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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Whwn shall I stop breastfeeding?I know im going to hate giving up..

107 replies

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 21:03

I have a 10mth old Son who I am still breastfeeding- I exclusivley breastfed till 22weeks & then introduced solids, & he is now well established on the solids, has 3 meals a day & loves his food too- He has never drunk formula, but I do make his porridge with it & add it to meals....
The problem I have is....... I love breastfeeding him & am lucky to have not had any problems & really really am dreading having to give it up- I told all my family & friends that I would be stopping at 12mths & would then get him onto cows milk. The problem is, as 12mths is getting near, it really makes me feel sad at the thought of stopping & I know they will all give me a hard time if I dont?? I think my husband would be supportive, as he has been from the start & knows how good breastfeeding is for the baby- however, I have had constant negativity from the reast of my family... They say they are very proud of me, however there is always a BUT.. when the baby was unsettled when he was younger, they tried to get my to give up,when he had wind- give up- when he had a rash- give up- any excuse. & to be honest, I thnk alot of them just want me to give up because they were not succesfull breatfeeders themselves & maybe because of ignorance too.....

Anyway, what I want to know, is am I weird to not want to give up? Am I normal to feel like this? Do I have to give up at 12mths? They say that if I dont give up the baby will get addicted to boobie & it will get harder to get him to give up?? & it will become an unhealthy obsession. But on some threads I think I have read that some babies self wean? So they just tell you they dont want it anymore? Is this true & if so, when does this normally happen?
If this is true, this is how id like it to be, a natural process rather than forcing him to give up.HIM deciding when the time is right rather than me-
& what advice do you have for the family & friends who will give me such a hard time IF I do carry on past 12mths? They will think im some sort of depressed emotionally obsessed mum who cant let go

Jo
xx

OP posts:

sorrell · 24/08/2006 21:06

It's totally and completely up to you and your baby!! Ignore everyone else. They had the chance to make their decisions with their own children. The World Health Organisation promotes breastfeeding up to the age of two as optimum. Fine if you don't want to do that, absolutely fine and good if you do. You are totally and completely normal. What on earth could be 'unhealthy' about it!!! What, you make him think that snuggling up to a woman and feeling happy is a good thing? Hooray!

WigWamBam · 24/08/2006 21:08

Of course you're not weird. If you want to carry on, and if your dh is supportive, then carry on for as long as you want to. Good for you for wanting to do what's best for your baby.

You're allowed to change your mind, and if other people don't like it that's their problem, not yours. You don't even have to tell them that you're still feeding if you don't want to; it's really no-one else's business. Your baby, your body - your choice.

Babies can and do self-wean; my dd was 2, other babies are younger, some continue for longer.

Why would they think you were depressed or emotionally obsessed? There are plenty of perfectly happy, healthy and normal extended breastfeeders around who are proof positive that wanting to feed over 12 months doesn't mean you're emotionally obsessed.

moondog · 24/08/2006 21:10

Just do what you want.
It is so easy and convenient for a start and a wonderful way to calm a fractious toddler.

Noone's business but your own.

Ifed one of mine for 11mths and another for 30 mths.
Theirchoice to give up.

Gem13 · 24/08/2006 21:10

I decided with DS at 12 months as he was guzzling cows milk and I was pregnant and feeling pretty rough. He was fine - didn't miss it at all.

DD just shook her head one day at 18 months after having 2 or 3 feeds a day. I asked her twice if she wanted to feed and she carried on shaking her head. I didn't offer again and she never asked for it. I had exclusively fed her until the 6 month mark but she obviously felt enough was enough. I felt a bit sad about it but soon felt so much better in myself - less tired, weary, etc. - that I realised just how much a couple of feeds a day was taking out of me.

Please do what you want to do. Easy for me to say but try to ignore the negativity from others and focus on your DS. Good to hear your DH is being supportive.

Olihan · 24/08/2006 21:11

Tell them to bugger off, it's your baby, your boobs and they have absolutely nothing to do with it. There is no point in giving up because someone else thinks you should. Have a set phrase -'I've decided to carry on as long as we both feel happy to' and don't get drawn into any more discussion. If they really want to harp on, ask your HV for the latest stuff on extended b/f from the WHO and tell them to read it.

Tatties · 24/08/2006 21:13

It is your business! When I first had ds I'm sure I thought I wouldn't feed him past 12mths. But you feel differently as they get older. You are allowed to change your mind. I don't think you need to explain yourself any further than that. Give up if you want to but please don't give up because you think your family wants you to. It's brilliant you have got this far despite negative relatives, and there is always lots of support from 'extended' breastfeeders on here

beansprout · 24/08/2006 21:16

Who says you have to stop at 12 months? I am still feeding 22 month ds and we will stop when we need to. It really isn't up to anyone else!

FrannyandZooey · 24/08/2006 21:20

JoBaz, I hope you can follow what you want to do and not let other people decide how you feed your baby.

