Breastfeeding - so at what age do YOU consider it still acceptable?

[PontOffelPock]

Straw poll on what age child MNers consider tips the balance from acceptable to unacceptable for extended breastfeeding?

Honest opinions please, are you (secretly or otherwise) horrified by a 5 year old BFing, or does your horror kick in at 6 months?!

Asking because I am considering how long to continue BFing with DS (1 yo) and admit to be more than a little swayed by 'what people think'!

I stopped when my first was three and three quarters because I wanted to have another baby and my periods hasn't started again. I know one person in real life who feed for longer than me (that I'm aware of). She was still going at five. That didn't seem weird to me.

I wonder what on earth people are expecting to see in a 4 or 5 year old that would tell them that child is still breastfed?

Stealth, I love the "not a mammal" story! It kind of reminds me of an apocryphal one about the sister of someone like Jack Dee or Jimmy Carr, who was a social worker/health visitor/something. She went into a house in a really rough area to visit a newborn and found the mother tandem feeding the baby and a much older child. She started gently to express her (unasked-for and unwarranted) view that perhaps it was time to wean the older one, who promptly unlatched, told her to fuck off, and then continued his feed!

I fed DS until about 3.5, when he self-weaned. I started out thinking I'd try to make it to a year, but as many of you have said, I had no reason to stop until he was ready. I can definitely endorse the idea of calling it something you wouldn't mind being yelled out in public! Whenever he fell over in the supermarket and ran to me shouting Cuddle Me More, people would smile benevolently at him and I always wondered what they'd think if they knew what he was actually driving at.

my DS always called it 'bilk', but DD calls it 'muk' which is ever so slightly disturbing!

However long they both want to do it for.
However I would think it a bit odd to see a child of 3 or so being breastfed in public (note I said 'odd' not yucky or wrong). It's just not usual in our culture. I wouldn't think it was odd at all if someone told me they still breastfed an older child at home though. I would just think it was their own business.

It's actually jolly hard to feed a child over about 18 months -two in public because they get too long and too wide, you need two cafe chairs and the table pushed back.

I have feed DD aged about 15 months by sticking her feet on her fathers lap, but it gets sodding difficult.

Very easy sitting one end of the sofa or sitting or lying in bed. Also older DC don't have squashed faces and have teeth. To breath and feed effectively they need to be able to move. DD2 liked to be free to position herself without setting cups of coffee flying.

I've heard the fuck off story before.
I think DD2 fed to +/- knowing that word and what it meant (she has an older sister and disreputable class mates and a mother who occasionally swears )

starball thank you for sharing your experience on this and the other threads, I must say I enjoy reading your stories about your dds, I feel almost like I know you all!

Very few of the mums I know are still BFing and I get suggestions that maybe it's time to stop or slightly horrified looks when people realise I'm still going. I think my DH would be quite happy if I stopped. Of course I try not to let this impact on me but it's not that simple.

I've got through some rough times - including biting until I bled and more recently a poor latch resulting in holes in my nipples - so now I feel like I need a REALLY good reason to stop.

I am currently partially weaning and night weaning, so DS (13mo) only gets BF morning and evening, and maybe one other feed in the day if we're at home. I never feed in public or in front of anyone except DH. I never mention it either. I think I'm just going to lie when people ask me if I'm "still" BFing.

I stopped at 14m to do ivf or would have continued longer.
It is completely up to the mum and child.
The only thing I would say is the kids getting up in the night at several years old for milk as I'm sure they wouldn't need that so more thinking of the need for all for good nights sleep.

cate I hope you don't, DD2 would go nuts if she knew how much I put on here.

She's a rather quieter, more private person than me.

I think sometimes people can assume that if you are breastfeeding an older child that there are no boundaries, and they will just attach themselves to you whenever they want to. We do have boundaries, she can have milk (and will still twiddle my hair) but I do stop if there's too much wriggling. She only feeds in the evening now, and we night weaned about a year ago when she was coming up 3 (would have been earlier but we were moving house).

