Whwn shall I stop breastfeeding?I know im going to hate giving up..

[JoBaz]

Hi

I have a 10mth old Son who I am still breastfeeding- I exclusivley breastfed till 22weeks & then introduced solids, & he is now well established on the solids, has 3 meals a day & loves his food too- He has never drunk formula, but I do make his porridge with it & add it to meals....
The problem I have is....... I love breastfeeding him & am lucky to have not had any problems & really really am dreading having to give it up- I told all my family & friends that I would be stopping at 12mths & would then get him onto cows milk. The problem is, as 12mths is getting near, it really makes me feel sad at the thought of stopping & I know they will all give me a hard time if I dont?? I think my husband would be supportive, as he has been from the start & knows how good breastfeeding is for the baby- however, I have had constant negativity from the reast of my family... They say they are very proud of me, however there is always a BUT.. when the baby was unsettled when he was younger, they tried to get my to give up,when he had wind- give up- when he had a rash- give up- any excuse. & to be honest, I thnk alot of them just want me to give up because they were not succesfull breatfeeders themselves & maybe because of ignorance too.....

Anyway, what I want to know, is am I weird to not want to give up? Am I normal to feel like this? Do I have to give up at 12mths? They say that if I dont give up the baby will get addicted to boobie & it will get harder to get him to give up?? & it will become an unhealthy obsession. But on some threads I think I have read that some babies self wean? So they just tell you they dont want it anymore? Is this true & if so, when does this normally happen?
If this is true, this is how id like it to be, a natural process rather than forcing him to give up.HIM deciding when the time is right rather than me-
& what advice do you have for the family & friends who will give me such a hard time IF I do carry on past 12mths? They will think im some sort of depressed emotionally obsessed mum who cant let go

Jo
xx

Some babies are more flexible than others about their feeding quirks. Personality has a lot to do with their nighttime wakefulness, and stopping breastfeeding doesn't necessarily mean you get an easier time at night - some babies will wake no matter what just because they are light sleepers and more intense in their demands than the next baby.

I went back to work (nights, as it happens - it was the only way to manage childcare in our situation and it was hard, but I was young - then!!) It amazed me how my boobs settled with the unpredictablity of my shifts, different nights each week, etc. I just bf ad lib when I was with my babies, and they preferred to wait for my return than a bottle/cup/whatever when I was at work. The milk supply adjusts - had to express in work for my own comfort and to prevent risking huge let down leakage by 5am! But that was only with ds2 as he was an avid night feeder, much more so than ds1.

Really feel for you, giggly and AngelaChill - when I weaned ds2 in difficult circumstances it broke my heart when he was fighting to feed and I was saying 'no, milk all gone now'. If I had support then instead of the circumstances I faced pretty much alone except for my dh, I would have continued for as long as ds2 would have wanted. Still regret it now and he is 18 yrs old. But at the time, I was doing the best I could in a very hard situation.

Hi, I'm horrified at the ignorance displayed by your GP! And sad that it doesn't completely surprise me. I'm still feeding my ds, 3 yrs 3 months... and I only planned to do it for six months! It has felt (and still does feel) completely natural for us, although I've hated the way that I've had to hide it from other people as I know that there's so much ignorance and disapproval around on this subject, and I'm not very good at doing my thing if people disapprove. I'm glad I've never had to tell my GP. Alas my ds is a terrible sleeper - I think my mistake was that when he was small, whenever he made the slightest whimper in his sleep, I was so keen not to let him cry that I gave him the breast to re-settle him immediately. I think I taught him to have 'milkies' every five mins in the night (and we also co-slept which makes it easier to shove a boob in for a peaceful night). However, he's just starting to sleep for much longer, with me doing nothing different. He goes to sleep in his own bed, and then when he wakes I bring him in with us. Last few nights this has been 4-6am so not too bad.

Can't say about the self weaning - my ds has shown no sign and is passionate about 'milkies' - tbh I can't imagine him giving them up without a fight, and I do feel embarrassed when he asks for them in public. Although is fairly happy to accept that we only have 'milkies' at home, or in a quiet room (if at someone else's house).

Think someone already recommended LLL books like the one on breastfeeding a toddler. I also have 'when weaning happens' which is useful as has lots of different weaning stories.

Oh, and forgot to add that I am pregnant, and it doesn't seem to have hugely affected my milk supply.

