Hi all have just caught up, am home before Year 9 options evening (grr)
mrsn I would go mad if DH had gone out that much without far better cause and he would have had to seriously beg/grovel. I wonder if he doesn't realise how relentless it is looking after a baby because he rarely has to do it on his own? Maybe you should take him up on the offer of some time off and go away for a day or even overnight, so he can see what it's really like and that you genuinely need a break? Though I realise you might not want to be away from the little fella for that long just yet. I think you are perfectly justified in wanting more from him. Hope you can get the message across!
We had a better night last night and DH and babyfunch had a lovely day yesterday (in local news, heff goat, DH met Chinese dad!) He went to the children's centre baby session and the lovely lady there gave him some great reassurance that what we're doing about sleep is right and we just need to persevere. We are now leaving her 5 mins then checking; we may have been interacting with her a tiny bit more than we should at these checks so cutting down on talk/eye contact now. Last night was much better; two feeds and DH was up about 4 times and up time was 6am so not too bad. small hope your tough love continues to pay off as well and for anyone else trying to feel vaguely in control 
Thanks for all your kind words about the situation at school. It has actually been quite sobering to see how quickly most of the school has gone back to a semblance of normality. It is a huge school (over 2000 pupils) so the vast majority didn't know the boy who died, and we have two counsellors so those who are worst affected have been able to get some help yesterday and hopefully ongoing too (though they are always fully booked; the amount of demand for their services is amazing and while some of it is for minor stuff re friendship etc, there are lots of kids going through terrible times, bereavement, illness in the family and of course sadly neglect and abuse as well. Bound to be in a school that big). I am absolutely fine as I didn't ever meet him but trying to support my form is hard; I don't know what I can say that will sound caring and useful really, since I don't know them or how they are feeling 
brain I hope you and DP are finding the right way forward; I am just learning how hard it is to be on the other side of the fence ie not the main carer so I sympathise with your DP but of course I don't have the same issue with settling DD since I started out as the main carer. It must be frustrating not to be able to settle LO and actually now you've said what her concern is I can see it actually - I sometimes worry that as babyfunch is left for five mins at a time to cry in her cot that she might start hating her cot, and I guess it's thinking along the same lines. However you can't just hope the problem will go away....thinking of you and hopeful that you can work things through with lots of communication and some more good stretches of sleep!
Sorry for megapost, can you tell I am on a laptop?! Better go, year 9s to cajole into choose humanities subjects at GCSE!