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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Serious question: why ^are^ many of the pro-b/f amongst you so rabid?

393 replies

Pruni · 26/08/2006 17:12

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Joolstoo · 26/08/2006 17:33
Original poster
Pruni · 26/08/2006 17:34

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niceglasses · 26/08/2006 17:38

Yes I'm with you too Pruni. I never get involved with bf Vs bottle either now - I just end up saying the same things. I think Dino is right and Scummy, - we probably 'notice' the more strident posters, but there are many more still small voices of calm.

Original poster
Pruni · 26/08/2006 17:40

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Original poster
Pruni · 26/08/2006 17:42

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Spidermama · 26/08/2006 17:43

Personally I try not to discriminate entire groups of people out of hand be they breast feeders, bottle feeders, white people, black people...

tortoiseshell · 26/08/2006 17:44

Well nobody's going to be rabidly passionate about bottle feeding are they - no disrespect to bottle feeding, it's just not something I think people choose because they 'passionately' believe it to be best for baby, whereas breast feeding I can see to be something you feel passionate about.

Original poster
Pruni · 26/08/2006 17:47

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iota · 26/08/2006 17:50

think you should have said "SOME women" in the actual post Pruni

satine · 26/08/2006 17:53

I agree, Pruni. It seems to me that you can't ask a rational question about bottle feeding without having the thread taken over by the pro breastfeeding lobby who demand to know why the op isn't breast feeding. (I am pro breastfeeding, btw, and feel that there isn't anywhere near enough support or acceptance of breastfeeding but I don't think strident, in your face tactics are the best way to resolve the problem).

Mum2FunkyDude · 26/08/2006 18:00

I think its a bit like "whahooo, i did it, i can breastfeed, do not try and take it away from me, no one can tell me I'm a bad mother anymore!!!!"

So I stupidly, rationalised feeding my breastmilk to my son via a bottle for 8 months...try that on for size! But I did it because it was good for him. Doesn't matter the scars I'll carry for life because I failed to teach him to latch properly, hence me usually stearing away from these kinds of threads, they tend to bring the nastiness out of some.

TooTicky · 26/08/2006 18:00

My dp thinks that some people just have to have a cause, if not one thing then another, whereas I think people only follow causes they believe in, not just "causing" for the sake of it. And some people are just more strident than others in general - whether promoting bf, protesting against factory farming or arguing over the last biscuit.

Joolstoo · 26/08/2006 18:04

not wishing to take anything away from all you breastfeeders but mum2funky - a 'good' mother does not start and finish with breastfeeding - there's a hell of a long way to go after that!

Olihan · 26/08/2006 18:05

I think in quite a few of the more 'heated' discussions on here recently, the pro-b/f lobby would be better directing their views to the health professionals who do such a lousy job of supporting b/f. I gave up b/f ds because of the complete lack of support from my hv. She basically told me that I wasn't latching him on right but gave me no advice on how to correct it, leaving me feeling like I had no choice but to f/f because I was failing my baby.

By all means, give your advice but save the really vitriolic posts for letters to hv/midwives who are failing so many mums and babies. Mum's who have failed at b/f for whatever reason don't need all this 'formula is rubbish' shoved down their throats at every opportunity. We know, but without more help and support, there's not a lot we can do about it after the event.

moondog · 26/08/2006 18:06

'this isn't about facts and figures and you all know it'

Er,no,for me it is about facts and figures,the kind that a lot of reasonably intelligent people wave aside.

Try as I might,I can't get that het up about the fact that NicePairofLegs from Margate started her kid on algae and fishballs from the time they were 30 minutes old,seguing seamlessly into a veritable drip feed of Lunchables and Pot Noodles.

I don't know her personally after all and they're not my kids so, big deal.

However,alot of people on MN have followed up links and listened carefully to what has been said here,and as a result,have changed their minds radically.

That does matter and that is why many of us continue to post prolifically on the subject.

'Rabid' Wot does that mean? That we aren't all softly softly about it? Why should we be? We're not trying to make friends you know,or persuade you to do something you don't want to.

Jeeeeeeeeez.

It all hinges on what is 'good enough' for one's old children.

Second hand clothes and handmedown shoes are good enough for mine {I never bought all that 'Clarks' specially trained fitters' guff.How hard can it be to work out that a shoes fitswell enough to stay on afoot for Chrissakes??)

