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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Can't seem to change the way I think about BF

319 replies

twiglett · 12/07/2004 15:38

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mummytosteven · 13/07/2004 21:40

Bran - it's not a case that you have to avoid alcohol completely, but you should 1)drink in moderation i.e. not more than 1-2 units per day and 2)ideally not drink 2 hours before b/fing/expressing to give time for the alcohol to clear you system. Re:the foods - it is very much down to what seems to cause problems for your baby - curries/orange juices are quite common offenders - a friend of mine found that she has to avoid onions! If you have a nut allergy, you should avoid all nuts as far as possible while bfing (tho couldn't get consistent advice on that!). The other thing to watch for is medication - you need to be pretty careful with meds like when you are pg.

bran · 13/07/2004 21:42

OK, so not quite the lifestyle limiter that I though it was then. (it really was a stupid question wasn't it?)

mummytosteven · 13/07/2004 21:44

no bran - no such thing as a stupid question about babies/bfing. I have a bfing friend who won't have more than a sip of alcohol just to be on the safe side.

emkana · 13/07/2004 22:17

I'm sorry, twiglett, you are, of course, free and indeed welcome to express your opinions!
I'm just very sensitive to this particular topic at the moment, as I'm on the verge of becoming a longterm breastfeeder for the second time in my life (dd2 is 11 months old), and it saddens and upsets me that people should feel 'grossed out' by something that is to me a (mostly) beautiful experience.
Am now trying to decide whether I should stop feeding in public, as so many people feel that way. Don't really want to, but do I have the courage and the confidence? Why do I have to think about this - why can't it be just a normal thing?

hercules · 13/07/2004 22:43

Dont be put off by opinions like these. It's important to bf in public so that perhaps people will get used to it and be more accepting.

twiglett · 13/07/2004 22:51

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hercules · 13/07/2004 22:58

The point I was trying to make was that I wouldnt dream of saying this grossed me out as it would offend people plus it doesnt actually gross me out either. Why on earth would it??

I would hope we were moving forward as a society in accepting breastfeeding but it does upset me to see people put off bf becauser of such views. How awful that someone has to think twice about breastfeeding their toddler because of these views.

Dd is now 9 months and I dont see this as extended bf and sorry if it grosses anyone out but I will feed her until she is over 2 if se so wishes.

I might even give her a hug when she's an adult as well.

Btw I fed ds until he was 4 and at 8 he doesnt remember it at all.

hercules · 13/07/2004 23:00

Mind you jewellery on a small child does make my skinj crawl...

Eulalia · 13/07/2004 23:01

The thing is no-one who is 'grossed-out' has been able to come up with any reason why they should feel like this so one can only conclude that we can't really have a serious discussion about this. And, no-one needs to defend themselves emkana. Feeling grossed out is their problem not yours. I think (correct me if I am wrong) it is them that feels grossed out at the thought of themselves b/feeding, not seeing others do it. Surely no-one can seriously feel offended by seeing a baby/toddler b/feeding? If so, then we really do live in a weird society.

twiglett · 13/07/2004 23:01

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hercules · 13/07/2004 23:02

Maybe I'm being overdefensive because it does feel like you have to be. It isnt nice when you do something for your child that is a natural, loving thing and to have people say it grosses them out.

emkana · 13/07/2004 23:03

Dd2 hardly eats any solids yet and gets about 90 % of her food intake from breastmilk, so it would indeed be a problem for me to stop feeding in public.

hercules · 13/07/2004 23:04

The thingf is twiglett I didnt enjoy reading that extended bf grosses people out and made their skin crawl.

Eulalia · 13/07/2004 23:18

My dd was on more than morning/evening feeds at a year old. She didn't get any dairy produce till she was a year and as I say doesn't like cows milk. I have fed her in public and no-one has ever said anything to me. I don't now obviously. I think the last time I did it was when she was about 20 months old at the toddler group. She'd fallen and hurt herself and I just popped her on very discreetly and she was OK within a few seconds.

I do think we are all a bit uptight about this in our society. Bit weird really when you see eight year old girls prancing around in crop tops looking like teeangers and women with the tops of their knickers showing over their jeans.

tamum · 13/07/2004 23:21

Hercules, how can that conceivably be possible, that your ds doesn't remember something that happened (every day presumably) when he was 4? My dd remembers being breastfed and she stopped just before she was 2, and it was only first thing in the morning for ages by that time. I don't even know any adults who can't remember being 4!

hercules · 13/07/2004 23:21

Perhaps it's to do with breasts being seen mainly as there for sexual reasons and only for short term use for small babies.

hercules · 13/07/2004 23:23

Dont know. He was at nursery full time from 3 and remembers plenty about that. Maybe it's because to him it was just part of every day life and not a major ting.

hercules · 13/07/2004 23:25

He stopped when he was 4 around his b day whic was nearly 5 years ago!

hercules · 13/07/2004 23:27

Just asked im again and he said he remembers stopping.

Eulalia · 13/07/2004 23:27

I don't think this discussion is going anywhere.... for me I wasn't insulted by twiglett's original comment. A bit hurt perhaps but isn't mumsnet here to talk about things we'd not normally say to people face-face and then find out why we think the way we do?

often prejuduces are rooted in ignorance - that was the case with me - I just didn't know anything about it... would like to hear from someone who has actually done it and felt grossed out...otherwise it is just an imaginary situation. Seems that all the long-term b/feeders have had postive experiences so perhaps that is a good conclusioon to draw.

Don't knock it till you try it.

anyway getting bored with this, time to get kids to bed.

Eulalia · 13/07/2004 23:35

would be interested to hear more about your son hercules, but later.

mrsflowerpot · 13/07/2004 23:35

This thread is starting to make me really cross, not because of anyone's opinions either way, but because of the way we constantly end up feeling polarized as mothers. In so many different areas we are put in a position where we feel we have to defend our own choices to the point of decrying everyone else's - whether that's breast or bottle, stay at home or back to work, vaginal or caesarian, it just goes on and on. It strikes me that we are getting a really rough deal with this, every step of the way we feel challenged and undermined when we are all just doing a really difficult job the very best we can.

It's a bit of a tangent, I'm sorry, but I have a theory that it's because we are generally underappreciated as mothers, and I'm not just talking about SAHMs - we get very little thanks and very few compliments, and it does start to make you insecure. If you never had an appraisal or a nice comment at work, you'd get really jumpy about how you were doing, but we all go on day after day without people often (ever?) saying that we're doing a good job with our children.

Again, this isn't directed at anyone posting. It just seems to be a recurrent theme with so many threads.

ScummyMummy · 13/07/2004 23:38

I think our opinions on this are quite strongly connected our perceptions of when babyhood stops and childhood starts for our individual children. There is a wide variation of opinion on when kids stop being babies, which is probably influenced by myriad factors, such as a woman's personality, her child's personality, place in the family, culture, ethnicity, public opinion, social class etc etc ... Aren't there quite a lot of people who breastfeed their youngest child for much longer than the others, or let them keep their bottle longer, presumably because they continue to be seen as the baby of the family, for example?

tamum · 13/07/2004 23:43

I wonder if the reason all these discussions get so polarised is because motherhood is made up of a whole series of what seem (at least at the time) to be crucially important decisions, like the ones Mrsflowerpot listed. Because we pretty much have to make these decisions ourselves, and because they affect the people we care about most, and also our own self-image, it's very hard not to see a different decision as an implicit criticism of the one we made ourselves. We feel the need to argue for the decision we made to reassure ourselves somehow. There are so few black and white rights and wrongs, and it's so easy to feel hurt.

I'm rambling really

twiglett · 13/07/2004 23:47

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