Whwn shall I stop breastfeeding?I know im going to hate giving up..

[JoBaz]

Hi

I have a 10mth old Son who I am still breastfeeding- I exclusivley breastfed till 22weeks & then introduced solids, & he is now well established on the solids, has 3 meals a day & loves his food too- He has never drunk formula, but I do make his porridge with it & add it to meals....
The problem I have is....... I love breastfeeding him & am lucky to have not had any problems & really really am dreading having to give it up- I told all my family & friends that I would be stopping at 12mths & would then get him onto cows milk. The problem is, as 12mths is getting near, it really makes me feel sad at the thought of stopping & I know they will all give me a hard time if I dont?? I think my husband would be supportive, as he has been from the start & knows how good breastfeeding is for the baby- however, I have had constant negativity from the reast of my family... They say they are very proud of me, however there is always a BUT.. when the baby was unsettled when he was younger, they tried to get my to give up,when he had wind- give up- when he had a rash- give up- any excuse. & to be honest, I thnk alot of them just want me to give up because they were not succesfull breatfeeders themselves & maybe because of ignorance too.....

Anyway, what I want to know, is am I weird to not want to give up? Am I normal to feel like this? Do I have to give up at 12mths? They say that if I dont give up the baby will get addicted to boobie & it will get harder to get him to give up?? & it will become an unhealthy obsession. But on some threads I think I have read that some babies self wean? So they just tell you they dont want it anymore? Is this true & if so, when does this normally happen?
If this is true, this is how id like it to be, a natural process rather than forcing him to give up.HIM deciding when the time is right rather than me-
& what advice do you have for the family & friends who will give me such a hard time IF I do carry on past 12mths? They will think im some sort of depressed emotionally obsessed mum who cant let go

Jo
xx

Hi JoBaz, lots of good supportive advice on here! It CANNOT be guaranteed that formula will make your baby sleep through the night - my friend bf her dd for over a year, and when the dd weaned, she continued to be an awful sleeper - for the next four years! It is very much a personality thing. Plus those helpful people aren't going to be there at 2am when instead of snuggling down for a cosy breastfeed someone has to get up to warm the bottle! Follow your heart and do what feels right for you. One tip - drop the 'bie' off boobie if you continue past a year, as 'boo' can mean anything (think of peek-a-boo!) when you are in company and you don't want the request openly shared!
As for the ridiculous advice from the Health Care Professionals - arm yourself with some facts and say 'did you realise that research has shown.....'etc - should make them flinch as they are supposed to be basing their advice on fact! Be pleasant and firm, and seek to enlighten when they try to criticise you With the family - try to deflect their unwanted comments sweetly by saying 'bfing is working well for us at the moment!' - and then change the subject Enjoy your little one - they grow so fast. (sigh)

Hi Jobaz - contrary to what your doc said, breastmilk actually helps your child fight viruses and infections, so breastfeeding can only be a good thing. I am still breastfeeding my two year old [never thought I'd get as far as six months] and he is a confident, sociable little boy, not clingy at all. It also helps us to both get a good night's sleep. There is so much misinformation out there about extended breastfeeding. You do what it best for you and your child. I got some prejudice [eg from in laws] at the start, but now they've got used to it. Your family will too!

Jo Baz, gosh opeople around you are spouting some crap aren't they? V worrying about your GP!

Both my ds were breastfed until 18 months, both self weaned, went from 1 feed a day to one every other day and finally one a week and then just stopped. Your milk doesn't just dry up as long as some-one is on receiving end!
From 12 months I used to give cows milk in a cup too, so we never had the bottle weaning thing.

Re sleeping what I did was make dh get up to them for a while and just cuddle them and shh them, so they didn't smell the milk. Only took a week or two, also did controlled crying and both have always slept well.

Oh, and I bf ds1 until I was about 16 weeks prenant with ds2. Only stopped as my nipples started to get sore.

Hi Jo, I'm going through a similar thing as you atm. My ds self weaned at 9.5mo, but I'm now at the same age with my dd and have had a real dilemma about dropping her feeds. My mum has also said it'll be easier to wean her off the boob now than after 12mo. So I have dropped the day feeds and now just feed her morning and evening. It feels so strange. She is so easy to feed, not all fidgety like my ds was in the end. It feels strange giving her a cup of cowsmilk at nap times rather than my milk. I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I think we'll go with it for a short while as I can always start daytime feeds again if I want to. I must admit it would be nice to go out for the day and not have to worry about getting back for her feeds. God it tears my heart out when she nuzzles into my chest in the day, obviously trying to tell me she wants my milk, and I distract her with a toy Must admit I don't feed in public anymore. Only in front of my group of friends, one of which fed her ds till 22mo and her dd atm 12mo, it just seems natural in front of them. They don't judge.