I love this page from Kellymom and actually printed it out to look at when I was feeling unsure or unsupported about breastfeeding my toddler. You could print one off for your relatives if you feel it would help to enter into a dialogue with them about it. If however you feel they have made their minds up already, I would just close down the subject and not let them get at you. If they ask "Are you still breastfeeding?" it can help to think of replies such as "Yes, isn't it wonderful?"

For many people they will never have come across a breastfeeding child older than a year and may not realise it is possible or normal. You can help to open their minds if you can come to feel confident and happy with your choice.

bogwobbit · 24/08/2006 21:30

Jo, just to echo what everyone else has said - how and for how long you feed your baby is entirely up to you and if you want to carry on breastfeeding him past the age of 12 months that's your decision.
I breastfed my dd until she was just past two. I had originally intended to feed her till she was 6 weeks, then it got extended to 3 months, then 6months etc etc. I finally stopeed about four days after her second birthday when I woke up and thought "I can't be bothered with this" - I was only feeding her once a day, in the morning at that point. It was as simple as that, and I too agonised about how/when to stop.
As for other people, tbh I just didn't mention that I was still breastfeeding and since I didn't feed her in public from about 6 months I think most people, other than my immediate family, just assumed I had stopped although my mother occasionally asked if I was still feeding. When I said I was she didn't say much

Original poster

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 22:03

Thank you all for your replies, I know its my decision.. & I am quite a stubborn person & so I think I will do what I want to do at the end of the day which is to carry on- however I just worry that I will get to 2 years & I will still feel the same & he will be so used to the boob he will be devestated to give it up? I dont want to upset him like that? If I do carry on, It will be in the hope that one day before his 2nd Bday he will give it up himself.
Can you tell me how often you fed your babies when they were one & over? & did you also give cows milk to drink?? or just the breast milk? My little one is still having about 5feeds a day- but quick feeds-hes always been a very quick feeder-even when he was 4 weeks old he would take a full feed in 7-8minutes-
& I hate to say- but he still hasent slept through the night!!! I get at least 2 callings in the night... he has a 3-4 minute & then hes happy & normally goes back off... this is another reason the family give me hassel, they swear that him not sleeping is because of the breast feeding- that he would be more satisifed on formula & wouldnt wake to want boob?? I actually disagree- I think hes just a bad sleeper & whatever way he was fed he would wake- but they are 100% convinced if I give up he will sleep through- they are messing with my head!!
Do any of you that breastfed for a long time have poor sleepers too?? do you think the 2 are connected?

also- I sound very thick now, but am very new to mums net- Ds- DD- DH- what do they stand for?? I presume Dh- husband ?

OP posts:

littlepiggie · 24/08/2006 22:09

ds is 4 months and i have been shocked by the reaction from my family, like you everything is give him a bottle, he needs weaning, it drives me mad, even now i get, "you are youing to stop at 6 months though" erm NO. Why would i go through the hardest bit to then give him a bottle and confuse the poor boy "your not allowed mummies booby anymore"

Original poster

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 22:13

Forgot to tell you all something- 2 things:

He was ill the other week- got some weird virus & then I got ill too- I went to the docs to have my chest checked as I had a bad cough, & said tho the doc that I didnt really want antibiotics as I was breastfeeding- he said "Well that explains it all then- why didnt you tell me that earlier- no wonder he's been unwell, he needs some 'proper' milk- from the cows udder"
Now this was all very jokey jokey- but I replied- well- as hes under 1 year he cant have cows udder & so this old cows udder will have to do him thank u very much!
But-
what a terrible thing to say- & thats a Gp- he was shocked that I was still feeding him & made out that my milk was crap! & that I was weird to still be feeding him..... imagine if I wasent so stubborn- I could have walked out of there & given up.

My new sister in law in a Matron & informs me that my milk will dry up soon- it always does- & that he needs more now than breastmilk can give him- & god bless him, you need to do whats best for him now not yourself- give him something more satisfying as your milk's not as plemtyfulll as it was & hes not getting enough?

Is there any truth in this atal? shes a very educated women, a matron for 25 years>? why would she make this stuff up? & why would the doc say what he said?

OP posts:

Original poster

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 22:13

Forgot to tell you all something- 2 things:

Is there any truth in this atal? shes a very educated women, a matron for 25 years>? why would she make this stuff up? & why would the doc say what he said?

OP posts:

bogwobbit · 24/08/2006 22:14

Jo, I fed my dd two or three times a day after she was 12 months, reducing down to one feed a day as she approached 2. I possibly would have fed more but I was back at work by then so realistically two feeds a day was the most I could manage on a work day. I also fed her cows milk from a bottle and then a cup.
Yes, she was a poor sleeper and I did think this might be connected to breastfeeding as my other children were bottle fed and all slept through the night from about 4 or 5 weeks old - yes, I was spoilt but looking at it now, I'm not convinced that the two were connected. I think she was/is just a poor sleeper and has a very different personality to the other three.
As for all the dh, dd etc look at the acronym list at the top of the page and (hopefully) it should explain all

PrettyCandles · 24/08/2006 22:15

JoBaz - a load of prejudiced, old-fashioned, ignorant RUBBISH.

