Is it normal to be so emotional about breast feeding?

[Writerwannabe83]

Hello everyone. This is my first post on the Feeding Forum and looking for some kind words and reassurance please.

I had my baby by ELCS last Friday and was kept in hospital until late Sunday night. Trying to establish BF was extremely difficult in that baby was very lethargic, vomiting after every feed and very difficult to attach. I was lucky if he was feeding once every 6 hours. He had to be seen by the Neonatal team 3 times because of concerns - he ultimately lost over 8% of his body weight within 48 hours and suffered premature jaundice.

I got very upset and disheartened by my BF difficulties and had a complete breakdown on the ward at about 4am on the Sunday morning - I was in absolute pieces, crying my eyes out, I couldn't talk, I was a mess, just walking around the labour ward totally distraught with a screaming baby, desperate to find someone to just make him stop crying. A member of staff found me and amidst my tears I just handed my baby over to her and told her to 'do something with him'. She offered to give him a cup feed of Aptamil (25mls) and as I agreed to it I felt like a complete and utter failure as a mother. I still cry now when I think about it.

For the duration of Sunday I just didn't stop crying, I felt like I was a terrible mother because I couldn't breast feed, I felt like I'd let my boy down, my husband down and that I was just useless. It was really, really awful. The doctors kept telling me to give bottles, which didn't help, but at my most vulnerable/desperate point I agreed to it - and as I watched the midwife feed my baby I just broke down again.

I spent all of Sunday in tears and like I said, if I even think about what I did (handing him over to the staff because I couldn't cope with his frustration and screaming) I cry. The staff were really supportive when I explained how I felt and they all said I was being too harsh on myself: they said that it was understandable that I'd hit 'breaking point' as I was in a lot of pain from the CS (I had been refusing strong pain relief because I thought it was affecting my baby), I'd had less than 6 hours sleep in 2 days, I was worried about my baby's health and that I was naturally very hormonal in ways most women are after birth. But in my head I can't forgive myself or justify what I did.

We came home on the Sunday night though with the general idea that we would switch to Formula and I felt pretty awful. I was in tears on the journey home. However, when we actually got home I realised that I wasn't ready to give up yet and with the AMAZING support of my husband we managed to turn a corner. We haven't used formula at all since coming home and baby is hopefully heading in the right direction. The Midwife is visiting tomorrow to re-weigh him and I'm praying his weight will be on the increase, I will feel so, so disheartened if not because I know it means I will still have failed.

I'm still having some problems with him latching on - my nipples are so, so sore but I'm determined to persevere. I have just spoken to my local Health Visiting Team and they have given me a number of the Breast Feeding Support Home Visiting Team so I'm going to call them and arrange a visit. After such a horrible start to BF I just need someone to tell me that what I'm doing is right.

I'm sorry this is so long - I don't even know what the point of it was really. I think I just needed to get it off my chest.

For the first week or so ds was dozy and would only feed for about 10 minutes - they're tummies are so tiny, 20 minutes is loads so award yourself for that one

He worked it up to about an hour after that. I've just reread and realised that yesterday was the dreaded Day 4 for you; that's generally when your milk comes in and your hormones go screwball for a few days. It was certainly the worst point for me, even though I knew it was coming (thanks mum!)

You should definitely chase todays appointment, 5 days is an important one iirc

Hi writer sorry to hear you are still struggling. Really frustrating that your mw didn't visit too. If you can't get hold of anyone in the community office in the morning can I suggest you ring your delivery suite or midwifery led unit? They should be able to contact the community mw directly.

Firstly congratulations on your new baby! And well done for trying so hard to get breastfeeding established, you've done really well, and are doing all the right things!
I'd say that how you are feeling is completely normal, I struggled with bfing in the first few weeks, sore sore nips and baby with very small mouth so difficult to get her to latch on. I felt that I was failing as a mother because I couldn't feed her properly and had HV and everyone out to help me.
Your hormones are all over the place it's normal to cry that much (well I certainly did, about everything. No one tells you about this part of having a baby) and you've had a tough time. I managed to breastfeed eventually but it was really really hard, and we have had a happy 4 months breastfeeding. now she has decided it's too much hard work and she prefers bottles (which I feel terrible about and have cried, a lot about!)
Don't beat yourself up, keep at it if you want to but if you find it too hard then formula is fine! You're feeding your baby and that is the most important thing, how you do it doesn't matter.
Btw, I wish I could have handed my dd to a midwife in hospital, I just sat and cried all night on the ward holding her because she screamed every time I put her down!
Much love to you and lots of luck with your lovely new baby xxx

In the first few weeks my dd only fed for about 5 - 10 mins and the mw said that this is normal for prem babies as they can find it quite hard work to get the technique right to bf effectively. Infact they said for most babies it takes 6 weeks until they figure it out

My dd like your ds was quite sleepy and would sleep for long periods and then fall asleep 5 mins into a feed. I was constantly worrying that she wasn't getting enough and did on occasion top up with some formula, more for my own peace of mind. The obsession with her weight didn't always help as she was slow to gain weight and was always on the small side.

