Whwn shall I stop breastfeeding?I know im going to hate giving up..

[JoBaz]

Hi

I have a 10mth old Son who I am still breastfeeding- I exclusivley breastfed till 22weeks & then introduced solids, & he is now well established on the solids, has 3 meals a day & loves his food too- He has never drunk formula, but I do make his porridge with it & add it to meals....
The problem I have is....... I love breastfeeding him & am lucky to have not had any problems & really really am dreading having to give it up- I told all my family & friends that I would be stopping at 12mths & would then get him onto cows milk. The problem is, as 12mths is getting near, it really makes me feel sad at the thought of stopping & I know they will all give me a hard time if I dont?? I think my husband would be supportive, as he has been from the start & knows how good breastfeeding is for the baby- however, I have had constant negativity from the reast of my family... They say they are very proud of me, however there is always a BUT.. when the baby was unsettled when he was younger, they tried to get my to give up,when he had wind- give up- when he had a rash- give up- any excuse. & to be honest, I thnk alot of them just want me to give up because they were not succesfull breatfeeders themselves & maybe because of ignorance too.....

Anyway, what I want to know, is am I weird to not want to give up? Am I normal to feel like this? Do I have to give up at 12mths? They say that if I dont give up the baby will get addicted to boobie & it will get harder to get him to give up?? & it will become an unhealthy obsession. But on some threads I think I have read that some babies self wean? So they just tell you they dont want it anymore? Is this true & if so, when does this normally happen?
If this is true, this is how id like it to be, a natural process rather than forcing him to give up.HIM deciding when the time is right rather than me-
& what advice do you have for the family & friends who will give me such a hard time IF I do carry on past 12mths? They will think im some sort of depressed emotionally obsessed mum who cant let go

Jo
xx

aha can help you there
I fed dd1 through my pregnancy with dd2. my milk did dry up for a little while in the second trimester but dd1 just persisted and then I started producing colostrum.
then I fed them both and in fact until v recently still did.

{Bows to Harpsichordcarrier in admiration}

fantastic! feeding 2 of them !! did you get support from your Hv doing this??

Dd had problems with cows' milk (it bounced straight up again), so once she started dropping bf I gave her formula. I tried her out on cows' milk every 4-6m, and when she hadn't had any problems with it for a few months I moved over to it. IIRC that would have been just under a year after stopping bfing.

I stopped dd's daytime feeds at about 18-19m, because it felt right to do so at that time. The bedtime feed she dropped by herself because she was desperate to drink from a beaker like her brother. As for the mornign feed, I don't even remember how or when we dropped it because it came about quite naturally, presumably led by dd.

hahahaha NO I did not.
in fact every single hv/midwife I ever told about it told me I must STOP IMMEDIATELY and I could not possibly produce enough milk. Imagine if I had stopped just as I had come out of hospital with a new baby?!? madness.
so I stopped telling them
I have a friend who is an independent mw and spoke to her. and took advice from here about always feeding the new baby first.imo it really helped with any sibling issues

pretty candles, I think that is the sweetest thing about self weaning and I have heard Spidermama say the same thing. When someone asks - are you still feeding dd1? and I think, "gosh I don't know really...." because it is being led by her.
such a gentle process. so much better than the alternative for me anyhow.

My DS2 self weaned at 16 months. I was happy because he was obviously happy to give up then, he never has taken to drinking cows milk so I was glad to have kept going and ideally would have liked to have continued a little longer. I went with the do not offer, do not refuse idea for daytime feeds after a year, although always offered the night time feed.

I am at the 'advice' you have received. You just keep feeding if that is right for you and your ds, and ignore what the 'health professionals' say! My ds is nearly 17mths, he feeds at least 4 times a day (but often asks for more) and he wakes a few times in the night, will only be settled with a bf. We co-sleep for part of the night to make it easier on everyone. It is definitely down to personality - ds just isn't a great sleeper and needs help in that department. Your instincts are right, JoBaz, follow them and you will be fine

I bfed dd3 until she was 14months. Like you I had been nagged by various members of my family to 'give it up now' and for similar reasons, in the begining it was because of sleep, then, she put on weight too fast, then...the list is endless. But I kept at it. The problem with me was dd would not take a bottle in any shape or form, so I couldn't express so 'had' to be on hand 24/7.

