Extended breastfeeding - are you 'normal'?

[nomoreminibreaks]

Before having DS (17mo), I had always planned to breastfeed and hadn't really thought about how long I would do it for. I figured 'not too long' as I'd seen documentaries about extended breastfeeding and they always seemed to feature women who I didn't identify with - more lentil weaving types.

I never had the common reaction of disgust at the idea of BFing a 3/4+ year old but just didn't put myself into that category - I'm pretty mainstream when it comes to most things.

But now DS is getting older I feel more and more wary about people knowing I still BF him as I know people don't see me as the 'type' for EBF.

It makes me wonder - are there secretly loads of us out there who sit back and let the more principled, lentil weaving types speak for us in public, thus distorting the view of women who choose EBF?

interesting about the big boobs being put to good use...

I was the opposite and have tiny boobs and thought I would jolly well prove that they were good for something

very proud of my body for sustaining two DCs (one bf until their 3rd birthday)

Me too, Tante

It was good to feel proud of them !

I'm still feeding my 22mo and am 13 weeks pregnant with no2 but I don't have any plans to stop and fully expect to tandem feed. I have a very normal office job, use disposables, have a buggy and quite enjoy fast food .

To a real lentil-weaving hippy I would look like a shoddy imitation at best. But then to most people, with my extended breastfeeding and my co-sleeping (and formally exclusive sling-usage for the first year), I look like a proper closet hippy. I'm not, I'm just very lazy. Path of least resistance and all that.

Ooh, can I ask - to those of you who tandem fed and coslept with both from birth, I have a question:

How the fuck did it work?!

I would seriously appreciate any advice, up to and including diagrams if necessary :o on how on earth you physically manage two feeding at night, where to put the baby, how to retain sanity, anything.

My DS is such an awful sleeper that I will be asking this question at every opportunity. I have the fear

How did it work? I dunno, it just did I carried on co-sleeping and BF both at night. Some nights it was like watching a tennis match, backwards and forwards for blimmin hours. But it worked and we survived! I found zero info about co-sleeping with two when I was expecting DD2 so I just made sure I stuck to the safety guidelines and made the rest up as I went along.

Ah, it was great co-sleeping with my two ...

How did it work ?

"There were three in the bed and the little one said "roll over, roll over", so they all rolled over and one fell out !"

As Eau said "I dunno, it just did" (was a long time ago for me) ... but happy memories, especially when I got up in the morning and I'd catch sight of them dozing away together - all disheveled and so cute - in the big bed there.
(Poor DH was kicked out to the futon for a while, but at least he got un-interrupted sleep. It was the best solution we could find. Not perfect, but life seldom is !)

One thing that might help TT is that my toddler only woke once or twice in the night whereas baby was feeding more often - so basically older child not much of a problem

DD was 2 when we stopped. I am not a hippy, nor do I weave lentils, didn't eat the placenta although did bury it under a tree, however I own some birkenstocks.

I fed to just under 2 years and plan to do the same with this one!
I don't think I fit the stereotype either.
I do like lentils and DS sleeps with us about 1 in 4 nights (like last night till he asked to return to his 'big boy bed' at 3am!) keen to use a sling but didnt get on with one, considered reusables but didnt use.
I also like fashion, nice make up, doing my hair, eating meat, trashy tv and have a professional job. Just adding a few stereotypes there myself!

I am planning to wait for DS to self-wean. He's 8 months at the moment, so not 'extended' yet.
I don't fit the typical, local bf 'profile' at all. I live in an area with low bf rates, especially in the under-30s age group. I do think in the bf group I attend, I look noticeably different than the other mums by the way I dress and things that I do, both parenting-wise and otherwise. I am also from a very working class background, whereas the others aren't. They are quite lentil-weavery and placenta eaty! I get on very well with them though.
I was asked by the group leader to train as a volunteer bf support worker, as a lot of the local mums didn't relate to the existing ones, even though they are fantastic.
From my experience of other bf mums, without even the 'extended' aspect, I can understand why the OP asked this question, but I also suspect that people who live in area where bf is more common would see lots of different 'types' of bf mums.

