Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

[WhatTheHellJustHappened]

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

While I don't agree with your position, I do feel it is completely your decision and should be respected.

I had a ex that said if we were to have children I would bf. That announcement made me very anti-bf and I lapped up all evidence that said the difference between the methods was negligible. I assumed I wouldn't bf but would give it a go and see how I got on. I honestly thought I would stop after a few weeks. I didn't even raise my hands in the ante-natal classes to say I was interested in bf. I bf DD to 14 months and hope I continue longer with DS.

Anyway that pressure someone can put on you is horrible. While I understand a part of you DH may be thinking why can't she just try what is best (is his opinion) for our baby, I am sorry for you that he cannot leave the situation alone despite you giving him your reasons. Must feel like is not respecting you a lot right now which I would find hard to take.

As an aside, if one of the issues is that culturally you wouldn't feed outside, is this one that he agrees with. That alone would be terrible for my mental health and probably reason to FF (or express with the one DC).

ps if you do express colostrum you don't need a pump. Just hand express a few ml into a sterile syringe. DD took more than day to latch on so I did this a few times.

I think it's pathetic to not even attempt to give a brand new baby colostrum from the breast because you can't be arsed.

It's such a monumentally selfish and stupid decision that it blows my mind that anyone would make it.

If I was having a baby with someone who was planning to make that choice, I would have serious regrets about the mother I had chosen for my child.

Women get to make lots of choices I think they should have the freedom to make but don't support.

I didn't think it was very subtle at all-have I missed something?

"We're all mothers just trying to do our best"

Well, apart from the ones refusing to do what they know is best because they can't be bothered.

AThingInYourLife that is bang out of order. Women don't want to bf for many reasons and strangely calling them pathetic isn't going to change their mind or even get them to listen to you.

Op you've mentioned a couple of reasons but said there are others would you like to share? Can I ask where you live?

Well, not so subtle would have been "you are being stupid" (like you posted previously).

Mind you I was FF so its entirely possible I actually AM stupid

If you have suffered enormous conflict with your own body image I understand that by breastfeeding you would have to share your body with the world a little more, I think this distress is a valid reason to not bf.

Athing - please oh please say that to a fiesty new mother and tell us what happens.

Infact please dont, please just think on, one day it might be your daughter in this position being called pathetic, selfish and stupid

athinginyourlife I won't ask if you meant that to sound so rude, becuase you clearly did....

So would a BF'ing mum with severe PND due to hating BF still be better, in your eyes, than a FF'ing mum who actually liked spending time with her baby?

I hope I never have the misfortune to meet a certain poster in real life. That's got to be the nastiest post I've ever read on MN and that takes some doing!

Really Cherry, I hope I do

Timewastingaway - please don't worry about explaining to your children as they get older. I don't think you need to. I doubt they will want to know . Although we haven't discussed it, my mum didn't bf me, tried briefly with my brother and bf my sister for 9 months. I honestly couldn't care less. And as for 'obesity begins with formula' - I am the slimmest of the three of us by a mile. There are so many other factors involved in the health of a child.

I am truly horrified though by the pressure being put on the OP to breastfeed, both by people on here and her DH. This is a woman's body and her decisions about what she wishes to do with it should be respected. There are many deep-seated, cultural, psychological and other reasons why a woman does not wish to breast feed and she does not have to explain herself. It's not as simple as 'giving it a go'.

I have bf two babies, but as others have said the reason I was able to do that was because I wanted to.

The OP has made it clear that she will not change her mind, and I've no interest in encouraging her to do so.

I'm just interested in the whole "this is what is right for me" line of argument when it comes to parenting choices.

Sure, it's your body. That's why you can get pissed and take heroin when you're pregnant - nobody can make you do what you don't want to do.

But if you make selfish choices that are harmful to you foetus/baby, they are probably going to make judgments about that.

The idea that we must all "respect" a decision not to bother breastfeeding at all because you don't fancy it baffles me.

Sure, don't bother. But don't expect people to respect you for it.

Yes Timewastingaway - your children wont care I promise you. I was BF for about 3 weeks and then FF. I was premature and my mum suffered 9 miscarriages between me and my older Bro. Im just glad that she is the best mum in the world and to be frank how she fed me doesnt, and will never, matter EVER.

IMO The method of how we were fed is maybe 1mm on the timeline of our lives so in the grand scheme of things its right down there with whether we had the odd jar of food and if our mums used disposable or reusable nappies.

"So would a BF'ing mum with severe PND due to hating BF still be better, in your eyes, than a FF'ing mum who actually liked spending time with her baby?"

A BFing woman who hates BFing can stop.

That outcome is not possible in this scenario, because there never will be any breastfeeding.

