Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

This is probably the most honest thread I've read on breast feeding. I really appreciated reading everyone's comments.

"This is probably the most honest thread I've read on breast feeding."

So people who liked breastfeeding aren't being honest?

I don’t think it’s a case of people who feel bad about ff knocking breast feeders.

I BFd mine for 18m. There were positive bits and negative bits and so that's informed my choice to mix feed my next.

I’d not bash anyone for feeding choices. Breast, bottle of mixed is up to the individual Mum and everyone should be supportive of their choice

Exactly

Made me feel really nauseous, no idea why

I had that with my second. Numerous times a day I would have to sit down, get my shivering tit out and gag and gag and gag. There were times I thought I was gonna vom on the baby's head. They don't tell you about that in the BFing antenatal classes!

No fucking wonder I hated it!

elsbeth google DMER.

It is indeed a thing.

People should do whatever works for them. Fortunately for me, it actually was pretty easy to breast feed (tiny boobs) and I really enjoyed bonding. I was sad to to stop at about 12 months when I went back to work. We did combi feed from about 5 months though. If I hadn't enjoyed it I would definitely have stopped

@caseymoo it isn't at all clear cut whether bf is cheaper or not. Formula is an obvious expense as you're buying it regularly. Presumably you've already got bottles and steriliser so you don't need to buy those should you need them?

I had to get a pump as my milk was so delayed coming in and I needed to both put baby to breast and pump afterwards to stimulate supply. I also used the pump when I returned to work at 12 months. You may not need a pump at all. They can also be hired in some areas I think.

I did find our food bills increased as my appetite noticeably went up once my milk came in. There were other, incidental, expenses like the nipple cream is expensive.

Maybe you won't need to buy any clothes but I found that nursing bras were essential for comfort. I used washable breast pads so that kept that cost down. I bought a few vest tops to go under other tops and a couple of tops with breast access. Things I hadn't factored in were having to buy a new smart dress with BF access (I hadn't planned to buy any clothes at all whilst on mat. leave) as we had a Christening invite and I needed to both feed the baby and look smart.

I was lucky as DD's tongue tie was snipped at the hospital as she was still EBF at that point. A friend was refused an NHS snip as she was mix feeding so had to pay £100 to have it done privately.

So, it's a bit variable and hard to predict in advance. It certainly isn't free though

@Buglife I ebf dd2 and I was a single parent. Dd1 really didn't care or behave resentfully re the bf. I can't think of a single example of that. She was just 3 when dd2 was born.

Out of Parents I know who ff the absolute minimum spend is £40 a month on formula, that’s a hell of a lot of bras and feeding tops or extra food. Most people who ebf wouldn’t necessarily have bottles and sterilisers, I certainly didn’t. Some women will struggle to keep weight on when b/f but I have to say that’s not the norm. You put on fat stores during pregnancy for feeding, most women do not need to consume a vast amount of extra calories to maintain a healthy weight once supply is established. I get that there may be negatives but I really don’t think that implying that bf is as expensive as ff is fair at all. It certainly won’t be for most people.

Thank you for your thoughts people and I'm feeling so much more positive now I know I'm not the only person who didn't enjoy it
Good luck to all the pregnant people and - I wish someone had said this to me - don't beat yourself up about feeding your baby. Some of you will find that BFing is amazing and works for you, some of you may not, in which case formula is fine. Just don't do what I did and put yourself through months of misery!

No regrets here at all. I found it very fulfilling and my DS was happy. He never had a cold whilst a baby either

I love the posts doubting the costs - I know what I was spending for that year! I'd budgeted maternity leave pretty carefully and that had assumed an EBF baby...

What is clear is that bf isn't free, which is the lie I was told at the antenatal class. For some people it may not add up to more than formula but there is still a financial cost involved.

DS was EFF and I loved it. I would do it again, definitely.

He was the most contented baby ever - I remember working out that he cried for less than five minutes per day. He's gorgeous and smart, and has never had a gastro bug or an ear infection (fingers crossed). The worst we've had is mild croup and a few colds he caught in nursery (again, fingers crossed).

The first few nights with him were gorgeous, the happiest days of my life. He's always been a decent sleeper and we've never had to worry about 'night weaning' or any of that stuff.

I planned to ff feed from the start and I waited for my milk to come in with trepidation. It never did. My boobs are exactly the same as pre-pregnancy.

It not free no, but it certainly won’t cost £40per month or more for the average person. I bought 2 nursing bras, a few tops which I didn’t really use after the first few weeks when I became more practised at whipping it out discreetly, and a pump which again I only used a handful of times. Plus a pack of disposable pads. Next time will get washable. Probably totalled about £120. Had I known I would have just bought the bras. But still no comparison to £40 per month for a year.

