only 12 days in and I feel like giving up already

[sprite25]

DD is only 12 days old and I've been trying my hardest to breast feed but really starting to get to the end of my tether with it. DD has had multiple problems (nothing major) but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm still having visits from my MW who has helped and I feel better after her visits but always end up back at square 1 feeling exhausted and frustrated literally to tears (even today). Despite feeding DD for around an hour and half we're still having to top up her up with cup feeding formula. Should I just give up the ghost now and switch to bottles and formula???

Don't worry if you fall asleep sprite. Dd will be fine, just set your bed up safely. It'll hurt less and she'll settle better and take in less air if you feed lying down...and you'll rest. You're doing so well and you're in the eye of the storm right now. Everyone hates breastfeeding at 12 days on, it's shite! But gets better so quickly you won't believe it.

Hi Sprite, it is scary the first time you co-sleep, but once you get the hang of it its very lovely and bonding. You both feel sleepy when feeding and you drift off together and wake up next to each other a little less knackered.

Your baby girl wants to be close to you right now. Your warmth, heartbeat, milk etc are reassuring her.

Its bloody tough, and my DH can drive me insane sometimes with the why don't you FF!

Your little one is establishing your supply, and growing. These growth spurts are tough.

I do wish that more info is provided at antenatal classes on how tough bf is. Would stop a lot of mums feeling like failures if they knew about tongue tie and growth spurts from the off.

Wow, I remember this bit! I actually have a photo (selfie) of myself taken in the early hours of DD1s 12th day, standing in my knickers with engorged drizzling breasts, tears streaming down my contorted, twisted face. The point was that I wanted to capture myself at the most miserable I'd ever felt, in case I should ever feel like whinging about something insignificant ever again. I really thought I was going to die! DD1 was feeding long and often, day and night, and although I liked the idea of her comfort feeding and feeding on demand, the reality was that the inevitable sleep deprivation was a killer, making me resent her and the feeding I'd so looked forward to doing during pregnancy. The saving grace for us was deciding to cosleep, and life got so much easier almost over night; both feeding and sleeping. In the end, we liked it so much we carried on to 30 months, but that's another story. With DD2 we coslept from the get go and it's just like a different world. 5 months in and I'm JUST NOT TIRED (smile). Another tip is to, at least for now, really try not to worry about keeping your house to the standard you may have been accustomed to prior to your baby's arrival. Breastfeeding needs time and you don't want to be worrying about dusting. Good enough to be functional will do, I find. There is so much good advice here, including not giving yourself a hard time. I really wish you well, and congratulations on your wonderful daughter.

Stick at it love. I can almost guarantee it will get so so so much better very shortly.

And then breastfeeding will be absolutely wonderful. All the gain, and no pain

As for co sleep. I didn't. Was very routine based and me too, absolutely not tired. Mine are three and nine months and sleep solidly 12/13 hours.

It is possible to breastfeed and have good independent sleepers, from early on.

Just wanted to add my sympathy and support. The early days are really tough but like others have said, it should get easier soon. The three week mark was a turning point for me both times.
I think the mentally agreeing to do just one more feed is a good one.
I never used nipple shields but my friend swore by them after she tried them as a last resort before going on to formula. They allowed her to continue to bf her Dd for months longer and she only needed to use them for a couple of weeks.
Good luck op. Try not to emotionally beat yourself up. You're doing fine.

I struggled with this for 8 weeks with my first; I was in pain and he was hungry. Eventually and after much heartbreak I gave in and was made to feel incredibly guilty about it by health professionals.

The best thing a baby receives is love and love comes most easily when the mummy is comfortable, rested and not in pain. I wouldn't struggle on if I were you and long ago realised that if breast feeding was a walk in the park; formula wouldn't have been invented.

My ds is 19 now. He's 6.2 and off to Oxford in the autumn. Formula didn't disadvantage hi in any way and they don't remember being breast fed. They remember the funny thing that happened on the way to school; their first graze and mum being there, their first goal, their first school play, etc., and so will you. They are all good memories and the more relaxed and happy times you have to remember of the first month or two the better.

Good luck - do what your heart and head and body tell you. If it doesn't make sense to carry on suffering then stop suffering. BF is different for everyone and no-one else can tell you when it is right to stop for you but if you think it is then that's more than good enough.

Hi. You mentioned your dd gas a tongue tie. Are you going to get it snipped? Might help with the feeding.

