Breastfeeding - so at what age do YOU consider it still acceptable?

[PontOffelPock]

Straw poll on what age child MNers consider tips the balance from acceptable to unacceptable for extended breastfeeding?

Honest opinions please, are you (secretly or otherwise) horrified by a 5 year old BFing, or does your horror kick in at 6 months?!

Asking because I am considering how long to continue BFing with DS (1 yo) and admit to be more than a little swayed by 'what people think'!

Oh, mine never named them, so that's alright then

Autocorrect of the day: he has a bear in his cot, not a breast

Microchips, DS2 is 18 months and has just in the past week 'named my boobs'. Thankfully he asks for 'Bo-Bo', not 'boobies!!!!' as DS1 did.

So I guess I have to stop now?

What if he just made rude gestures? Would that be ok, so long as he didn't name them?

'The glands that must not be named'

I stopped at about 8 months with all of mine because at that age they started to eat more, I wanted to get a break of more than 2 hours occasionally and they got teeth!

Once the cheeky biting and faffing around began I felt that it wasn't just about nutrition any more and that I wasn't prepared to be a dummy/comforter/toy for the foreseeable future.

I don't see anything wrong with BF children up to perhaps 2 yo, but after that I think it does look a bit odd and I really don't like to see older walking talking children grabbing at their mum's clothing and trying to help themselves, it just seems disrespectful! I can still comfort my DCs with a cuddle and give them a warm drink if they need it without it having to come from my body.

Getting my body 'back to myself' was quite a milestone and I still have issues several years later about personal space and needing some things to myself which are sacred, as I think the constant demands on my mind and body throughout pregnancy and BF really sapped my energy.

MamaPingu, I know what you're saying but I also agree that it extends to parents who continue to give milk in a bottle to older children. Mine went straight onto cups so never had a bottle as such, but it looks as odd to me to see a 4 year old drinking out of a bottle as BFing.

I have no opinion about how long other people should feed their babies for. As a rural person, I always find it a shame if babies don't even get colostrum but given that the alternative is not poison it has nothing to do with me.

I might be surprised by a school-aged child still breastfeeding (chiefly because mine were doing so many different things by say age 6-7 that there is no way they'd have wanted to carry on beyond toddlerhood) , but still feel that that is entirely a matter for the mother, child and their immediate family.

I have 4 children, breastfed for between 14 and 30 months for each. For me, 14 months wasn't long enough, 30 months slightly too long.

The phrase 'roots and wings' is horrifically cliched, but that's exactly what DD2's choice to continue feeding gave her.

She was able, publicly, to be the coolest, most grown up and confident child you are ever likely to meet, because for 30 minutes each night she could be a little baby safe and protected away from the world.

That's her choice not mine. Had I not let her continue feeding she'd still fall asleep on the sofa cuddling me or with her Dad reading to her. Even at almost 13 she sometimes does both these things.

This is the same child who happily bounces off to sleepovers at houses she's never been to and wanders round the city shopping. She's every bit as grown up and confident as any other teen her age around here.

(Not quite as cool headed as her big sister, but that comes from DD1 being a totally socially inept dyslexic who finds friends very hard to make. DD1 has had to sort things out for herself from preschool. She had an ice cold confidence at 13 my uni flat mates would have envied).

Me personally I couldn't care less what age someone else feeds their DC too, none of my business and a child will self wean anyway. I would think good on them for sticking it out past a few weeks anyway which is sadly the norm in this country

We only managed 7 months, before DS appeared to self wean. It was sad stopping, I'd have liked to have got to a year I think.

I always imagined being uncomfortable once baby can ask for it, or pull your top up, that would embarrass me personally.

I'm staring to feel it's inappropriate that I'm still feeding DD (16m), and certainly if I saw someone feeding a walking, talking toddler, I'd feel that was inappropriate. I don't feed her in public either. Nothing to do with people disapproving, I just like being in control of when I feed her and don't like to give in to her demands constantly. When on holiday (visiting family abroad last month) I fed her more often though, just to shut her up, so she wouldnt cry so often!

