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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

only 12 days in and I feel like giving up already

146 replies

sprite25 · 25/12/2013 22:08

DD is only 12 days old and I've been trying my hardest to breast feed but really starting to get to the end of my tether with it. DD has had multiple problems (nothing major) but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm still having visits from my MW who has helped and I feel better after her visits but always end up back at square 1 feeling exhausted and frustrated literally to tears (even today). Despite feeding DD for around an hour and half we're still having to top up her up with cup feeding formula. Should I just give up the ghost now and switch to bottles and formula???

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Original poster

sprite25 · 29/12/2013 21:06

Hi all, had to co-sleep with DD again last night as she wanted to feed non-stop. DH had to call midwife unit this morning for advice as DD crying turned into full force screaming and nothing settled her but feeding even though she had been feeding all night and was on me for around two hours when we got up. They suggested trying infacol, which if wind is her problem I can't see why the crying and puking but not the need to feed 24/7??? Midwife is coming tomorrow so if DD still isn't gaining weight or is losing it again im going to ask her to refer us to someone who can give us some proper one to one help.

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NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 21:15

I think co-sleeping at this stage is totally normal - you just do what you can to stop the baby crying and get some rest. I co-slept with both of mine until they were six weeks because that was the only way to rest. I'm afriad they do feed all the time at this stage too - anything else is a bit of a myth - especially if they are trying to work up your supply to meet their needs. What doesn't happen is what I expected to happen which was a 20 minute feed with two/three hour gaps between. That was the hardest bit - no-one told me the truth.

Original poster

sprite25 · 29/12/2013 21:48

windmill your so right, alot of the info on BF doesn't give a realistic view of what its really like, the pain you can go through, the constant feedings how difficult it can be. I just feel like nothing about pregnancy/birth/new parenthood is how I planned or what I wanted to do, like everything has been taken out of my hands.

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NearTheWindmill · 29/12/2013 21:55

Just go with the flow and let the baby lead. It's about following their routine not imparting yours at this stage. It's all about feeding (you too) sleeping, resting, and doing the minimum to function woithout too much chaos. Eat, drink, wash, feed, sleep, rest, try to get a bit of fresh air and soon all the pieces come together a bit and you make the adjustment to being a mummy. It takes time.

GeorgieJo · 29/12/2013 23:26

Just to second windmill - it takes time. You are doing a great job.

I imagined that bf would be easy from the start (it took us both about 6 weeks to really get the hang of it), and that I thought I immediately have a "mother's intuition" about what DS wanted whenever he cried (at 11 weeks it is still a work-in-progress).

Plus I had no idea how difficult the sleep deprivation would be. It is so so hard and nobody tells you!

Try to go with it for now. And if possible get the two of you out of the house every day - even if it is just a 10 minute walk around the block. I promise it does get easier.

Original poster

sprite25 · 30/12/2013 09:32

Feed or cry that's all she does :( there's no in between she doesn't even seem to sleep anymore. Another night of co-sleeping last night, didn't even attempt to put her in the moses basket. I dont see how she can still be hungry and unsettled after being on the breast and having formula?! Unless its just a comfort thing?

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crikeybadger · 30/12/2013 10:07

Yes sprite, it can of course be a comfort thing, she just wants to be near you. It might help to think of the breast as more than just a hunger satisfier but also something that soothes, calms, and helps to get to sleep.

Have you got a sling? My dd spent most of the time in that for the first 6 weeks or so, I figured she was happiest that way because she'd spent 9 months being carried around.

Hope you have a calm day today.

NearTheWindmill · 30/12/2013 10:10

That's what newborns do. You just have to go with the flow for a few weeks more yet. Please get some support from your midwives/HV/. Do you have a good relationship with your mum? Sounds very similar to when I had my first. No nephews/nieces in either family at that time and no knowledge of what the first few weeks entailed. When I had my second my expectations were lower and I knew what I was doing and although she was a more difficult and clingy baby I managed the feeding better. Remem ber your baby has been inside you, connected to you, receiving nourishment constantly for nine months. You did all that and made this perfext being who's now no longer connected to the world and is outside in a big strange world. Of course she wants constant contact - probably skin to skin. Just give it to her until her tiny tummy is big enough to take enough to satisfy for more than 40 minutes. A midwife once toold me a newboen's tummy is aboout the size of 10p and I think that helps put it in perspective.

BitScary · 30/12/2013 10:32

Yes, if she is crying and a boob makes her stop crying that's pretty much your answer, it's what gives her comfort as well as food. All babies suckle for comfort, it's reflexive. Persevere with a sling, it will save your sanity and your dh can wear her too.
It's a big shock, motherhood, isn't it? Feels like a bit of a con in those first weeks. Your life will feel normal again one day, I swear.

