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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

riddled with guilt - i don't like breast feeding

116 replies

pommesdeterreetfromageblanc · 31/10/2012 06:09

My baby is 8 days old and I have been BF her. It has been quite hard as it really hurt me to start. I got some help and it is better now, although my boobs still hurt a lot, especially between feeds. She obviously hasn't got a routine yet but the past few days, she has been feeding 40 min on each boob per feed, plus cluster feeding in the evening for hours and hours (on the plus side she will sleep up to 5 hours). I have been up for 3 hours now, she wants some, then comes off, then sleeps and wakes after 5 min. It is doing my head in.

I am sick of having my boobs out 12 hours a day, leaking everywhere. I am trying to reason with myself as I know it is better for the baby, and for me and everyone says it gets better, but I am not enjoying it, and it is spoiling somewhat my relationship with my baby as I am dreading the next feed and resenting it after a while.

Everyday I contemplate switching to formula.... I want to be able to share the feeding with the dad or family when they come. I have quite a lot of milk so expressing is an option....

Anyone else out there like me :(

Thanks

OP posts:

fluffacloud · 31/10/2012 07:18

Hey Pomme.

I don't have much in the way of advice but I didn't want to read and run.

BF can be really tough to start with, especially if your milk hasn't regulated itself yet and your boobs are like leaking cannon balls!

It does get better, honestly.

Take one feed at a time and if you do want to express one or two feeds then do. However, it can be a bit of a faff all that pumping, steralising etc...

Whatever you decide, please don't feel guilty. Yes breast is best for your baby but you should also consider what's best for you too.

There will always be support here if you need it. Fingers crossed one of the BF gurus will be along shortly to offer some good advice.

You're doing a really good job, be a little kinder to yourself

iamstitch · 31/10/2012 07:20

Don't feel guilty. At all. Do what feels right for you and your family.

incognitomama · 31/10/2012 07:25

Do NOT feel guilty. You've tried, it's not working for you which ultimately means it's making you miserable and that is no good for you or babe.

I do agree with fluff in that it gets easier. That said I miserably did it for 8 weeks until I stopped. Best thing I did and I wish I hadn't struggled for that time at all.

Good luck

OwedToAutumn · 31/10/2012 07:26

Whatever you do, there is no need to feel guilty.

Breast feeding can be really difficult for the first month or so, but focus on the positives, compared to FF.

You don't have all that faff of sterilising bottles.

When you get up to feed at night, the milk is there, ready, at the right temperature.

Only you can do it, so you don't have to have arguments with well meaning relatives about who should be feeding your baby.

My DC are older now, but I remember back to those difficult baby times. It does get easier.

NervousAt20 · 31/10/2012 07:28

Don't feel guilty, you need to do what's best for you and your baby

OwedToAutumn · 31/10/2012 07:28

Oh, another one - BF is much more portable than FF. You don't need to take milk, bottles etc out with you, just your boobs!

Gentleness · 31/10/2012 07:35

I think it's normal to feel like that. The first 2 weeks were tough for me both times. I think I just have to get through the sore stage and make sure the latch is right and then see.

cupcake78 · 31/10/2012 07:39

I was just like you! I wanted my body back and wanted to be dressed. Ds never really took to it and tbh the whole think was a stressful nightmare!

After 3wks of trying the bottles came out and ds was ff from 8wks onwards. It was so much better for us and for him.

And guess what he is totally ok and there is no difference between him and his bf friends

The pressure to bf is not right IMO. It's not the only way and not right for everyone. Do what you want to do for your baby and sod everyone else

NotQuiteCockney · 31/10/2012 07:39

The sleeping and waking when you take her off may be down to the (very normal) baby desire to sleep with you, still attached. Could that be an option for you? It certainly makes sleep and breastfeeding much easier ...

You're saying your breasts are hurting between feeds. Is that from being over full? Are your nipples hurting during feeds?

Notafoodbabyanymore · 31/10/2012 07:41

Get hold of a manual pump and try expressing. You might find that just being able to give a couple of feeds a day (or night) from a bottle eases the pressure a bit.

When I was expecting my first, a nurse friend recommended that I get a couple of bottles and a few cartons of ready made formula so that I could get DH to do the odd feed and give me a break. Her reasoning was that supplementing a few feeds here and there could actually help me to breastfeed for longer.

Whatever you decide to do, don't feel guilty!!! You will be making the right choice for you and your baby.

ELR · 31/10/2012 07:43

You can do it!! It hurts like mad for the first 3/4weeks but def worth it in the end. Think of the whole nine months, the labour and breast feedings a doodle compared to that! Well sort of! Hang in there it gets better.

neontetra · 31/10/2012 07:47

You must do what you feel best, and don't feel guilty. Majority of mums do switch to formula, after all. I would agree that bf does get so much easier and better over time for many - did for me anyway. I'm most glad I carried on when dd wakes for a night feed and I can just grab her, put her on the boob and doze. When she was waking at least twice a night this was brilliantly easy, compared to having to get up and faff with bottles and formula. This is genuinely the main reason I would advise mums to think before switching to formula. But good luck and be happy, whatever you decide.

StarsGhostTail · 31/10/2012 07:47

I'm going to say if you can BF DO!

Even with a baby who latches on nicely and knows what to do its he'll to start with.

It will get better, it really will.

Sterilising bottles and breast pumps is a faff. The new safety rules for making up formula are a faff, keeping milk cold and heating it when out are a faff to.