This is about never putting your baby to your breast, because you can't be bothered.

Your dichotomy is simplistic anyway - what if the mother FF and still gets severe PND? Or hates breastfeeding but doesn't get PND?

There is no reason to think that trying to breastfeed causes severe PND.

Athing

I don't think it's right to berate a person for circumstances they feel they can't bf in. Instead of demonizing people, why not help work to make society a place where these reasons are not then an issue. Whether that be people's general attitudes, a more educated population (e.g. most people still don't know about cluster feeding) or having good access to bf support as standard including the post-natal wards and clued up HVs/GPs.

"The OP has made it clear that she will not change her mind, and I've no interest in encouraging her to do so."

So you'll just post shitty little comments designed to make people feel guilty?

"I'm just interested in the whole "this is what is right for me" line of argument when it comes to parenting choices.

Sure, it's your body. That's why you can get pissed and take heroin when you're pregnant - nobody can make you do what you don't want to do."

Do you really believe that making a choice on which milk you feed your baby is comparable to shooting up or getting drunk while pregnant? If so then I guess it explains your fairly outrageous views

slightly off topic response to a comment way further up from larry
"... bronchiolitis ... is a serious and common disease in young babies, being one of the biggest reason neonates end up in PICUs. One of the biggest protective factors is breast feeding." I ebf all my babies and ds3 got bronchiolitis at 8weeks.

I do find it strange that the OP is not prepared to BF but will express colostrum. Colostrum is worth expressing but not breastmilk? I tried to express colostrum for my lazy dc1 and couldn't get a drop out - you need a very good pump (mine was manual).

Your Dh does need to respect that it's your body and your choice so if you have made a fully informed decision, and genuinely have very good reasons to prove that vaginal birth and breastfeeding are going to make life very difficult for you and your baby then that should be the end of the discussion.

I really can't see how it's not worth trying. Every mother who breastfeeds, no matter for how long, will stop breastfeeding one day. Is that really a reason not to start or try?

HateBeing
I live in the UK, in London. I'm sure women feed in public here, but I simply cannot. Nevertheless, that isn't the only reason behind my decision.

PosieParker
I think you've described one of my reasons very well.

AThing

I'll choose to ignore your comments.

natural baby

You need to read all my posts;)

"There is no reason to think that trying to breastfeed causes severe PND."

What about a woman who doesnt want to BF because her mum died of breastcancer so she has issues with breasts anyway. Gets told she is selfish, cant possibly care about her baby etc, so she decides to give it a go to shut people up, with the intention of only fdoing it for a week or so. She hates it but cant forget she was called selfish, perhaps pathetic, for not wanting to try it so carries on. 4 months later she tries to kill herself because she hates every feed, hates that she cant go out anywhere, hates that she hates bfing.

her counseller gives her 'permission' to stop, within 3 months she is back to her old self, but now suffers deep regret and further depression that the first few months of her babies life were filled with such anger and sadness.

This happened to a very good friend of mine. yes it is only one story and is no proof of anything, but its naive to think that breastfeeding is a miracle for all concerned, and even more naive to think that just having a bit of a forceful opinion wont have a profound effect on another mum, just like you.

I cant stand this "i say what I like and I like what I bloody well say" shite that comes with breastfeeding. Like I said earlier upthread stick a nipple on it and everyone thinks they have a god given right to come out with all sorts of bollocks.

I can imagine the self satisfied little nods of smugness that would arise if OP does come back and says "oh ok I'll give it a go". People will go back to their tea and biscuits and forget about it while Op could well end up like my mate

My comments are not designed to make the OP feel guilty.

Why should she feel guilty?

She thinks it's reasonable to not bother feeding her baby because it doesn't please her.

How can I make the world into the kind of place where women who don't fancy breastfeeding will suddenly fancy it?

Women who want to breastfeed but can't, or who would like to try but feel it would be too difficult deserve support.

Women who won't breastfeed because they don't want to and have decided against all evidence that it is of no value to their baby don't need support.

AThing is a midwife.

Well they don't need your support that's for sure.

And if you suspect the op, or anyone, isn't feeding their babies I would urge you to notify the relevant authorities

OP I did read all your posts, they've not answered my questions which is why I posted them. I genuinely don't understand your thinking because it's totally opposite to mine (but I don't mean that I'm right and you're wrong). You don't have to explain yourself but the reasons you have given have led people to call you selfish and lazy for not wanting to try to BF, so it's hard for many to support your decision and help you with your issue with your DH.

I'm sure you have very valid reasons. I have big issues with my body but it lead me to have the total opposite experience you are planning (home birth, ebf - I never fed any of my babies in front of my family/close friends, pretty much always/only used private rooms when out in public).