Apparently there is a TV prog on tonight about extended bfing (sorry if this has already been mentioned, haven't read all the postings). Prog is called 'Honey I Suckle the Kids: Hidden Lives' on CH5 at 9pm. The Preview in the Guardian Guide slates it though.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I fed DS1 until I he was 15 months, when he self weaned. I was very upset as i didnt feel ready to stop....but was consoled by the fact that i was 6 months pregnant so I coudl start again soon

Hoping to feed this baby longer as he will be the last...

I expected DS1 to be jealous when he saw the new baby feeding but he didnt bat an eyelid. Until this week , 8 months later, when he saw a video clip of Christmas Day with me feeding him ( DS1 that is, when he was 8 months old). He pulled my shirt and said " MY MILK" but hasnt shown any signs of wanting to feed

Its so heartening to read this thread isn't it?

I had to give up feeding DS at 5 months as I had so many problems (4 episodes of mastitis and breast thrush)and it made me feel completely impotent as a mother not being able to continue. No one presseured me either way, but I cried the day I stopped.

I managed to feed DD for 18 months (6 of which were after I returned to work) and I was so proud. It means so much to me and I really admire women who feed their children as long as possible. I only stopped at 18 months as DD self weaned and made me!!

Its so good for baby/toddler and mummy. Apart form the obvious health benefits, its also bonding and provides precious mummy/child time. People in this country have a really screwed up attitued to breasts, which puts many people of feeding babies in public, let along older children.

I support anyone who does extended feeding and for me its a bit of a political issue.

I breastfed my daughter until her 3rd birthday it wasn't by choice at first. I had no idea what I needed to do to stop and I was petrified I would get an infection or have problems due to stopping. My daughter fed once just before bed time and I honestly believe it worked out for the best as she is able to comfort herself and has bond with myself that is so much stronger than I see other parents have with their child. In the end she was hardly taking milk it was the comforting, relaxing time she sought so we declared her 3rd birthday as a milestone and said she was a big girl now and that she had mummies milk far longer than she should have and it was running out. I got no pain.. no infection.. no leaks...no sadness...and a child who agreed she was a big girl and didn't need it.
I say it all depends on the mum and child... how do they feel if your begining to resent it more than you enjoy it then stop. If the child is just using it for comfort and not for food (because they love the milk) then try and find something else to comfort them, like lots of hugs and kisses a favourite teddy. I found if I offered her milk in a cup she thought she was being ripped off so we left it up to her for a drink decision at night and just offered up a huge hug and a nice story and it did the trick.
It's a wonderful time breastfeeding and it becomes mum and child time that remains special so don't worry just do what is right for you and your child... you'll get tears...you'll get tempers... you'll still get the love though.

Congratulations for carrying on for so long in the face of tough opposition. I have just moved here from NZ and have been amazed at the difference between there and here re bfing. There it is just about the opposite. Even so, I bf my son until his third birthday (only until 2 in public) which was very much against the cultural tide.
If you and your baby want to continue bfing (and you two really are the only people who should have any say in this) then I really recommend joining La Leche or NCT and so you can get to know some like-minded people. I relied on a couple of friends for support in the face of criticism. I would also take the occasional trip to the library to find a book which agreed with me. My absolute favourite is Sheila Kitzenger. I could then feel better about my decisions and quote that to doubters.
I used the WHO (2+ years) regularly however was often greeted with "Yes, but that is really for babies in developing countries where alternative proper nutition can't be assured." Has anyone a reply to that?
Just like fullofwhoe, I was scared of stopping (had had about 15 bouts of mastitis in the first 18 months but no problems on giving up), and just like her I used the third birthday as a growing up/big boy occasion which my son appeared to appreciate and understand. (Although I think he would still be happy having the occasional bit of boo if given a chance). I probably felt the saddest of the two of us about giving up but as I was having concerns about paintful breasts at the time I wanted to stop so I could establish if that had anything to do with it. (As it turned out my body just kept trying to prepare itself for pregnancy - as soon as I became PG the pain stopped!)
I'm really not looking forward to bfing in public in England but will grit my teeth and do it because I think that's the only way it can become more acceptable.
Good luck and happy feeding.

Hi JoBaz
You are so not weird for wanting to give up breastfeeding. It is wonderfull that you are enjoying the experience.

My baby is neally one and I have no intention of giving up breast feeding. She loves it! I don't care what other people think, they should mind their own buisness. My babys health and welbeing comes before other peoples attitudes. Breastfeeding is recommended for a minimum of two years by WHO anyway. I know that it is easier said than done to just shrug off other peoples opinions but go with your own wishes. Good luck