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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Serious question: why ^are^ many of the pro-b/f amongst you so rabid?

393 replies

Pruni · 26/08/2006 17:12

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
aitch71 · 26/08/2006 23:43

sancerre, it is rough... that's my point. i don't want to ff, but i have to. I don't need to be slapped in the face about it, that's all.

nearlythree, i thought my mum had bf-ed all four of us but while i was pregnant and i was asking her about bf-ing she tearfully confessed that because of a massive haemorrhage (sp?) she had ff me. tearfully! i am in my mid-thirties, i'm fine and i was at the time pregnant with her grandchild. but still she said 'i'm sorry, i tried...'

jimjams, thanks for being understanding.

and moondog, thanks for clearing that up for me. i think you understand perfectly well where i am coming from and i think i expressed myself politely and more than adequately. clearly nothing will give you pause as to how you behave and whose feelings you hurt while on your completely worthwhile and admirable crusade. i would refer you to Scummymummy's earlier post.

nearlythree · 26/08/2006 23:43

What about 'failure'? 'Coward'? 'Poisoner'?

We feel we have to say we struggled o/wise we are made to feel we didn't even care enough to try in the first place.

Jimjams2 · 26/08/2006 23:44

I dpon't know vvv why do people have to say they struggled to make thier opinions valid? They don't in RL, they do on here.

And hoorah for Custy- my vote for prime minister.

nearlythree · 26/08/2006 23:44

Great post, Custy!

nearlythree · 26/08/2006 23:46

I did tell people how much of a struggle it was to bfeed dd1. Even with my closest friends I felt humiliated.

I don't so much with ds - apart from when one of dh's mates came round who is a med student. I was so embarrassed to ffeed in front of him .

lusciouslynda · 26/08/2006 23:48

aitch71 I think you articulated what an awful lot of bottle feeders think.
My beautiful ds had a champion sucking reflex, no problem latching on, and I couldn't "produce the goods". My tiny dd was premature, needed to establish feeding, and I let her down too.
I spend too much time dwelling on my failures. The breast feeding fascists don't help but I will defend their right to feed their babies how they choose and I expect the same courtesy.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 23:50

Was just about to say "Dont feel that you have let down your children LL" then I saw your "fascist" comment. And decided not to. See what it does?

fireflighty · 26/08/2006 23:51

"The breast feeding fascists don't help but I will defend their right to feed their babies how they choose and I expect the same courtesy."

Courtesy????

Jimjams2 · 26/08/2006 23:51

"Everyone's experiences are realistic, and just as valid, arent they?" Depends what they're talking about though doesn't it VVV- surely? My opinions on living on the breadline would be invalid- I haven't done it, someone with experience of only NT children would be invalid if they chose to pick up ds1 on his behaviour, likewise my opinion on why someone was unable to bfeed would be invalid without spending several days shadowing their life. Without first hand experience (or next best thing- talking to someone with first hand experience) then no I think opinions aren't particularly valid.

sancerre · 26/08/2006 23:53

Inadequate, disgusting etc - is that how pro-bfers usually put it, or is that how (regretful?) ffers take it?? I don't think bfers get off on making ffers feel bad (which I reckon is unintentional, unless someone's trolling), that would be vile and I just don't think it's true!

hunkermunker · 26/08/2006 23:54

It's very difficult this.

If someone posts to support a woman to bfeed, there are no doubt others reading her posts thinking "oh ffs, banging on about bfeeding again" and rolling their eyes.

But there are others who are going "Yay - hope she does succeed, good tip there, wish I'd known that, I might've managed to bfeed if I had".

Or how about someone posts to say they're going to have to ffeed for a reason that may well be not a reason to ffeed (taking antibiotics, etc) - should someone who knows a bit about it not say "oh, you might be able to keep feeding - most drugs are safe to take and bfeed - how about you give the BFN's Drugline a call?"? Or should they keep quiet in case it upsets someone?

