Is it normal to be so emotional about breast feeding?

[Writerwannabe83]

Hello everyone. This is my first post on the Feeding Forum and looking for some kind words and reassurance please.

I had my baby by ELCS last Friday and was kept in hospital until late Sunday night. Trying to establish BF was extremely difficult in that baby was very lethargic, vomiting after every feed and very difficult to attach. I was lucky if he was feeding once every 6 hours. He had to be seen by the Neonatal team 3 times because of concerns - he ultimately lost over 8% of his body weight within 48 hours and suffered premature jaundice.

I got very upset and disheartened by my BF difficulties and had a complete breakdown on the ward at about 4am on the Sunday morning - I was in absolute pieces, crying my eyes out, I couldn't talk, I was a mess, just walking around the labour ward totally distraught with a screaming baby, desperate to find someone to just make him stop crying. A member of staff found me and amidst my tears I just handed my baby over to her and told her to 'do something with him'. She offered to give him a cup feed of Aptamil (25mls) and as I agreed to it I felt like a complete and utter failure as a mother. I still cry now when I think about it.

For the duration of Sunday I just didn't stop crying, I felt like I was a terrible mother because I couldn't breast feed, I felt like I'd let my boy down, my husband down and that I was just useless. It was really, really awful. The doctors kept telling me to give bottles, which didn't help, but at my most vulnerable/desperate point I agreed to it - and as I watched the midwife feed my baby I just broke down again.

I spent all of Sunday in tears and like I said, if I even think about what I did (handing him over to the staff because I couldn't cope with his frustration and screaming) I cry. The staff were really supportive when I explained how I felt and they all said I was being too harsh on myself: they said that it was understandable that I'd hit 'breaking point' as I was in a lot of pain from the CS (I had been refusing strong pain relief because I thought it was affecting my baby), I'd had less than 6 hours sleep in 2 days, I was worried about my baby's health and that I was naturally very hormonal in ways most women are after birth. But in my head I can't forgive myself or justify what I did.

We came home on the Sunday night though with the general idea that we would switch to Formula and I felt pretty awful. I was in tears on the journey home. However, when we actually got home I realised that I wasn't ready to give up yet and with the AMAZING support of my husband we managed to turn a corner. We haven't used formula at all since coming home and baby is hopefully heading in the right direction. The Midwife is visiting tomorrow to re-weigh him and I'm praying his weight will be on the increase, I will feel so, so disheartened if not because I know it means I will still have failed.

I'm still having some problems with him latching on - my nipples are so, so sore but I'm determined to persevere. I have just spoken to my local Health Visiting Team and they have given me a number of the Breast Feeding Support Home Visiting Team so I'm going to call them and arrange a visit. After such a horrible start to BF I just need someone to tell me that what I'm doing is right.

I'm sorry this is so long - I don't even know what the point of it was really. I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

His poos have been a sort of dark pea green over the last few days but have now turned a light shade of brown. Is that ok?

5madthings - I spoke to the HV team a few days ago to arrange my first visit from them and I also spoke to them yesterday regarding the midwife not showing up. It's been sorted though, we are having a visit this afternoon.

Please don't worry about the 3 poos, definitely nothing to worry about.

The poo should eventually go a nice yellow colour. Green usually indicates that he's getting more foremilk than hindmilk so give him time to fully empty the breast at each feed. Don't stress about this though it's still very early days so pretty common to have green poo at this stage. My DD's went yellow then back to a greenish tinge a few times before we got fully established - took a few weeks. Brown colour is probably the yellow coming through (great!) with a bit of green mixed in.

Hi I started a thread a few days ago about green poo! And the consensus was it's fairly normal and will resolve - as it has now in dc2!
Also don't worry about the pku being done today instead of yesterday. From what I understand the reason it is delayed until day 5 is to establish feeds as this can affect some of the results.
Sounds like things are going much better so well done!! Hope you get some good news with baby's weigh today .

Sounds like you're doing fantastically well :o the nappies will calm down, I'm guessing your milk has come in and his brand new digestive system is learning to cope with things

Don't beat your self over it, for a start latest research shows siblings who were bottle vs breast there showed little difference in development.

Partner had a nightmare very little production, i.e hour of expressing, hour to feed, hour rest and then all over again and midwife was expecting her to do this 24hrs a day. Her milk became less and his demands increasing, we went to formula and not looked back, I do several feeds including night ones even now while i am back to work and she is still on maternity leave.

Compared this to mums I know who breastfeed continually and the father plays no part which I feel is bad for the dad bonding and you get the silly situation where the wife cant go out for fear of having to come home within an hour! which I have seen happen.

Possibly not the most helpful post, breakingdad -- it's great that you and your partner and little one are doing so well now but OP doesn't have a supply issue at all so her situation isn't really comparable.

If the fathers of the breastfed babies you know aren't playing any part then that's on them, I'm afraid! My baby was fully ebf and bonding with her father was simply never an issue because he did so much else with her -- as I'm sure you know, there are many ways to care for a baby besides feeding it.

And of course breastfeeding mothers can go out. Maybe not as often or for as long as they used to pre-DC, but it's not the hugest hardship for the 6 or so months a baby needs milk alone.

OP those nappies sound great.

Dad - I am glad things worked out for you, but I'd take issue with the idea that any form of feeding is better for fathers bonding with their baby. That is marketing guff put about subtly by formula companies. There are lots of very good reasons to choose to formula feed, or mixed feed, or bf, but bonding really isn't relevant - that's about behaviours, not how they are being fed.

