I don't want to breastfeed.

[PandaLouise]

Hello everyone. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and since finding out I've decided that I don't want to breastfeed. I understand everyone says breast is best and that I might "change my mind" but I'm pretty adamant that I don't want too. Does this make me a bad person?

Formula feeders may not lecture breast feeders, but on Mumsnet they sure as hell come out fighting! Not something I have ever experienced IRL......

I’d also caution against anyone making a set plan for feeding purely on a paractical level. If your baby happens to be premature the ‘choice’ about whether to provide breastmilk (that will usually be by pumping) is swiftly removed anyway. It’s so important for premies you are basically told your baby must have it or risk becoming even sicker. I had a midwife milking my breasts like a cows 1 hour post birth to get colostrum, I wasn’t given a choice. I suppose it’s lucky I wanted to breastfeed anyway.

@Rumpledfaceskin I just didn’t like whipping my breasts out in public, I tried many covers and methods. It wasn’t for me. I think it’s great that lots of women breastfeed in public but I personally found it hard.

@Rumpledfaceskin inexclusively breastfed for 6 months. I didn’t enjoy it. How is that misinformed?

I exclusively*

Oh and it had nothing to do with society or what people would think I just felt more comfortable in private.

There is always a choice whether to use bm or not, it's never removed. My friends preemie baby was given donor milk and then a preemie formula as she preferred that.

But yes lucky you wanted to, imagine if a mum didn't want to do that for whatever reason and she was literally forced to be milked. In 2018.

Everybody’s experience is different and what works for one person wouldn’t necessarily work for another.

Well said @Lovesagin my baby wasn’t a preemie and I felt pressured to produce milk on day 2 when it’s normal for to take up to a few days after birth. They would come in and monitor it as a few drops of colostrum wasn’t good enough.

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When baby gets here, do what you want. It's your choice and your choice only. Good luck x

Nope donor milk isn’t available where I am there’s no milk bank for miles. So some women will have the choice removed. If I had wanted to ff from the start I definitely wouldn’t have been able to. I take issue with the comment about milk coming ‘straight in’. Because it doesn’t and it’s not meant to.

How could they have prevented you from choosing to give your premature baby formula? I don't understand this. If they tried to touch you to hand express colostrum without your consent that's an assault.

@Rumpledfaceskin yes I know that but I was made to feel abnormal because my milk wasn’t in on day 2. Lots of disapproving comment from medical staff saying ‘oh it’s still not on.’ After a traumatic labour and birth I say glued to a double pump sleep deprived crying my eyes out because my milk hadn’t come in for my baby. I felt like I’d failed my baby. This went on for the first week until the medical staff whipped out formula as I wasn’t producing enough. When I got home i didn’t give up and wasn’t determined I would breastfeed. I hadn’t gone into labour naturally so I would at least get this part ‘right,’ I was literally a sleep deprived mess. My milk came in on day 7, the formula went in the bin and I exclusively breastfed for 6 months. Did I enjoy it? No.

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Sorry Rumple, I really don't want to argue, but its simply not true that mums are ever forced to bf or use their BM/be 'milked' if they don't want to, because they aren't.

Moot point in your case true, but spreading misinformation that mums may have the choice removed isn't helpful.

And I say that as someone who would agree BM would be better for a preemie.

sat*

was*

Well they did but I wouldn’t have questioned it because when you have a premature tiny helpless newborn you’d do literally anything to give them the best start and best chance of not becoming more poorly. I’d have walked over hot coals. I wasn’t going to go against medical advice and I’d find it extremely odd that anyone would. I suppose someone could in theory stand their ground and go against advice from experts but it would be an exceptionally difficult choice to make when your babies life could actually depend on it.

It isn't true Assassinated, some mw/docs may say it as a scare tactic, but there is formula available for preemie babies. To say some mums may not have a choice is totally incorrect.

These threads really annoy me. breast feed formula feed make your choice. It’s your baby you’ve had the education, you know what the WHO and UNICEF recommend, what more can be said... If you’re looking for support in your choice then what you are actually doing is trying to get others to justify your decision and prove to yourself it’s the right decision, which really you shouldn’t need as you already know you’ve made the right decision for you AND your baby.

What this thread is doing though is devaluing breastfeeding. Providing misinformation for others reading this, and normalising feeding babies formula. Sorry. Formula is an alternative, and a very suitable one for those who can’t breastfeed,for whatever reason but it’s not comparable to breast milk.

I was formula fed. My mum chose not to try because her friend told her it was horrible, and you get mastitis. So decision made. She always looked wistfully at me breastfeeding my children and has since told me she regretted that choice and listening to her friend.

It’s crazy how thousands of years of infant feeding, which worked well in communities for everyone has been completely changed and devalued within 100 years. I wonder what we will be doing and thinking in another 200 years...

So it was something you consented to under duress. Do you think the HCP that asked you if they could do that explained clearly enough that you could absolutely say no if you didn't want to? That the specialist formula available would be ok if you chose not to?

Maybe there's a need for some training to make sure that pressure isn't put on women in that situation.

There's always misinformation on BOTH sides tbf.

I don't see how this thread has devalued breastfeeding at all? Op has said they don't want to bf, it's not as if they have said "Im not sure what to do, what are the pros/cons" with loads of posters saying how awful bfing is.

It doesn't devalue breastfeeding for pointing out that women have a choice over what to do with their body, or that there is a perfectly fine alternative if they don't want to bf.

Now, if op had come on saying they really weren't sure what to do, I'd have replied differently.

Assinated I’d never discussed feeding choices with my midwife as I never really got to that stage. I can’t fully remember but of course I could have refused if I’d wanted, so no it wasn't under duress. They said something along the lines of ‘I’m going to get the colostrum out now and get in into the syringe is that ok’. I can’t say how I would have reacted if id been someone who was dead set on formula feeding becasue I was set on breastfeeding but I imagine that it would be hard to resist when all the health professionals had told me that my baby needed it and needed it quickly as possible.

But to you, you weren't given a choice. That means you didn't know you could say no, at that point in time.

It sounds like the HCPs need to do much more than simply say "is that ok?" to be clear that they have got proper informed consent not under pressure.