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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Whwn shall I stop breastfeeding?I know im going to hate giving up..

107 replies

JoBaz · 24/08/2006 21:03

Hi

I have a 10mth old Son who I am still breastfeeding- I exclusivley breastfed till 22weeks & then introduced solids, & he is now well established on the solids, has 3 meals a day & loves his food too- He has never drunk formula, but I do make his porridge with it & add it to meals....
The problem I have is....... I love breastfeeding him & am lucky to have not had any problems & really really am dreading having to give it up- I told all my family & friends that I would be stopping at 12mths & would then get him onto cows milk. The problem is, as 12mths is getting near, it really makes me feel sad at the thought of stopping & I know they will all give me a hard time if I dont?? I think my husband would be supportive, as he has been from the start & knows how good breastfeeding is for the baby- however, I have had constant negativity from the reast of my family... They say they are very proud of me, however there is always a BUT.. when the baby was unsettled when he was younger, they tried to get my to give up,when he had wind- give up- when he had a rash- give up- any excuse. & to be honest, I thnk alot of them just want me to give up because they were not succesfull breatfeeders themselves & maybe because of ignorance too.....

Anyway, what I want to know, is am I weird to not want to give up? Am I normal to feel like this? Do I have to give up at 12mths? They say that if I dont give up the baby will get addicted to boobie & it will get harder to get him to give up?? & it will become an unhealthy obsession. But on some threads I think I have read that some babies self wean? So they just tell you they dont want it anymore? Is this true & if so, when does this normally happen?
If this is true, this is how id like it to be, a natural process rather than forcing him to give up.HIM deciding when the time is right rather than me-
& what advice do you have for the family & friends who will give me such a hard time IF I do carry on past 12mths? They will think im some sort of depressed emotionally obsessed mum who cant let go

Jo
xx

OP posts:
Aly27 · 26/08/2006 07:58

Hi JoBaz

You have probably had plenty of advice on this but i thought I would still add mine.

You should do what you and your child feel comfortable with. I fed both of mine until about 9 months when I had had enough and wanted my body back. Mot to mention not having to wear those breast pads anymore, which everyone can see thru white tops[smile}

I think its a good idea to introduce cows milk from 12 months as it gives you some freedom if you want it, but otherwise keep going. I have finished having children now but the one thing I miss most about the baby stages is the closeness of feeding.

Not sure i am keen on the over twos but thats another discussion altogether.

Toady · 26/08/2006 09:06

It just shocks me that people are being encouraged or feel like the should give up breastfeeding at whatever age their child is. I personally admire woman who are still breastfeeding at 1, 2, 3 years plus.

Imo it is those people who are weird who think extended breastfeeding is weird iykwim.

dazzlincaz · 26/08/2006 10:48

My dc are all grown now - but when you look back, those early days go by sooooo fast (though some days feel like forever, LOL!) Strange how others will always want to give advice on 'how you should......' My elderly neighbour scolded me soundly about using a sling 'he'll never go down' and I learnt to grin and ignore it even though it got under my skin! My colleagues thought I was mad to 'still' be breastfeeding when I went back to work (my ds1 was 6 months, ds2 7 months). Grinned and ignored them too. It was best for us - what is it to do with anyone else? Extended breastfeeding does NOT make your children more dependent - they learn to trust that you will respond to their needs when those needs are expressed.

Enjoy the stages along the way - parenthood is a journey and the decisions are yours to make.

ruty · 26/08/2006 12:34

the funny thing is my 2 year old never asks for the boob in public and with friends - i haven't conciously deprived him of it in public, but he is so happy and occupied when out, and seems to sense it is a thing for him and mummy at home to 'wind down.' So we've never had a problem there.

FourJays · 26/08/2006 13:36

99 - my mum found it hard to be supportive about bf too. It was only when I read an article she'd written for my NCT mag that I realised she had wanted to bf us but no support was available in the 1970s. Don't think it's sour grapes but think she had to tell herself deep down that it (bf) didn't matter to quash her own feelings about the subject.

It's a generational thing. They don't understand it so ignore them!

naughtymummy · 26/08/2006 13:38

JoBaz and the rest in the same boat feeding a nearly 1 or 1-2 year old, please do n't give in to external pressures to give up. I weaned my son at 9 months having been under pressure to do so since about 6 . He was then very unwell with repeated colds and coughs until about 14 months and I wished I could have BF him through those times. WHO recommends 2 for a reason, a childs immune system is not fully mature untill then and the breast milk anti-bodies will help them.It is also as has been said on here a great way to comfort a older baby/young toddler.

Of course if a child self weans or mother wants to stop then thats different. Looking back I realy think that BF was nicest just before we gave up (Rose tinted specs maybe). I work in a health care setting and the level of understanding of breastfeeding is generally appalling mostly because there is little paid for research (as breast milk is free).

The levels of breast feeding even beyond 6 weeks in this country are a disgrace and because of that people just are n't used to seeing older babies being breast fed, the evidence is on your side as well as it being pleasurable for both mum and babe- just go for it!

