Have you ever given up breastfeeding?

[israel]

I have been reading the thread on breastfeeding being so painfull and everyones very helpful comments....I only wish you had all been around when I so wanted to get it right.
To this day I still feel as though there could have been more help for me.
With both my children I so wanted to bf...I have very big bossoms and not very big nipples. It was agony...I would cry with pain...my nipples became cracked and sore and baby just opened up the old wounds every time...eventually drinking blood and milk..horrible!...I tried lanosil..nipple sheild, leaving them to the open air but I eventually got mastitis and I couldn't even bare to hold my babies anymore...In al I struggled for 2 weeks with dd1 and 3 weeks with ds who is now 3...Only when I put both babies on formula did I begin to recover but even to this day I still felt a bit of a failure...However if I had seen anyone else go through what I went through I would have told them to give up sooner.
Has anyone else ever gone through the same and if so, at which point did you decide to stop bf?

Me... 3 weeks and 5 days. It was really hard, I cried a lot about it as I really wanted to breastfeed but it was not possible, if it makes you feel better I have all that help around and nice suggestions but nothing worked, the baby was latching correctly as 3 health visitors and a doctor confirmed but he was just sucking so hard that I kept getting blisters, that keep breaking and bleeding and after so much of DS vomiting my blood I decided to let one breast rest for a day so the skin could heal... and milk production plummeted. Feeding baby every 2 hrs for an hour at a time, expressing milk at other times didn't help to improve the supply of milk, that was when I stoped and that was also when my relationship with DS started to flourish as I was in such pain that I was not even able to cuddle him.

Sometimes I feel that probably I was not tough enough to get through the first stage but I try to dismiss those thoughts by remembering that I went through 27 hrs of labour without asking for anaesthetics, and were many people will be screaming of pain at their own wounds I won't therefore I try not to be so hard on myself...

Curiously enough what I found really annoying was to spend a good time crying because I couldn't breastfeed and than get the unsymphatetic remarks of some breastfeeding fanatics who seriously believe that if you don't breastfeed is because you are lazy and you don't love your child enough.

We are thinking in having another baby and I'm not afraid of the sleepless nights, of the pregnancy, the birth, etc. But eventhough I will try it again the idea of breastfeeding give me the shivers

Afraidtoconfessit - my big upset is that people like you feel you have to give yourself a name like that! Support for b/f should be just that, not gone mad so that criticism is levelled at people who try and can't, or even don't want to. Please, please don't be AT ALL hard on yourself, and I'm sorry you had such a distressing experience.

I lasted 8 days - felt very traumatised and inadequate for ages afterwards - never got a proper latch and ds would literally have a tantrum at the breast, presumably because he was so hungry. Midwife told me I 'had' to get some formula in him or he'd have to go back to hospital. I wish I'd realised I could try mixed feeding and kept persevering, I thought it had to be one or the other - I was woefully underinformed until I started reading MN. It was literally the biggest disappointment of my life at the time. I still get upset looking at pictures of ds from that first week.

I gave up bfeeding ds1 after three wks. I had little milk and was in a lot of pain. It was a long time ago when there was no help available, but I felt guilty for a long time, even though I went on to successfully bfeed my next three babies. I only began to feel better about it when someone said to me that I'd done my best with the knowledge I had and the support I had at the time. And I realised she was so right.

Thanks Blu, so far the more sympathetic coment I have received is yours. I felt so bad about that, many mums flinch when you take the bottle out to feed a very young baby, I have had a couple of persons that I barely know came to ask me how on eart I was not breastfeeding him. I was so embarrassed of taking the bottle with formula out on view that I even considered to froze the formula in cubes so people could believe that it was actually breastmilk. This is certainly too much but I was embarrassed and angry with myself and the way some mothers reacted didn't help. I felt so uncomfortable about it that I even stopped going to my mother and baby group...

Yet I believe my experience is not uncommon, one say I feel like talking about his with a friend and she told me she felt so bad that she didn't even told the her visitor that the baby was on formula, she stoped breastfeeding at 3 weeks but she told the health visitor that she just had stopped at 4m

appologies for the typos.

