Breastfeeding - so at what age do YOU consider it still acceptable?

[PontOffelPock]

Straw poll on what age child MNers consider tips the balance from acceptable to unacceptable for extended breastfeeding?

Honest opinions please, are you (secretly or otherwise) horrified by a 5 year old BFing, or does your horror kick in at 6 months?!

Asking because I am considering how long to continue BFing with DS (1 yo) and admit to be more than a little swayed by 'what people think'!

Yeah my strategy is to wait and see not rush straight over although oh has really appreciated /noticed this being at work and 'overreacted' the other day.
I'm sure I'd find if I have another child personality is more important in a lot of this than what I do.

I agree it probably has benefits that aren't measurable.
Sadly though one of the oft mentioned preventing allergies didn't work for me so far
(I suspect soya allergy)
Also I have asthma myself despite being bf years.
But you never know it could have been worse.
I bf for the longest out of my antenatal group my baby crawled first, walked second, speaks a lot more but know knows.

Extended vs not at all, no competition (where possible)

9 months or so in my honest opinion. I know the facts and recommendations but cant imagine bfing a toddler.Just in my head, iI would never discourage IRL

I've breastfed four and the longest I've fed for was just shy of 5yo. Most children lose the ability around 7yo as their adult teeth start coming in and the jaw fuses which cause a change in the shape of the jaw.

Breastmilk never loses it's amazing properties, milk banks donate to oncology wards and to the elderly because of it's cancer fighting ability and because it's a complete meal whilst being gentle on the stomach for people who aren't able to eat. They're not developing a cancer treatment using breastmilk. There is so much about human milk that is amazing that I can't see any reason not to give it to a child who is still getting something from it.

Why 9 months? Why not 12, and avoid bottles and formula? 9 months is still a baby, not even a toddler. Most babies aren't toddling at 9 months.

But again, I couldn't imagine feeding a toddler when DD was tiny. I assumed I'd stop by 2 years at the very latest. I look at pictures of her when she was under 1 and can barely remember her looking so tiny! You don't notice them changing when you spend so much time with them.

The facts/benefits thing is a tricky one. Really, it's impossible to measure either way, because you can never know what a child would be like if they'd been fed another way. And there will always be exceptions to the rule. I was formula fed, and got good grades at school! I also have tended to be underweight more than anything else over my lifetime.

As for the calming thing, without really encouraging it, she just seemed to stop wanting boob after hurting herself. Just a quick cuddle and she was off again. I also still feed her to sleep sometimes. She can go to sleep perfectly well without it, but it is nice sometimes to have that option.

when you and the baby want to stop. daughter was four years three months. nine months? you've hardly started.

Both sister and I bf with asthma and now at 34 or so each hypothyroid. I think the asthma more related to smoking.
Aside from anything else the obesity crisis is enough for me to try bf (they changed the weight charts down to account for them weighing less)
But I think a bit of reality from midwifes: this is likely to be challenging but stick with it. It could be painful, try getting help and this will probably go away.
People think something is wrong because it is tough. But it gets better

Why on earth would you base a decision like that on what other people think? I am genuinely puzzled.

Until the mother wants to. Having said that, I'm amazed at women who do breastfeed for more than 2 years, I can't wait to stop and have the freedom! (can't introduce formula due to CMPA)

Some people can be pretty nasty about extended breastfeeding, especially online. I've seen comments from people saying that extended breastfeeding is paedophilia, it's damaging to children (this comes from HCPs too!), it's selfish etc etc. I have the hide of a rhino when it comes to BF but some people can get genuinely upset.

Ds was down to morning and night at 9 months so not much hassle to do two sippy cups of formula by then. Solid food had taken over.

I'm the first in my friendship group to have a baby and I only bf for 6 weeks (it didn't go well, I now suspect a tongue tie). All the girls were horrified when I explained about bfing to 2 being recommended. They all thought it was for a couple of weeks only.

Oh FGS. It's none of ANYONE'S business and quite frankly, anyone who spends time thinking what is or isn't acceptable in terms of a woman feeding her infant needs to get out more.

It is upsetting EauRouge. It's all done and dusted now for me but if I have another I am sort of dreading it coming up again which there is so much wrong with I just don't know where to start :( It's a sad state of affairs.

Ah, DD was still feeding loads at 9 months, and eating bits of solids too. It would have been hard work to stop then.

The fact that people do think that you should only breastfeed for a few weeks is why threads like this are useful.

