Want to exclusively FF

[justpoppingintosayhello]

I'm being made to feel inferior because I want to formula feed my baby, how do I carry on with this? I'm being made to feel bad because of my choices.

Dear god is this still going on?

You know what? All these smug self-righteous GF's on this thread are having the opposite impact to that which they potentially would like. I'm not in the market for any more babies, but if I were I would FF precisely because I would never want to be considered to be part of a group of women which contains such hateful views and opinions. I'd rather subject my baby to the imaginary downsides of formula than the real hate-filled bile of some of the posters on this thread.

Long live formula.

Jesus Christ.
So what would you say to my mother Pertie? I was adopted so she had no choice but to FF. I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism later in life. Is that due to being FF? Or perhaps quite simply genetics? My BM has it as do all her female siblings. Same with my allergies. Fuck all to do with being FF - runs in my BM family. You can't fling out suppositions without taking into account infinite other scenarios.
And as for putting other needs first, if my BM hadn't and kept me Christ knows where I'd be now. Certainly not brought up in a loving supportive family.
I tried to BF my DD. I had no support, no help, was extremely ill after birth, got PND, struggled and struggled, hospitalised with horrendous mastitis until my DM said why the hell are you putting yourself through this. Switched to FF and happy baby and my mental and physical health recovered.
Currently 33 weeks with no 2 and I'm planning on trying again to BF. I have support so will see how things go. If they don't I will have no qualm s about FF.
FWIW with DD2 3 of my friends gave birth within 2 weeks of me. All BF. All had DC's that were constantly ill, problems with sleeping, allergies, etc My DD was fine. I'm not biased enough to say it was down to BF. Who knows what part genetics play. Or luck.
With so many external factors to consider you cannot make things so black and white.
As long as my baby is fed and happy I really don't care if the milk comes from a breast or bottle, and surely putting your child's needs first encompasses an equally happy mother, not one on her knees mentally and physically trying to conform.

Re Formula is junk - perhaps all the mothers of babies red formula in hospital should start a class action lawsuit then as the hospital has obviously fed their children crap at a time when when they were too lazy to get their breaats to work several months too early amidst huge stress physically adlnd emotionally!
Luckily we didn't have to worry about him being fed junk for the first few weeks until my milk came in as he was only on maintenance fluids. Bullet dodged eh??

And I assume mainly and the like all expressed in addition and beyond breastfeeding their own children in order to donate?

Such horrible posts. Snide and mean spirited. Please think of the consequences of your posts, Pertie and others.

Ultimately OP said she felt judged. The tone of this thread shows that people are always happy to sit in judgment on other people's choices. Even when they have no knowledge of someone's position in life, health etc. It's simply a sad fact of life. Ultimately though we make our own choices. No body has to like it. As long as you are happy. I imagine if you look around the population a fairly high proportion were FF. What I would say is that this is just the start of others judging your parenting choices. Controlled crying, sleep training, dummies, thumb sucking, weening, toilet training. Even whether you choose to go back to work or be a sahp. Others will always be happy to sit in judgment. My only advice is this; if it doesn't feel right to you then it probably isn't. Other people can make their own choices for their children. You and you partner make choices for yours. Good luck

LOL
Comparing FF to child abuse.
Get a grip.
What a moronic comment.

womble clearly if your mom really cares shed have hired a wet nurse for the first 2 years!

for your awesome parents

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you think about formula or breast milk on this thread. It doesn't matter what science says or what medical journals say or what someone on Facebook says; what matters is that a woman is feeling judged at a vulnerable time, and you have to be pretty cunty to continue pushing an agenda when someone admits that they're struggling.

MommaGee thanks
Of course she should have done. How I've got to 41 relatively unscathed is nothing short of a miracle

People really need to learn to read and follow arguments.

Some people can't BF (meds, mastectomy, adoption etc). No issue there.

Some people try and then stop. Again, no issue there.

I don't think formula is junk - it's necessary and adequate.

My issue is why, when in all probability, breast milk will be a better nutritional start for your baby, you wouldn't have a try just to see if it's not as terrible as you imagine.

Those who say 'I don't believe breast milk is better nutritionally', I'm sorry, you're talking crap. It just is.

Maybe you shouldn't trouble yourself with the why's. Just concentrate on yourself and your children. If you are happy with the way you do things, that's all you need to bother about.

Pertie, I can read, thanks. I also know how it feels to be lectured when you are vulnerable.

And people need to learn how to present an argument, or indeed an opinion, in a clear, concise, non abusive and non judgemental way.

Yes breast milk is nutritionally best for baby, but not necessarily for mother and babies general well being.
If it's the choice between health problems through not getting enough milk (jaundice, dehydration, significant weight loss, hypoglycemia) or formula, I 100% know what I would choose.
Scaremongering people for not bf is absolutely awful!
Each to their own, my DD is ff for reasons I don't need to share, but if we are lucky enough to have a second DC I won't even try to bf again. Formula worked well for us as a family and I have a beautiful, bright and happy DD.

