Another article about how awful breastfeeding is, this time in a feminist publication

[Caligula]

I thought some of you would like to read this.

This misinformation bugged me:

"Times change though, and the formulas on the market are hopefully as close to what comes out of your boob, as they will ever be".

Wonder what the rest of you think

the new breastfeeding taboo

I'm taking a break from Mumsnet at present, but I needed to contribute to this to correct some misunderstanding. All the four organisations who train people to become bf counsellors do ask for some minimum bf experience - it's 6 months for NCT. I think it is 12 months for someone training to be an LLL leader.

This is not because these organisations only want people who have had no problems!

Ha!

As if!

I think the majority of the bfcs and student bfcs I have known have experienced some problems around bf. Sometims, these are massive problems. Some student bfcs and bfcs have used formula, and some have used formula from the beginning.

If they haven't had problems, they are certainly aware that others may do (or why on earth would they become bfcs? If they think people don't have problems, then why would we need bfcs?). They are also aware, and become more aware in their training, of the problems associated with social issues, and the problems caused by poor information and advice from others.

I am not sure that NCT uses the words 'successfully' bf, but if they do, it does not mean 'with no problems' but more in the sense of 'has achieved 6 months breastfeeding' in the way you would say someone has 'successfully completed her accountancy training' or whatever - it does not mean someone had no problems to overcome.

NCT values the experience of bf, and because bf changes as the weeks and months go by, we want people to have what we call the 'embodied' experience of that.

This is relevant to the content of the training, which debriefs your own experience, and others, so your own experience doesn't get in the way of offering support to other people. Personal development of this sort is a major part of the training.

People who do have a much shorter experience of bf, for whatever reason, can still undergo training to support breastfeeding as peer supporters or they can be healthcare professionals and do the courses for them. They just can't do the bfc course, which is, after all, only one way women are supported.

It is crazy to think that women lose out because somehow, trained bfcs do not recognise the problems people have with bf.

(Thanks for your post, fire. I agree that smugness can be in the eye of the beholder!)

Kiff - asking your local NCT to put you in touch with someone who has mixed fed and maintained a supply for 6 mths is gonna be difficult.

Your local NCT does not keep records of how women have fed! Why would they? Someone might know someone happy to have their feeding experience communicated to others, but you cannot expect the local branch to know that, although some branches do have an experiences register with all sorts of stuff on it. Mixed feeding might be on there, but it's more usually things like disabilities or illnesses or experience of special care twins.

It's also a fact that keeping up mixed feeding (I mean more than the occasional bottle) is actually very difficult. Mostly, women stop breastfeeding, if they have introduced something like 50-50 breast and bottle, especially if they have done it too early. It does sometimes happen that a woman manages it, but not often.

So your local NCT had a number of issues there

i) they don't keep records of people's feeding experiences
ii) they can't share that information with someone as support for you without permission
iii) few people truly mix feed for that length of time.

Hope that explains it!

Yeah, i understand tiktok.

Can i actually say how appreciative i am of your support at the time, btw. Lovely to know you're still 'lurking'.

Looking back - from the vantage point of now delivering and feeding my second baby - I think I needed a bf doctor not a bf counsellor.

At the time it was quite a lonely place - I felt a bit adrift by the implication that what I was attempting was not really possible. Perhaps I really was an oddball- I only really know my own experience. I said before that the counsellor was supportive, but I felt quite alienated from the other mums ( a bit of a case of 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' for them) so I did it alone. In the end I cobbled together a lot of mn information and had an elaborate scheme of pumping, feeding, babymooning, and doing algebraic deductions for how fast to increase bottles. Dd had her last bf around the 8 month point I think - so over six months mix feeding.

I actually keep fairly quiet about my mix feeding 'success', since I think it is best to avoid, so I don't want to send people astray. I would have registered on a 'feeding experiences' referral register - if it were to be used with support of bf counsellor, and would have found it s relief to discuss mixed feeding with someone. I do understand the logistical difficulties - esp for a voluntary organisation though.

As I said - lovely to hear from you.

Looking for some support here, really.

DD is one week old today. She is beautiful, and the birth was relatively OK (3.5 hour 2nd stage was a bit testing, with ventouse delivery). I'll admit I'm not bonding with her well at all - having really wanted her, I'm now at a loss at the changes in my life.

Cracked (no pun intended) last night and gave her formula through the night, having expressed on Sunday night. I hadn't really slept since she was born and was shaking and couldn't eat. Dh had to have fairly traumatic surgical procedure yesterday too.

The problem is that we don't seem to be able to get the latch right and my nipples are bleeding so much that when she vomits it looks like something out of The Exorcist. She also doesn't seem to be getting enough food (I'm not hearing much go down her and she takes 3 chomps and stops, whatever I do). I keep trying to feed through it but there's only so many times you can try and relatch without having a major fight throughout. Expressing is now difficult because I'm so wound up that I'm not actually getting let down.

Midwives very supportive but they are limited in what they can do during a visit. Also they are not the ones having to deal with a baby that sleeps all day and then seems to need constant feeding at night (btw she was a different baby yesterday with a formula feed in her and slept for 6 hours last night!). NCT counsellor has been sick but is hopefully coming this afternoon.

I do want to feed her myself, but I also don't want her to starve or have to battle at every feed. I feel guilty for not feeding but surely her welfare (and mine - I'm no good to her at the moment) come first?

My plan is to see the NCT counsellor, go to the NHS clinic as well tomorrow, express/ try to b/f if I can but otherwise formula feed unless/until we can get the latch sorted.

Someone please tell me I'm not a bad mum, I'm not a failure, and that this will all pass. Any other advice would be welcome.

bluey - just wanted to say i am sorry about the problems you are having my darling - look if you post this on a new thread more mums and experts (we have a few bfc here) will see it

in the mean time, do you have the number of your local la leche league or other orgs. , do you have a baby cafe near you or a hospital drop in session ? i can help you get some local numbers

hopefully if the problem is just a latch one (sounds like it as you are bleeding) then someone with some expertise can help you - it may be that baby is not getting enough milk when latching

are you able to get some help from family to help with the chores around the house so you can get some rest ?

hope to hear from you soon, there are loads of mums here ready to help

Shit, Bluey, sounds awful. Just wanted to agree with Yellow - post on a new thread, there are lots of really helpful MNers, masses of support out there xxx

Congratulations on the birth of your little girl Blueydragon!

I agree with yellowrose that it would be best to start a new thread just for your problem.

You are not a bad mother, you are not a failure and, one way or another, this us not forever (although it can feel like that can't it..).

I hope the NCT counsellor is able to visit you. If she can help get the latch sorted it can make a big difference almost straight away.

Bluey, if you do give Formula, it mihgt be better to cupfeed or spoonfeed it to your lil one, as the latch onto a Bottle is different to the latch onto the breast, so, especially a young Baby can be confused.
Did you have a lot of drugs during labour? That can make lil ones very tired.

Thanks for that tiktok! You're the person we need when facts are a bit thin on the ground!

Bluey, agree, best to start a new thread and I'm sure you'll get lots of good suggestions.

Thanks all. Have made a decision to bottle feed expressed/formula and am now much calmer about it all. Feeds are no longer a battle but a pleasure. I know it's not in the text books, but it's what's right for us. Thanks again for listening - it's nice to know there are people out there.