Is it normal to be so emotional about breast feeding?

[Writerwannabe83]

Hello everyone. This is my first post on the Feeding Forum and looking for some kind words and reassurance please.

I had my baby by ELCS last Friday and was kept in hospital until late Sunday night. Trying to establish BF was extremely difficult in that baby was very lethargic, vomiting after every feed and very difficult to attach. I was lucky if he was feeding once every 6 hours. He had to be seen by the Neonatal team 3 times because of concerns - he ultimately lost over 8% of his body weight within 48 hours and suffered premature jaundice.

I got very upset and disheartened by my BF difficulties and had a complete breakdown on the ward at about 4am on the Sunday morning - I was in absolute pieces, crying my eyes out, I couldn't talk, I was a mess, just walking around the labour ward totally distraught with a screaming baby, desperate to find someone to just make him stop crying. A member of staff found me and amidst my tears I just handed my baby over to her and told her to 'do something with him'. She offered to give him a cup feed of Aptamil (25mls) and as I agreed to it I felt like a complete and utter failure as a mother. I still cry now when I think about it.

For the duration of Sunday I just didn't stop crying, I felt like I was a terrible mother because I couldn't breast feed, I felt like I'd let my boy down, my husband down and that I was just useless. It was really, really awful. The doctors kept telling me to give bottles, which didn't help, but at my most vulnerable/desperate point I agreed to it - and as I watched the midwife feed my baby I just broke down again.

I spent all of Sunday in tears and like I said, if I even think about what I did (handing him over to the staff because I couldn't cope with his frustration and screaming) I cry. The staff were really supportive when I explained how I felt and they all said I was being too harsh on myself: they said that it was understandable that I'd hit 'breaking point' as I was in a lot of pain from the CS (I had been refusing strong pain relief because I thought it was affecting my baby), I'd had less than 6 hours sleep in 2 days, I was worried about my baby's health and that I was naturally very hormonal in ways most women are after birth. But in my head I can't forgive myself or justify what I did.

We came home on the Sunday night though with the general idea that we would switch to Formula and I felt pretty awful. I was in tears on the journey home. However, when we actually got home I realised that I wasn't ready to give up yet and with the AMAZING support of my husband we managed to turn a corner. We haven't used formula at all since coming home and baby is hopefully heading in the right direction. The Midwife is visiting tomorrow to re-weigh him and I'm praying his weight will be on the increase, I will feel so, so disheartened if not because I know it means I will still have failed.

I'm still having some problems with him latching on - my nipples are so, so sore but I'm determined to persevere. I have just spoken to my local Health Visiting Team and they have given me a number of the Breast Feeding Support Home Visiting Team so I'm going to call them and arrange a visit. After such a horrible start to BF I just need someone to tell me that what I'm doing is right.

I'm sorry this is so long - I don't even know what the point of it was really. I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

And it's brilliant to hear you sounding so positive now, compared with just a couple of days age

I am so happy it's getting better for you. Breastfeeding was one of my happiest times with my children, and post 10weeks it's so so easy x. Enjoy this lovely time with your baby.

Thanks purple - every now and then I go back and read my original post and feeling that low seems a lifetime ago now. I still have my doubts and upset moments but absolutely nothing like how I was. I think I'm even starting to forgive myself for just handing him over in that moment of desperation - I think coming to terms with that is helping a lot. Plus the support on this thread has been amazing, I can't thank you enough for all your lovely words of advice and reassurance x

He cant overfeed and if he has too much he will just sick up a bit. All this feeding is good practise for him to perfect his technique and it will make sure your supply is well established. Its all good, exhausting but good he is doign what he is programmed to do!

Hope you get soem sleep and keep enjoyimg those newborn snuggles, its a precious time and you are doing great xxx

Homeiswheretheginis, it would be nice if you returned to the thread to respond to the OP's rejoinder that she was not under pressure from other people to feel a failure. Her desire to have a good experience breastfeeding was her own.

Where on this thread have you seen anyone posting with pressure?

The reality is that many women want to bf. They are not made to feel that way or forced to feel that way or duped into it.

Definitely agree, you were politer than I was I think! Even my laid back lazy OH said the same thing.

