Husband/Partner's opinion on feeding baby

[WhatTheHellJustHappened]

Did anyone face opposition from their SO regarding formula feeding?

I will most likely formula feed. Most babies in my family are formula fed. I'm aware of the benefits of bf but I just don't think it's the end of the world to ff.

My husband is constantly arguing with me over this decision because he wants me to breastfeed the baby. Anyone else faced a similar problem? What did you do about it?

Let's not turn this into a thread where I get lectured about the benefits of bf because I'm well aware of them, but I just don't think it's the right choice for me.

OP the difference gdenerally isnt earth shaking, its milk. One is from a human boob, the other is made from a cows boob that humans drink anyway.

Please ignore people screeching and clutching their pearls over people who dont want to BF. Its not that you cant be arsed, its just not the right path for you. Im sure you will be a better parent than some who BF in other ways, or in other words as you can clearly see bfing doesnt necessarily make you a good person.

FWIW I dont think its helpful to speculate on whether OP is dreading motherhood. Some people just dont want to BF, that doesnt mean they dont want to be a mother, and yes it does feel odd to some people, that doesnt mean you need counselling by any stretch of the imagination. I think some people are that wrapped up in their own feelings on BF its hard to imagine that someone may simply not want to, so its easier to think that the person has some sort of issue.

and as a side there is nothing wrong with putting your feelings first sometimes OP. I genuinely think if more new mothers did this there would be less cases of PND.

actually thinking on this a bit more even if OP is dreading it isnt that perfectly normal to a degree? I know I went through regret, happiness, shock, dread, dread and more dread when I got pg with both my DCs and they were planned!

Unless it is all consuming dread it is totally normal, christ becoming a mother is a massive thing, of course some people will dread it, yet want it at the same time.

PosieParker

I am not dreading motherhood. I am simply not enjoying pregnancy or looking forward to the prospect of giving birth. I don't think this is all that unusual?

As for breastfeeding, I've already make my opinion crystal clear on that.

I like children and I am not simply going along with this because I have to.

Motherhood is a cherished thought- pregnancy and childbirth are NOT.

its not that unusual OP, it really isnt

It's not unusual to not want to BF, but good job it's 2012 had it been decades ago your baby would have died. BF is proven to help PND is it not?

had it been decades ago your baby would have died or OP would have BFd knowing she had no other choice. Its wrong to imply that the OP would have let her DC die rather than BF when left with no other choice.

BF is proven to help PND is it not? Had I continued BF, I would have ended up a hollow shell of a woman. As soon as I made the decision to switch to FF I felt a huge weight lifted.

I haven't read all the posts here so sorry if I'm repeating others but I wanted to throw my hat into the ring and say that I know bfing mums (I'm one), ff mums who tried bfing and it didn't work out and ff mums who knew they didn't want to bf and so didn't. All are fab mums with healthy cute funny little people. I don't really think that's the issue here though - seems to me OP wants opinions and advice on communicating her wishes to her DP without excluding him.

For the birth, perhaps you can involve him by writing a birth plan together. The c-section/vag birth decision isn't the only one you need to make and he can be involved in loads more... Eg who cuts the chord, announces the gender, names the baby, is there muysic playing, what about vit K supplements. Perhaps he would feel more involved if you made these choices together?

As for feeding, I'm not sure. My DP was incredible supportive of my choice to BF even though it was very difficult for the first few months. As others have said, once your baby is here, it might be less of an issue. One thing I would say though is that expressing colostrum is a pain in the you-know-what. My DD was in NICU and nil-by-mouth for the first little while so I expressed for her and it was awful and tricky. To put it into context, I was expressing into a 1ml syringe and if I lost even a drop, it was a catastrophe. It's quite thick so you can't really express into a wider vessel and then decant - it's a case of catching each measley drop and getting it in the syringe. I frequently got 0.2 of 0.3 ml after an hour of expressing and that was deemed a success. The baby will be much better at extracting it quickly and without faff from source. If you don't think you can face it, fair enough, just wanted you to know the ins and outs of colostrum-expressing!

Didnt they have wet nurses decades ago for women who couldnt / didnt want to BF?

BF doesnt always help PND, my friend I talked about above is a prime example of how it caused it.

Ayway Posie, OP said earlier on that one of your permissible reaosns for not wanting to BF apply to her.

well that's alright then! I'll tackle the kitchen cupboards instead and move away from this thread!!

nooooooo if this thread ends I'll also have to do some housework. Come back and fight you wuss!!!