Personally, I'm passionate about bfeeding. I want it to work for women who want to do it. I've been back to my maternity hospital to talk about how to make their support better, because it was shit. I write endless reams of bfeeding support posts on here. I donate bmilk so that women can feed their prem or sick babies that until their own milk comes in in great enough quantities. But I DO NOT judge women who ffeed. I don't understand those who do it from birth with no thought of bfeeding when there's no reason not to give it a whirl and see if it sticks - but I don't judge them.

But to be told that I'm rabid and only feel so strongly because it's a hormonal response?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 23:54

Well, thats what i mean by experiences, jimjams. They arent experiences, unless you have, well experienced it??? Its late, im tired, I apologise if I have missed something in your post....but please clarify!

SherlockLGJ · 26/08/2006 23:55

LGJ wanders in stone cold sober, having been out for the night, , she suveys the carnage that she knows will have ensued from the OP to the last post, and she just walks away.

milward · 26/08/2006 23:55

Everyone makes their choice - & respect given for this.

What I hope is that mums who want to bf can get the help & support they need. When a mum gives up bf because they got the wrong info given, weren't supported, then this is sad for the mum a baby who could have both benefited more from bf.

Plus there should be more bf on tv, in mags to up awareness. Would be great if a soap had a bf mum on it that just got on with bf - no probs or worries.

SherlockLGJ · 26/08/2006 23:56

And that my friends is progress.

Jimjams2 · 26/08/2006 23:56

hunker you know that this: "Or how about someone posts to say they're going to have to ffeed for a reason that may well be not a reason to ffeed (taking antibiotics, etc) - should someone who knows a bit about it not say "oh, you might be able to keep feeding - most drugs are safe to take and bfeed - how about you give the BFN's Drugline a call?"? Or should they keep quiet in case it upsets someone?"

ois perfectly OK, but you can't argue that that's all that is said in an oh so helpful way when there are thread titles about "junk". and saying "oh ho ho ho that's just moondog" doesn't make it OK either.

hunkermunker · 26/08/2006 23:58

I've been "told off" for posting on threads like that though, JJ. I've been told "look, she's said she's got to ffeed, stop trying to make her feel guilty, you evil bfeeding nazi witch" (or words to that effect).

And yes, of course there are heated tit/teat rows on here - but I object to being told that pro-bfers are hormonally rabid - that's all.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 23:58

I dont think this thread title is particularly choice either though, do you JJ?

lusciouslynda · 26/08/2006 23:59

I do see what you mean. Sorry. You're right.

Comments like "D'you think I could start one asking why so many bottle feeding mothers are feckless slatterns???? " and calling formula junk food, do seem a little extreme and hysterical to me - but maybe I am hyper sensitive.

Jimjams2 · 27/08/2006 00:00

VVV you are confusing me- I'm simply saying that aitch should ignore any hurtful comments because people are not familiar with her situation and therefore a mass generalisation is worthless. Real life can get in the way of breastfeeding. So she shouldn't take seriously the opinion of someone who hasn't walked in her shoes.....

suzywong · 27/08/2006 00:00

Pruni, is NE Scotland that dreary? Are you that bored?

Surely rabid si being confused with survivalist? Evolutionary psychology steers us to championing what is best for our offspring.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/08/2006 00:00

Quite frankly, I wish people would so "Oh, thats (fascist?) Moondog" rather than say "oh, thats fascist breastfeeders" Do you know what i mean? D

I know Moondog doesnt care I said that, because I am a stranger off the internet, and don't matter

hunkermunker · 27/08/2006 00:01

Lusciouslynda, I rather think it's the bfeeders who are feckless slatterns anyway

aitch71 · 27/08/2006 00:01

i for one definitely do not think that this thread title or OP is appropriate. In fact, i specifically said in my first post that i did not endorse Pruni's OP because i know that even reading something as simple as a title on active convos can be upsetting, don't i? but hey, as moondog says, it got people talking...

Tortington · 27/08/2006 00:01

sancerre i think with thread titles like "one bottle of formula = 169 mars bars" or calling formula junk

the argument goes and i paraphrase" i breastfed my 18 children ( and co slept ) as i personally think thtat formula food is utter shite and i poersonally would never give my children that shit

now look at all the persoanllies in there.

the inference isn't even tenious is it?