My first thread on Mumsnet was about how to cope with other peoples feelings while TTC - my parents had always made a big thing of me "waiting" to have a child, ie when I'm 30, but I wanted to ttc at 22 and was worried about their attitudes. I got loads of good advice, I signed up and stayed on the TTC and pregnancy threads.
I have started some threads that were fine, supportive replies etc. Subjects being along the lines of what was a better place for a baby to sleep in the first weeks - moses basket, crib or cot. How to extend their sleep times. How often to bath. What car seat.
One thread I started that blew up in my face was when I was really upset that my FIL had crammed a chocolate button in my dd's mouth when she was about four months old. Despite me being obviously upset that they hadn't listened to me with her not being ready, certain mumsnetters jumped on me for it, telling me to let it slid and to basically grow up. At the time it annoyed me, especially a thread was set up about people whinging about their in-laws which I felt was partially directed at the thread I'd set up.
I've seen Breast vs Bottle threads blow up, what age to wean blow up. Any subject where people had had personal emotional experiences tend to go beserk. It is sad. I dont shy away from threads like that, I tend to vet my reply more than I would do usually.
So, in answer to the original question - yes, the fighing is off-putting. Also, sometimes mumsnetters need to think about the way their posts come across - sometimes a blunt "get over it" can be upsetting where as a "hmmm, well, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't that bad" will be accepted. Its the same across the board with all ways of communication, when you dont have the tone of voice and expression on somebodies face, words can take on different meanings. Accept that what may roll off your back will upset somebody else.
Re feeding - it is always going to be a problem. It will always be emotive. Women aren't supported in the first place with their choice. At my hospital, I had some lovely midwives, one who sat with me for hours on end. I did not know what I was doing. It was new to me. She sat with me, showed me different positions, helped me, gave me advice. When DD would not feed, she got out the expresser and fed her from a cup. I believe that without her support, I probably would have given up. However, at the same hospital, there was a midwife who was not so nice. Who on the morning I left, when I asked for a little help, she had a go at me, told me if I couldn't do it myself, I wouldn't be able to go home, that my child would starve etc. I cried in my room for an hour. DD didn't even want feeding, she fell asleep, woke up later and had a feed that I managed to do all by myself.
Some b.feeding women feel that they can be smug about the fact that they managed it, they survived the agony etc. Yes, it should be celebrated, but not at the expense of upsetting women who could not for one reason or another.
It is sad - the levels of breastfeeding is shockingly low. Of the women I know from work who were pregnant at the same time as me, I'm the only one still breastfeeding a year (almost) on. I'm the only one who lasted past six months, and in most cases, past six weeks. I'm the only person to express at work for while I am away. But it does not give me the right to be judgemental over them. We're all doing the same job - raising our children to do right in a world that is so often so wrong. Yes, pass on experiences, pass on advice if asked, but dont be judgemental.
One woman I know is pregnant now, she'd been pricing out the cost of formula. She asked me whether or not breastfeeding was painful/difficult. For a moment I did not want to say anything as I know how it has exploded on mumsnet. The only advice I ended up giving was "try, if you can get past the first six weeks, good job, if not, you'll have done good for what anti-bodies you have passed on in that time", which is what I was told on mumsnet.
I dont know what the solution is regarding b.feeding and f.feeding. but I believe it starts with acceptance of the other route, that neither are "right" but just "right for me".