HOW DO YOU FEED A 7 YEAR OLD???...................EXTENDED BREAST FEEDING.............

[RTKangaMummy]

CH 4

TONIGHT

11.00

It is a repeat but thought some people may have missed it 1st time round

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LadyMuck I am only speaking for myself.

If you read my last post you will see that my ds does not rely on breastfeeding to get comfort. He does however enjoy it and get a lot from it emotionally. It's also just as good a source of antibodies etc as it ever was.

Weaning happens naturally and seamlessly in almost all cases where it is allowed to. The child breastfeeds for as long as they need to and then almost without you noticing, they have not asked for days...then weeks...then you realise they have weaned. Or a child can announce themselves that they have made the decision to stop now, because they don't need it any more.

I also feel that allowing emotional dependence on other people until the child feels ready to become more independent is healthy and desirable. I don't understand why this is seen as abnormal. Close and intimate relationships in childhood are absolutely crucial for our development as human beings - I am sure we have all read about orphanage children who are unable to develop fully because they have been left unattended and unloved.

A strong bond with a carer in childhood leads to the ability to form strong and happy adult relationships, and isn't odd or to be discouraged.

Strong bonds with carers aren't dependent on being breastfed as an older child...of course I imagine this can add another dimension but the majority of older kids with profoundly strong bonds with their carer's aren't being breastfed.

The children in orphanages are not able to develop through lack of love and attention, not lack of being breastfed as an older child. Of couse BFing is part of love and attention but it's only a part!

sorry, Franny, didn't mean to nit-pick a point of yours; just wondered if you really meant that kids who aren't breastfed at 7, 8 or older will be unable to form strong adult relationships?

I can only imagine that it is in the affluent West that women can breastfeed children up to such advanced years. In historical times or poorer countries with less advanced contraception then women would be saving their milk for babies or if without other babies probably have no time to be BFing big kids.

Um, I think hunter gatherers tended to bf kids until they were 7. The lack of cow's milk, and the greater prevalence of illness (maybe? depending on community sizes, of course) would make bf an even greater benefit to them.

Also, if you are cosleeping, and bfing around the clock on demand, BF is your contraception (particularly in a situation where other contraception isn't available! Not suggesting MNers rely on this method!)

I expect hunter gatherers were often tandem-feeding, too, but I suspect birth gaps were wider then. If you have to be able to carry all your kids, you're not going to want them too close together, are you?

Sorry I just can't believe that a breastfeeding 10 year old and mother is anywhere near emotionally balanced, and at least one of them is probably fairly imbalanced. Just because they are both consenting doesn't change that.

NO F&Z I am not meaning to be ridiculous. I was trying to ascertian at what age you would draw the line or if, indeed, you would draw a line at all. You very clearly said "at puberty" so I thank you for your stating your answer clearly.

Lady Muck,

Not all 10 year olds attend school & most wouldnt have in our recent past before primary education became compulsory.

Also...what evidence do you have that bfing an older infant makes them emotionally imbalanced.

DumbledoresGirl "I would love to know if all you pro-breastfeeding-as-long-as-you-like folk would not have a problem with a 49 year old person still going to his/her mother for a comfort breastfeed?"

This is the kind of question that makes me go . Why should bfeeding an older child mean they will never wean. Show me some evidence that this has actually happended & I will answer the question.

but terramum, show me where it is common to BF over 5s & then I'll feel more comfortable about it not being some weirdy indulgent thing that only affluent women with lots of time on their hands can do.

Terramum,

I don't think that b/feeding causes a child to be emotionally imbalanced. But I think that a 10 yo breastfeeding indicates that either mother or child or both is. But I'm definitely open to being proven otherwise.

Agree that not all 10 yos attend school, but school is not the only arena where a 10 yo should be exercising an ability to self-comfort.

LadyMuck I think I tend to agree with you, as I said earlier. I would think the fact that a child had not grown out of wanting to breastfeed aged 10 would probably indicate that the child had some extreme and unusual emotional needs, possibly some emotional problems. But given that situation, what are you going to do? Say "no you can't have what you clearly need because some other people might be upset about it?" Or try to meet that child's needs as fully as possible and hope that maturity, although delayed, will come eventually?

Sunnysideup, no of course I was not suggesting that people have to be breastfed as toddlers to have healthy adult relationships (although I definitely believe that it helps). Please would you reread my post? It was in response to the suggestion that allowing strong bonds between mother and child beyond a certain age was unnatural and unhealthy. I believe that extended breastfeeding can enhance the mother and child bond, and that strong bonds in childhood lead to healthy adult relationships, as I said earlier.

It did seem that she just wanted to bf because her sister was. And her sister just wanted to bf to annoy her big sister. Pretty normal family dynamics ime, just expressed in an unusual way.

Terramum, I didn't mean that at all. I said in my previous post what I meant by it. I was trying to ascertain where you would draw the line if indeed a line would be drawn at all. The age 49 was picked at random as an age at which a person might reasonably still have a mother alive, nothing more.

Bugsy2 you may be interested to read Kathy Dettwyler's study of natural weaning ages , but I somehow get the feeling you have already made up your mind on this topic

I haven't read all the thread... (so don't shoot me down) but.... if the 7 year old is loosing her suckling ability... how come the dads still got his... I didn't dream that bit did I.. about the dad breast feeding as well...
I imagine the 10 year old is feeling really left out...

well done for the great explanations and pseudo phychoanalysis everyone.

persoanlly ithink its wrong.

Yeah, well, so's bottlefeeding.

bottle feeding at 7?

damn straight it srong

No, ever. Just plain out and out bydammit all wrong.

dont report me to pedant spelling threead either munker.

Bugsy2 - Weve already done this - the link posted already has some more info. But given that there isnt an international database on when every single baby weaned & their reasons for doing so its quite hard to answer that question. The fact that its not common in the western world doesnt necessarily mean it isnt common worldwide or anthropologically. Why do you say its something only the affluent do.

And drinking milk from a cup then hm - wrong or just evil ?

Thanks for the link Fran.