(sorry this is so long feel very passionately about this )I am PG again now I will feed for as long as I like this time

99redballoons · 26/08/2006 14:36

Jo, a good nights sleep will do you a world of good. Will check the Sleep section to see if you've started a thread!

Well, I fed dd this afternoon before her nap. It was lovely. I said would you like some mummy's milk and she turned her head and buried herself into me

I've decided to keep up the cows milk in the morning(nap) and just go with the flow for her afternoon nap. I'm hoping once she goes down to one nap we'll just stick with the cup and then it'll be morning and night bf only. Must admit I've enjoyed not having a full chest of late. Think it was the morning feed that was 'filling' me up as now my body has gotten used to the long gap from 7am to 7pm I'm hoping the odd feed at 2:30pm-ish won't cause them to 'stock up' again in the day!

[just to clarify (cos I hate the thought I might have said something horrible about my mum!), my mum's been great and was the one to help me through mastitis and a tongue-tie when feeding my first, ds, and is so supportive of bf. I think she feels weaning off the boob might be just as difficult as off a bottle once they get older and advised maybe sooner the better, ie. before they know how to be stubborn! But like I said I've now told her what I'm going to do and I'm sure she'll come round to it and be there (again) if we have problems weaning down the line ]

yellowrose · 26/08/2006 15:20

JoBaz - it is not really any one's concern or business how and when you choose to feed YOUR child. If you DH is supportive as you say and your baby wants to feed beyond 12 months, then why not continue as long as you wish ?

The WHO recommends bf for at least 2 years.

I have a 26 month old son. He loves breastfeeding and so do I. Touch wood, he has hardly even been sick, except for a few minor colds since the day he was born (toddlers continue to benefit from the immunity in breastmilk) and still falls asleeep on the breast every single day after lunch.

It soothes him, makes him happy, and most importantly the skin to skin contact keeps us very close to each other.

I can't imagine what it will be like one day when he gives up (I am allowing him to self-wean). I know feeding for this long or for a few more years isn't for every one, but it isn't their life or their baby, so who says they have the right to comment ?

Best of luck with whatever you decide

giggly · 26/08/2006 21:58

jobaz
i guess you will not say very much about bf your next baby. I did exactly the same as you and stopped bf my one year 3 nights ago as she was wakening for up to 3 hours each night to feed then play. It has been torture and I am seriously considering starting again tonight as I feel unbelievably sad.I am sure dh would like me to stop although the wise man would never admit it. Good luck

Original poster
JoBaz · 26/08/2006 22:21

giggly
arh- your message has made me feel very sad for you - If you are feeling sad & your baby is still wanting it- then dont stop? I have decided I am going to carry on as long as I feel I want to & baby does- bugger the rest of them-
Are you Ok ?? have you decided what you are going to do ?

OP posts:
JBW · 27/08/2006 13:23

I still breastfeed my ds, though now only last thing before he goes to bed and if he wakes in the night. He will be 2 at the beginning of November.

JBW · 27/08/2006 13:25

Would also add ds has not been ill or off-colour at all. Do not want to stop breast feeding while ds and I are both happy to carry out.

dazzlincaz · 27/08/2006 15:11

giggly - sorry you are feeling so sad over your nighttime dilemma. Something that helped us at night was to keep lights low, noise to a whisper, and being VERY boring! Never found it a problem to feed los at night, but not to have play sessions That was for day time!

Sleeping in the same room as the baby when you are breastfeeding (doesn't mean the baby has to be in the bed with you, btw) causes the mum's and baby's sleep cycles to synchronise. That means mum doesn't get startled awake from deep sleep as baby will be in lighter phase of slumber before rousing to bf. Also, being close by meant the early cues of nuzzly-snuffly movements stirred me enough to offer the breast before the baby became fully alert. It doesn't suit all families to have baby in the same room, but my desire for sleep was soooooo great and it worked for us
Getting enough sleep and rest means daytimes are easier to cope with. Hope you find a way through this that is right for you.

AngelaChill · 27/08/2006 18:29

I have a 30 month old screaming blue murder because she wants feeding and i simply cannot bear the thought of doing it ever again. I haven't slept through the night now for nearly three years. I really wish I'd stopped at 12 months because we are going through asolute hell, this poor child cannot understand why today is the day we are stopping, it's pure hell.

mamaberta · 27/08/2006 18:34

Just wanted to wish you luck with your decision (whatever it is, I hope it's one you are happy with). You sound like you are capable of sniffing out the BS advice from loose-cannon health pros. It's hard when the advice comes with heavily-laden suggestions that you are doing something pervy or inadequate by b/f. I got drunkenly harangued by a (have to say now ex) friend who held similar views. What you are doing is brilliant so far - if you decide to go further then yay!! If you don't, then bl* well done for getting so far despite all the opposition.

Good luck

mamaberta · 27/08/2006 18:36

forgot to say that am just ever so slightly that you had no problems but good on yer - perhaps it doesn't have to be hell at first.

LucySherriff · 27/08/2006 18:49

Hi JoBaz,

Just a message of support from a different perspective. I exclusively breastfed my daughter until she was about 2 months. By three months she was totally formula fed.