In the end outside pressures forced me to give up, I found it increasingly difficult to feed infront of people, which was an issue from the start. Not by me, but various members of both mine and dh family felt V uncomfortable if I fed around them. so as she got older the feeds became less frequent So by the time DD was 14months I had virtually dried up, She would only take 1 feed in the morning and that was becoming a struggle with the let down reflex reluctant to kick in until she had been sucking away a good 5 or even 10 mins.

So, I would say do not give in I regret not standing up for what I wanted and giving in to everyone else. I would have fed until she was 2 if I had stuck to my guns, and realy realy regret not doing so.

Good luck!

"I told all my family & friends that I would be stopping at 12mths & would then get him onto cows milk."

I bet you have said lots of things that you don't end up doing because the reality of a baby is totally different to the theory of having one.

Self weaning rocks, you never have to worry about the "right time", the decision is made for you by the only person qualified to make it.

I fed my dd until she was 3. By the time she was twoish, it had dropped to a couple of times in the day and at bedtime and perhaps once in the night. By then, I was able to say no without upsetting her if we were somewhere I didn't want to bf either for practical reasons, or if I thought we would attract attention I didn't want (from family or strangers!) When she was three, she had a little feed one morning, then said "I don't want to do this any more" and didn't. We were both ready, and although I had a "pang"or two, it was nice for us both to move on to the next phase. DS, who had had the occasional bottle of expressed milk gave up very determinedly at 11 months when he realized that OH (always and still his parent of choice) could feed him if he had bottles. They are all different, and we are different parents with each baby.

Well, if your SIL is so darn educated you can hit her with some of these references...

In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
[Dewey KG. Nutrition, Growth, and Complementary Feeding of the Breastfed Infant. Pediatric Clinics of North America. February 2001;48(1).]

Children weaned before two years of age are at increased risk of illness (as per the American Academy of Family Physicians, although I can't find a specific reference).

Nursing toddlers between the ages of 16 and 30 months have been found to have fewer illnesses and illnesses of shorter duration than their non-nursing peers.
[Gulick EE. The effects of breastfeeding on toddler health. Pediatr Nurs. 1986 Jan-Feb;12(1):51-4.]

Antibodies are abundant in human milk throughout lactation. In fact, some of the immune factors in breastmilk increase in concentration during the second year.
[Goldman AS, Goldblum RM, Garza C. Immunologic components in human milk during the second year of lactation. Acta Paediatr Scand. 1983 May;72(3):461-2.]

Apart from protecting the mother against breast cancer, increased time spent bf also offers some protection against ovarian cancer:

Gwinn ML, Lee NC, Rhodes PH, Layde PM, Rubin GL. Pregnancy, breastfeeding and oral contraceptives and the risk of epithelial ovarian cancer. J Clin Epidemiol 1990;43:559-68.

Hartge P, Schiffman MH, Hoover R, McGowan L, Lesher L, Norris HJ. A case control study of epithelial ovarian cancer. Am J Obstet Gynecol 1989;161:10-6.

Rosenblatt KA, Thomas DB, and the WHO collaborative study of neoplasia and steroid contraceptives. Lactation and the risk of epithelial ovarian cancer. International J Epidemiol 1993;22:192-7.

Schneider AP. Risk factor for ovarian cancer. N Engl J Med. 1987 Aug 20;317(8):508-9.

and uterine cancer:

Brock KE et al. Sexual, reproductive and contraceptive risk factors for carcinoma-in-situ of the uterine cervix in Sydney. Med J Aust. 1989 Feb 6;150(3):125-30.

and endometrial cancer:

Rosenblatt KA, Thomas DB, and the WHO collaborative study of neoplasia and steroid contraceptives. Prolonged Lactation and endometrial cancer. Int J Epidemiol 1995;24:499-503. [I think this may only apply to lactational amenorrhea, though, although I'm not sure]

and osteoporosis:

Blaauw, R. et al. Risk factors for development of osteoporosis in a South African population. SAMJ 1994; 84:328-32.

and rheumatoid arthritis:

Karlson EW, Mandl LA, Hankinson SE, Grodstein F. Do breast-feeding and other reproductive factors influence future risk of rheumatoid arthritis? Results from the Nurses' Health Study. Arthritis Rheum. 2004 Nov;50(11):3458-67.

