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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

only 12 days in and I feel like giving up already

146 replies

sprite25 · 25/12/2013 22:08

DD is only 12 days old and I've been trying my hardest to breast feed but really starting to get to the end of my tether with it. DD has had multiple problems (nothing major) but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm still having visits from my MW who has helped and I feel better after her visits but always end up back at square 1 feeling exhausted and frustrated literally to tears (even today). Despite feeding DD for around an hour and half we're still having to top up her up with cup feeding formula. Should I just give up the ghost now and switch to bottles and formula???

OP posts:
BitScary · 27/12/2013 14:44

Hey sprite, I was there right where you are when my dd was the exact same age - not enough dirty nappies, the scales showing weight loss, and the most helpful breastfeeding-friendly HV saying it was time to give formula. Devastation. I bawled. If anyone had told me then I'd have gone on to feed dd for 13 months I wouldn't have believed them. I thought it was the End.

Mixed feeding really isn't the end, though! Mixed feeding is a great friend to breastfeeding if continuing breastfeeding is what you want. For me it was 24 hours of formula in those early days just to flush through some poos. Whatever you end up doing, once the poos are coming thick and fast you'll feel much better, I bet you anything.

I hope this doesn't sound too much like laying it on in the favour of continuing to breastfeed all of the above is just trying to reiterate that bf is HARD, that nobody tells you quite how hard it is and - as Mrs DV has said how different it is from ff. Equally, it's difficult to convey just how much easier it gets because when you're so tired, sore and worried, somebody talking about even the near future seems besides the point.

I always say to DP - I am so glad we'll never have to go through the 'first baby phase' again - it really is a bomb going off in your life, but hang in there, it will all pass so soon.

Original poster
sprite25 · 27/12/2013 15:06

Thanks for all the support I still feel really low about it all BUT if mixed feeding is the only way I can continue to BF with DD thriving then that's just the way it has to be, in a way it might be the best thing for us as at least then DH can feed her too so I can get more rest and DD will be more satisfied and easier to settle. The only things I worry about is her getting nipple/bottle teat confusion and my milk drying up if im only doing every other feed from the breast (MW said these things won't happen but im sceptical)

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 27/12/2013 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoloXantiaClaws · 27/12/2013 16:40

No, it didn't happen with my Ds either. Just as well as I was back to work very quickly and he was bottle fed EBM by my Dad.
Dd on the other hand, would not take a bottle teat at all.

Your Dd does take a bottle, so you are halfway there already :)

crikeybadger · 27/12/2013 17:43

Sprite, of course there's no problem with mixed feeding and it may be the case that your baby does need some formula in the short term....but I do wonder if your mw gave you any help with the breastfeeding? Has anyone watched you attach your baby and observed a whole feed?

How many nappies was the mw looking for?
What was the weight gain?
You'd normally expect babies to be back to birth weight at around two weeks give or take a couple if days.

Regarding the nipple confusion, lots of people call it nipple preference because the flow is often faster on a bottle. Your mw should have explained that by replacing feeds with formula you are risking a reduction in your supply...and be careful not to get engorged. Any chance of expressing when you give a bottle to maintain your supply and relieve discomfort?

Original poster
sprite25 · 27/12/2013 20:54

The plan so far is to BF every other feed and to try to express in between when DH is bottle feeding her formula. I managed to get nearly 3 hours sleep earlier as she was so settled and feel much better for it I just hope there's no other problems that get in the way of me continuing to BF with the formula.

OP posts:
Joskar · 27/12/2013 23:21

I want to offer you my support and sympathy.

My DD is 14 weeks old and is ebf. 14 weeks ago I was going out of my mind because I had to ff after she was given formula at the hospital. I spent 8 hours a day expressing milk then I got a hospital grade pump and spent 6 hours a day expressing. Formula top ups. Desperately trying to get DD to take the boob. I felt like a total failure and I was utterly miserable because I felt I'd failed at having a natural birth and now I was failing at bfing. I'd heard all the stuff about nipple confusion and was trying to cup feed her. Utter exhaustion. Utter hell.

So...

IMO nipple confusion is a load of shite. There's no scientific evidence for it and the WHO don't give it any credence. Fire on with the bottles guilt free, I'd say.

Someone else has suggested this but biological nuturing is ace and has been the absolute best thing I've ever done. I cannot recommend it more heartily. You can and will have pain free feeding. No nipple pain, no back pain. It's really relaxing and enjoyable once you get the hang of it.

The more you ff the less likely your supply will catch up with baby's demand but it is possible to do it for a while until you are able to get some sleep and gain perspective. If you want to breast feed for longer than a few weeks though I would try and phase out the formula after a bit. You can bring it back once your supply is established. It took me from week 3 til week 9 to totally phase out the formula.

Don't feel guilty about anything. You are doing the absolute best for your baby. Give yourself a break. Every day is a new start. If it doesn't work the way you want it to one day then you can do it differently the next day. Nothing is written in stone. If you decide you want to stop bfing then that is totally fine and you shouldn't ever feel bad because you'll be feeding your baby which is the important thing. I promise it does get better and I never met anyone who ever regretted bfing. One day you'll wake up and you'll feel so much better and that day is really, really soon.

Good luck.

stepmooster · 27/12/2013 23:21

sprite, I had to give my DD formula in the early days, the GP gave me some tablets to increase My milk supply. I can't remember their name, but I did manage to get DD back on exclusively bf once she and I got the knack of it.

This is not your fault your child had tonguetie and has a lot of catching up to do weight wise. Think of formula as your friend and not your enemy, no one says you can't bf and ff your child.