Womble, most people do know how to present an argument, happily. Only two people out of maybe forty or so different posters have presented ideas of deserved guilt/judgmentalism/blame/personal criticism.

The people who (like me) volunteer to support breastfeeding - almost always in response to being asked by the mother - don't judge or criticise people 'who won't even try'..... mother's own decision overrides everything, just as it does in anything else related to her body.

Most other people have sufficient life experience and understanding to be aware that there are many aspects involved in BF/FF. Infant feeding is much more than a way of getting milk into a baby. It's a set of behaviours, on the part of the mother and her baby, and actually the people around her, too.

I feel sorry for people who don't have this basic insight. I think it probably impacts on their relationships and experiences, and not in a good way. But they may not be aware of it.

"It's a set of behaviours, on the part of the mother and her baby, and actually the people around her, too.

I feel sorry for people who don't have this basic insight. I think it probably impacts on their relationships and experiences, and not in a good way. But they may not be aware of it."

Thank goodness there's no judginess in that. Can't you just be helpful and supportive?

Tiktok sorry that wasn't aimed at you. Was in direct response to Petries comment but a few posts got inbetween.
FWIW I wish I had some support like you offer with DD1. Maybe I wouldn't have been a complete gibbering wreck if someone would have helped. I asked in hospital, I asked my HV, my community midwife - nothing. This was in SE London. This time I'm in a different area and support seems more forthcoming. I'm open to trying again honestly but I would never sit in judgement to anyone who doesn't. If it gets as detrimental to my mental and physical wellbeing I will switch.

Pertie- I don't believe that choosing to formula feed impacted negatively on my baby. He is a happy healthy 17 month old.
My mum has 3 children and she also exclusively formula fed all of us and he ho here we are all perfectly fine.
As I said, I believe and stand by my decision and I believe that choosing not to breastfeed or even attempt it was the best decision for my baby.
I knew in my heart I never wanted to breastfeed, and that attempting to would have impacted negatively on me, so therefore my negativity would have impacted on my baby.
You say as a parent I should do what is best for my baby, for me, formula feeding was best for my baby. Yes I could have tried breastfeeding or expressing breast milk, but I know that would have made me unhappy, and therefore that would have impacted on my son. Ensuring I was happy enabled me to care for my son the best way I could.
(I didn't have an easy time when my baby was born, he was in NICU/ SCBU for 12 days as he had a chest infection. Now I'm not saying I'm the only parent who's had an unwell baby at birth, and I know plenty of other parents go through much worse than I did. But seeing my son in an incubator, not being able to hold him for the 1st 2 days of his life, and for those 12 days knowing I couldn't give him everything he needed to get well was extremely difficult. But after he was born, yes I gave him his bottle of formula, and I was proud.)
I believe formula feeding gave my son the best start in life, and I stand by that decision whole heartedly. If you disagree with my choice, that's fine with me. But I wouldn't judge a breastfeeding mother, so I don't expect to be judged as a formula feeding mother.
(Sorry for long post everyone).

raindrips, wow......I was not judging anyone about feeding. I was trying to point out to the people who do judge that they are lacking in insight as to why people might BF or FF. Insight and empathy are important, and if someone doesn't have them, I do feel sorry for them.... not sure why I deserve your sarcasm for that .

Tik, if you walked into my home while I was vulnerable and told me about infant feeding being a way of life that some people don't get, I'd feel a bit twitchy about you.
If I misunderstood you here, I apologise.

I thought Tikktok was saying that feeding, be it BF or FF is more than just getting milk and nourishment into your baby. Feeding is a wider issue. I didn't get the feeling that she was being judgmental. I think it's been really sad to observe how judgmental people are when they know none of the specifics and such blinkered thinking is unhealthy. Frankly as mothers/parents we are all simply trying our best. Strangely the OP hasn't been back

You are totally totally misunderstanding me. I am saying that people who JUDGE people for FF and while we are at it people who JUDGE people for BF, are thinking about infant feeding as no more than a way of getting milk into babies.

Instead it's a complex set of behaviours (not 'a way of life'). These behaviours come from mother and baby and spring from experiences and social and emotional contexts some of which may be unique to that mother and baby. Judging someone is to demonstrate a lack of insight and understanding.

Now do you get me?

Sheesh.

Thank you, Gildedcage.

My previous post was to raindrops, who thought I was telling mothers who ff that they didn't get a way of life.

Ugh.

I am in shock! I just found out ff my kids is in line with emotional and physical abuse!!! Wow! Better get that self referral to ss on the go ASAP!

To put it simply:

It is a woman's decision what she does with her own body.

If breastfeeding is the best thing for a baby, but the mother doesn't want to do it, the mothers right to choose comes first.

If we agree that it is a woman's right to choose what she does with her own body, then the discussion ends right there.

If you don't agree that women have bodily autonomy, then you have bigger problems than what other people's babies are fed.