Writer I am glad you feel things are on the up! Good for you. Virtual hug

It's utter bollocks that dads are unable to bond unless they can give a bottle, and annoying when people suggest it! I am bottle feeding now and still do most of the feeds myself anyway and my partner is an amazing daddy to our wonderful girl and does lots of other stuff!

You said your partner has been amazing lately, mine was the same, I don't know what I would have done without him. I couldn't bend down to wash my feet and shave my legs (c section also here!) so he got a bowl of water and did it for me. Bless him. He did a much better job at shaving my legs than I ever have too! Wish he would do it all the time. I did ask but he said I was taking the piss

Thank you for your frank and honest post. It could have been me writing it a few months back, I felt exactly the same. It gets better I promise. You'll be whipping a boob out in Starbucks with a latte in one hand in no time!!!!!!

Xx

Baby has been at the breast now for 1.5 hours!! I want some sleep!!
He feeds, falls asleep at the breast, but then wakes again when I try to put him back in his Moses Basket and only settles if he is reattached. It's exhausting.

I'm glad things seem to be getting easier for you writer, it's all onwards and upwards from here

A couple of quick questions for the collective of my own if I may, during the day when DD feeds she will 9 times out of 10 feed from both breasts, draining each. But at night she'll only stay awake long enough to drain one boob which means I'm getting quite engorged during the night. Should I try to express a bit from the non-fed breast at each feed or will that just contribute to the problem? Will the supply issue sort itself out so that I produce a bit less at night? DD is 19 days old.

Also, cracked nipples - any tips for speeding up the healing process? I'm using Lansinoh, breast pads, occasional breast shells to take the pressure of my bra off the nipple, but it seems to be taking an age to get better and I'm pretty darn sore every time she latches on.

You're doing so well Writer - really impressed - it will get easier. It sounds like you've come miles since you first started posting.

I found I couldn't put my baby down at all for the first six weeks and my friends had told me similar; so we had planned for safe co-sleeping since day one. She was mostly in a sling or my arms in the day. After six weeks she happily went in a moses basket for day naps, and at night time. I found this made the night feeds a lot easier for me and less disruptive for baby.

Co-sleeping is very beneficial for breastfeeding, and breastfeeding is a huge protective factor against SIDS, so the guidance is not really as black and white as they make out.

It is probably worth making sure your bed is safe for co-sleeping anyway, as it is so common to drop off in that sleep deprived state… particularly if you master feeding lying down.

I have friends who sat up all night on the sofa because they were so scared of falling asleep in bed with the baby, which I think is a lot more dangerous.

If co-sleeping is not something you want to do, another trick I tried was warming the moses basket mattress under my legs whilst I fed: made transfers easier! Me and DP also got into the routine that I fed whilst he did the settling afterwards; so I would feed on one side, he would change her if necessary, I would feed on other side, then he would hold her off for the winding/settling bit which I actually found much more tiring than the feeding.

I think the comment above about professionals with babies was really accurate and kindly put! I am a hospital doctor myself and found I really "switched off" that bit of my brain with baby. Went back to being a monkey :) One of the best things you can do is ditch the clocks and try not to time feeds, just go with them. At times they hit "growth spurts" where they feed all day and are very unhappy; it's very unnerving and you doubt yourself and wonder where your milk has gone; BUT, they do pass (usually in 1-2 days) and after that I always found I had a settled day where the baby slept a lot, and my milk had increased.

Get some daytime sleep if you can!! Also fresh air I found really helpful for me and baby (not sure if you are ok walking yet though). How are you doing otherwise, … I hope you are healing up ok.

You are doing brilliantly; please ignore any of my suggestions you don't find helpful and just pick the useful bits!

You have come so far, well done you!

It does sound like you have got a particularly painful night/day muddle going on! That is really tough, but will sort itself in time I promise. If you/your husband can get out and about, I've heard that plenty of exposure to daylight and fresh air can nudge the process along, but I don't know if that's an old wives tale (mind you, can't hurt to send DH out with the pram for an hour whilst you have a nap!).

If you are (totally understandably) getting to the point where you are drifting off during night feeds, do look into making your bed a safe place for that to happen. I know you don't want to co-sleep, but falling asleep safely is far better than falling asleep unsafely IYSWIM.