Isn't it clear that when people say "breastfeeding is free" they mean that there is no compulsory cost associated with it, that you have to pay on an ongoing basis. Not everyone needs a breast pump, not everyone needs lots of new clothes, not everyone needs nipple cream etc etc. If you formula feed there is an ongoing compulsory cost that you need to meet otherwise your baby will not get fed.

They're not trying to lie to you to con you into breastfeeding when you would otherwise not do it.

Yes, you don’t actually need all those things, although they will make for a more comfortable experience. You do need to buy formula/bottles/sterilisers and sadly the cost of formula is vastly inflated from what it should be if it was fairly and ethically marketed. That is something I’d like to see but until that point I don’t think I could ‘chose’ to buy formula as I know I’d resent it massively. The cost saving and environmental factors are a massive (and selfish) driver for me to breastfeed my next one.

You can spend as much or little as you like on breastfeeding - I didn't want to spend so didn't.

I don't have any regrets about breastfeeding because I did it while I enjoyed it, gave bottles when I wanted and stopped once I'd had enough.
I think it's probably a different experience if you are very set on doing it even if you don't like it.

I don't understand why some posters are seeing this as an attack on breastfeeding when the whole point of it is that many women who have shared their experiences have persevered with breastfeeding despite not enjoying it particularly.

I personally saw it as a task that needed to be completed, even if I didn't particularly enjoy it, like cleaning the toilet or doing the ironing.

I genuinely think that being honest about breastfeeding and all it entails will actually help improve breastfeeding rates. So many people give up within a few weeks because they are led to believe that once they get the hang of things it will all be wonderful and easy and there won't be any downsides.

Then a few weeks passes, and they have got the hang of it but life still doesn't feel wonderful.

There are downsides, and being honest about them will make them more mainstream and talked about so rather than women thinking they are failing at breastfeeding, or that it's too restrictive and giving up entirely they may be encouraged to try mix feeding or seek some additional peer support instead.

I don't think it would be a bad thing for society in general to promote breastfeeding AND acknowledge at the same time that it's another burden being requested of women and should be better supported. We are just expected to get on with it and suffer in silence at the moment, or FF instead.

pastabest words of wisdom and completely agree

Yes, I found the first 4 weeks of bf very painful, this was not mentioned in the bf classes! I had my latch checked several times, but it was just a transition. I’m glad I stuck with it as it made my dd so happy, but it was harder than I expected and I agree about the awfulness of cluster feeding.

What would actually help, beyond any talk of breastfeeding as a burden and as something that many find painful and difficult, would be to have well planned and consistent post natal support. Every NHS trust should have the same (high) minimum standards of care wrt infant feeding. It should be easy to access tongue tie checks, ongoing breastfeeding support etc. Midwives and HV should have recent detailed training about breastfeeding, and on safe and responsive formula feeding. There should be infant feeding support staff on post natal wards, so that feeding questions and problems can be quickly addressed whether about formula or breastfeeding.

Ain't going to happen though because the money isn't there and isn't likely to be. So the easiest thing to do is to tell women they ought to breastfeed but do very little to actually help that happen.

@pastabest maybe it's because there are people like some who've commented on this thread only a few days in and finding it awful and this thread is basically just telling them to give up and that it's not worth it. Honesty is great and yes it is hard and very painful for the first few weeks but ultimately is IS better for your baby and it's what nature intended for mum and baby. This post isn't honest saying things like the proven health benefits of breastfeeding aren't true...yes they are. Being middle class makes no difference to a babies health in the first 6 months to a year. They all eat the same stuff. So the studies are right and of course it's much better for babies. I think it's really discouraging for mums who are finding it hard but really want to do it. There's being honest and there's saying there's no point and it's ultimately much better/makes no difference than formula feeding which is totally dishonest.

Why would a load of people saying that they wished they'd never done it and it makes no difference be encouraging people to breastfeed? Logic?

I breast fed for 9 months and hated every single second of it. DS took a bottle and we did the odd bottle of formula plus towards the end I was pumping and DH was doing the bedtime feed every night. DS thrived, didn't lose any weight after birth and was at the 97th percentile so it clearly worked for him. But the BF itself was pretty grim for me.

I never had a pain free feed throughout the whole time. DS had tongue tie, which we had corrected (privately as there was such a long wait on the NHS) but that didn't help much. I saw a lactation consultant who concluded there wasn't much wrong with my latch The feeds lasted up to an hour even towards the end of our BF "journey". I resented every feed and, by association, my DS. I was miserable but felt like I owed it to my DS to keep BFing.

I was so relieved when I stopped. But I also felt hugely guilty.

I actually feel better having written this - DS is 21 months now and it's only more recently that I feel a bit more balanced and proper bonded with him.