SillyLass - but that isn't the bit we've mostly taken issue with. The bit we've taken issue with is the idea that a dad can't do his bit and bond just as easily with a bf baby.

I would completely agree with BreakingDad if things weren't going well for the OP but it sounds like she's really getting into the swing of it and breastfeeding is only continuous for the first few weeks whilst it gets fully established. My DS never took a bottle and there was no detrimental effect on bonding with daddy at all! DH did plenty of cuddling, soothing, nappy changing, settling and playing.

If bfing isn't working out or is causing huge stress then there is nothing wrong with formula. But Writer really wants to breastfeed and despite a stressful start (which is very normal) she sounds well on her way with plenty of milk and good attachment. It might be all-consuming for a few weeks yet but it's sounds like it's going really well.

Sorry I didn't frame my response a little better earlier with what happened before getting home, and add the week in hospital in scubu with our little man jaundiced and needing regular feeding, not latching very well, wife not producing enough, she getting stressed, some midwifes just a little too blunt, in a ward with mums with their babies while she had to leave to visit ours, was rough for her.

She tried her best to be able to breast feed but there is so much guilt attached to not doing it, much of it brought on by female peers!

My OH has an amazing bond with ds, even though he was exclusively bf He took the view that feeding me was feeding the baby and did everything he could to make sure I was ok. He put ds in the sling and went for nice long walks so that I could rest and have a bath. He took on bathing ds as "his" job. He did skin to skin immediately after I did at the birth, and any time ds was unsettled.

Sometimes formula is the best solution all around, but that's up to the OP to decide. At 5 days post partum, with feeding sounding like it's establishing well, and both parents determined to try their damnedest I'd say that continuing is the best way forward for now.

Not accurate at all to say 'latest research shows little difference between sibs who were ff/bf'. Not appropriate to go into details of why this is wrong. There are many reasons why someone might ff but this simplistic statement should only be on the list if you want to delude yourself.

tiktok im not saying one is better than the other, I'm saying that people shouldn't beat themselves up over the route they take, and now the science shows that.

I know you are not saying that one is better than the other. You are saying the 'science' shows there is no difference in outcomes.

Check the science, properly, and see how limited a view you have of this study.

I don't think people should beat themselves up, either - it is absolutely not worth a moment's self-recriminatation.

Writer- Just to try and get things back on topic, how's it going today. Did the MW turn up?

Tiktok it looks pretty clear to me previous bottle v breast studies are skewed by socioeconomic factors and a sibling study has cut out that bias? Would you agree with that, where do you see the problem?

BreakingDad - If you want to discuss that study, why not start your own thread rather than taking over a thread by someone who has been looking for support with bfing and where this issue is a big tangent? It's a perfectly valid conversation to want to have, but it's taking the focus away from why a stressed brand new mum started the thread.

Not appropriate for this thread, BreakingDad as I have said....the OP wants support to continue breastfeeding, and posts suggesting she is making a fuss about nothing because research has shown there is no difference are not helpful!

If you want to discuss the study, then do so on a different thread. Though please do look in the mumsnet archives as it was talked about at length a couple of weeks ago, and some links were posted to give conclusions other than the simplistic one you have come to - it would be a courtesy if you read the previous discussions first before raising it all again.

Hi again everyone,

The midwife weighed baby and he has put on 5oz since Saturday afternoon and she was really pleased. His weight loss (from birth weight) has now gone from being 8.8% to now only being 4.6% I feel so, so relieved!! Feeding hasn't gone particularly well today but I'm trying to stay positive. He just seems so much sleepier and disinterested during the day. I was trying to get him to latch on whilst they did his PKU test but he just didn't want to know. I promised myself I wouldn't cry to the when they asked how the feeding was going, but I still did.

I definitely feel more positive now his weight has started climbing again but I just need to have more faith in myself I think.

He pooed all over my DH earlier and I was so happy to see that it was yellowy-brown

Great news!

Some newborns do have their days and nights in a bit of a muddle. Don't worry, they sort it out eventually . His weight is going up, he's having lots of wet and dirty nappies. As long as you are feeling less physical discomfort during feeds it sounds like it's all going the right way.

writer I just want to give you hugs, food and lend you all my best books to read while you are pinned to the sofa ... you are doing so well! These first few weeks are so overwhelming. I just viewed learning to feed as my main goal for each day, forgetting housework etc entirely, and DP viewed helping with absolutely everything else so I could learn to feed as the most important thing in his life, and though at times the baby fed for four hours straight, we got through! It's years later now and bf is effortless but I remember what hard work it all was so well. Please don't worry about what happened in the hospital, you did really well and are obviously very committed as babies often struggle a little with feeding following c-sections.

Yes, a lot of it is about confidence - and it will come!

Hope your wife feels better soon, Breaking dad.

Sorry my posts ended up leaning to a hijack, ill look up the posts, and got drawn away from what I was trying to say in that the extra stress partner was put through with breast feeding as no doubt many mums are.

Is great the OP has found their way through.

I think there's just pressure on new mums full stop, and we all feel rather vulnerable about everything. God, people wouldn't stop telling me to switch to bottle-feeding! And how wonderfully easy it was and how the baby would sleep. (Their babies didn't sleep any better than mine, and their partners help out considerably less than mine)