You are doing really, really well.

frank - although baby only feeds from one breast I tend to express from the left one as it often feels full and lumpy. We have had a lot of problems getting him to attach to that side so I do question how effective his feeding is - hence the build up of milk. I expressed 60mls the other night in only a couple of minutes. I did wonder if I was doing the wrong thing in the sorry it would only lead to increased production but at the time I was desperate and did what felt right at the time. My left breast is very sore this morning and I can feel lumpy bits so I will expressing at some point this morning.

Last night was undoubtedly the worst night so far, he didn't actually settle down until 04.30am and I'm exhausted. Thankfully I managed to get some sleep yesterday and plan to do the same today. My mom is currently on her way round to cook me and DH a nice fry-up, just what we need!

It's a good job my baby is perfectly amazing, it makes it easier to forgive him for all his nighttime shenanigans

Mine didnt like my right boob for a while, I think it was the let down that bothered him. I once spreyed the toddler who was on the other side of the room!

It is tiring in the begining, try to rest as much as you can when hes sleeping

I just had a random thought - I have just got out the shower and now I'm feeding, does it matter that my nipple area has had shower gel on it? It can't do any harm can it?

No, although in the begining ds4 prefered an unwashed milky smelling nipple to a nice clean one

It'll be fine!!

Have you had any guidance about feeding lying down? I know you say you don't want to co-sleep but you can doze whilst feeding lying down and just put him back in the Moses when he's to finished (supposedly anyway!). I found it a life saver!

A friend of mine's baby was breech so she had a c-section and it was painful and unproductive when she tried to feed from one if her boobs. She took her baby to a cranio-osteopath who said he had tightness in one side if his neck (poss from being breech) and helped ease it off which my friend said really made a difference. Ive also taken dd to the same lady for treatment for other things and she's worked wonders so again might be something worth considering at some point.

Your determination is inspiring and you sound like you're doing all the right things. Enjoy your well-deserved fry up!

We've been to a cranial osteopath too! DD got a bit stuck at the shoulders coming out and the lactation consultant we saw recommended a session of CO as she thought she showed signs of stiffness down one side. The CO said she definitely had some tightness issues but she'd managed to work most of them out. We're going back for a follow up in a few weeks to make sure it's all fixed.

I'd definitely recommend a session as it was fascinating to hear her mention things that we had noticed with DD like frequent hiccups and very strong suck reflex.

My fry-up was lovely!!

My mom was able to watch Arron for me too so I could have the shower and I feel much more human now. I went and rinsed my breast/nipple with water to get rid of the Lemon Zest aroma :) He then had a good feed. I've noticed that as well as my confidence rising his technique has also really improved in that he opens his mouth much wider and throws his head back better too. I'm currently smothered in Lanisoh in preparation for his next feed.

Can I ask a question about fore milk and hind milk? Sometimes he will only feed for 10 minutes, is this long enough for him to reach the calorific hind milk? And if not, should I offer that breast when he next feeds in the hope he will get the hind milk pretty quickly? Normally I alternate breasts at feeds. Also, should I be offering both breasts at each feed because I haven't been doing so.

Did you see my link about the hind milk/fore milk thing on Thursday? If not, it's here again for you.

In summary, don't stress!

If you haven't been, I would offer both breasts at each feed. Neither of mine ever, ever took more than one though. They fed for 10 minutes every couple of hours (less frequently at night after the initial weeks) right up to solids.

Thanks penguin - I've just had a read of that and feel more reassured. He typically feeds for 20-30 minutes at the breast and then falls sleep. He's having a hungry day today though as he's fed every 2 hours, very unlike his normal daytime behaviours. I'm naively hoping that he's stocking up so he won't wake so much tonight - because I'm just that lucky....

If you can only get feeds from one side, try using rugby hold, sometimes babies just prefer to lie on a particular side. You could also try laid back feeding which can be odd to get used to but easy enough when you can do it.

I think we can get "handed" with breastfeeding, one side is more comfortable to do than the other and babies pick up on you not being comfortable.

I've started this thread in Chat in case anyone wants company/moral support while feeding tonight