And although on the one hand I talked about my DC still seeming quite small at 4 or 5 yrs, especially when tired in the evening, on the other hand I agree that being able to securely "touch base" as it were through familiar and comforting bfing, helped them develop very adventurous spirits.

I don't think the personality of children who are extended breast-feeders is at all the cliche of the over-clingy baby.

I've seen babies and children that have never breastfeed stick their hand down their mothers top or grab at her clothing. For a child that is breastfeed you teach breastfeeding manners as they get older, if it bothers you.

I honestly consider it to be 'acceptable' to whatever age the child wants to. If its somebody else's child it has absolutely no impact on my life so who am I to criticise? There are still immunological benefits to breastfeeding after 2 I think (am prepared to be corrected if I've got that wrong) so I think I'd actually be quite impressed if I saw a mother feeding a toddler

stickysausages, I'll share something with you. What you imagine you'll feel about breastfeeding does not necessarily correlate with what you actually feel. And what you feel about others breastfeeding doesn't always inform how you'll feel about your own child.

I remember seeing a woman on a train feeding a toddler, who looked to be about 2 (maybe even under a year). This was before I had children, I hadn't formed any opinions about breastfeeding other than I vaguely thought it was a good thing for babies. I am embarrassed to say now, I felt a bit weirded out, and in my head I thought 'she's too old for that'.

Fast forward about 7 years, and I was tandem feeding DS1 at age 3 and newborn DS2. There was never a 'right' time for DS1 to stop. I hoped he would self wean during my pregnancy, but he carried on. I finally forced the issue after 3 months of tandem feeding, when I was too exhausted to carry on with both. If DS2 hadn't come along, I don't know when we would have stopped.

Now I look at DS1 who is 4 and in reception and think, 'I couldn't imagine feeding him now'. But if DS2 hadn't forced the issue, one day would have bled into the next, and I would have carried on until DS1 weaned himself.

Good to read your post starball - my 12 yr old ds also lounges on the sofa with dh in the evening, just as he's always done, maybe watching something on TV- and he's still fabulously cuddly and very sweet to everyone too. At the same time he's playing rugby for his school, and winning trophies, and lots of other stuff but I don't really want to out him!
Anyway I hadn't actually heard that phrase "roots and wings" about extended bfing, but I think it sums things up very well.
At 5 my ds could be at the top of a tall tree he'd climbed and no-one would think that later that night he'd probably settle down for a few minutes breast-feeding before bed

mini - my children could stay away from me and be BF, at one point I went nearly two weeks without my eldest because my parents took her on holiday whilst I was pregnant with #2 and I went into labour at 24 weeks whilst they were away and spent a week in hospital the other side of the country. As soon as I walked in the door I was pounded on. There's lots of things though that only I do that they can live without when I'm not there, doesn't make it less important to them.

Mama - why is there a connection between walking and talking and breastfeeding? One of my children didn't walk until her second birthday and at 5 is only just learning to talk properly. I was talking and walking before a year old. I also don't see why I can have milk for baby cows when I can walk and talk, what's the difference? Why is the milk of another species made for an animal with four stomachs acceptable but the milk made specifically for my child isn't?

To me personally maintaining breast feeding until a late age is for some mothers a way to keep their DC a baby

Don't dress up your offensive opinions as "just my opinion" please! There's nothing "personal" about that, it's just you being offensive.

No I do not do it to keep my children as babies and I don't know anyone who does!

LyndaCartersBigPants - that's when you tell them no! Just because they're still breastfed doesn't mean they can just help themselves. I also wouldn't allow biting, playing and faffing.

duchesse - it doesn't stop them doing other things though, it's not like they nurse like a newborn. Do you not have a bedtime routine and cuddles? It juts becomes part of that. When I was pregnant with #2 I couldn't cope with it for long so I'd say "two minutes" and she knew without me telling her when two minutes was up.