Perfectly possible to nurse through pregnancy and tandem nurse afterwards with no ill-effects for the new baby. After all, you're designed to be able to nurse twins round the clock, so a toddler having a couple of feeds isn't going to impact your supply for the newborn. Some toddlers do self-wean while the mother is pregnant, though.

Great stats Lemonaid

Don´t stop if you hate the thought it it JoBaz, enjoy this bond Britain has very low rates of bf which undermines mothers who do want to bf more than 3 minutes. Just to add support, I tandem feed dd 3 years old and ds 9 months old

Hi Jobaz - I bf ds til he was 21m i weaned him through the distraction and don't offer don't refuse technique because i had a newborn and found tandem feeding difficult. Up until 12m ds only had breastmilk never liked formula or bottles (even with expressed milk). started offering cows milk in addition at 12m stll bf 2-4 times a day - v useful in dealing with illnesses as sometimes breast would be all he would want if tummy upset and very good comforter. I got preg when ds was 11m so did cont. feeding throughout pregnancy main problem was extreme breast tenderness in 1st tri - if you can get through that you are laughing! Son was ok to wean though a bit sad for me - but the short period of tandem feeding did help deal with ds's jealousy of newborn dd.

Can I just add another voice to the 'normal!' people. I have 3 children, fed until 12 months, 15 months and 22 months. The first 2 I gave up as I was pg again and very tender as well as losing my milk supply, the third time my dd2 self weaned (one day she just said Mummy mok all gone' and that was that!)
I just did't tell my family when I went on past a year, didnt feed in front of them, that kind of thing. It was a kind of 'dont ask/dont tell' relationship aout it, but then I dont live close to them or anything so it wasnt a prolem they came across every day.
My kids are healthy, independent, not at all 'addicted to booby' (though dd2 does still nuzzle her face into any exposed cleavage on anyone she knows well, including Grannie!).
I would say, if you and he are not ready to give up, then dont. Do what is right for you and your baby, not for the rest of your family. I know though that its not easy to stand up for it. All the best

Sorry to hijack...

Harrisey, have you moved? How did it go?

DH didn't get the job. There was an internal candidate nobody knew about and he got it!

Oh and maybe you should think aout complaining to your practice about your GPs attitude, and tell your HV if she is any good. That kind of attitude is indefensible and damn near negligent, IMO (and my dh is a GP!). Dont let people like this get away with it - I had to stop seeing my first hv because she kept telling me I'd never manage to feed my large dd1!

Gillian yes! We moved, it all went really well, loving living in Glasgow, I even have broadband now whooopee!
See here for how we are doing.
Sorry to hear about your dh's job. Rememer - its pretty windy up there in the winter and this has een a ghastly year for midges!
Hijack over!

JoBaz, can you try and find a breastfeeding counsellor (LLL or NCT) and see if they can lend you a book called "Mothering your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Bumgarner. It will answer all your questions. As for your family, tell them that the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding till age 2. Or just keep it secret, like others say! I do have to say that not all children wean young - I had to make my DD stop at age 4.5 and still at age 5 she asks for it! My younger DD is still feeding often and vigorously at 22 months!! And yes, I fed all the way through pregnancy, birth, newborn period etc.

Hi JoBaz

Your are not wierd at all not to want to give up. Breastfeding is nutricous, nurturing & healthy for older babies too. Plus, it acts as a wonderful pacifier when babies start to fall over, or have the odd trantrum. It still protects them from illnesses and takes the edge of illnesses if they catch them. It is normal to breastfeed babies right up until the age of three and over in most european. let alone third world countries and we in this country would have all been breastfeeding our two year olds until recent histiry. Infact, the world health organisations recommends that mothers breastfeed their babies until a minimum of two years.

As you can probably tell, I am breastfeeding my 16 month old and it is working very well for us. I would say go for it! It's great!

