Can't seem to change the way I think about BF

[twiglett]

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I've encountered a lot of this - still feeding dd once a day at nearly 2 years. I never got any negative comments in the early months, but once my dd was over 6 months it started, and often from women who had breastfed themselves! So you're not alone and at least you appreciate it's not entirely rational.

I think you're repulsed because it's still pretty unusual in our culture to breastfeed that long, plus when it does happen you don't tend to see it. After about 14 months my dd just had two breastfeeds a day, so they were both at home, out of sight. I think the only way to change people's feelings about extended feeding is for it to become more commonplace, and just a normal activity.

Maybe if you yourself continued after a year you'd find your attitude changing. I once got a shock when I caught sight of myself in a mirror with this toddler on my lap feeding! I'd somehow still pictured her as a baby. But the extended feeding happened so gradually that it just feels very natural to me, even now my dd can ask for it.

I'm in the early weeks of pregnancy, so am thinking I'll wind down the one remaining feed in the next couple of months, but I'm really happy that our cosy feeding relationship continued this long.

Twigeltt
I bf ed and I cant see why people would need/ want to bf over 12 months
If they can hold a cup let them do it hemselves!

I know this is seen as not pc but thats how i see it

i BF until 11months was lucky cause DD stopped by herself, started walking so drinks on the go were better than being stuck on mums lap! i thin i would have fed her longer but hey.

however i feel the same way as you twigglet, i once saw an older child three or four i think who was still being breastfed, mum was chatting and the child came over hopped onto mums lap undid her top and bra latched herself on fed for a bit hopped off and ran back to playing, sorry but i find that a bit hard to take i know i shouldn't but sorry

I think you are very brave for admitting this Twiglett. I personally don't have a problem with feeding age 1+ although I've never managed it myself. I tend to start feeling uneasy when its kids old enough to help themselves. There was a Mum at our Toddler group who still gave occasional feeds to her pre nursery DD. I was always filled with a strange sense of guilt and , not revulsion exactly but a definite NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!. The guilt wa because I felt she had every right to feed her DD for as long as she wanted, but at the same time, this kid had to lay across 2 or 3 adult chairs in order to lay down and drink.

TBH though I tend to get more irritated with kids running around with bottles of juice etc. Agree with Coddy there, give them a cup. DSs never drank anything but milk from a bottle, and very evilly I ditched those after a year or so.

I think I probably felt like that too - not grossed out, but not exactly in favour - until I continued to bf my dd1 until she was 23 months. mostly just a single feed, in bed with cuddles in the morning. can't imagine not doing it now with dd2 (14 mths) it seems like the most natural thing in the world but I know many many people don't feel like that. I think familiarity helps. my dh was a bit anti feeding older children until I persuaded him otherwise. bf is about so much more than nutrition, it sort of sums up my relationship with my children at that particular age and hasn't made them clingy, they don't try and lift up my tshirt in public or anything either.

Don't take this personally, anyubody...
But would U suck on the teats of a cow? I drink cow's milk, too. But I try not to think about it. Very weird human habit. I don't feel comfortable about feeding past 3yo+, either, but it's a silly attitude, because sucking on a cow is definitely far far grosser.

And have you seen the size of a cow's brain proportional to their bodies? I wouldn't like my kids 2 grow to the size of a cow but with lemon-size brains. Why give them such an inferior foodstuff?

I admire people who do extended br'feeds (within limits!).

I breastfed ds til he was 17 mths. I did it purely for health reasons - both his and mine. The long term benefits for me are the reduced ovarian/breast cancer risks and then all the usual well publicised benefits for the child re antibodies etc. I figured that the age 2 recommendation from the WHO was a good guideline to follow. I just thought that breastmilk was more suitable for children than cow's milk, even though I know cow's milk is suitable as a drink from age 1. Cow's milk is adequate, breastmilk is better - would be interested to know if I've been misled on that one.

Ds could "ask" for milk from 8/9 mths by using the babysign for it, so I imagine that would freak some people out because he could "talk" about wanting milk. But I never let him pull up my top etc because he was never demand fed. From a young age he "knew" that feeds only happened when I put him on my lap and told him it was milk time.

I don't really see why it matters what you think about extended breastfeeding. That's not a criticism in any way btw. We all find various things distasteful - in my case this includes anything from prawns (yikes, all deebly-deebly little eyes and insecty bodies) to tattoos. I know other people love them and that's fine. Prawns, I believe are considered yummy and are full of nutrients. But it honestly doesn't matter what I think, as long as I'm not out there actively snatching other people's prawns away or burning down tattoo parlours and shunning people with tattoos. Same with extended breastfeeding, surely? You just feel what you feel but keep schtumm and try to be polite.

I definitely shun prawns

Interesting to see what different people's thresholds are! For some it's 6 mths, for some it's three years, for some it's pre-school....there is no rationale to this at all, it's to do with gut instincts, as twiglett says.

It's an accident of birth, anyway, that we are mothers and babies in the 21st century in the West. In another time and place, we wouldn't think twice about feeding older babies and children.

Twiglett ...how old is your baby? You might find that by the time they are 1 you just carry on anyway as as time goes by you just get used to a bigger baby sucking your boob, without noticing really. I gave up with both at 13 months and it had nothing to do with the thought that they were over 1, just that I knew it was now safe for them to drinks cows milk, they would get all the right nutrients. They wouldnt take a milk from a bottle with a teat so I had to wait until they were bigger. When you come to give up you might find it harder than you think.....its a real milestone, letting go and all that. If I had my time again I would keep my milk going for longer but introduce cows milk as well.

tiktok, i think for a lot of people it's when they can walk..
I did feel a bit strange when I heard about that woman in the States who was feeding her (was he 8?) old-ish son.