Most important thing is to remember that having a tiny baby is really really hard and not to beat yourself up about the breast feeding. Read lots of advice, think about what makes the most sense and do what works for you.

I had real problems with my first, bleeding nipples etc, and ended up mixed feeding. No problems with subsequent 2. Turns out my first had, and still has, a tiny mouth which he was never going to open wide enough to feed properly. It is good to know when to admit defeat.

Introducing a dummy before 6 weeks might effect your milk supply? Think it did with me?

Against current advice but co sleeping whilst feeding saved my sanity more than once. Lie on your side with baby alongside, above covers. Milk ends up everywhere but you can sleep whilst feeding.

Whoops. Didn't notice page 2. Ignore half of my post. Co sleeping can really help though.

I'm like windmill. DS1, total nightmare to BF. Gave up. Next two DC, piece of cake. DD was a very easy baby (and boy, was I due one after DS1) and she taught to BF; DS2 was hard but I was expert by then. They each got of a year BF; Ds1 got ten days I think.

A friend with seven kids told me, don't worry if you can't BF or first, ill be fine with the others- there's just so much going on with your first.

BF is best of course, but it doesn't always work out, and a happy, not depressed mother is also vital. DS1 is 21, healthy, has a first from Cambridge, and remembers practically none of the lovely things I half killed myself trying to do for him when he was little

Thanks again to everyone for the replies, the support is so so helpful. I had to feed and co-sleep last night only for a few hours as I was so exhausted it was either that or fall asleep holding her sitting up. Today seemed like another hard day, went visiting family for a little while and spent most of it upstairs in a bedroom feeding DD. Actually cried when it was time to come home because i knew it meant it was closer to another night of no sleep and constant feeding/crying. I felt so down about it all and really do worry my milk isn't coming in but then I thought I would try and do abit of expressing and so far got nearly an ounce out of the side that i was really worried about it sounds like nothing but its a big improvement since i last tried to express BUT now im worrying that DD isn't emptying the breast properly and that's why she still seems hungry and unsettled even if I've been feeding for ages. It just seems there's so many things to get wrong with BF but only one way to get it right :(

Glad the co sleeping worked even if only for a couple of hours. Are you taking shifts with the baby with your OH? I used to leave ds1 with my hubby for an hour and a half while I got some sleep. Apparently an hour and a half is one 'sleep cycle' I.e. enough to do you some good.

My ds2 is 5 weeks and he has just started wanting to feed loads. Not quite constantly but he feeds, goes to sleep after about ten mins then when I put him in the Moses basket he wakes up and wants more. I suspect he might be using me as a dummy, I.e a method to get to sleep rather than actually being hungry. Eventually he gets really tired and either stays asleep or gets cross with me trying to feed him and I pass him to my DH for a little while.

Is it still hurting to Breastfeed?

I never got more than a few ml from expressing. Apparently it just doesn't work well for some ladies and some breast pumps suit people better than others. It won't reflect what your dd is getting from you.

Keep going. Every feed is a feed closer to sorting it out.

Oh and eat lots of . You need it to make all that yummy milk. And drink loads too, a pint of water per feed if poss.

Hi OP, it is really hard work at first, especially when you're so sleepy.

Kellymom website has some great advice in feeding a newborn, dealing with problems and what not to worry about too.

My DS1 was very unsettled as he didn't have his tongue tie snipped for over a week.

It will get better.

Cluster (i.e. Fairly constant)feeding for hours in the evening is also normal. I spent many an hour on the couch watching DVDs.

Hope you get a wee Rest sin

A wee rest soon!

Even if baby will settle on DH's chest for a bit while you get a little time in bed.

genetics you really don't need to eat and drink vast amounts to make milk.

Drink when thirsty, eat when hungry. You probably will feel more thirsty.

I used to try and keep some juice and snacks close at hands in case I was pinned down by a ravenous baby for a while. :)

Cake is totally MN recommended though.

DH does try to settle her but where he's never been around a baby and is quite nervous with her I usually end up with her and as for sleeping during the day, by the time I decide whether to shower, eat, sleep or try to express DD has woken up and I do it in a rush while DD is screaming to feed while DH tries to calm her. sigh I know the internet can be a great source of info and support but everytime I read about problems with BF I start to think that I have that problem. I just want to be able to feed my baby well so she's not hungry :(

Thanks leonard for clarifying that. I am always super paranoid about drinking lots when Breastfeeding but that might be because I never drink enough normally and I had so many problems Breastfeeding my first.