I bf DS to 2 and a half, and think I score fairly low on lentil weaver index! It certainally wasn't something I was ashamed of, but it's not something I announced either.

I don't think people (other than DH and v.close family/friends) are aware how long I fed for. This is because DS was feeding far less frequently and never asked when we were out etc - it tended to be when we were at home and he was tired. It also just didn't come up in conversation in the same way it does when you have a young baby iyswim. If someone asked me directly, I would tell them but those situations became increasingly rare. Think it just wasn't relevant (or people just assumed I'd stopped).

What a lovely thread. highlights for me are the little and large breasted ladies who gained pride and satisfaction in their boobs' new found use and maples who had her baby in a field. That made me laugh!

I don't know if I am lentil weavery. I guess it is something of a spectrum. I bf DS til he was 26m and I was pg with DS2. (Tandem feeding did feel a step too far and weaning DS1 was ridiculously easy at that point. If he'd kicked up a fuss I would have continued) But then I do co-sleep, use a sling, knit, sew, live in the country, bake bread, wear a toe ring. Actually I think the tow ring clinches it. No one else has admitted to a toe ring.

toe ring.

God only knows what a tow ring is. Sounds mechanical.

Great thread!

I think I'm the polar opposite of lentil weaving 'norm' extended bf'er! I'm 5'11, slim, never leave the house without make up on, hair in a reasonable state and like my fashion so normally in heals or nice flip flops etc. I'm feeding DD who is 12 months.

I stumbled upon the 'attachment parenting' concept after I had purchased a sling and started BLW'ing - as they were convenient for me, not because they're part of a 'concept'. I use disposable nappies as the thought of more washing than what I already have to do is just insane, and I spent a stupid amount of money on a buggy (which is fairness I don't use as often as I thought I would but still love my buggy). I cannot knit or crochet and you could never turn me vegetarian or vegan as I love my meat and dairy too much!! I also couldn't afford organic food.

I'm the first of my friends to breastfeed so it is a bit 'whoa' to them but I like to think that going beyond 12 months will normalise it and get them thinking about their choices when they have children. If not, that's fine too, it's up to them.

I was aiming for two-ish, but dd is five and still bf (only once or twice a day). I don't feel I'm making a statement, I just have a child who doesn't want to stop, and I don't mind enough to make her , (or value her feelings enough not to want to make her stop ). I'm not very lentil weaverish, I eat lentils yes, -v tasty-and I buy organic food but eat a lot of chocolate and cake. I wear lipstick and come out in a rash at the thought of tie-dye or harem pants. I've never been to a festival. I do also co-sleep, but because it seems normal rather than any ideology.

And dh opinion on our ebf is pride that I m comitted to doing the best for our child.

Plus I drive home from parties.

Oh, and any unstoppable crying / tantrums/ pain from injuries is magically resolved by waving. Boob at dd. His only negative comment ever was just to express that he can't do it too.

8 is near enough.

And yes coldcomforthearrt a toe ring does venture very near lentil weaving. If only because it suggests comfy hippy sandals to go with it.

I confess spending the summer in such foot wear is one LW trait I do subscribe to.

I would once of done long hippy skirts too, but DD2 forbids all non fashionable clothing departures by Mummy (EBF is absolutely and totally the only vaguely unconventional thing she has ever done).

Oh and she hates lentils and is an utter nightmare to take to lentil weaving veggi DSIL's as she hates 90% of veg.
(and yes DSIL did BF DCs as toddlers and maybe beyond, they live a long way away. She's a very private person and I certainly wouldn't ask.)

I think I'm fairly normal. I fed my eldest and middle daughter until last May when they stopped simultaneously during pregnancy. They were almost 5 and 2.5. The younger of the two still asks but has lost the ability, the oldest still considers herself as breastfeeding and will ask when she wants some (she just hasn't for the last year) still going with the 15 month old and I'm pregnant again!

Seen this ? BF a 4yr old is fine, but this seems just a bit OTT.

Ok she's rather earth mother and I'm not, but I can certainly relate to feeding sitting on the sofa like that.