I too worry about weaning later and that it will be more difficult, but tbh, I'm hoping it will just be like with sleep patterns, it takes a few days and alot of perseverance and you can get them following something new. Both mine have been good sleepers since ~6mo, both bf. We did leave dd at 6mo as she was still wanting several feeds at night, but I knew she was getting enough milk/solids in the day and wasn't waking for food, but for comfort. She grizzled for about 15mins and then decided to drop off. Nxt time she woke it was 5mins. Slept through since (pretty much!). So I wouldn't connect the two at all. I think you would still have these waking if your ds was on the bottle (assuming he is eating well in the day). Maybe try leaving him to settle himself one night? Keep going in to check on him but insist he lies down and it's time to go to sleep? (Start up a sleep thread!)

Anyway, sorry it's long, all I can say is do as you like! He's your son

I jsut wanted to agree with everyone else that it is no ones business but yours what you feed your child and how long you want to continue feeding for.

I find it utterly bizarre that in this country mothers are told by friends/family/medical professionals to get their children off human milk and onto milk from another species i.e. a big lumping cow in a field, why is cows milk considered better for children than human milk? I also think it's bizarre that we are the only species that continues to drink breastmilk past weaning (by that I mean cows milk) but thats just me. We aren't designed to process milk after weaning.

From my own experience I fed DD1 for a year, she was down to one feed a day by then and I was pregnant with no2 and wasn't feeling great one morning she didn't ask for a feed and that was that a very easy transition. She was an excellent sleeper (11-6am at 6 weeks old) 8-8 by 3 months so I don't think breastfeeding = better sleepers. However, I've had a big shock with DD2 (7 months) she is still up twice in the night and only a feed will settle her back down, she's also far more hungry than DD1 ever was and I fear I won't have an easy transition off the boob with her. My plan at the moment is to feed her for a year then give my body a few months rest before ttc no 3 but who knows?

I haven't managed to read the whole thread but have a question....how do you go out!!!!! I am still bf my 7 month son. He tends to need a couple of feeds in the night and if he wakes up early usually the only thing that will settle him is a feed. I'm due to go out for the evening on 16th sept and am very worried that he wont settle for my mum. I have managed to go out a few times but its been quite stressful and we had to come back half way through dinner one night . Its not that I begrudge him my evenings but I would quite like a little bit of freedom back! Sooo how do you manage!

Olipop - will your LO take a bottle of EBM?

99 I think it's tragic that you aren't breastfeeding your baby in the day when you know she wants to.

Forget about the future and think about what she wants and needs now,irrespective of what your mother says.
FWIW,one of mineself weaned at 11 mths,the other at 21/2 years. With the laetter,interstingly enough I returned to work when she was 7 mths.With the other,didn't go back to work.

Hi, I always feed dd and put her to bed then go out after that. Somewhere local. When she was younger I used to really worry that she would wake up, and she did a few times! If dh was bsitting then he'd get her up and call me to come back, luckily it was always at the end of the night. Once recently my mum bsat and we hadn't heard the phone. She'd tried to settle her but she wouldn't go back and by the time we'd found out and got back she'd been up an hour(not crying for an hour though). I just fed and and put her back to bed.
And when I went to the take that concert in May I was really worried that she'd wake as I wasn't near home but I thought if she did then dh would just have to go to her and do cc etc. She was 9 months then though so shouldn't have really been feeding in the night anyway. She didn't untill the minute I got in!
Anyway in a rambling way I'm trying to say that you just have to accept that your evenings may be disrupted while you are still night feeding and that it won't be forever. Unless they take from a bottle or cup. dd doesn't.

99 balloons, I agree with moondog. Don't stop the day feeds unless you totally want to. If your milks there and you are happy feeding her then thats great. Think/worry about stopping when the time comes. She may just do it herself like your other lo. Its sad that you feel sad about it iykwim x

I carried on bf whilest pregnant and both ds and dd "self weaned". Milk supply in my case did gradually stop but that didn't prevent dd for "having a dry suck". She finally stopped when I was 7(?) months pregnant (to be honest don't remember, although dd2 is only 1 month old, it was such a gradual thing). Anyway was warned that dd1 might start again in full force once baby was born. However when her older brother encouraged her to bf dd1 laughed and said "only babies bf" .

Olipop
I have never left my DS overnight- i Have gone out for the evening- & if he wakes then Dad just tries to get him back down & most of the time it works- as he does have a dummy (just at bedtime. I wouldnt feel right leaving him overnight- not yet anyway...

