riddled with guilt - i don't like breast feeding

[pommesdeterreetfromageblanc]

My baby is 8 days old and I have been BF her. It has been quite hard as it really hurt me to start. I got some help and it is better now, although my boobs still hurt a lot, especially between feeds. She obviously hasn't got a routine yet but the past few days, she has been feeding 40 min on each boob per feed, plus cluster feeding in the evening for hours and hours (on the plus side she will sleep up to 5 hours). I have been up for 3 hours now, she wants some, then comes off, then sleeps and wakes after 5 min. It is doing my head in.

I am sick of having my boobs out 12 hours a day, leaking everywhere. I am trying to reason with myself as I know it is better for the baby, and for me and everyone says it gets better, but I am not enjoying it, and it is spoiling somewhat my relationship with my baby as I am dreading the next feed and resenting it after a while.

Everyday I contemplate switching to formula.... I want to be able to share the feeding with the dad or family when they come. I have quite a lot of milk so expressing is an option....

Anyone else out there like me :(

Thanks

Notafood scars?! Jesus! Mine are sore and cracked and bleeding but I don't think they are that bad, I don't think I will let it go that far. I am seeking a bit more support next week with a BF cafe session and also a BF session with a specialist... if after that I am still in pain, I will probably express for a while. I am very impressed you could BF after 6 weeks on the bottle.

Thanks Cansu I will need what's best for my family you are right... or I will feel guilty about that too (bloody (French) Catholic upbringing has a lot to answer for....!!)

Fantastic news, though so sorry that three people told you it was fine up until now

Most of my mums that have had TT snipped have had a few tough days after whilst you both get used to the new latch, but seeing as your little one is so new, hopefully that should happen quickly :)

Thinking of you.

feeding is part of being parent,not the whole deal.what matters is your wellbeing
if it hurts physically or mentally demanding you don't have to soldier on in pain,ff
feed how you wish,give yourself permission to enjoy being mum without guilt

DS2 is six weeks old today and I finally feel like I can bf comfortably (only at home, not in public yet). I've had mastitis & thrush (as a result of the antibiotics for mastitis) twice and a poor latch added cracked and bleeding nipples into the mix. I used to cry in pain while feeding & cry in dread of the next feed straight after feeding. But the guilt I felt at the thought of not bf was so strong that I continued. This guilt def came from me as my mum never got on with breast feeding and my husband just wanted me to be happy. But the guilt & amazing support from aoo midwife, who kept coming to the house as I couldn't drive after a c section enablee me to continue. Another huge help was nipple shields. Expressing made me bleed more but a nipple shield is more gentle and has made feeding pain free so I'd def recommend that to the OP. I'm now very glad I persevered but I do fully feel for you as I hated every feed. I would've given up if i hadn't of fed DS1 for 5 months as i want to try to do the same for both. It sounds like you are incredibly determined & I can't imagine the pain with tt but i just wanted to say it can get better quite quickly if you want to continue but if you decide not to, don't waste any of your baby's precious early days feeling guilty as a happy mummy is a happy baby. Good luxk whatever you decide.

Also six weeks in I'm actually glad to have to sit down for an hour at a time which is one of the biggest selfish reasons to continue! I missed that excuse to rest when I moved Ds1 onto formula!

Yep, scars! I'm a stubborn bugger, me!

Currently expecting DC2, so interested to see how things go this time, but I'll be more prepared and have nipple shields, pump, bottles, steriliser and formula at the ready. I was naive last time, and hadn't even considered that BF might not work.

I can't really remember DD's first couple of weeks except for a haze of tiredness and pain. Things will be different this time.

Also, getting her back on after bottlefeeding all that time was easier than I thought it would be because I had excellent support. That was another thing that scared me. "Once I give her a bottle, that's the end of BF." My brilliant BF counsellor basically told me to give myself time to heal up, don't worry in the slightest, and if I wanted to get her back on the boob, she'd help me do it.

Took the guilt and worry off my shoulders.

But, as I said, I understand the pain, it's fecking horrible, and I don't think anyone should let it get as far as I did just because of guilt and/or lack of support.

The first time I put a bottle in her mouth I felt both really guilty and incredibly relieved at the same time. Left DH feeding her and went for a long, hot shower, feeling like I might actually be able to carry on.

Do what you need to do to for your own sanity. A happy, healthy mum is better than a miserable, suffering one any day!

pommesdeterre My DS had 65% tongue tie, snipped at 10w (I was told by so many people that the latch was fine etc, I kept saying it bloody well was not, I fed DD for 12m and it never felt like somebody was attacking my nipples with a cheese grater... It took mastitis and a private lactation consultant to resolve the problem).