And I won't be the only here to tell you that!

harpsichordcarrier · 24/08/2006 22:17

Jo baz - just to answer your questions:
lots of children selfwean before their 2nd birthday. some go on longer, but they all self wean in the end.
imo the later you leave it, the more capable a child is of understanding and substituting, hence less traumatic.
my dd1 is just selfweaning now at 3.3 years old. for a long time - maybe from 12 months till around six months ago I fed her three times a day - morning, nap time, bed time.
I did give cows milk too (in a cup) but she was never very thrilled with it and still isn't tbh.
I have left her on three occasions for three days/nights and she has resumed bf when I got back.

"Do any of you that breastfed for a long time have poor sleepers too?? do you think the 2 are connected? "
my dd1 has always been an excellent sleeper - sleeping 12 hours from three months old. always good at getting herself off to sleep etcetc.
dd2 is not so good .
so I think it is to do with personality much more than feeding styles imho, though I suspect co sleeping also has something to do with it.

also- I sound very thick now, but am very new to mums net- Ds (dear son)- DD (dear daughter~)- DH- what do they standfor?? I presume Dh- husband (yep!)?

bogwobbit · 24/08/2006 22:18

In answer to your other questions.
I think the GP is, to put it bluntly, an arse and an ignorant one at that.
Your sil is also ignorant, there's no reason why your milk should dry up. Mine certainly didn't and I fed for, as I said, over 2 years. Your son is getting all he needs nutritionally, both from your milk and also from the 3 meals a day that he also gets.
The thing to remember is that being a doctor or a nurse does not make someone an expert on breastfeeding. There's a good chance that you know as much, if not more about it, than they do. Try to ignore them.

harpsichordcarrier · 24/08/2006 22:18

Jobaz that's all balls - breastmilk is a perfect drink/food for babies of this age and older.
your milk will not dry up.
god how infuriating

KateF · 24/08/2006 22:20

at the ignorance displayed by health care professionals. JoBaz, go with your own feelings and feed your ds for as long as you are both happy. I never expected to feed a baby past 6 months but dd3 is 2 now and still feeding several times a day and at night. My older two were not breastfed for anything like as long (3 weeks and 10 weeks) but were also appalling sleepers so I don't think there's any connection. As for "needing more than your milk can provide" - do they think you don't give him food?!!

PrettyCandles · 24/08/2006 22:23

On reading your OP - if you are comfortable bfing, then don't give up. It's good for you, it's good for your ds, it's nobody else's business. End of story.

I never thought I'd bf beyond about 9m. It just seemed about right. I had difficulties feeding my ds and ended up mix-feeding him until 5-6m. I managed to fully bf my dd, and was contemplating stopping at about 8-9m, but realised that I wasn't really that keen to stop. Then she got gastroenteritis, and I was so glad that I was bfing her as it was obviously such a comfort and she upped her feeds to almost newborn fequency.

I went on to bf her until 23m. She is (and always has been since about 6m) a big, strong, healthy child. She's on the 91st centile for height and weight and is virtually never ill. Ds (who had less breastmilk than dd) is extremely slender and extremely intelligent, and is also virtually never ill. Make of it what you will, but I don't think either of them suffered for having lots of bm, or less bm.

FWIW, when I mentioned to my GP that I was still bfing dd at 18m, he worried that she wasn't getting enough calories. FGS, she was in the consulting room with us - did he take a good look at her, did she look like an undernourished child?!

PrettyCandles · 24/08/2006 22:24

And they are both good sleepers.

rustybear · 24/08/2006 22:24

I fed ds till 14 months - would have gone on longer but was going into hospital for an op so thought it best to stop - it was just the last feed to settle him at night, so i replaced it with a cup drink & he accepted it. With DD I would have gone on longer if she'd wanted but she just lost interest- think it was about 11 months - certainly before a year.

Original poster

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 22:25

prettycandles
did you give cows milk aswell for your DD? or just the breastmilk up till 23m?

OP posts:

Original poster

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 22:27

also? as you are all being so helpfull (THANK U)
In about 10-12mths time- id like to try for another baby? I presume your ilk dries up if you fall pregnant??or you would have to stop feeding as it would take away from the unborn child? (I resumed periods at 6weeks after birth & so could get pregnant while breastfeeding the doc says)

OP posts:

KateF · 24/08/2006 22:29

If you search the archives you will find some threads about feeding in pregnancy and tandem feeding a toddler and a newborn if that's what you wanted to do.
BTW my dd drinks cow's milk from a cup and on her cereal and has done from about 15 months. She never drank formula.

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