Weird powdered stuffas a sole foodstuff isn't however,and moreover,I will notbe sold something that I can get for free.

misdee · 26/08/2006 18:08

i was a failed breastfeeder twice over, and the guilt i felt then about other people carrying on when dd1 wasnt gaining weight, being dehydrated etc didnt help, as well as falling down with PND. with dd2 we reached the growth spurt stage,and had no-one to tell me this was what it was, and i was exhausted so put her onto bottles, on breastmilk alone she was a fast gainer, was above her birth weight at 1 week check, and then i put her onto bottles in despiration as was so so so tired.

but with dd3 i had the wonderful support of mumsnet, these women helped me achieve extended breastfeeding, at 18months dd3 still breastfeeds in the mornings, and even now i get loads oif support from the rabid breastfeeders

Original poster
Pruni · 26/08/2006 18:08

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Mum2FunkyDude · 26/08/2006 18:09

I agree Joolstoo, I do not feel in anyway guilty about how I did it, I don't think he bonded less with me and to be honest I personally believe what ever makes you happy will in the end result in a happy relationship with your lo. I guess that, regardless of the nutritional value of breastfeeding some women do feel closer to their babies when they breastfeed, I didn't need that and my husband got to spend special time with my ds too as bottlefeeding him is a shared event.

satine · 26/08/2006 18:10

As an observer, though, I seem to see more haranguing than encouraging and supporting.

ScummyMummy · 26/08/2006 18:14

The thing is, moondog, and I'm honestly not trying to be offensive here- I'm v glad to see you back- that occasionally you are so vehement and certain and a bit scornful seeming of people who don't have the same knowledge and passion about things as you that people who haven't done things your way feel kind of crushed, I think. And that segues into sadness and anger. So you don't actually achieve your educative mission as often as you might want to, I think.

Original poster
Pruni · 26/08/2006 18:15

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PinkTulips · 26/08/2006 18:16

fantastic post moondog

i normally steer clear of bf vs ff debates as i feel very strongly about the issue and can't understand how a some women can give up so easily (i'm not including women who honestly tried in that btw, i'm taliking about the women who ticked the no box beside 'intent to bf' on their hospital cards before the child is even born ) therefore i think if i were to post on some of the threads here i'd be classed as one of the more 'rabid' MNers. it saddens me that while some of us went through hell and back to ensure our babies are fed in the best way possible some women just can't be bothered to even try.

i have alot of admiration for the women who stand up for their views so strongly... wish i had the guts to be one of them

niceglasses · 26/08/2006 18:21

I think its the 'just can't be bothered to try' thing that usually makes me stay away.

The reason they may not be bothered is cos they don't have all the knowledge, tools, time, support, patience that you and others do. That doesn't make them worse or you better in my book. Breastfeeding is better yes, but breastfeeders aren't 'better'.

cazboldy · 26/08/2006 18:28

Unfortunately I don't think that it is the breast feeders that have the problem. If you are insecure about the choices you have made about feeding your baby then that is sad, but if you feel that you are doing your best then that is all that anyone can do.
FWIW I have breast fed my last 3 children because it was what I wanted to do. That I believe that it is also best is just a bonus! I am lazy and didn't want to have to wash and make endless bottles or forget to take them with me when I went out ( luckily you can't do that with boobs!)
With my first baby I fed him for 10 weeks but then I had to go back to school ( I was only 15) I tried expressing but was never very sucessful at it that time around, and then decided to mix feed him which unfortunately didn't work either. ( It gave him a tummy upset ) so having done both, I can honestly say without being "rabid" that breast is best. FOR ME. I truly feel for those that cannot for whatever reason bf, but honestly can't understand those who don't even try even for a couple of days.

Blossomhill · 26/08/2006 18:29

Moondog ~ I think you seem to have the opinion that breastfeeding happens naturally and easy for everyone and it doesn't!
I breastfed ds for 2 months and made myself very ill due to large blood loss I had during the birth.
I made myself feel even worse for having to give up (midwife said I had to) and even became depressed because of it.
Although have to say would never wear or let my children wear second shoes and always go to Clarkes for school shoes. So maybe we just need to agree to disagree

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