Know what A2C means about breastfeeding fanatics - for all their good work in several ways, I could curse those in the NCT who are so evangelical that a) they just don't listen when some mums explain what sheer pain they're in, thinking they must be wimps and b) ram on about breast is best w/o thinking how guilty & inadequate this makes some new mums feel.

I had a feeling that maybe what I had experienced was not uncommon....At the time though you do feel as though you are the only one. God, I thought all women go through this I must be a real wimp. It was the shear pain of it that eventually forced me to give up...The fact that I had mastitis was dreadful...my breasts were lumpy,swollen beyond belief and red welts appeared...I thought that was all part of the bf!!...Just goes to show how ill informed I was.
Thankyou for everyones comments on the subject.

ZolaPola, NCT does not and never has used the slogan breast is best. We avoid it. If you have heard it, you haven't heard it from NCT. We do of course acknowledge that formula feeding has risks and that breastmilk has many valuable health-giving properties. I'm sure you agree with that, yes?

NCT policy is not to go on and on about this, but to enable and support mothers to make informed feeding choices, and because we acknowledge that it can be difficult to breastfeed happily and painfree, and confidently, we have breastfeeding counsellors who address these issues sensitively and non-judgementally. No NCT counsellor would ever suggest or think a woman was a wimp for not being able to bear the pain. We are also very aware of the guilt and sadness new mothers go through, and we are trained to listen and acknowledge those feelings respectfully.

Frankly, I am majorly offended by your accusation that NCT just don't listen when women say they are in pain.

Where is your evidence for this?

Why do you think a major part of a counsellor's training is in helping women to position and attach their babies without pain?

I'll tell you - because we know that many women call us in tears of agony and despair, having been told by others (sometimes) that their babies are on 'right' and that they 'shouldn't' be in pain. Almost every mother I see with painful nipples is able to correct (under guidance) what she is doing, and goes on to feed with no pain, or at least less pain.

About 36,000 women call our breastfeeding line every year and at a rough guess, I would say 20 per cent of them have questions about feeding without pain. We take every single one of them seriously and listen to them.

If you have evidence that NCT have not listened and have thought some mums are wimps or that we have 'rammed on' about breast is best, then post it here.

Otherwise, I await a retraction.

And while I am here.....; )

Afraidtoconfessit - you are not alone. Many women go through feelings of failure and guilt when they stop breastfeeding.

It can help to 'retranslate' those feelings into disappointment and sadness, not self-blame. I am certain Isreal is right when she says 'there could have been more help'....there are many, many ways we get breastfeeding wrong, and soreness and cracks are not inevitable, but boy, they are agonising. They can be avoided and corrected, as long as the helper knows what she is looking for and what she's doing.

Mothers who breastfeed get criticised and hear horrible remarks as well! I think some people are judgmental about many aspects of parenting. Personally, I have never heard anyone suggest that not breastfeeding means you don't love your baby enough or you are lazy (!!!!!! it's harder work to bottle feed compared to breastfeeding when it's going well....the lazy option is to avoid all those bottles!!!!!) - but those sorts of remarks are so preposterous and the people who make them are so stupid and insensitive, they are best ignored.

Wow! and this on a thread to support someone feeling guilty about her bad experiences breastfeeding! No retraction to give, I'm afraid, no accusations made, what I said I stand by from my own experiences and my opinion which I have a right to - we should all respect individual differences, especially in such a sensitive area. BTW, my NCT reference was not to the breastfeeding helpline counsellors, I'm sure most do a good job and I know they're volunteers. However, locally (London), when I did antenatal classes, we were told explicitly by the b/f counsellor who came along to our NCT group that b/f didn't hurt and should be done for as long as possible. Such attitudes, unfortunately, pervade many a mums & babes group, be it NCT or not, and will inevitably make those unable to b/f feel terrible.