Original poster

sprite25 · 30/12/2013 10:53

I can't help feeling that everything we're going through is completely normal and im just trying to find problems to say 'oh so that's why she doesn't feed/sleep/settle properly' when in fact maybe she is doing everything properly and i just need to accept that this first bit is so hard and that its ok to not be enjoying every second of it

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leonardofquirm · 30/12/2013 11:01

Kind of!

I'd call it adjusting your expectations.

It is hard - you suddenly have this wee baby totally dependent on you and asking for lots of milk. That plus bugger all sleep will make you feel pants :)

Make it as easy on yourself as you can. Get somewhere comfy to sit and feed with book/tv/phone whatever to entertain you. Drinks and snacks so you don't have to get up and ride it out as best you can. Or get DH or somebody to look after you - especially in the evenings if baby is feeding constantly.

Definitely a sling if you can as mentioned above - gets your hands free for a walk or even just having some lunch. I started with a stretchy wrap which is nice and soft and you just tie it on and pop baby in and out as required. It was very handy with a 2 year old wanting attentiuon too :)

If you try your best to trust your body as much as you can (obviously keeping an eye on how baby is doing) it might make it a bit easier to relax.

Hope you can feel a bit better about it soon.

BitScary · 30/12/2013 11:27

Oh gosh nobody expects you to enjoy these first few weeks, it's just about getting through it until dd is a little bit older. If you catch yourself wishing the days and weeks away, that is fine and normal. If dd's nappies are ok then it's just about keeping on keeping on until it gets easier. You don't need to be acting out some blissed out maternal ideal.

froubylou · 30/12/2013 12:30

Oh sprite you are doing everything just fine. My ds is the same age as your lo. It has taken me 5 hours to get both of us dressed and downstairs this morning.

You will get through this I promise. Stick with the bfing if she keeps it down. Speak to the mw or your gp if you are worried about her.

My ds is alternating today between chewing my nips off and sleeping on my chest. And has been for the last 48 hours. I got my breastpump out at 8an to sterilise to try and give my nipples a rest but haven't had chance to even open it yet lol.

You can do this. Only the baby for now though. Nothing else matters I promise.

froubylou · 30/12/2013 12:31

Oh sprite you are doing everything just fine. My ds is the same age as your lo. It has taken me 5 hours to get both of us dressed and downstairs this morning.

You will get through this I promise. Stick with the bfing if she keeps it down. Speak to the mw or your gp if you are worried about her.

You can do this. Only the baby for now though. Nothing else matters I promise.

Original poster

sprite25 · 30/12/2013 12:47

Thanks for all the encouragement, DD is currently sleeping/feeding again. If I dare move her though she will start crying. DH is getting ready to go to work, its his 1st day back so am rather relieved that MW is due to visit today while his gone so I won't literally be left alone with DD the whole time.

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Original poster

sprite25 · 30/12/2013 12:49

Was also hoping to do abit of expressing today but can't see it happening as been attempting to do it for the past 4 days with no luck.

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NearTheWindmill · 30/12/2013 20:27

How did MW go? I remember wondering how anyone expessed and fed 19 years ago - and how they ate dinner at the same time with their DH. Tis all normal. Second time around lived on chicken, new pots and salad for six weeks - but 2nd time round you shove the baby in the buggy/moses for half an hur so you can pick up no 1 from nursery and give him/her a hug when they need it.

It's all normal OP :)

Original poster

sprite25 · 31/12/2013 19:15

Yesterday was a better day, she went in to her moses basket and did a little last night bit today has been tough, lots of screaming and crying but eventually she fell asleep and I managed to get a few hours too and even eat a little dinner. I just wish I knew what was wrong when she was crying, if she wants feeding or its cos she has bad wind?

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Queenmarigold · 31/12/2013 19:35

I hated fb too. It hurt like hell, was inconvenient and constant. Ime the best of both worlds is a mix of ff and bf. do what you want, everyone else can get list with their opinions.

Solo · 31/12/2013 19:51

You are doing great sprite you really are! :) it does get easier.

NearTheWindmill · 31/12/2013 20:46

Oh yes, I read a book that talked about being able to identify their hungry cry, cold cry, pain cry, lonely cry. I never did - it all just sounded like an interminable racket to me - until I just gave in and cuddled them all the time. They gre uup fine. Cuddling dd was easier because she wasn't the first, I knew what to expect and knew how it felt not to have "me" time any more. I was in shock over losing that first time round - thought there would be breaks between feeds when they slept, etc. It was a lot to learn very fast. You are ding fine but I remem ber it and I feel for you. My big boy (19) goes to NZ on Friday for five months - I am dreading having a break from him!!

Hugs x

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