I’m shot down too and accused of being a stooge for formula.

I can only think that there actually is, somewhere in the background, something to do with a disapproval of how women use their bodies.

I also know far too many men who have refused to do night feeds even with expressed breast milk.

I think BF can be a burden on the mother, I think bottles can make it a bit more equal, and I also accept that not everyone wants to do that.

But just the sheer ire and judgement, over something that doesn’t really matter that much in the long run anyway? Yes I think there is a significant woman bashing element.

I suppose it depends what you mean by “pressure”. Anyway, whatever pressure there is is completely failing........And ff advocates are increasingly vocal.

I wonder how much of this is demographics too? Where I am is almost all bf with big pressure and judgement not to ff. but where I grew up it’s literally the opposite. Bf judged, ff pushed.

I guess my own views are coloured by what I’ve experienced?

I regret how long I kept trying and how miserable it made me feel.

I had a three day induced labour that ended in Caesarean section. My milk didn’t come in properly because I was so exhausted and dd had a tongue tie that took ages to sort out. I had terrible midwife support too but I made myself keep going for 8 weeks.

They were 8 weeks of constant crying from me and dd and two hourly cycles of feed, pump and formula top up. I was held prisioner by it.
When it started to effect how I felt about dd I knew it was time to stop but the guilt and fear of judgement was awful.

We really need to look at the support that we give to mums and stop this silly obsession that makes so many of us feel like failures when we are at our most vulnerable.

I don't regret trying to breastfeed as I would have felt guilty for not giving it a shot (yay! More guilt!). But the experience of feeling judged for FF with every encounter with a hcp was just too much at such a vulnerable time.

For the sake of my sanity I'm going to try to avoid contact with them as much as possible this time round.

@Bowlofbabelfish I think demographics definitely comes into play. Here most women breastfeed but we live in an area where most women are sahps with high earning husbands.

I'm definitely encountering pressure to breastfeed this one despite the psychological distress breastfeeding ds caused because I've been leaking colostrum for weeks and because I had no physical issues before and it's coming from surprising sources including the consultant OB I'm seeing.

Why is there so much pressure to BF?

Insurance companies/hospitals fear litigation, lactation consultants make good money, lots of money in pumps/accessories,

This has to be one of the most misguided comements ever. Hardly anyone makes money form breastfeeding. The global formula industry is worth about $50 billion and is growing at an alarming rate. Pretty good considering they’re ‘not allowed to advertise’. Also something that never gets mentioned is the environmental impact of such growth. All those cows/ transportation/plastics. There is pressure (or maybe considering where you live by the looks of things) becasue it’s the biological norm and it’s optimal for young babies, plus it’s better for people and the planet as a whole. There really isn’t some capitalist conspiracy to push breastfeeding.

This has to be one of the most misguided comements ever. Hardly anyone makes money form breastfeeding.

No true. Lactations consultants earn $50,000 to $100,000 per year, and funding for not for profits and research is in the 100's of millions. However it's more the not getting sued that drives it.

*Not true, not no true.

And it really is worst around bf - I’ve not experienced another ‘mothering choice’ item thats evoked so much criticism.
I think c sections may get a similar response! U have to explain to every woman, man, & her dog why it was medically needed and then u get ‘oh well I would have needed a cs too if I’d done xyz..’ and endless stories of how drs r performing them needlessly (assumption that yours was ‘needless!). And then you have the women who boast proudly to you about their ‘easy’ vaginal birth. I’m glad they had straight forward births but dc2 came out limp and lifeless in a medical emergency so a little sensitivity wouldn’t go a miss. Theres quite a lot of media attention to both bf and cs too.

I think the campaigns to reduce ca & ff have done an incredible amount of damage. For both these ‘choices’ we now very much put the onus on the mother to make it work. There’s an attitude that if the mother just does this or that or tries harder it’ll work out for her and there’s no acceptance that this isn’t always the case and that sometimes it is genuinely impossible. There’s also a lack of recognition that the alternative (ff or cs) may be preferable even if it wasn’t medically ‘needed’.

It’s all so ridiculous. We need to recognise that being a new Mum is hard and we should support whatever works for each individual family.

Women need to stick together and not attack one another.

Thehulks it’s not comparable to the formula industry. Some lactation consultants will make money, it’s their job, but no one in charge of public health policy will be making mega bucks from breast milk. We actually know surprisingly little about breastmilk compared to most things because there isn’t anywhere near the funding because it’s not something you’re ever going to make billions from. There was a great ted talk by Katie Hinde (lactation researcher and university professor) in which she points out we know twice as much about erectile dysfunction and the contents of tomatoes than we do breastfeeding. Formula companies on the other hand can print pseudoscience and sometimes complete nonsense and there it no one to hold them to account. Another great talk that highlights this issue here. Funnily enough our own government are on the side of big business. Our own FSA is happy to wave checks on new products bought to market. Now that sounds like a capitalist conspiracy to me if ever I heard one.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=9wRHoI1cMFM

0 regret. Baby slept through 8/9 hours from birth, 12/14 hours from 8 weeks.

Not so much as a cracked nipple. No sleep regression. No latch issues.

He had colic though, and a nasty dairy allergy that left him with very bloody nappies. But we tackled those and breastfeeding only helped.

It's a wonderful feeling, and so easy for me. Any time, any place. Food ready and waiting.

Someone once said to me "Breastfeeding may not always be what's best for Mum, but it will always, without doubt, be best for baby".

Would I have tried anything under the sun if I had a baby that didn't sleep? Most likely, yes.

And if people think that the formula production companies are benevolent Mom and Pop shops waiting benignly to offer women - completely at their own will- the opportunity to use their product should they want to, then they don’t know much about big business, about marketing and about the aggressive pushing of formula in the developing world.

@TheHulksPurplePanties can you explain why a fear of getting sued drives hospitals and midwives/HV to pressure women to breastfeed? Who or what puts the pressure on them?

There needs to be better, clearer and more honest information all-round. And that includes about breastfeeding too. It isn't the panacea its made out to be and many of the statistics quoted about it are downright misleading - often confusing relative and absolute risk and not explaining the observational nature of the studies they are taken from (as opposed superior clinical trials, of which there are very few). Many of the claims are exaggerated and clinical trial has shown there are no advantages with regard to allergies, asthma, and obesity (see published work on the PROBIT research).

When factoring in the effects of BF on the mother's mental and physical health, it may well be that FF is indeed a better choice for some families. And for others BF will be a better option. It really is down to individual families to decide for themselves. Decent, honest and properly-explained data on both BF and FF would aid in this.