My dh was nervous at first but he is a pro now and it is lovely for him that he can help. Means that he is really close to all three of our dcs. He does shush patting a la baby whisperer. Now sure if it actually does a lot but having a plan of what to do makes it seem much more manageable.

Oh Lord OP - this is bringing it all back for me. I really do sympathise! There's been some great advice on this thread but mine would be as follows:

-there's no substitute for real-life support and face-to-face bf assessment and advice, so find a lactation consultant, bf support worker, bf cafe or LLL group in your area and get yourself to that so they can check your latch and help you realise you're not alone.

-the single most useful advice anyone gave me (and I had an utterly horrendous time for the first two months - bleeding nipples, never-ending cluster feeds, Raynaud's Syndrome in my nipples, floods of tears every time I contemplated the next feed or going to bed...) was, "Watch your baby: not the clock". This was a hard thing to get used to, as it's so tempting to fixate on how long your baby feeds for and how often, but in the early days, it really almost doesn't matter. Number of wet nappies is a much better indicator of how much she's getting.

• practical measures: don't be afraid to whack on the lansinoh and if poss, leave your nips out in the open air once you've applied it. I found washable cotton breast pads less painful than disposable ones. Keeping my nips warm (handwarmers between two bras...) helped with the Raynauds. Eat as often as possible and remember how many extra calories you're burning -a biscut jar within easy reach was vital for me! Take the vit D and folic acid supplements you took whilst pregnant. The LLL website has load of useful info and resources, as does Jack Newman's website.

• I find a dummy v helpful for getting my son off to sleep when I think he wants to comfort stuck, but I only let him have it for a few minutes, til he's asleep, then I whip it out so he doesn't wake up with it in.

I can honestly say that bf is a completely different v experience for me now to what it was when I was at your stage. I'm so glad I didn't give up (and God knows I HATED it with a passion back then). But my son is now 4mths and ebf, and I can't tell you how proud I am of that. I know I made the best decision for me and my son, but yours may be different - ff is the best option for some mums, and categorically NOT a failure.

Stick with it if you can, and come back and keep us posted!

OP, you are getting great support on this thread and I hope also IRL. I hope it all works out and you continue BF and have a great success.

When I was at your stage with DS1 I worried myself into a real state. Looking back, I should have relaxed. I'm sure he was getting enough milk, but I couldn't prove it and I couldn't trust myself. I definitely thought he wasn't getting enough and there was this problem or that problem... He was yelling and I assumed he was hungry. Actually I think he was just.... Yelling. Trying to make sense of the world.

So, as I say, I stopped around 2 weeks. He has turned out fine, and I BF the next two DC for over a year each.

So just to say, if you do stop (and we all hope you don't) please don't let it upset you. It's not the end of the world, there are lots of other lovely things waiting for you to enjoy with your baby, and either way it will all be fine, really.

Also despite using lansinoh before,after and in between feeds and DD having a good latch my nipples still get sore and my boobs abit stingy/tingly which, call me a whinge bag but, seems to add to the misery of it all. Dunno if that is normal? Having another visit from MW tomorrow so going to talk to her about all this but last time she came she said about 'weaning us off of her' and DH goes back to work on Monday...it terrifies me the thought of being left on my own with her and not having such close support of the MW anymore.

I'm so grateful for all the posts and advice. I have 3 sisters who have kids and my mum is a great support but no one in my family has BF so its hard for them to understand or offer any advice. Im going to ask MW about any local support groups and/or lactation consultants as I think I really need the help.

Well done on another day OP.

You are doing all you need to do, but I would say that if you are still sore despite all the Lansinoh, there's something not right latch-wise. I would try the LLL, or a local IBCLC, because even if it looks good, it's not quite right if it's hurting a lot, and a really experienced person is needed.
(I worked out that I saved about ten times the IBCLC's fee by not needing formula!)

IMO that's where local support groups such as LLL and breastfeeding cafes come in - I really do think they're invaluable, particularly for first-time mums like me.

Re the nipple pain - are they blanching and turning weenie after a feed? Is the pain definitely in the nipples and not the rest of the boob? I found that mine just seemed to get tougher as time went on. In fact, my son and I both just seemed to get better at bf as time went on - I think we just needed more practice, and he needed to get bigger - he simply didn't/couldn't open his mouth wide enough to latch on properly to begin with. Having his tt snipped also helped, although not instantly.

Have you thought about expressing for a couple of days and bottle or cup-feeding, to give your poor nipples a rest?