I'm embarrassed by DS screaming "MIIIIIIIIIILLLLLK" in a supermarket when that's what he's tantrumming about. But I'm also embarrassed by him screaming "BIIIIIIIIIIICCIIIIIIIIESSSSSSSSSS". Its that I feel I should be a better parent and avoid supermarket meltdowns that embarrasses me, not that he wants milk. Unfortunately the only immediate fix would make the tantrums worse so I hold my ground and shop quickly.

And at toddler age you can definitely make them wait if it isn't convenient. And it rarely is when out of the house because I need a decent chair with back support (or a bed) and enough space that DS isn't kicking anything. And I don't stand for tugging at clothes most of the time, I just push his hands away and carry on with my day.

When they were slightly older BFing only at home seemed to work very well for a variety of reasons. So, out and about and busy, or at home and BFing an option if needed.

It's been a long time since I BF DD in public. She was over 2 the last time though. I can usually put her off with a drink (sometimes she will still ask for milk if she's thirsty) or by just telling her "no" (oh no, have I lost my hippy credentials for admitting that?!!). If I felt she really did need it, which would be rare, then I'd feed her anywhere.

I love the theory that we are only FTBF because we can't be arsed to say no!

As a separate, but relevant point:

Whichever dairy farmer managed to convince everyone that we need to drink milk from a completely different species to ourselves to stay healthy was a very clever person. It's so ingrained that it is seen as more than normal to drink it, even in place of milk actually designed for humans to drink.

If we were going to choose another species, that are a closer match to humans, surely some sort of ape milk would be better? Chimp milk? That sounds strange, even to a hippy like me, yet why is bovine milk acceptable?

It makes you wonder what "normal" even means.

At no age is it "unacceptable", if it works for your family. I would probably find it odd to see a school-aged child being breastfed in public, but those are my prejudices. Both of mine lost interest at some time between 2 and 2.5; had they not done so I wouldn't have felt the need to stop (and pre-DC I was a pretty unlikely candidate to be an extended breastfeeder).

Yup, I am so not your stereotypical extended breastfeeder either (I don't even know how to knit a lentil), I just .... didn't stop. DS1 fed til I was about 5 months pregnant with DS2 at 2.5 or so, when he just sort of lost interest.

I've left both boys to be put to bed by dad/grandma/A.N.Other without milk, from 1.5 with DS1 I was able to go away overnight or even longer once I brought a pump.

I'm definitely not your average lentil weaver... I probably could be described as an AP type though, we bed share, I cloth bum and babywear, although I also have a very strong need for my own identity away from my children. I didn't manage to BF my first 3 DC, but BF my last two, DD until she self weaned at 26 months when my colostrum came back in during pregnancy and currently BF DS who is 3 1/2 months and will either continue until he selfs weans (hopefully) or until my need for breast surgery becomes more pressing. I'd be happy to Bf until he wishes to stop, although I probably imagine that to be around 6-7 at the absolute latest and in all honesty I can't imagine bf a 10 year old and know that that is unlikely anyway, but if he continued that long or even longer, then so would I. I couldn't care less how long other people continue for, it's none of my business.

minipie in answer to your question, I have always fed to sleep when I am there, but it is important to me that my DC will take a bottle and that someone else (DH usually) can get them to sleep/bed.

As for mothers breast feeding to keep their children babies and liking babies being independent at one month old... Only in our culture could the latter happen, surely? What a bizarre idea that one month olds should be independent or that it's desirable if they are. although I suppose that if you think. Bf is just for tiny babies the it would follow that mothers are trying to keep them babies by BF. Although if I see older toddlers/children with dummies for bottles, I don't think their parents are trying to keep them babies. What about if you wean with purees? Does that mean you're keeping your child a baby? I mean, they can eat solid food at 6 months....

That said, I will admit that it used to think it was weird to bf older children it never really occurred to me it might be normal and I certainly didn't think of any benefits. By and large, I just didn't know what I I was talking about...