Page 13 | Can't seem to change the way I think about BF

zebra · 17/07/2004 22:25

Forget the beach, Eulalia. Try the top shelf of any news agent's -- or the inside (and often not just the inside) pages of some tabloid newspapers. It's ok for semi-pornographic images to be easily visible on these media, forced on my eyes whether I like it or not (yes, I am a prude). But "shock", "horror!", "gross!", "unacceptable", "provocative", if I try to publicly feed a baby human some baby human milk.

Original poster

twiglett · 17/07/2004 23:48

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OP posts:

tamum · 17/07/2004 23:55

What a great outcome twiglett, and actually, what a great thread really- there were some mean posts, but mainly some really constructive discussion. Eulalia, I salute you - you came up with really good arguments and stayed calm and dignified throughout (even when I was being a complete pest).

emkana · 17/07/2004 23:58

twiglett - I could really hug you for that!

hercules · 18/07/2004 00:09

Twiglett- when I was feeding ds I NEVER set out to feed him for so long and only intend to feed dd until 2. You dont just suddenly have a 2 year old feeding, it is a very slow process. If I look at a 3 year old today I am amazed I was feeding ds when he was that age but at the time I thought nothing of it.
I wont feed dd for as long because I cant be doing with it again and part of the reason I had a large age gap was to give myself a good break.

There are a lot of allergies in my family and my brother still suffers dreadfully as a man in is late 30s from asthma and excema, and nut allergy.

If research showed it would give my dd a better chance against these by feeding past 2 i'd do it.

BTW the ironic thing is I fel guilty at weaning ds when he reached 4 as it was my decision not his and I knew several people who fed longer! (I used to go to la leche).

I think we've all learned a lot from this thread. I know i'll think twice before posting my opinion on other topics as it does hurt and is easy to overreact when hurt even though I know no offense was intended.

tamum · 18/07/2004 00:11

hercules, you've done brilliantly too.

pupuce · 18/07/2004 00:37

Twigglett take it ONE DAY AT A TIME .... you might surprise yourself... I think many of us didn't set out to be long time breastfeeders and may even have thought that was nuts... yet we did it... and became somewhat militant about it in the process

edam · 18/07/2004 00:52

Hey Twiglett, really pleased this thread has worked out so well for you . I know what you mean about not admitting to wanting to breastfeed to protect against allergies, for some strange reason I found it difficult to admit to that too... just in case I gave up because it was too hard, I suppose, then I'd feel like I'd let ds down. In retrospect I really, really wish I'd insisted on waiting until 6 months before weaning as well. He did have eczema before weaning but I feel sure that late weaning would have made it less of a problem; or at least not added to the problem, IYSWIM. If we ever have another, I'll stick to my guns, even if I have to hold dh off with a broom handle (he was soooo keen to play a part in feeding our baby).

Original poster

twiglett · 18/07/2004 00:59

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edam · 18/07/2004 01:38

is it me, or are there a lot of food names around here? maybe I'm just hungry . never mind that, the important thing is hurrah! to Twiglett and Twiglett's dd.

prettycandles · 18/07/2004 02:02

Twiglett, considering how nasty some posters have been about you airing your feelings, I think you're rather amazing to feel good about this thread!

Personally, I can't decide whether I feel uncomfortable with myself for feeding for so long, and this thread has made me look inwards a bit - am I continuing to feed dd for her benefit or for myself? Does it really matter ?

bloss · 18/07/2004 05:31

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Marina · 18/07/2004 12:06

Twiglett, what a great piece of news considering how heated this thread got occasionally. I'm approaching 12 months with dd too (stopping expressing at work in precisely FOUR DAYS, whoopee) and have also been mulling over where we might go next (fed ds at bedtime til he was 2.5 and self-weaned). This thread has really given me food for thought, thanks so much for starting it.