I've done both and there is no contest, breast is best.
(especially the second you want to leave the house).

StarsGhostTail · 31/10/2012 07:50

Also who wants to swap feeding the baby watching TV for the hovering.

There are lots of other things you can get family to do [hwink]

marshmallowpies · 31/10/2012 07:52

Don't assume that introducing formula means the end of breastfeeding- i had supply issues and small nipples meaning DD was sucking for hours & still not getting full.

So I added in formula just to ease my worries that she wasn't getting enough food, but carried on BFing. Without the pressure of trying to produce 'enough' milk as I knew I had a back up, I relaxed a lot more and things got much easier. So mixed feeding really can work as an option, don't discount it.

Do you have any RL breastfeeding support like a BF drop-in session you could go to?

incognitomama · 31/10/2012 07:53

ELR I disagree. I delivered my baby without ANY pain relief and compared to BF THAT was a doddle. I was not in any physical pain as babe had a really good latch, BUT in so many other says I hated it. It's not for everyone for whatever reason.

nellyjelly · 31/10/2012 07:56

Gets easier. I too hated it at first but after a few weeks was soooooooo easy. However do what feels best for you.

EauRouge · 31/10/2012 07:56

COngrats on your new baby!

The first few weeks can be really tough- it's hard to imagine breastfeeding for longer than a couple of weeks when it's relentless like this. But really, it doesn't last long, they get the hang of it and feeds become shorter and further apart.

Maybe give it some more time before you decide, 8 days isn't long.

Sometimes there are signs that something isn't right: Pain is one of them (no, it's not inevitable!), sleepy babies that won't feed is another (although it is normal for babies to fall asleep as they feed).

Also, if this is your first baby, there is the bombshell of new parenthood. Nothing can prepare you for it and there's often a sense of 'oh shit, what have I got myself into?'. It's common to resent parenting and feel like you can't do it but that's another thing that gets better!

Is there a breastfeeding counsellor you can talk to about all this? Breastfeeding counsellors aren't just trained to give information, they also have counselling skills so are great at listening to you and helping you decide what you want to do.

Good luck to you, I hope you can find something that works for all of you and get the support you need :)

IsItMeOr · 31/10/2012 07:58

Don't feel guilty about that - in my experience it's perfectly normal. It can be tough to start with, and my emotions were all over the place for months. There is so much else going on.

FWIW, I stuck with it, and DS and I got along just fine after a while, once I'd accepted that he was going to take at least an hour for each feed, and sometimes closer to two. TV muted with subtitles worked well for me!

I did actually get DH to give DS a small number of formula feeds probably between weeks 2-12, not even one a day. It helped my sanity once I'd got over the guilt/worry that I was going to "break" BFing.

Big hugs and congratulations on your baby :)

nellyjelly · 31/10/2012 07:58

Btw taking it one day at a time helps. Think of every day you breastfeed as giving the baby exactly what she needs that day. That is what I did. Before I knew it weeks had passes. Your supply is still settling down too hence the leaks etc.

I found going to a BF support group brilliant too.

Fairylea · 31/10/2012 07:58

This is exactly why I formula fed and when I had ds 4 months ago I ff from birth and it was such a better experience than the one I had with dd trying to breastfeed and hating it and feeling guilty.

Honestly don't feel bad.. just do what suits you. When your dc is 9 years old like my dd it all seems very insignificant whether to bf or ff.. Sorry but it does.. don't let it ruin your first few baby months.

LetLoveRule · 31/10/2012 08:01

I hated bf, hated having my boobs out etc. I switched to ff and it was a doddle. Ok you need to sort bottles but it's not difficult at all. I felt such relief and no guilt at all. Do what you want - either way, your baby will be just fine.

aamia · 31/10/2012 09:00

FF is a faff. Expensive too, esp if you want to go out for the day. Breastmilk keeps longer at room temp (6 hrs vs one) and is easier. Try expressing. Your local bf group will have pumps for hire so you can try it.

Fairylea · 31/10/2012 09:37

Ffing isn't really a faff anymore. You can buy ready to use bottles that are sterile. Just screw together and ready to use.

It is expensive. That's the only downfall in terms of convenience.

worldgonecrazy · 31/10/2012 09:44

I'll let you into a secret - a lot of mums don't actually like breastfeeding, we just do it (or in my case did it) because of the many advantages that it gives over formula feeding. Right now, your hormones are still all over the place, your boobs are sore, you're in a very weird place where your entire life has been turned topsy-turvy. Being weepy, feeling annoyed that this little creature is so demanding all the time, that's all normal for any new mum.

Many cultures practice something which could be termed "mothering the mother" for new mums, for the first 6 weeks/40 days. What you need is someone to look after YOU, so that all you have to do is feed baby, eat, sleep and look after yourself. In a couple of weeks baby will be able to manage without you for a couple of hours. Use those two hours to do whatever makes you feel more human - get a haircut, or have a pamper bath. Try and find a breastfeeding support group so that you can meet other mums who are going through exactly the same emotions as you are. Get someone else to do the cooking and cleaning, to bring you food and drink on demand and to give you the support that you need.

Long term, breastfeeding is definitely a lot easier. You will realise one day that all you have to do in order to leave the house is take a couple of clean nappies and some wipes and you will relish the freedom that breastfeeding gives.

You don't need to like breastfeeding, anymore than any mum likes changing pooey nappies. It's just one of the jobs of motherhood. Putting in the effort in these early weeks really does pay off long term if you can get the support around you.

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