Anyone else regret breastfeeding?

[RidingMyBike]

I think DD is self-weaning as she hasn't wanted a feed for a few days. She is 28 months. Which means I've been reflecting on our 'breastfeeding journey' (stupid phrase) and wondering whether it was worth it?

I have never enjoyed breastfeeding. I loathed every single second of it for most of the first year. I only really kept on going after ten months because she only wanted to feed once or twice a day and doing something you hate for ten minutes a day is a lot easier than constantly.

None of the supposed benefits I was told about seem to have been true. It wasn't free (it cost more than formula in terms of extra food for me, plus the bras, tops, pump etc), it didn't help us bond - in fact it gave me PND and totally mucked up bonding for months. It wasn't fun and snuggly. It wasn't 'convenient'. It turned out most of the research into its benefits could be ruled out because middle class mums are more likely to BF and the advantages come from that background not the BF. The benefits of fewer infections etc are at population level, not individual, although she has no allergies and has never had a stomach upset (whilst EBF cousin has multiple allergies and several upset stomachs!)

DD was combi-fed from five days after crap advice from midwives meant she developed hypernatraemic dehydration when my milk didn't come in and their obsession with EBF meant I was advised not to supplement with formula initially. I loved feeding her formula - I liked measuring the little scoops, getting it all organised. Looking into her eyes whilst giving her a bottle did help us bond.

Why is there so much pressure to BF? With what I know now I wish I'd just formula fed from the start - although doubtless I'd be beating myself up on missing out on the bonding experience I'd been told about.

Anyone else feel like this? I feel like I've been mis-sold a product that has really not lived up to the hype beforehand!

I totally agree. I think the breastfeeding lobby have become evangelical and lost all perspective.

The most important thing is a good relationship, good health and mental wellbeing for both parents and baby.

It’s amazing how often a stressed out Mum is guilt tripped into believing that as long as she breastfeeds anything else, including PND and bonding, physical health, are secondary. To be minimised. Crazy!

Of course, breastfeeding has several benefits, but that must be weighed up with all other factors.

YANBU! My first was born at the 75th centile but turned into an official Failure To Thrive thanks to the shit BF 'support' from everyone around me. BF DS2 for 2 days in hospital and switched to formula as soon as we got home, never had any HCP bat a single eyelid (different county).

Hospitals spend money on formula. The special care where my babies were had cupboards of it.

I still don't understand what hospitals and HCP might get sued for if they don't promote breastfeeding.

I must admit that I thought the WHO states breastfeeding is what's best everywhere, not just in developing countries.

(he dropped to 2nd centile, I mean)

“You honestly think the lowest level on the medical totem pole make up their own health policies?”

I am constantly being told that HCPs aren’t allowed to talk about formula feeding. But I have never seen any evidence of it. I’d just like to see any written directives about it.

People in public policy shouldn't be making mega bucks from anyone.

No of course they shouldn’t. I was responding to your previous post where you implied that there was some sort of conspiracy to push breastfeeding due to lactation consultants being paid lots and people getting their hands on research funding. I’m pointing out that this is clearly ridiculous as no one with the power to do that would make large sums from promoting breastfeeding. It’s obvious the only conceivable reason that WHO and public health bodies push it is that it’s generally best for infants and as you rightly state definitely best in across the globe.

I dread to think what the nhs get ripped off for purchasing formula. They actually prescribe lots of specialised allergy formulas so that’s another theory busted. Though Unfortunately when examined by proper scientists most of the claims about a lot of these products are complete codswallop. Not great value for money.

I am not sure about all these studies but instinctively breast milk has to be best as it is designed for babies. The fats and proteins and even antibodies - it’s perfect and changes as it needs to.

That doesn’t mean formula isn’t fine.

I breast fed all mine - some easier than others and at various points there were tongue ties and reflux and mastitis and numerous blocked ducts and exhaustion.

But I really loved it. I really did and miss it still

The trouble with the info about mixed feeding linked above is that it's very simplistic whereas there's a lot more to it than that. I ended up mix feeding because my milk didn't come in - DD was almost entirely eff until 8 weeks when my milk arrived and I could halve the amount of formula she drank. There wasn't any info about what to do about that and all the information I'd seen before just denied this could even happen. Other people start out EBF and then introduce a bottle, which is totally different to how I did it.

I joined a few online bf groups looking for support (hadn't joined Mumsnet then) but you get slated if you mention formula and they only support EBF so that was hopeless - a friend of mine had been trying to mix feed and actually gave up bf at that point as she couldn't see the point after loads of EBF had told her she couldn't bf if she gave any formula.

Sorry, not sure if I was clear - a lot of people seemed to talk about introducing a bottle of formula, whereas I breastfed first each time and then topped up with formula if DD wanted it.