Eulalia · 18/07/2004 12:38

Twiglett ? great! I had wondered what was going on in earlier posts when you hinted at your ?fears? and so on but didn?t like to dig. Just don?t worry about it and go with the flow (pardon the pun). I for one certainly don?t think that everyone should b/feed for two years or even do it at all, and to b/feed when you hate it must be really hard. What has annoyed me ( and I hope I put the record straight) is that so many do start from a negative perspective and tend to put false correlations upon certain behaviours of a child, eg ?that child is very clingy ? it must be because he is still breastfed?, and countless other examples. It is always assumed that breastfeeding is to ?blame?. So it is hard for people like us to push against this negative and we feel we have to ?prove? why we are still doing it. I?ve heard people say ?but he doesn?t need it? like we apply this principle to everything? Do our children need as many toys, clothes, hugs, trips to the park etc etc. No but we still do it and in moderation that is fine. So emotionally b/feeding is OK too and as I have shown it is good for health too but no big worries for you, as the first year is so much more important, more is just a bonus.

You?d probably be hard put to know which child was b/fed out of a group in public. My dd doesn?t pull at my top when we are out (she only tried this a few times). They soon learn b/feeding is for home. As for b/feeding just for the mother, well again not true as I actually find b/feeding a toddler hard work at times and dh can?t help in this respect. I don?t get any pleasure for myself except indirectly through dd. I?ve just found it really useful in certain instances, particularly if she is really upset as it quietens her straight away and also in the rare occasions when she is off her food. At least I know she is getting comfort and food and liquid all together in one package. I found it useful on the plane to keep her quiet. I found it useful when ds had a routine hernia op when he was 16 months old and he was taken straight out of theatre to me and latched on immediately. He only cried for the short journey to me. I sat there for an hour till my arms ached and then he sat up and was fine. There are many other minor occasions when it?s been there as a last standby when other things have failed. All 2 year olds are difficult - whiny, attention seeking, always falling over and hurting themselves, picky eaters, have teeth coming in etc and for me b/feeding has helped in the comfort ways I have mentioned and also to provide good nutrition and valuable antibodies. OK you've heard enough from me on this....!

Eulalia · 18/07/2004 12:47

tamum - shucks thanks for the compliment. Used to work in research so am used to having holes prodded into my arguments with big sticks!

Still wondering why there are such huge disparities between enjoyment of b/feeding, wonder if it is hormonal? the odd thing is that I am not particularly 'touchy-feely' - you know don't put my arm round people easily, or have 'girlie' girlfriends. Maybe it is partly physical and partly psychological, all sort of mixed up with cultural attitudes, ie emancipation of women and the idea of being 'tied' to a child, and lack of actually seeing people do it so embarrassment, probably thrown in with a bit of old-fashioned (English and Scottish!) stiff upper lip. All very complicated. Wonder if anyone's done any research on it?

bloss · 18/07/2004 13:56

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prettycandles · 19/07/2004 01:36

I'm with the two of you there (particularly well-put I think Eulalia in your 9:38:36 AM post). I was all prepared to find bfing natural, to get the hang of it and enjoy it, 'No romantic notions about it particularly, but very happy to do it and not fearful of it at all' sums it up very neatly. I thought my previous experiences of seeing and living with bfing (my mum and her friends) were what it would be like.

Disillusionment! What little bfing I managed with ds I eventually enjoyed, but I've never particularly enjoyed bfing dd because she is a little ruffian. I really don't know why I continue, but I can and it causes no harm and has benefits...so I continue.

There is a certain selfishness to it, because when it seemed that dd wanted to drink her bedtime milk from a beaker and not from me, and I started letting her wean herself, I felt bereft. I wanted her back on the breast! In the end she is back on the breast, because she stil has some problems with ordinary milk. And I feel better, I've got her back. So, because I'm an ordinary mummy, I feel guilty about feeling good about having dd back on the breast.

Oh I'm whittering. Goodnight

mummytosteven · 19/07/2004 01:51

i didn't mean to be controversial in my comments about prolactin - though I thought it was widely accepted that prolactin has a tranquillising effect on the mother whilst bfing - I have assumed (possibly wrongly) that this tranquillising effect was at work with people who enjoyed bfing. as with anything hormonal, everyone has different levels, and is affected differently, and I did not, in any way, mean to offend anyone who did not find bfing relaxing or enjoyable. [olive branch]

amialoneinthisone · 13/01/2010 13:48

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Bump ing this as I found it interesting!

Was searching today for something else and I can't believe how civilised this thread is. I realise the OP is missing but it's fairly clear it's about extended breastfeeding making her feel uncomfortable.

2004 mumsnet was obviously a much less bitchy place!