Thank U so much for all your advice on here- you have all made me feel so much better. I was starting to get worried when I was feeding him that there wasent enough milk for him & just worrying non stop!

I will take the tip about the sleep thread- Im going to start one- please if anyone has any tips- feel free to add to that thread too

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread but JoBaz - I read your OP (original post) out to my DH. Half way through, he said - is that one of your posts? Your situation is so similar to mine. I have a 10 month old ds and a family who have been told that feeding "will be reviewed" at 12 months. I don't want to give up at 12 months and I'll bet you a tenner that ds doesn't want to either. I am lucky though that my family are all supportive of breastfeeding or at least they are to my face anyway, perhaps they say different stuff when I'm not around.

Was your baby born in October? Feel free to come and join us on the October 2005 post natal club if you like here . There are a few of us still breastfeeding.

Good luck

jo, am very late to this so have'nt read all posts..... I have four sons and breastfed them all for 12-16 months. I did however introduce formula at about 6 months as by then i'd been desperate for a night out..... I loved breast feeding and am sad as I will not have any more children that the experience has past for me. Do your own thing that will always be right for you. The biggest problem for others in my opinion is they feel uncomfortable with breast feeding so try and hang all sorts of ridiculous wives tales on it!
You sound like you know whats best for you so stick with that!!!

moondog & princessmell.... you're so right. It just feels sooooo strange, like I'm giving her second best. Just got off the phone to my mum and said I'm definitely carrying on morn/eve until dd decides not to (or me I guess) and that I might do the odd nap time. She was silent. I said well that's what I'm going to do and she said 'I didn't say anything' and I said 'your silence speaks volumes!'. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful relationship with my mum and have taken nearly all the advice I've asked of her (she never dishes it out, waits for me to ask her ), but I guess this is one where I'd rather find out for myself (what dd thinks about stopping feeding later on). Especially since she might be our last (oh the confusion of going for #3!!).

Thanks for this perfectly timed thread Jo ! I'm starting to feel better already too

99

Am very happy for your dear little babe!

You can still go ut for the day and not worry about feeds!
You've been doing it long enough for your supply to cope with occasional erratic episodes.

99 - was going to email you - so glad to read this!

Will send you proper catch up on all our news when I get a minute tomorrow

i breastfed all four of mine-dd1 b/f until she was 14 months, then she self weaned.
ds1 b/f until 6 months.
ds2 b/f until 6 months
sadly i had to give up feeding dd2 at 7 weeks as i was put on warfarin, it broke my heart.
i loved the bond of breastfeeding and am so glad i fed my dd until 14 months.
i b/f all mine in public, after all thats what boobs were put there for, if other people didnt like it, they didnt have to look.

mawbroon- yes my DS was born in Oct- where do you meet up? Glad im not the only one- well- I think we just keep going then ay & sod the lot of them !

99

Im so glad my thread has helped you too!! I too will be strong like you & carry on for as long as my DS wants it- its just feeling tired & a bit run down im not at strong as i usually am to deal with the crap I will get

hooray a thread that seems nicer!

i would say go with what feels right for you and your baby.

if ed ds1 till he self-weaned at 18mths

ds2 until he self-weaned at 3 and a half, i had ds3 when ds2 was 2 and a half so fed during pregnancy and then tandem fed for a year.

didnt plan to it just kind of happened, but he was happy, so i was happy.

some family didnt like it, i ignored them.

had interesting experince at hospital, when ds2 was 3, whilst at an appointment for ds2's umbilical hernia i was feeding ds3 when ds2 asked for 'milka'so i fed him to. the consultant didn't know where to look!!

at the end of the appointment he took me to one side to talk to me about ds2's diet, wanted to know if he ate 'normal' food as well?!!!

JoBaz - click on this link here. It takes you to the October thread

Hi Jobaz Congratulations on breastfeeding your little one, and sod what the rest of the world think, say, do and continue with whatever you are happy with.

I too felt pressurised to give up by the time my dd was 1 but i persevered and 'we' finally gave up when she was 2years. I say 'we' becuase i very slowly weaned her off because i wanted to then. We had co-slept since she was born, and she was used to feeding frequently in the night (often i didn't wake to even know she was feeding) but the older and bigger she got the more frequent feeds she took in the night - and for this reason i wanted to start training her to sleep in her own bed so that neither of us had our sleep disturbed so much - (as by then i was pretty confident it was a comfort over hunger type thing). The giving up was easy as i did it all very slowly and gradually so their were no tears on anyones side.

When she turned one i did give her cows milk in cups, but she did breastfeed as well during the day if we were having a cuddle or whatever.

Go with what you want to do not what anyone makes you feel like doing!