I did successfully breastfeed, Israel. In fact for far longer than I'd ever planned, just finished a couple of weeks ago when dd was 18 months old. I didn't have any problems initially at all but later on I did have mastitis once, thrush twice and a v. cracked nipple once and I know how painful that was. I can well imagine that if you were suffering that kind of pain right from the beginning with all the other emotions and hormones swimming around your body that it would be hard to keep going. I think it's very sad when someone's wanted to breastfeed and been unable to. But I think you should NEVER feel guilty about it. You did your best, it didn't work, and you've probably made up for it in a million ways since then with all sorts of things you've done for your children.

..Thankyou Evita...I suppose I will always feel I have these huge bossoms...38h which were completely useless and they let me down badly with something which I so wanted to do.
I know it wasn't my fault or wrong instructions..just some of us can't manage it!
Still would have loved to though...I always used to look at the mums able to and think ah!
It must have been a lovely time for you, bf Evita

Hope I'm not going to set the cat amongst the pidgeons, but here's my tuppence'worth.

I really do believe in some circumstances bfeeding just won't work. When DD1 was born she took to it like a duck to water, and we carried on 'til she was 6 months old. However, when DD2 arrived, there was nothing that could make it work. She was losing weight, became jaundiced, and even HV recommended 'topping up' with formula. Of course, the 'topping up' became her main feed. I don't know what went wrong, but it's not as if I didn't know what to do - they were only 14m apart. And yes, I was upset about it, but happy that after an initial bumpy start she started to thrive.

And no, I didn't want to attend the breastfeeding 'clinic' at our local hospital, run by a woman who had never had children.

.... runs and hides ...

ZP, you singled out 'those in the NCT' for cursing!!! If you mean people who go along to NCT meetings/drop ins/classes, you are talking about maybe 100,000 women a year who use NCT services, and NCT can't be responsible for their conversations or chat! All NCT can be responsible for is NCT policies and their trained workers' behaviour. If you have heard something about 'breast is best' in an NCT context, or have experienced any suggestion that women in pain are wimps, then you have heard something that reflects an individual's personal hang-up. That's all.

There is nothing in my post that doesn't respect differences or challenges your right to an opinion.

It is quite correct that breastfeeding should not hurt. Thinking it should hurt and women should just up with it is a mindset that leads women to persist with cracked and bleeding nipples when the right help might just ensure the pain goes away. Of course the breastfeeding counsellor in the class you went to pointed out that pain is not something to endure, and not an inevitable part of breastfeeding, but a sign positioning and attachment needs looking at. What should she have said?

The goal of breastfeeding should be to be effective for the baby so he is nourished, and pain free for the mother so she can breastfeed happily and confidently.

If breastfeeding 'as long as possible' means the same as 'as long as you want to' - which is the form of words a breastfeeding counsellor would use - then what is wrong with that? When people ask me'how long should I breastfeed for?' I say, there is no time limit, any breastfeeding you do is valuable, and you can do it for as long as you and your baby feel like it....which is true. I point out that govt policy is for exclusive breastfeeding to six months, and that there are measurable benefits for this. In the class they have already heard that mothers do give up before this time, and they know anyway from friends and family that people do...they also know that giving up before you actually want to is very common, and that many women can be supported and helped to continue...if that's what they decide to do.

By all means, criticise attitudes that make other women feel bad. But please don't single out NCT as somehow being responsible for these attitudes.

Carla, yes, sometimes bf doesn't work out, and the reasons can be complex. I don't know the details of your situation, but 'rescuing' a bad start is often really difficult. Health visitors often recommend formula, and seem in some cases unable to help preserve breastfeeding at the same time. I hope all is ok now.

It is a shame you didn't go to the clinic just because the person who ran it hadn't had children. People's training, professional experience and attitudes are more important than their personal life . You might have been surprised!

Tiktok...

"....Many women go through feelings of failure and guilt when they stop breastfeeding. It can help to 'retranslate' those feelings into disappointment and sadness, not self-blame..."