You are doing all the right things, try and get some skin to skin contact in when ever you can. Try and be kind to yourself - it is not the end of the world to give him some formula even if just to give yourself a break.
Find a local support group, your mw or hv should be able to advise but quite often children centres run them. Make sure you are eating and drinking lots to keep your energy supplies up and rest when you can as well. Its so good that your dh sounds supportive - let him do as much as he can!!

Good luck, hope tonight is o.kay

Hi writerwannabe
I just wanted to share my bf experience so far with you. I experienced the exact same feelings as you describe, after birth, as I really struggled to establish feeding. The hospital were not as supportive as I'd hoped and were keen to move to formula. I also had to let a midwife give a cup feed as my baby was getting very little colustrum and what she did get was being vomited back. I cried for a day thinking I was a total failure and was desperate for feeding to work. After 2 days in hospital someone suggested using nipple shields, it helped my baby latch and worked straight away. My baby is now nearly 6 months old and we are still feeding but have not needed the shields since about 5 weeks old. Remember you are not a failure! Breastfeeding is hard and it's a learnt skill for both you and baby. Good luck, and keep at it it does get easier. The first weeks are soo hard.

Thanks everyone - all these replies are so helpful, I feel like I'm not so alone anymore or that I'm doing something 'wrong'. I'm here on my IPad whilst feeding and so far things are going well. He's had another two really good feeds and getting him to attach was much less traumatic than previous feeds. It's insane how I can have a period of really bad feeds and then the next ones go well.

Thankfully I seem to have a good supply, all he has to do is cry and both breasts start leaking. The only downside to this is that whenever I'm feeding him, the side that I'm not using continues to dribble and I tend to end up with a sticky arm and baby gets sticky legs

Keep going you sound like you're doing a fab job. Second what everyone says about the advice on kellymom, it's fab.

I'd be suspicious of a tongue tie if you're still sore, I think you need to get a consultation from a LC / specialist midwife to check the latch and potential tongue tie.

It's been a looooong time since I breastfeed but your OP sounded very familiar. I really hope it gets better soon.

Congrats on your baby

I think once they've fed well they have a better chance of doing well at the next feed as they aren't so hungry . Pleased it is going better and you are feeling happier.

I've never had a CS so don't know how you feel but try and plan in a little walk as soon as you can. You need to do something nice as a family that doesn't involve your boobs! If you are too sore to get out anywhere this weekend perhaps a film on TV and some nice food?

Currently sat with a muslin soaking up the other side to avoid having to wear a bra and breast pad at night so I know all about sticky legs!

Morning Writer,
I hope you've all had a good night

Hope you had a better night Writer. Yu are doing really well. Try and follow up that real life help as things like latch can't really be helped as much on MN. But we can cheer you on!

Hi writer :) I'd been wondering if you'd had baby. (we posted together allot about the same stuff in Pregnancy) Congratulations.

My DD (DD4!) is 8 weeks now. And i want to say: IT WILL ALL GET BETTER. I promise. Every day feels like a week when you are struggling through this early time. This will all pass into recent histoy soon, and you will look back and be proud you got through it.

Another thing i want to say - that isn't said enough - is: BREAST FEEDING IS BLOODY AGONY FOR AT LEAST 10/14 DAYS EVEN IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT But its worth grinding through it because one miraculous day you'll be sat there feeding thinking ''y'know what, it hurts less today''. And it will hurt less and get easier every day.

I had the same prob's as you re: worrying about weight, (DD lost lots and is still tiny) and trouble getting hold of mid wives and then health visitors. I was told to wake DD for a feed if more than 2 hours had gone by since the last one. It felt so wrong! I tried this for 2 days. Baby was stressed, i was stressed, hated it. I stopped doing this as i felt instinctively she needed her sleep - not to be woken up and hollering with me waving her boob at her! She put weight on fine even with long naps.