Unfortuately I think people do get a bit led by others giving up and no doubt there is a bit of guilt associated with stopping at any point( even if there shouldn't be)
Also if you stopped you then can't imagine still being 'tied to it' as you may have felt a bit relieved.
Maybe more so if you stopped when it was difficult rather than the easier post 6-8 months

Before I had DS I thought feeding toddlers was a bit odd. However, like others have said, he grew up gradually and it seemed natural. Weaning from the breast would have been a huge wrench for him and quite frankly, I couldn't be bothered. He now only feeds at bedtime and not every night. Tonight he told me, when asked if he wanted a cup of milk before bed, that milk is for babies. I asked if "mummy milk" is only for babies. He giggled when he realised he'd walked straight into that one and said "No, mummy milk is for me and I'm not a baby. Can I have some?". He is just 3.
If I'd read what I've just written three years ago I would have been horrified.
I think there is too much guilt and pressure surrounding infant feeding. I really struggled to breastfeed at the beginning and I don't think there is enough of the right kind of support for new mothers. I remember being annoyed that no-one had been honest with me about how hard it can be at the start (NHS and NCT had both, in my opinion, made it sound easy). So many give up with problems that could have been rectified with the right kind of support.
It feels very "damned if you do, damned if you don't" at times. If you don't bf or give up before a few months you are judged. There is then a small window of opportunity between 6 and about 12 months to wean before you start being judged again for "extended" bf.

I am still doing it at three, if you had asked me before I breastfed then my answer would have been different. IMO up until a child loses the ability to latch is acceptable. I think that's variable but can be up to 8 years.

Personally I hope DS stops before then.

No need to , We had the cutest, most beautifully behaved (still BFing) 2.5y here at New Year. His DM does joke he's not to feed for quite as long as DD2.

Personally, given our very large glass baubles decorated tree, I was more worried he'd fiddle and climb like DD1

I was pretty relieved when DS stopped, and that was mainly about the opinions of others. He started asking again about 6 months later and of course my milk was gone by then, but I felt guilty wondering if I'd encouraged him to stop too soon or enabled him to stop when he wasn't actually ready by not reminding him about it in the weeks after he stopped when I still had milk. What made it worse is that when I looked up about children wanting to start again most of the advice was to let them :( I felt horrendous because I couldn't bring myself to open up to the comments and questions - even if it was just from DP for example. So I didn't let him, I let him once to show him the milk was gone and then said no, no more. It's been a year since he weaned and he doesn't ask any more.

I'd love to say I'll let any future children self wean but actually I might not. I might stop at around 2ish since that's when I've found it's still fairly socially acceptable. I'll see how I feel at the time, though.

I cannot say for me personally as I was crap at BFing and just stopped for sanity/baby's health. Theoretically I expect about 17m I would have been actively trying to wean them if they hadn't.

Honestly in relation to other women, I don't think I could easily bring myself to judge, as it's such a personal thing between the mother and the child. Bearing that in mind, I think I would be surprised at a 2.5yo or older (but not against). I would be more likely to think perhaps the mother was a bit weird if the child had reached school age.

I mean, you know, I'm all for what suits the mother and child but it just all gets so bloody EXHAUSTING at times when everyone expects you to explain and defend yourself at every turn. I'm just raising my kid! Butt the fuck out!

I breastfed dd until nearly 5 because she just couldn't seem to cope with weaning - although it was mainly only a feed at night by then. I stopped suddenly out of panic because I had to take non- compatible medication. I could have resumed but I will be honest, I just couldn't cope with the social disapproval and fear for dd, that she would be bullied or damaged in some way.

Almost a year on she still isn't completely over it, we have had bad sleeping and emotional problems and she has displayed all the signs of a child who has suffered a big loss. As amazing as it sounds I don't think she was ready to stop. I think some children just aren't.

Of course she is fine - I don't want to put anybody else off who is struggling to wean - I don't think any mum should be a martyr anyway. But I also want to lend support to those mums braver than me and holding out and saying their school aged dcs are not ready to stop breast feeding. I now believe in rare cases this is possible and that my dd would have been better off if I had had the guts to feed her to 6 or 7 like some "extreme bfers".

Mother Nature has an extraordinarily wide range of "normal" and I do wish societal attitudes would adjust to acknowledge that. For what it's worth I ff my first child so have experienced it from both sides!

This thread has been brilliant really, as it starts to normalise EBF for people. Just a shame it won't rub off into RL.

For those that have asked why I would care what others think - up to 1 year, nothing would have stopped me BFing, as I felt it was so important for the wellbeing of my baby. It wasn't SO important to me to carry on after 12 months but in an ideal world, yes I probably would go on a bit longer.

However, I am only human and surely I am not the only one influenced by negative comments from friends and family (especially as DS is still feeding in the day, so very much in public)? In RL I don't know anyone who has BF as long as me, and people look at you as if you have 2 heads for BFing past 6 weeks FFS!

If I'm honest, I started the thread looking for some encouragement to carry on really (hence not posted in AIBU), and have certainly found it, thank you! But still the sad fact is that there is a huge chasm between what people think on here and in RL.