But it's something that doesn't get talked about IRL much, especially once you start getting past the toddler stage and/or you stop feeding whilst out and about. I think it's important for it to be mentioned, even if just in passing. I would guess that lots of people don't think they know anyone breastfeeding a 2/3/4+ year old but actually, they do and it just doesn't come up in conversation. It only comes up in the media, and they like to make it some sort of taboo thing. If more people knew that people they knew were still breastfeeding, it would help to stop the taboo.

Which is why I post here, I couldn't possibly say anything in RL, but I want mum's to know they are not alone if they feed an older child and it's not the preserve of lentil weaving hippies.

I'm a very ordinary, slightly right wing, MC science graduate. Mildly eccentric, probably due to being dyslexic, but that's all.
DD2 is totally boringly normal, she's off on a totally normal teen sleep over as I type and at some point will text demanding a taxi.

Dc1 was 20mths, dc2 was 2 and a half.

Nobody else's business really but I think once they get to school age it can be - CAN BE - not always but can be more about the needs of the parent, rather than the needs of the child.

My needs? I'm 33 weeks pregnant, I don't need a toddler wrapped round me attached to me every evening. It was very uncomfortable feeding in early pregnancy, which is why we only feed once a day.

Have you ever tried to force a toddler to feed when they don't want to? I have. Because I knew if she would keep still for 5 minutes she'd go to sleep, but she was having none of it. It isn't possible to do. That's why I don't believe it can ever be more about the mother than the child.

I get where you're coming from, it can be a nice bonding experience. But IMO, breastfeeding is always a two way relationship.

Sorry, that sounds really snippy. I disagree with you, but I wasn't planning on coming across quite so strongly!

Come to that, have you tried to feed a newborn who doesn't want to?

I had DMER twice when bf during pgy. My needs? Ha.

If by 'more about the mother's needs' you mean 'the mother can't really be arsed to actively wean and just wants the child to do it themselves' then yes

It would be a brave woman that stuck her nipple in the toothy mouth of an unwilling child.

Eau

Yep, it's definitely much different to feeding an under one.

I fed DS I think 3 times in public when he was over 2. Once was in a park, I got a double take from someone but no comments, other times were once in soft play hell (nobody noticed, was sitting in cafe area, I think DS was standing on the floor) and once or twice in the cafe at the very lentil-weavery community venture where the LLL meetings were held. On a full table of LLL members I just about dared anybody to say anything!

'It would be a brave woman that stuck her nipple in the toothy mouth of an unwilling child.'

:o

I always find it annoying when people say it's about the mother. What do they mean? Does it mean "I'm an overprotective mother who can't let my child grow up and be independent of me?" Because that's just insulting, and tiring, especially when you get it at EVERY turn of attachment parenting. No I don't want to force my child to be dependent on me, I just don't see the point in forcing them to be independent as soon as it's possibly possible. They're children. Plenty of time to grow up, no need to rush them from one milestone to the next.

The other kind of implied one that nobody ever says is that it's sexual, which is even more upsetting. That's a horrible thing to accuse somebody of.

I think breast feeding is always acceptable. No matter the age, whenever the mother and child feel ready is fine by me.

There will always be someone judging so just do what you want.

Some mums at a toddler group we go to were talking about another mum recently, saying how it seemed silly her stopping feeding at 6 months for no reason other than his age, that she was being too regimented with following guidelines and how his health would 'suffer'.
There's always someone to disagree with whatever you do!

FWIW DS is 18 months but small, I'll still feed him in public if he's feeling overwhelmed,unwell or bumped himself and is very upset, I'd rather be judged and have a calmed toddler! And i think him crying and screaming would attract much more attention than quietly feeding under my top.

I think it doesn't really matter as long as both parties are ok with it and it's not doing any harm.

I would be surprised to see an over 3 year old bf in public as if imagine it'd be more of a comfort/bed time/ snuggle thing.

I think it becomes a bit 'bitty' when the child is at school age and over. But again each to their own.