I'm still feeling slightly abandoned and unsure of who/where i go for advice now. But i can see DD is thriving (lots of wet nappies and lo and behold her first baby grows are now too short! Yay!) and that's the main thing.

Keep on keeping on, you're doing fine :)

Morning everyone. I'm feeling a bit Zombi-fied this morning due to lack of sleep. I think I experienced cluster feeding for the 1st time last night as between 9am-3am he was barely off the boob. He would feed for about 15-20 minutes, fall asleep at the breast but then wake whenever I tried to move him and scream to be fed again. We've had 7 wet and 3 dirty nappies overnight, it has to be a good sign. I won't be able to comprehend it if he's lost more weight, I don't see how he could have when he's feeding this much. Attachment has been much better overnight, I'm not going to get too excited yet though, things could always change - must remember to take things one feed at a time!

That all sounds very promising! Glad it's going better.

Glad he's feeding better. Well done you.

10 nappies overnight? Wow! Is that 10 soggy ones or 10 where you checked and he had done a wee so you changed him because you were up anyway and might as well? Certainly a sign that it's coming through, but as he sleeps a bit better you'll probably ease off and have a different definition of when it 'needs' changing in the night, which in turn should help both of you sleep a bit more. Don't worry, 10 nappy changes a night shouldn't be a long term thing.

Glad he's feeding better. Well done you.

10 nappies overnight? Wow! Is that 10 soggy ones or 10 where you checked and he had done a wee so you changed him because you were up anyway and might as well? Certainly a sign that it's coming through, but as he sleeps a bit better you'll probably ease off and have a different definition of when it 'needs' changing in the night, which in turn should help both of you sleep a bit more. Don't worry, 10 nappy changes a night shouldn't be a long term thing.

We check his nappy at every feed and they need changing each time - his wet ones are always really heavy. I don't really know how often BF babies should have dirty nappies but 3 overnight has reassured me that he's getting the hind milk as well as the fore milk as that was another worry I had. I'm feeding him again now and it didn't hurt to attach him. I've noticed though that my nipples really sting when he starts crying, it's like they instantly tighten up ready for a feed. Isn't it amazing what our bodies naturally and instinctively do.

The nappies are an excellent sign, well done you you are doing brilliantly well. Please don't be hard on yourself, these things are not easy! But it does get much much easier I promise.

3 pooey nappies in a night is actually quite hilarious, he sounds like he loves his mummy's milk! :)

Nappies are a great sign You're well on your way!

(Just wait till you're at the shops and your nips start to respond to someone elses baby crying! Now that's a weird feeling!)

when you're leaking press the heel of your hand into your nipple for a few seconds. it should stop it. if it's a significant amount you could always try bottling it!

Does 3 nappies sound excessive then? I know there's a natural laxative in breast milk, I'm hoping it's a case of him not getting too much fore milk? He has been sick this morning, not huge amounts but enough that makes me wonder how much of his feed he kept down, I'm hoping it's just because he's being a Greedy Guts. I have managed to speak to someone at the Community Midwive's office and the issue has been sorted - somebody will be coming this afternoon. He was also supposed to have his PKU done yesterday, I hope it doesn't matter that it will be done after 5 days of age?

Oh, I didn't mean it to worry you. I just meant to reassure you that you are unlikely to be doing 10 nappy changes a night for long . 3 dirty nappies is fine. Any number of dirty nappies is fine really - there isn't a set amount they poo. Some go once a day, some go almost every wee, etc.

Don't stress about hind milk and foremilk either. Have a read of this. Kellymom is generally a really good resource for questions too. There's an article on almost everything

Three poos overnight is not excessive, what colour is the poo? Has it turned yellow ie not meconium?
Glad some feeds are easier, it's hard bit he is learning to so each feed he will be getting the hang of it.

Its normal to feel tearful and eexhausted your hormones will be all over the place. If you weren't crying about the ffeeding it would be something else!

Hope you see a midwife today, if you don't hear from them call the hospital delivety ware and they may be able to help.

Do you have the hv number?

We've has nights of multiple pooey nappies and also gone several days with none, so don't worry about the numbers. Glad your midwife visit is being sorted too.

You sound more positive today, which is great. As fluffy said, it does get easier and one day you really do think to yourself "that hurt less!". I think I've reached that stage today . A friend has leant me some nipple shells and they are helping a lot by stopping my clothes rubbing against my sore nipples.

Hang on in there, we can both so this!