I don't know if avoiding blaming myself to become disapointed and sad would be a great improvement, but, dear! asking a retraction from another mumsnetter!!!! for heaven's sake where do you think you are posting???? we all are here because we are able to express our opinions freely and if that is something you can not accept...

You are so confrontional in your posts that you are definitively putting me off from contacting the NCT in the future, I'm sure there should be a lot of great people in it but, in someway, the way you are saying the things does not make them any justice.

PS: By the way, I believe that you need to pay Mumsnet if you want to do open advertisement.

Very similar to you isreal but I managed to carry on until a year - the pain went after about 3 weeks but I had a lot of support and my dh (know it was really importannt to me) said give it one more week and that relaxed me enough not to feel a failure if it did not work- and helped make it all work out I think stress of not doing it right and that no one talks openly about BF in detail makes it hard to do it if it does not go how you think it should

Have not read all of this so apologies but after breastfeeding my first two with enormous pleasure I could not breatfeed my youngest dd now 5. I was made to feel like I hadnt tried hard enough and constantly apologised for not being a proper mum. People looked at me differently and I know because I had bf with tow others. I know this may in part have been because I felt terrible but people can be very judgemental when they dont know all the circumstances. Having done both I loved breastfeeding but would always say it has to be what is best for child and mum and we try our best whatever way we feed. It also made no difference at all to my bonding with the baby!

afraidtoconfess I think you have taken tiktok´s post the wrong way - she was upset by the reference to the attitude of those in the NCT, that´s all.

I would stop posting on MN if I thught that you could not even ask for a retraction of a sweeping statement like that.

But anyway back to the topic in hand...

I fed dd1 until she was about 5 months (would have been 3 months had it not been for Tiktok and Mears, and would have been longer if I hadn´t followed their advice in a bit of a half-arsed manner), but I still felt really guilty every time I made her a bottle of formula because of the message on the tin which says "breastmilk is best for your baby". I can really understand how you all felt having to give up sooner.

SA yes, but what really anoyed me was the "...If you have evidence that NCT have not listened and have thought some mums are wimps or that we have 'rammed on' about breast is best, then post it here.

Otherwise, I await a retraction. " in her answer to Zola Pola

What I meant from my last post is that Mumsnet is not a periodical you can't demand evidences or retractions in such an authoritarian manner.

I believe that after Tiktok responses I am more convinced that ZolaPola has got really a point regarding NCT.

Israel. Haven't read all the posts but wanted to respond to you. With dd1 I struggled all the way through 14 weeks of breastfeeding in sheer agony. I was completely depressed at not being able to breast feed for longer and felt a complete failure. For dd2 I was determined not to go through the same feelings and was adament that should it not go right within 2 weeks I would throw the proverbial towel in knowing that I had done my best. Second time round however I found a breast feeding councellor from NCT who supported me (sometimes around the clock) and helped me to latch dd2 on properly. The first time round my local NCT bf councellor decided I wasn't in her catchment area and refused to support me. I was so mortified that I didn't follow it any further. This time round despite having breast feeding thrush I'm only just starting to give up. There is no way I could have got to this point without the support I recieved from my councellor. So what I'm trying to say is - don't beat yourself up! The only reason I achieved it a second time is luck - it is pure luck that a new NCT bf councellor moved into the area between the birth of dd1 and dd2. It has nothing to do with my pain levels or my ability to buy hundreds of bf books and attempt to decipher the various pictures showing you the correct way to latch the baby on. I have yet to come across anyone who has not experienced some pain but I will say that all the "larger" women I've come across (myself included) seem to have extra difficulties.

Also, so far there is nothing obviously different between dd1 and dd2. I think the most important thing is to be a happy mum - so stop feeling like a failure! Concentrate on being happy instead

Well said

...thankyou to everyones input
Wills...I'm not beating myself up about this...I don't 'NOW' feel a failure...just at the time I so wish it was something I could have done. But at the time I couldn't...I look at my two children and I know they didn't suffer....but to this day I still feel I wish I could have. I had always presumed that it would have been something I would be good at....and was quite shocked when it didn't work out.....The thing is I tried to the best of my ability.