DD had very firm opinions about dresses and underwired bras.

I had equally firm opinions on looking respectable and her waiting until later.

However, the only picture I have of DD feeding is when she is 2 days old. It's not even any use for promoting BFing because she's in a stupid position with her arm in the way. Certainly I have nothing for a film.

Also there's a slightly sad scene in that program of her older DD looking very left out. I don't think DD1 ever felt that way, she got loads of cuddles, reading to and conversation while I fed DD2 and much longer bed time stories off DH.

Also she'd hated BFing and didn't feel she was missing out at all.

Indeed she twigged how important it was to DD2 before I did.
She may be only 3 years older, but when it comes to knowing how to calm her sisters highly strung edges she's the expert.

Thus DD2 chose to continue feeding and I and maybe even more so DD1 chose to let her. DD

IME few lentil-weavers will admit to lentil-weaveryness. I joined a new 'natural parenting' group around here, and in the first couple of sessions where people were introducing themselves, virtually everyone said, "I'm not a hippy really." :) IMO some of them were.

DS is 2.8; I'm 31 wks pg and plan on tandemming. I would probably count tandem feeding as bordering on lentil-weaving, but only because it's relatively rare.

Most people round here think I'm a lentil weaver because I didn't do Gina Ford or Baby Whisperer, don't smack, did BLW, co-sleep (not that most people know it), used mostly cloth nappies (couldn't afford all disposables), was still bf'ing DS regularly in public till over the age of 2 and am planning on home educating him. Any one of those things would classify you as a lentil-weaver here.

But I'm not mentally a lentil-weaver so it doesn't count. I don't do stuff like sandals, festivals, knitting, organic stuff etc and I definitely couldn't manage to be veggie!

I like bf'ing because it makes life easier and gives me an excuse to lie in bed reading my book in the morning when I should be getting up.

DH would prefer it if I wasn't bf'ing. He thinks 12 months would be a good time to stop. But he recognises that life without it would be harder work, and that it's a convenient way of stopping tantrums, getting DS to sleep and getting DH a good night's sleep. (DH has been fully aware that me not bf'ing means him having to help with night wakings, which has only happened once ever so far - when I had to stay in hospital.)

Eau, you were supposed to say "my previously nightmare toddler suddenly started sleeping through when the baby was born and didn't need any night attention." Not this talk of tennis matches! I've more-or-less managed to night-wean DS but I have yet to work out how to deal with a newborn and a toddler who wakes up to 4 times a night on a completely random basis.

TermagentToaster, you should read Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower - loads of good info on bf'ing during pg and tandemming, including positioning and whether or not to wean.

Oh, I'm definitely a hippy, just not a lentil weaver

DD1 has started sleeping through! Well, as much as sleeping through is normal, she stirs a couple of times but then goes off again. I know this because DD2 has kept me awake all sodding night quite a few times in the past couple of weeks. Molars.

I breastfed dd2 till she was 3 and ds has finished recently aged 2.5. I didn't really tell anyone, apart from a few people I knew were supportive. I did tell some friends of a friend that I'd finished feeding dd aged 3 and I'd had a few drinks and was in an oversharing mood. I was met with bemusement and revulsion. Which baffled me, as I see it as totally normal. Which it is!

Oh, I did tandem feed for a while. I only fed ds at night, dd was night weaned - I couldn't have coped with that. She did become very fat and didn't eat much after ds was born, as she guzzled all the rich milk!

I co-slept, but not really as a parenting philosophy, just because it was the easiest way to get them to sleep.

I love this thread! Especially all of our comedy descriptions of what we think 'normal' is or what hippies and lentil weavers are like! Very reassuring. I'm generally pretty happy with my bf-ing and it meaning I haven't been out in the evening since DD was born (nearly 13 months), But I do sometimes have wavery moments and think "OMG am I doing something wrong, everyone else with babies is bottle feeding and going on nights out and I am still bf DD to sleep and feeding at night, I am clearly a freak / bad mother". It's just nice to be reminded that I'm not the only one. Thank you ladies!