JoBaz, I BF my DS till he was 13 months when he suddenly became seriously ill and was in intensive care for 3 weeks. He obviously couldn't BF then so I expressed as I wanted to be able to continue when he got better. But by the time he was concious again he seemed to be uninterested in BF so weaned himself. Quite a shame really, but as I was so glad he was getting better I didn't have time to dwell on it.

Before he was ill I had gradually reduced BF to 1 per day (early morning snuggled up in bed). He always used to wake once or twice in the night and I would feed him but at about 11 months old I or DH just started giving him a cuddle in the night then he'd go back to sleep - you have to wear a dressing gown or something though so it's not right in front of his nose! It seemed to work and he does sleep right through the night now. As I reduced the BF I offered him formula (Hipp Organic) then cows milk at nap time and bed time. You could try mixing breast milk & cows if you do want to start introducing it - but only if you want to express & feed from a bottle/cup.

I hope this helps, but best advice, as from others is to do whatever you feel happy with.

Go with what's right for you.

I started giving ds cows' milk at 12 months, but still fed him morning and evening myslef, as we were going to South Africa and I wanted the convenience of being able to feed him myslelf - plus be able to comfort him if neccessary while travelling.

I founf ithat worked for me, as he still able to breastfeed during the day if he needed addtional comfort or we were somewhere that I couldn't get hold of some milk.

I stopped shortly after we got back.

He had always slept well during the night (from really early on! ), so I never had the issue of him waking up for a feed. In fact, the one time he did have a disturbed night, I refused to feed him (did eventually give him some water), as I didn't want him to get the idea! But then I'm a haaaard mummy

JoBaz Keep going if you and your son feel happy (by the way (or btw) ds = son dd = daughter dh = husband) I'm still feeding dd three times a day and she is 1 on Monday. I always said I'd give up when she was 1 but now I don't want to and am going to wait a while - either until she gets too rough with too many teeth! or self weans. I'm giving up the middle of the day feed anyway as I'm going back to work so we'll see what happens after that. I never feed in public as she boings off the boob too much and I don't wear a nursing bra anymore as I was sick to death of them! so hardly anyone knows. I do avoid telling people unless they are bf themselves as people can be funny about feeding a child who is nearly walking, wears shoes etc If they ask though I do tell them and I don't give a monkeys what they think! I had bad advice with ds and he ended up on bottles very quickly so I was really determined this time and I am so glad me and dd made it. She is rarely ill and ds was always ill - I think it really does make a difference and I just love feeding her. Let your family read these posts if need be.

Hi Jobaz,
My dd was 1 a couple of weeks ago and is still bf. She has 3 feeds a day ( I don't feed on demand in the day now)(sometimes 2 if she doesn't have the afternnon one- sometimes more if she wakes in the night). She's never had formula and doesn't drink cows milk in a cup. Will taste it but thats it. She just drinks water.
Whenever people ask me if she is still being bf with shocked looks on their faces I always say yes in an apologetic way. I wish I didn't but I can't help feeling like everyone wants me to stop aswell. I wish I could say something like franny suggested " yes I am, isn't it wonderfull". I think I'll try harder to next time someone asks. I really like feeding her and was determined to do better than I did with ds. Its handy, convenient, quick, good for them, healthy, free, snuggly etc etc etc. but still everyone thinks she's much much too old for it now. Some have even made it clear that they think its yukky and wierd.
When she was 5.5 months just before she was on solids, and feeding loads, day and night, evryone (mum, mother in law(MIL) sister, friends)kept telling me that my milk wasn't satisfying her and that she was probably starving. It was so annoying but I'm glad I kept on and ignored them.

Luckily my dh is supportive like yours so that helps. I have maybe 2 friends who don't seem to be shocked but thats it.

Anyway wanted to tell you that its NOT wierd to want to carry on feeding.Do what you think is best for your family. I think my friends probably think its me who wants to carry on feeding for me not for dd's sake. Being on Mn makes me feel that its ok to still be bf her.

I too hope that dd will self wean but don't have any experience of this. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.
Post on here again as there are loads of supportive helpfull mums.