Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

What on earth is a 'Mom and Pop shop'??

“There needs to be better, clearer and more honest information all-round.“

Do you have any ideas how this might work? Are there any countries you think get it right?

“What on earth is a 'Mom and Pop shop”

Sorry. Just an expression. It means a little low key enterprise run by an apple cheeked benevolent couple- the sort of thing a lot of big businesses try to persuade us they are. Like Tesco making up farms its meat is supposed to come from.

What on earth is a 'Mom and Pop shop'?

Basically an honest family run business. It’s an Americanism. Used for stuff like a family run general store. It implies honesty/ smallness

Does anywhere get it right? I don’t know.

Formula is a necessary product, let’s not forget that. Access to a safe BF alternative is needed. The issue comes with dodgy marketing and yes, it IS dodgy. Marginally less in the West but in poorer countries it’s marketed disgracefully.

So - perhaps it should be state manufactured to stop commercial profit?

It is a genuine question and it applies across the drug industry too - where you have necessary vital drugs, how best to supply them? Some countries have broken patent on essentials (the WHO has a list of drugs considered essential in a functioning healthcare system) and manufactured them themselves.

Reading all these posts makes me feel sad that so many of you felt forced, hated it or regretted BF. My DD is 12 weeks in that time I have EBF, expressed bottle fed, and mix fed and now back to BF. I'm enjoying BF currently and hope to continue to after I go back work full time. I've done a couple of days and waking up at 6 am and having a feed and cuddle in bed before I had to hand her to DH for the day was lovely. The DH has said its my choice but would rather BF but wants me happy more, if I decide I've had enough of BF before she weans hopefully I won't feel the same failure I did when we mix fed. The only person to judge me FF feeding was my MIL luckily we don't see her very often.

I don't know if anywhere gets it right. If by 'right', I mean in providing clear, honest advice based on robust research.

Thanks for the explanations of the Mom and Pop shop! I guess it's the American equivalent of the British corner shop then.

It also becomes hard to know who to trust about feeding.

I never trusted the formula companies - I've boycotted Nestle for years because of their baby milk marketing in developing countries and I never expected to have to end up using formula myself.

But having been on the receiving end of so much bad/untrue information about BFing I don't trust the people pushing that either.

Kellymom is a great source of information on feeding - evidence based and pretty impartial. I found it very useful indeed

As I always say, formula is a necessary product but what isn’t necessary is the marketing of it. It’s vastly overpriced to cover the cost of the marketing budget which is bad primarily for parents who chose to use it, even more galling for mums who don’t necessarily ‘choose’ it. I’d love to see it state manufactured or at least fairly priced but sadly that ain’t gonna happen.

Hmmm...KellyMom appears to be an American pro-breastfeeding site run by a lactation consultant, so not really very impartial. It may well have some useful advice on how to breastfeed, however.

Totally agree that formula is shockingly expensive.

I don't think anyone would deny that Kellymom is pro breastfeeding! But if you don't want to breastfeed, why would you be looking up how to breastfeed on the Internet? It are you suggesting that Kellymom should devote an equal number of words to formula feeding?

But impartial advice about feeding whether it's breast or formula?

I did look at kellymom and also The womanly art of breastfeeding (a birthday present when I was pregnant - see what I mean about pressure to do it?!) during my first year of BFing and neither was actually very helpful. They both assumed that the mother liked breastfeeding and the book actually did more harm than good as it made me feel such a failure. The advice about PND was awful - it just said to feed even more, when it was the feeding that had given me the PND
Kellymom (unsurprisingly as it's American) seemed very geared up for women returning to work early and wanting to do lots of pumping.

Sorry I didn’t mean kellymom was equally pro bf and ff - more that yes it’s pro bf but it’s evidence based generally. I don’t think I’ve seen much in there that’s made me roll my eyes.

Maybe sensible would have been a better word than impartial.

As for a site that deals with feeding in general - I’m not aware of one.

Almost everything to do with parenting seems to need a spin or an angle or a school of thought doesn’t it? I find that frustrating myself,

I absolutely loved Kellymom, but agreed. Not impartial at all, I can’t remember seeing a single thing about formula on it.

But KellyMom is about breastfeeding. It's like asking why a site about slings doesn't have anything about pushchairs on it.

I guess there will be books on formula feeding and mixed feeding also I presume. Maybe a book on breast feeding should include a section on what happens if it doesn’t work out and maybe some guidance though and support on not beating yourself up about it.

I’m not really sure what an impartial site would involve. I suppos that in purely practical terms, bf needs much more advice and support than ff does, so anything is going to look unbalanced.

Ok so example: I want to generally bf my next one but give maybe a bottle a day. I think that’d be pretty ideal for us. Last time I couldn’t pump much so that one bottle will be formula.

Can I find how to do this? As in when to introduce first bottle, do I need to establish supply to x level? If so what level? Which bottle to use?

Can I heck as like. And that’s really frustrating! And when I’ve asked on mums groups I’ve been savaged for considering it.

I breastfed DS till he was four and don’t regret a second.

I don't know if you've seen this section of Kellymom, or the links at the end of the article:

kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wean-how/weaning-partial/

Here’s a page about mixed feeding from the NCT. NHS Choices had a page as well, but it was a bit simplistic.

but no one in charge of public health policy will be making mega bucks from breast milk.

Thehulks it’s not comparable to the formula industry.

@TheHulksPurplePanties can you explain why a fear of getting sued drives hospitals and midwives/HV to pressure women to breastfeed? Who or what puts the pressure on them?

People in public policy shouldn't be making mega bucks from anyone. They should be going towards what studies/international regulatory agencies say. Namely WHO. WHO, quite rightly, promotes breastfeeding because breastfeeding is what's best in the 3rd world (which is the majority of the world).

Thanks to Nestle's fuck UPS in the 80's the world is aware that formula isn't perfect. In bad circumstances, it = death for infants. The fall out from this, and the earnings Nestle has lost due to boycotts are evident in every public policy and marketing desicion formula companies have made since. It's not good business to be associated with child death. sorry, but doesn't mumsnet still have boycott nestle on the home page?

For health care providers, like the NHS, pushing breastfeeding is a no brainier, no money spent on formula & no litigation for issues that come up later. As for midwives & HV's they're told to push it. End of.

"As for midwives & HV's they're told to push it. End of."

Have you got any links or references?

Have you got any links or references?

You honestly think the lowest level on the medical totem pole make up their own health policies?