I made that decision because i was expecting to be back at work. When it came to it, i didn't go (am back now though) and have always fervently wished I had breastfed for longer. My DD is now nearly 8 mths and is/has always done just fine on bottles, but i will always look back with a pang of regret about my decision.

I am full of admiration for you for feeding as long as you have, and reckon that as everyon ehere has said, it is no body's business but yours when you 'should' stop.

Don't stop before you are ready, and don't do it for longer than you want to.

malodorantemelly · 27/08/2006 18:49

I haven't read everyone elses replies, but I can imagine they will be similar to mine!!

You only need to give up when you want to.

I am feeding my boy girl twins still, and they are 20 months. I feel the cut off for me is really at 2 years, but others go on for longer. When my dd1 gave up on me at 9 months I was devastated but my 1st ds I stopped feeding him at 4 months. Only you know what is right for you and as your ds is 10 months, he will be feeding quicker and not as often, so you can keep it private as you like.

dazzlincaz · 27/08/2006 20:37

AngelaChill so you are feeling dreadful atm. Do you want to start another thread on this? Sounds so desperately hellish for you. {{{HUGS}}}

AngelaChill · 27/08/2006 21:04

She's calmed down and is happily eating a yoghurt at the moment but when i go to bed about 10ish she is in for a shock again.
I've started back at work, I have two other kids and just can't do this anymore.
I didn't realise however hard it would have been to stop at 12 months it's 10 times worse now she screams please mummy please

grannygoose · 27/08/2006 21:58

I am still bf my 10 mth old DS. Sadly, I recently dropped the daytime feeds as I have to go back to work soon. We now enjoy a morning and bedtime feed. It didnt seem to bother him too much to drop bf during the day, although when he is unsettled or not feeling well (teething) I am happy to feed as often as he likes.

I will continue to feed him for as long as he wants to - I enjoy it so much! I had thought my plan was very cunning - to feed right until baby 2 so that I didnt have to go through the cracked and bleeding nipples again. I am to hear about pregnancy breast tenderness, etc....Darn.

I never pay any attention to what other people say...family wouldnt dare criticise and I have the most supportive DP ever!!! Well done all you wonderful mummies for following your instincts.

giggly · 27/08/2006 23:27

could'nt bear to be sad any longer, life is to short, b/f dd this morning, what a relief, although may reconsider having read angelachill problem, onwards and upwards to more broken nights.

bramblina · 27/08/2006 23:54

Jo I am and at what you have been told. Human milk for human babies I say! Why would cow's milk be "better"? Hmmm.

I also thought I would feed my ds till he was 1. He was 1 on the 4th of this month and still has a feed on a morning. At 10 months he was having 4 feeds, and I needed to go to a breastfeeding support meeting mid morning. At that time his mid morning and mid afternoon feeds were more hassle than they were worth, I would always have to offer, he would hardly take much and just wanted to play with his toys! So dh gave him 4oz cows milk and he was fine. A month later we did the same with the afternoon feed. (He had had cow's milk on cereal etc from 7 months). He wouldn't take his bed time feed last week so now I just offer him one in the morning, I think he's quite hungry/thirsty as soon as he wakes up so it's worth continuing that one. But I'm sure that if I just took him straight to his high chair one morning he wouldn't be bothered, he would happily have breakfast. It just means I couldn't have another 5 mins in bed with him, and would have to get up straight away (we don't co-sleep. I just take him in to my bed for a lie down feed while I come to!).
My ds is quite independant, not a cuddly baby, not booby obsessed, so I think I have been lucky in that the temperament of my child has fallen very well with my plan IYSWIM (for a list of acronyms there's a place to click at the top of this page) but I think there are babies who are, and you will know your child well enough to forsee if it is going to be a problem.

HTH

theoldlady · 28/08/2006 09:09

My baby turns 13 months today and i am still giving 1 feed a day. Must admit that I am quite keen to stop now but as she loves it so much I havent been able to bring myself to deprive her of it. The question I struggle with is how much it counts what I want versus what she clearly wants! Her teeth are getting pretty painful now. BUt I have loved reading this thread and all the goodness that is still in the milk and how many other people are doing it- people certainly think I am odd for carrying on this long....

99redballoons · 28/08/2006 13:50

giggly, fwiw, I wouldn't have thought feeding your dd after 1yr means broken nights sleep. If you feel she is getting more than enough food/milk in the day then maybe it's time to tackle the night feeds differently? I know it's hard, but I'm sure you can work out a plan, try it for a few nights (eg. can dp/dh help with the night wakeups?) and see what happens? There's lots of good threads under the sleep section at the moment to do with older babies not sleeping through. HTH

As for my situation, after Jo's thread being such an inspiration, I've fed dd the odd afternoon nap time and it hasn't affected my chest and I've felt so much better for it (in the sense she's getting my milk). But I am still keeping up the morning cup of cows milk and for the last two days she's guzzled that just as keenly, without fuss, so that's boosted me too. It's no more wriggling, wondering what on earth this cup is