I'm perpetually amazed that I am still breastfeeding my 18m dd. I never considered that I would feed longer than about 9m - long enough to get her well-established on solids, drinking comfortably from a beaker, mobile, etc. I too felt uncomfortable with the idea of a child who could come and ask for a feed.

I bf ds until 5.5m, and that felt all right (he was mix-fed though). But when dd was 9m she had a bout of gastroenteritis and breastfeeding her was the best thing I could do for her. And it just sort of continued...there was always some reason not to give up (a forthcoming plane trip for example) and in any case I'm a FTM, so why not?

I've recently allowed her to wean herself off the daytime feeds (they were becomiing more about comfort than calories, and she is a very rough feeder so I felt that there had to be some quid pro quo! ). She has been asking for her brother's beaker of milk at bedtime, so after the feed I allow her to top herself up with a beaker of SMA - if that leads to the feed being dropped then so be it.

Despite all this, when I see an older child being breastfed - very rarely of course - it still seems weird to me.

Both times with me it started feeling weird all of a sudden and time to stop. With ds1 it was at exactly a year but with ds2 it was more like 15 months. I think they stopped feeling like babies and breastfeeding didn't feel like something I wanted to do anymore, or something they needed. The strange thing about it is that in both cases that feeling came pretty much out of nowhere, ie it wasn't something that built up gradually.

I've never seen an older child being breastfed and don't have a problem with people doing it, but I know it would feel weird to me if I ever did see it happening. That said, I never planned how long I was going to feed my two so who knows what would happen if I ever had another. It might feel right to carry on feeding for longer.

Eight is freaky though, IMO.

Feel the same as you twiglett and I know its irrational too but it does gross me out!!

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I'm giving her formula because cow's milk used to make her throw up, but formula didn't. She is gradually getting small amounts of fridge milk - a tablespoon or so in her cereal, for example - but until I'm sure that she's ok with fridge milk I'd rather give her formula. Also, she doesn't get any vitamin supplements.

I really don't know why I'm still feeding her - other than the practical reason of possibly having some sort of milk intolerance, but then if formula is ok...?

I'm like Bundle - I always thought I wouldn't after a year, but have just kept going with dd2 (who's just turned one). She gets cow's milk when she's not with me, and me when she is.

At the same time, I don't want to be like a friend of mine who was b/fing - on demand, in the day - a child coming up for three. Suspect it'll just wind down over the next year.

And I totally agree about eight year olds but NOT about prawns.

I think after a certain point it's infantilising. For me, with dd2, I like her being an infant.

But at eight...

I also find the thought slightly icky. I couldn't give two hoots about what other people do - if they're comfortable feeding an older baby/toddler then who an I to think anything of it but it;s not for me. DS2 was around 14 months when I stopped although I think I could happily have continued with his bedtime feed for longer.

One thing - cows don't have smaller brains because they drink cow's milk!! Surely that's not what you meant, Zebra?? Cow's milk is not an inferior foodstuff for cows - they wouldn't get a human sized brain if we fed them human milk

I know what you mean and never imagined I would do it twiglett but I did feed dd1 until she was nearly 3. It was always at home and she just loved it. I tandem fed for nearly a year which most people (inclduing mid-wives and doctors found totally mad!!). As other people have said here it just happened and I couldn't think of a reason to stop apart from the selfish one of wanting my body back. I did it for my dd not for me definitely.

dd2 was never so interested in milk and gave up at 13 months and doesn't drink much cow's milk either - she just loves food!

I agree with Zebra - thinking about drinking the milk of a cow too much is far, far grosser but we accept that.

I got fed up with everyone thinking you should stop feeding at 6 months. It's totally not the way nature intended it. It's just modern, western society's view.

What an interesting post. I didn't think I'd b/f at all and here I am 8 mos later still b/fing. I'm not sure where my cut-off point is as it started off at 3 days! I do find it weird that in the early weeks and months I got much 'praise' from family/friends/total strangers about b/fing. But now I'm beginning to get raised eyebrows and looks and expressions of shock, surprise and even horror. And they say things like, oh he's such a big boy you must be exhausted (he isn't and I'm not). I know that's their problem not mine and speaks volumes of their attitudes but it is beginning to get to me. I felt that the time when I was totally comfortable with b/fing and had really got the hang of it was when others were expecting me to stop.

hi MI, been dead busy today, catching up after foray to Glyndebourne dahling...so not able to reply yet re: important skirt purchase but sounds fabulous. sorry for hijack.

btw felt a bit odd about whole wetnursing discussion a while back, although kept quiet at La Leche meeting because I wasn't sure why I felt like that. I suppose it's the intimacy thing and bodily fluids & all that.

twiglett - what in particular do you feel is 'wrong' about an older baby breastfeeding? I used to have a feeling about this before I had kids but as many will know am a very long term breastfeeder - was tandem feeding when dd was born, ds was 2.9 then. Still feeding dd at nearly 27 months... and (prepare to be horrified) ds for a few seconds each morning. He is 5 in a couple of weeks and is autistic and this just seems to be his part of the waking up routine. Developmentally in some respects he is a toddler. Don't particularly like it as he is so big but hey if it helps him and it doesn't hurt anyone...? There's plenty things about parenting that I don't like and this is just a minor thing to me.

As I say I had a feeling but when I analysed it couldn't find anything actually wrong. Fair enough if you just don't like the feeling of it but that doesn't make it wrong!

What do you think about older babies/kids who suck dummies? After all they are just nipple substitutes?

Also not all babies "can happily drink cow's milk" - some may be allergic. Or like my dd just hate the taste of cows milk so I feel I have to keep on b/feeding and like I say it doesn't hurt anyone, on the contrary it is good for her and me (has kept my periods away for ages (good for preventing cancer).

Who's the eight year old or is this just a mythical person?