Have you ever given up breastfeeding?

[israel]

I have been reading the thread on breastfeeding being so painfull and everyones very helpful comments....I only wish you had all been around when I so wanted to get it right.
To this day I still feel as though there could have been more help for me.
With both my children I so wanted to bf...I have very big bossoms and not very big nipples. It was agony...I would cry with pain...my nipples became cracked and sore and baby just opened up the old wounds every time...eventually drinking blood and milk..horrible!...I tried lanosil..nipple sheild, leaving them to the open air but I eventually got mastitis and I couldn't even bare to hold my babies anymore...In al I struggled for 2 weeks with dd1 and 3 weeks with ds who is now 3...Only when I put both babies on formula did I begin to recover but even to this day I still felt a bit of a failure...However if I had seen anyone else go through what I went through I would have told them to give up sooner.
Has anyone else ever gone through the same and if so, at which point did you decide to stop bf?

the thing is, i'm a bit more radical that that. the implication of this whole thread is that if you choose not to breastfeed then you are somehow irresponsible or worse. i just don't agree with this. i don't think that the only justification for not breastfeeding is pain. i think that if you've weighed things up (i agree that there should be discussion of the benefits of both) and decided on formula than that is just fine. a happy mother is a better mother imo.

Cheers to that! (i've just come off the 'bar' thread and am downing a glass of wine, but I don't feel guilty

Zola- i bf ds for a longtime and will do the same for dd.
Bottlefeeding doesnt give you the monopoly on guilt. I feel guilty about lots of things. I dont feel guilty about breastfeeding or copsleeping but I could string out a long list of other things - no time to list because motherhood consists of hundreds of things. Sorry, but sometimes i get the imprtession that only bottlefeeders feel guilty. I'm sure you too feel guilty about other things also, its about putting it into context. When your kids are older how you fed them will be the last thing you will feel guilty about as there will be so many other things.

I agree, Hercules- that's partly what drove me to express for nrly a yr. Not claiming any monopoly here, just a guilty person by nature and responding to subject of thread. How old are your kids BTW? Interested to follow up this guilt subject - as the parent of a 3 yr old I guess the guilt now is about leaving him in full-day care.

Totally agree sophable. But it appears to me in very many cases to be the bottle-feeding mums who blame others for 'making them feel guilty' when they are in fact creating their own guilt.
The breast-feeders - who dare to extol the wonders of the physiological experience they are enjoying with their child - are seen as somehow insensitive to bottle-feeders. Poppycock.

Ds is now 8 and I went to work full time when he was 3 as well. He was in full time nursery and then when he started school went to a childminder. DD is 6 months and I'm going back to work in July.
Ds suffered no ill effects but dh and I felt very guilty and will avoid paying for childcare hopefully this time around by doing it between us only because it is too expensive.
I bf ds untilo he was 4 and felt guilty at stopping as he hadnt selfweaned. Stupid i know but the guilt is there regardless and lots of people talk about feeling guilty no matter how long they breastfeed for.

know what you mean, Hercules, not got the nursery ed grant for him yet & costs a fortune. Helps a bit to work 4 days a week, try to have quality time on the other day. Is it harder having a long gap between yr kids or does it make it easier to look after them, BTW? Curious as 3 + gap already and many of my friends have already had their second.

It has worked well for us but I do actually feel guilty as they are like only children in lots of ways
The timing was never right for us and we didnt want another for a long time.
Ds adores his sister and she does him and it is handy having a babysitter whilst i wash up or cook. I think as they get older it will be harder at least until they are adults.

It is also hard to have to regiveup things we had been able to do and took for granted with an older child which we cant do so well now eg sending him to a friends house and doing more grown up things.

Hopefully, it will get easier in a few months or so? My SIL had a 1 yr gap between her 2 dds and always says how much easier she found it, I couldn't have managed this though with everything else going on at the time.

STOP THE PRESS!!!!

GEEZE MY GOD AND OPEN MY MOUTH!!!

this is awfull!! is it not allowed to make your own decisions without being slated! a womans choice is hers!!

don't pick on people who have wanted to give help and encouragment to others!! what is this!! my god i am newish but this is awfull and has really upset someone! please stop this!!!

WE ARE ALL WOMEN WE ARE PEOPLE WE HAVE ALL GIVEN BIRTH AND NO WHAT IT FEELS LIKE (and yes i think we are pressurised these days to b/f) but i did with my 3 but only for a short while! for my ds i lasted 6 weeks for my dd i lasted 5 weeks and for me youngest i lasted 8 weeks! why through excruiating pain and mali(whatever) did i do it???? well because i felt i would let my child down! now 2 yrs on i don't feel it! and my kids don't either! they are all bright bubbly little beings with no problems!

please just lighten up for gods sake this is silly.... and hurting people for no reason!! some women can and some can't!

havn't read all this thread but i will tommorow and if i have said something out of order i will tommorow! but now its late and i think you all need to calm down there are worse things in the world than this you know!

hugs to those that need them xxxdx

I dont think you have read this thead properly. Tiktok gives lots of helpful advice where advice and information hasnt been given from the appropriate health professionals. I thank god for people like her (although I'm not religious).

BF for four years, hercules? Respect!!!

This has been quite a weird thread to read thru. I think the thing that really comes through is how many people feel failures for not being able to feed or feed for as long as they would have liked, in a culture which is essentially very hostile to bfeeding.

In tribal communities where bottles are not available only a very tiny minority of women would be physiologically unable to bfeed. BUT the women have grown up around babies, have always seen other women feeding, and are constantly supported and reinforced in what they are doing. Where we lived in Swaziland, if women were tired or unwell they would give the baby to their sister or cousin to feed, while they rested and were fussed around.