A very sympathetic HV recommended hydrogel patches. You can buy them in bigger Boots, etc. I bought some tommee tippee ones and some medela ones. One kind you need to rinse off before feeding. Sorry I can't remember which - but it's easy enough to do. I applied lansinoh first, then the patch, then a cold compress over the top, and left as long as possible. It certainly gave some relief from the cracks/bleeding.

As someone else said, it may not be perfect even after the snip. I'm still BF DS who's now 8m, but it's still frequently mildly uncomfortable. He was that much older when he had the tt snipped though. He has a habit of latching with his gums - now teeth. It is so much better than it was, however.

Very good point notafoodbabyanymore about being naive the first time around! I think that if I have another and it is as bad as DS, I still stand a better chance of successful BFing and I still intend to. As an example, I was told again and again whilst I was PG not to give the bottle to the baby - OMG it'll like ruin BFing forever - NOT! We ended up in A&E because DS (ages 3 days and with a low birth weight) did not wake up and feed for 18 hours - yet in my bloody stupid tired hormonal mind I could just hear the lady at the antenatel class saying that it would stop BFing working if I gave him a bottle of formula. Luckily that is of course the first thing they did in the hospital whilst I expressed and got my milk to come in. Then later our problems also turned out to be a tongue-tie and lip-tie but our appointment has taken 11 weeks to arrive so we long-ago reached for the formula - however because we had already saved his life with it in hospital, it made the guilt that much easier to bear :)

At 8 days I was still at the crying at feed time stage - that's how in pain I was. I stuck it out - it gets so much easier. I loved bf in the end. I bf dc1 for a year :)

Purplelooby I am still BF on one breast only to leave the other one time to heal. I too was scared to give my baby a bottle but I have now. She gets mostly my milk that I express in a bottle plus one breast. I have also given formula for the late night feed. So far, she seems ok with breast and teat, I hope it will carry on. I am still planning on mostly breast feeding her but I have now cross the barrier of giving my baby formula, and I am not feeling tooooo guilty just a little bit

I too cried most days from day 5... giving myself a break has helped and I have a better relationship with my baby as I am more patience... so far anyway!

Just to add my personal viewpoint, I ff dd1 because after a traumatic birth for both of us and lack of support she/we simply weren't getting it and she wasn't thriving. The guilt was huge and I was made to feel terrible by other mums but she thrived and is a healthy 7 year old. Dd2 I was determined to bf. and oh my god it hurt like fuck for 6 or 7 very long weeks, every feed, nothing wrong with latch or supply or anything and I cluster fed every night for weeks. But then suddenly, magically it was all fine and I am so glad I did persevere because actually it is SO much easier being out and about with a breast fed baby. And it makes me very cross that women aren't told that actually breast feeding can be fucking hard for a few weeks

piccalilli I fully fully agree with your last statement. At the moment all antenatel BFing advice is why you should do it, not how to do it or more importantly, what can go wrong. Of course, the reason it goes so wrong is that the antenatel BFing classes are only attended by people who already want to BF anyway, so the 'why it is better' message goes to the wrong people (i.e. those that already know this) and leads to the pressure issues discussed above without actually addressing any of the issues with BFing uptake. If they instead focused on possible problems, etc., they may find that the drop-out rate is lower.

I was prepared for BF to be hard... but it was harder than I thought, and more painful. I guess I did not factor for the hormones, tiredness, dealing with the changed etc.... BF on top of it all can make you quite depressed. All the mw think that 'I am doing great'... er not really... I am in pain, I dread feeding, I sometimes lose my patience even though I know my baby is tiny and she is doing her best too.... I am doing ok, definitely not great!

if bf is sore and a chore switch to ff
cut self some slack enjoy baby,without fretting about how you feed
feeding is small part if being mum,not the whole deal

I hated it to start with, I was in a massive amount of pain. I was going to give it up so many times. I ended up mixed feeding and this gave me the rest I needed. If it keeps you sane giving one bottle a day won't hurt. I wouldn't completely give up yet though, you may regret it.

I have found a balance. I breast feed with the ok breast, and I am expressing from the broken breast (bleeding nipple etc). I also give her a formula at night which seems to settle her. I am going to a BF clinic today for more help. I think we are getting there. I don't want to stop BF because I have loads of milk. So far she seems happy taking the breast and the teat, which is great.