Original poster
sprite25 · 28/12/2013 06:54

Was hoping for a peaceful night but DD seems to throw up the formula if she has more then a couple of ounces yet still seems hungry and unsettled. Ended up co-sleeping again and she was constantly feeding all night which has meant my nipples are now quite sore. With mixed feeding I dont know if you still just feed on demand or just try and make it abit more routine to space out how often she has the formula?

OP posts:
stepmooster · 28/12/2013 08:04

Sprite has anyone mentioned cows milk intolerance to you? My dd went down 3 centiles and couldn't get on with formula, it seemed to give her reflux. My HV suggested it to me and I cut out all dairy and my dd started to feed from me much better. Maybe ask your HV or GP? They can prescribe dairy free formula for your little one to try.

NearTheWindmill · 28/12/2013 08:26

I was told not to make it up to full strength at the beginning sprite. For example just use two scoops to three oz of water. I was told it was very rich compared to breast milk and that the baby wouldn't cope with an immediate transition to full strength. Was also told (although it was 19 years ago) that Aptamil (Milupa) was the closest to breast milk.

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 10:33

Windmill, no formula is actually closer to breast milk, that advertising campaign broke quite a lot of rules and didn't last long, although it seems to have remained in the minds of a lot of healthcare professionals going by posts on here!

I've never heard a recommendation of diluting formula, its especially important for tiny babies to not make it too concentrated or dilute.

How often is baby being weighed OP?

BitScary · 28/12/2013 10:49

Sprite, are the nappies looking any better today?

NearTheWindmill · 28/12/2013 10:53

Then I hope you agree that what is needed is ann impartial assessment of all the milks available, published in readily available format with an impartial scientific assessment of the actual benefits weighed against mitigating factors such as painkillers and antibiotics when a mother has infections such as mastitis.

The OP needs support and love at this difficult time. Not a ff/bf debate. I take it you know more than the average health professional as you have just unilaterally criticised them.

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:00

No it was totally anecdotal from posts on here where people have been recommended aptamil by the HV or mw.

It is making people unnecessarily buy the most expensive milk, when cow and gate for example is made by the same company with almost identical ingredients. :)

There are strict guidelines for formula composition meaning they are all very similar.

Sorry if my post came across wrong, its hard to chat in writing.

The formula companies spend a lot of money advertising to health professionals.

Anyway, that's a bit of a diversion from the OP!

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:03

No it was totally anecdotal from posts on here where people have been recommended aptamil by the HV or mw.

It is making people unnecessarily buy the most expensive milk, when cow and gate for example is made by the same company with almost identical ingredients. :)

There are strict guidelines for formula composition meaning they are all very similar.

Sorry if my post came across wrong, its hard to chat in writing.

The formula companies spend a lot of money advertising to health professionals.

Anyway, that's a bit of a diversion from the OP!

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:08

In case you think I'm just randomly posting here, I have been on the thread further up trying to post reassuring stuff and links for the OP. :)

I'm not qualified at all, just interested after spending quite a long time bfing and on here. :)

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:09

Oops too many smiles!

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:11

Oops too many smiles!

leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:11

Oops too many smiles!

Original poster
sprite25 · 28/12/2013 11:16

I also believe that all formula is the same and is no where as beneficial as breast milk (part of why I feel bad for having to give it to DD). She did a rather large dirty nappy yesterday that was her 1st of the runny, mustard coloured type so at least that's a good sign. Was a very unsettled night and think she's going to be difficult to get back into her moses basket after spending 2 nights in with me but I feel awful for it as I can't get any proper sleep knowing she's right next to me. I dont think she's bringing up the formula due to reflux/intolerance I think she just gets wind from guzzling it down too fast as despite both me and DH winding her she hardly ever burps. Her weight has been up and down, at 1st she lost too much due to tongue tie, then started gaining once she had formula top up, but has now stopped gaining when we started to try and lower the top up, so it looks as though she won't be able to get on with just BF. Hoping today will be a better day.

OP posts:
leonardofquirm · 28/12/2013 11:41

Have you spoken to any of the bfing helplines?

I think they can help with mixed feeing advice too and cutting down the formula later on of that works out with DD's weight gain.

Hope it is a better day for you.

NearTheWindmill · 28/12/2013 12:32

There is nothing wrong with formula sprite using it has no correlation with poor parenting or less than optimum care for babies. If BF isn't working the wisest thing sometimes is for a mother to be given permission to stop when they cannot do that for themselves due to the messages received from third parties.

I too hope you have a better day but bear in mind that bf is a miniscule part of motherhood.

Original poster
sprite25 · 28/12/2013 13:21

Ok so now I really dont know what to do. Gave DD a formula feed (around 3 ounces, burped her and DH was holding her propped up) and about half an hour later she threw it all back up again. Are we giving her too much? Not burping her right? Maybe her stomach doesn't like the formula? Feel at the end of my tether, she doesn't get enough from me yet throws up the formula. :(

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 28/12/2013 13:49

Sprite, she's a baby. They do that kind of thing. She's got to get used to having more than a couple of ounces at a time, BFs are often little and often.

You do sound exactly the way I was with my first. After a while, everything worried me. Actually, he was fine all the time, it was me losing confidence that was the issue.

Try to focus on something other than feed. Play with her or take her out for a walk in the sunshine. I may have been worse than you, but I was almost scared of my first at two weeks. I just didn't know what he would do next. But I was worrying unnecessarily, he is now 21 and probably does far more worrying things now, which thankfully I don't know about!