But here a woman who encounters similar difficulties has little or no support, with an unenviable choice between giving a bottle and feeling a failure, or continuing to try to feed in agony, probably with a distressed baby too.

It's really heartbreaking to hear so many people blaming themselves for their difficult experiences, when actually they've done heroically well against overwhelming odds.

There's no easy answer, but I hope that me feeding dd2 has helped dd1 and ds to think that this is the usual way to feed babies, and that some of their friends who have asked why our baby doesn't have a bottle will maybe pick up the idea that breasts are for feeding babies. I hope at least that some of today's little girls will be able to feed their babies in a less fraught environment with adequate support but without the guilt trip if they encounter problems.

We could do without Ann Widdecombe, though...

oh god, have we gone from zp feeling sht to tiktok feeling sht? i hope not.

oh God, pls don't make me want to be again! BTW, don't want TikTok to feel bad now either and appreciated her last message.

tiktok?

We're all clearly barmy! I think everyone is saying the same thing.

This thread has upset me greatly. I formula fed ds1 from 3 wks and bfed my other three babies. Yet it seems from Sophable's long post that I may just as well not have bothered persisting in bfing, if formula is as fine as bfing.

No, I don't feel like sht or even sit

But thanks for thinking I might be

I do feel sad, but that's because this thread has revealed sadness in people, and I am no longer cross or offended.

I did say I might pop back to defend myself Sophable, I don't think anyone should feel anything: you said there was an insidious message in my posts that women who can't bf should feel a certain way. When I talk about women feeling sad and disappointed, it isn't because I thought this is what they ought to feel....I am reacting to what people say they feel on here (and elsewhere). I think it's horrible for them to feel guilty, especially as there is no logical reason to beat themselves up about it. But as herc said (I think it was her, and thanks for the nice things you said, herc) all of us feel illogically (and sometimes logically) guilty about something to do with ourselves as mothers. Goes with the territory

The 'push' for breastfeeding isn't a fashion - that really belittles the many good-hearted women who give their time to help others do it (don't worry - I'm not offended again!) . There is, however, a public health agenda behind some of it, because with more breastfeeding the health of children and their mothers improves. It's got far more to do with the government doing its sums than fashion. The research varies in quality and robustness, but much of it (especially the breast cancer and the gastro-enteritis research which you are sceptical about...the GE stuff is not just about hygiene but a baby's immunity) is pretty good.

Even so, the main reason people like me train to be bfcs is because we care about women and babies (actually rather more than we care about breastfeeding, and certainly a lot more than we care about public spending ) We don't want them to feel like sh*t because they wanted to do something enjoyable, cuddly nourishing and unique for their babies and didn't manage to.

I have never in private, on line or anywhere else thought or said anything bad about women who choose to/feel forced to formula feed, so I hope bacardi and coke wasn't yelling at me for slating people's choices.

Sorry I've gone on. Off to watch tv now

FFS, sometimes people can b/feed, sometimes they can't. Isn't that what this was all about?

tiktok did I ever thank you personally for all the help you gave me via mumsnet in overcoming my difficulties bf my third baby?
Your advice was and is spot on every time.
Big thanks from one who did not find it easy for the first few months.

My baby was 2 in March and still breastfed .
It's VERY easy now

Ta, jasper

What a thread this had been!

Like Tiktok I am a supporter of breastfeeding women. Like Tiktok, I do not judge women who, for whatever reason, choose to formula feed at any time.

There are facts here that need to be faced.

Breast milk is the best food for babies. Like it or not, formula milk does not match it and infact, does have well documented risks associated with it. Risk is a word that none of us like but that it the scientific jargon when balancing possibilities.

The majority of women (over 95%) are physiologically able to breastfeed. However, Tiktok and I both are well aware that hospital practices, womens life experience make that an almost impossibility for a number of women. The first time a woman sees a baby breastfed may be the first time she tries it herself. Family support is often lacking - mothers and mothers-in-law are waiting there to jump in and encourage formula feeding because that is what happened in 'their day'. The family support and partner support is crucial.

Enter the breastfeeding supporter - be it NCT or not. The reason we choose to help women is that we know how breastfeeding 'CAN and SHOULD' be. However, help is often asked for when the problems are too well established to correct easily. That is why there is a 'push' for breastfeeding. Women forearmed with knowledge do better. Midwives and health visitors with up to date knowledge can support women - I get so saddened when I read the posts where the advice has been blatantly wrong.

I worry when I am helping someone that they might be too afraid to say I want to jack this in. When they are looking for help it is because they want to continue, but sometimes the road is too hard. I worry the whole time. When it starts to get easier and we turn the corner, my relief is as great as the mum's. When things don't improve enough and she chooses to formula feed, I do not 'make ' her feel guilty. I reassure her that she has done the best she can and must enjoy her baby and not dread every feed. I worry that she feels that she cannot speak to me anymore because she knows I wish every woman can breastfeed. We get over that hurdle by talking about it. Breastfeeding supporters are not heartless women who think formula is poison. We are women who know how wonderful breastfeeding is when it is successfully established. We are also thankful that there is an alternative when that has not been possible.

As in all jobs - some people are good, some people are crap. It is really sad when a counsellor who is not as skilled as they are supposed to be, makes women suspicious of the whole organisation. Same with crap midwives and crap health visitors. We know they are out there.

Need to go to work now - possibly going to be late. Just needed to post something in support of Tiktok.

KS,
I think understand what you're saying, but when I had to stop breastfeeding, it helped to be told that I wasn't a failure.

Where is the hypocrisy in being told 'You're not a failure if you can't'?

BR