If women don't bf they should have children. grrrrr hot air [shakes fist]

If you don't bf, you don't deserve to be a mother. Pain relief in childbirth should not be allowed. The pain you'll endure will make you a better woman.
HTH lemon

LOL thanks for obliging, you bunch o bastards

if you dont BF your boobs just......drop off

Gosh I was so angry I forgot to type should not!!!

Yes, indeed Lemon that's because being less of a woman for it, you don't deserve them anymore. I read some research about that on the net. So it IS true.

no Posie you were right the first time

DialM I actually read once, somewhere, that if you dont BF you turn into a man and if youre lucky for your boobs to not just fall off then they turn into testicles

oh i had better do some ironing, the pile isnt getting any smaller

LOL!

If it makes anyone feel better, I have piles of paperwork to do and I've just been sitting here and completely ignoring it.

Well, I am waiting for labour to start. 39 weeks today, bored and too lazy to do anything useful besides baking cakes.

'As for the difference between formula and breast milk- I genuinely don't think the difference is earth shaking.'

When you have your baby, just taste it for a start - it's like making them drink chalk for the first six months of their life, as opposed to sweet warm milk.

Be as selfish as you like, just stop trying to justify it.

You have issues, you are putting them before your baby's welfare - just say it.

Mode of delivery is entirely your business.

To decide to not even try and breastfeed is very different. Your husband has every right to say that his opinion of you is drastically lowered by this decision.

The point is that you cannot know how you might feel about it. I speak as a person with, I think, similar issues about feeling exposed and out of control at the prospect of pregnancy, birth, feeding.

They are very dificult feelings to handle precisely because they are so unique to this period in your life - you can't imagine beforehand how you will feel.

I had a difficlt pregnancy and major issues around handling the birth, which did not go very well.

By contrast, breastfeeding felt completely different to how I thought it would. I felt very in control and able to take ownership of it and it very much helped the post-natal period in every sense.

Reading back the first part of my post is very harsh. As soon as I read your OP I felt a rush of anger and regret for you and a need to try and get across to you that you might really be taking the wrong tack with the issue of feeding and taking an approach which may leave you feeling more 'alienated' through the process than you would have otherwise.

You may not get on with feeding. You may love it. The FACT is that you cannot know until you try it. To decide in advance is an illogical position to take and I would urge you to reconsider, simply because it is an important decision FOR YOU TOO. Don't be left wondering, once you're four months in and in a totally different place, whether you might have missed out.

GoPoldark

Funnily, I have tasted formula. As I mentioned, formula is the norm in my family and I've babysat plenty of my nieces and nephews during which I did get a chance to have a taste. Didn't taste like chalk to me.

I accept that my husband's opinion is drastically lowered by my 'selfishness'.
As long as he accepts that my opinion of him has lowered significantly by his tendency to completely disregard my feelings and his attempts to control me by using shaming, chauvinistic tactics.

Despite your assertions to the contrary, I can know before hand how I will feel about something. I've never given birth, but I know myself and I know I'll hate it. I've never had lesbian sex but I'm quite sure I won't enjoy it.

You can't blame your DH for wanting what's best for your baby.
You'd have grounds for complaint if he didn't care.
There is of course a difference between gentle persuasion and trying to railroad someone.
What is your DH doing?

It isn't gentle persuasion, that's for sure.

I can't blame him for wanting what's best for the baby. But you can't blame me for wishing he'd care about my feelings and psychological issues a bit more. If I can't expect sensitivity from DH, then who do I expect it from?

He's made it clear that my feelings and preferences don't matter.

Honestly, this has zero to do with whether you are 'justified' in what you feel, whatthehell...and everything to do with your relationship.

Of course no one, married, related, partnered or whatever, has a right to insist on you doing anything or not doing anything with your body and that includes breastfeeding.

You are describing an unhappy aspect of your relationship, where you both resent each other and seem unable to breach the gap between you. Are there other issues apart from pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding where this is apparent?
I hope you get it sorted.

"Her's made it clear that my feelings and preferences don't matter."

Errrr, isn't that what you are also doing to him by spouting the old "my body, my choice" line. (By the way, it's not his fault he can't give birth.) Look, it sounds like you are both pretty similar actually, both professing your opinion to be the best, most logical, and merrily lowering your opinions of one another. There have been loads of suggestions on how to gently resolve this by commuinicating and compromising. Babies are knackering and can pick holes in even the strongest, most united team. My new advice is to get off your computer, forget the paperwork and have an honest conversation (not an argument) with him. Nothing else will sort it out.

(Please don't hit me Hairylemon)