She had the equivalent of 2-3 bottles a day but much more spread out.

nhs choices info about increasing bf

Riding sorry if you answered already but how did you get your milk to come in after 8 weeks? Did you just have to pump/hand express every day? How come you didn’t give up and think you just weren’t going to produce any as I think I would have by that point?! It does sound incredible that you were able to establish feeding after so long. It’s very interesting as I have to say I’ve never heard of that happening either.

It does sound like an unusual situation so it's probable that information online is lacking about specific situations like that. Were you producing colostrum for all that time, or producing a very low supply of mature milk?

I mixed fed from when my baby was 4 days old. Two health visitors and a midwife all told me not to, that I’d never be able to breast feed. My baby was in the intensive care unit and was being fed through a tube because she wasn’t getting enough breast milk. She was not able to leave the unit until she was feeding well. So we could not bond properly.

The nurse on the unit eventually helped me, she said don’t worry, or feel guilty, one day of formula in a bottle is going to give her the nutrients she needs and you can finally rest and then retry breast feeding, mixing, or just formula. Listen to your own instincts, she said.

So I did. I slept. I let my poor baby come off the tube and drink formula. I then got her out of the unit, held her at last all day in my own home, breastfed and the topped up with formula. Never looked back.

@Grandmaswagsbag the hospital initially (at five days when we went into SCBU) put me/DD on a feeding cycle of wake DD, BF, top her up with ebm and/or formula, settle to sleep, then pump each side for 15 mins, lie down for a bit and then repeat. That eventually produced a tiny quantity of milk but DD was having almost the recommended amount of formula for her weight. I gave up the pumping after a couple of weeks as I was so knackered. Not really sure why I kept going after that - pressure? Not sure what I was doing? I was diagnosed with PND at 4 weeks so whole period is a bit of a blur.

A friend had told me that she had a similar experience and her milk suddenly came in at six weeks (actually whilst she was sat in GP's waiting room for six week check) and supply kept increasing so she then EBF (she then bf child until five yo) so I knew it wasn't impossible.

I suppose I presumed that at some point it would actually 'work' and start being the enjoyable experience everyone said it was?

I had a fiasco with DC1 and feel guilty I didn't do it longer only really did it for a few weeks. DC2 was breastfed for years. She is nearly six and still sometimes has it as she says it calms her down and tastes good. Stopped in public at about three. I too had PND but it wasn't down to breastfeeding.

@AssassinatedBeauty I'm not sure re colostrum/mature milk. The midwives kept trying to squeeze colostrum out to give to DD (I had gestational diabetes so they were worried about her blood sugar levels) but obviously there was only a tiny amount. A tiny amount of milk had shown up by about day eight? But DD was having almost the recommended amount of formula for her weight.

There was no feeling of milk coming in (breasts feeling fuller etc) until eight weeks though.

Just thinking... someone above mentioned how a book on slings wouldn't have info about pushchairs in it.

But, apart from the fact that using a sling or buggy isn't a life or death choice which feeding can be. Nobody judges you for using a buggy or sling. Nobody criticises for using 100% either or a mixture of them (I used both sling and buggy). Nobody cares if you turn up at a sling library with a pushchair and not even sure if you want a sling but you'll maybe have a try. My local sling library organises 'sling and buggy walks' - it is clear that it is open to anyone no matter how they transport their baby.

Isn't this how infant feeding should be?

“Isn't this how infant feeding should be?”

So, how would that work in practice?

Incidentally, your’re wrong about no judgement with slings/pushchairs- there’s loads! From snarky comments about lentil weaving hippy baby wearers to people like my mother who genuinely worried about me damaging my back or falling and hurting my babies to people like me judging very young babies in anything but flat pushchairs to snobbery about rosettes to concerns about lack of interaction in forward facing or lack of stimulation in backward facing - I could go on!

Oh there’s judgement over slings.

I can’t use and don’t want to use them - and boy have I been taken to task for that. Apparently pushchairs are evil. And have I tried ALL the slings?

I think it depends on the baby as some babies hate slings. Ds wouldn’t go in one and would cry and arch his back. He’s still the same now and hates to be constricted. They’re not all clingons.

You just need to find the right sling starmix

(Backs away cackling wildly...)

Haha....I know one use for the sling, would make a good carrier for lots of cake and snacks so I don’t have to go to the kitchen multiple times

LOL @PasstheStarmix love the idea of a sling for snack carrying!

I suppose what I mean then is that infant feeding support gets called infant feeding support so it's clear you can turn up with your question about enforced breasts or latching or sterilising or pumping or mix feeding or whether you should use follow on milk (I know it's a marketing thing before anyone jumps on me, but many don't). And then you wouldn't get the comments from other attendees about using formula at a BFing meeting (been there done that) and parents would get the support to mix feed or bf or whatever, which I suspect would increase the numbers doing any bf at all.

And obvs they'd let in anyone whether they had a sling or a buggy