Right, that's IT, I am going to night wean her and this time I will bloody well succeed

[ohbugrit]

I posted a few days ago and got lots of lovely posts reminding me why BFing my 19 month old DD is a good thing. However, after another shite night totalling 3 hours sleep I am at the end of my tether -I haven't had more than a handful of nights with more than 4 or 5 hours undisturbed sleep for five years now and I am miserable, grumpy, overweight, run down and a crap mother as a result.

DH is off this weekend so I'm planning to leave him to it for 3 nights. After that he is working nights so I'll just have to tough it out by myself.

She can sleep without a BF but prefers to feed to sleep. I'm thinking of just camping out in the chair next to her cot . And for naps either doing the same or going out in the pushchair. How does that sound?

She's entered a seriously tantrummy stage so I am terrified but I have to do this now - can't go on.

Don't be angry with me, Ivana. It's not my fault that you don't know what the word "wonderment" means

Hop - What you posted does make sense. I agree, what he says is sensible and empathetic.

Thanks for the cheering posts :)

She's barely asking for a BF at night now which is great but she's waking loads still. I'm sitting next to her just now as she tosses and turns. So much for my early night!

Perhaps this is as good as it gets.

Ohbugrit - I've found that any changes my two have made have hardly ever been linear. Although some people seem to get results in a few days, it seems to take longer for others. I hope you have the energy to see it through longer as it sounds like you are making some progress. Are you able to settle her back to sleep when she does wake? I used some of the NCSS techniques on my micro napper to get him to nap for one hour during the day. It took some time but he mostly got there in the end (although my back may never forgive me).

Cote - sorry but I'm still giggling that you agree with Jay Gordon who says that babies shouldn't be night weaned until at least one year old....

I said I agree with what Hop posted, not the guy's entire worldview.

Both of mine stopped feeding in the night before 6 months. I know many who slept through on their own around that time. So clearly, he is wrong on that point.

If that made you giggle, you must be really bored. Anyway, glad to help

Ohbugrit - That sounds like great progress. Now it is time to leave the room and let her get with it. Why are you sitting next to her? If she cries, go in & comfort her, then quickly leave.

My son was exactly like your dd op. I did exactly what you did but he still woke freqently in the night and seemed unable to settle himself. We started co-sleeping and bingo!!! He has slept through the night ever sice. He is four now and still spends mopst of the night in our bed..but I care not as I am fast asleep. Worth a go?

Core - he is not wrong on that point, he just has a different opinion to you. God I'm not saying you're wrong either, I just choose to do things differently too. I the first to say yo people that if you want quick results, controlled crying clearly works - however it has only ever made me utterly miserable. So I don't do it. But I don't think anyone who chooses to do it that way is "wrong". If I came on here and said that formula feeding was "wrong", I'd quite rightly be shot down in flames.

OP, you're really getting there. As the post below says, progress isn't going to be linear. Yes leave her if you want to and it's certainly one solution. On the other hand, as the article linked by Hop says, you don't need to.

It took my son until he was 2 to sleep through. He is now the best sleeper I know. I have never done controlled crying. So I truly believe you will get there if you give it time.

Just to stress the point - not that I would think you were wrong should you choose to do controlled crying. But it is absolutely NOT necessary should you not wish to do it.

Say to people, not yo people, clearly - I'm not a gangster, honest

I should have explained better.

When some "experts" say "babies shouldn't be night-weaned", this is a gross generalization, not just an opinion, and the assumption is that they are not ready. As I said below, the counter-example of my two as well as many babies I know who have on their own slept through the night shows that this assumption is indeed wrong.

The reality is that babies are physically capable of going through the night without a feed by the time they are about 6 months old, and many of them do. However, each family's circumstances are different and these of course weigh on the decision to night-wean or not.

In short, blanket statements like "babies shouldn't be night-weaned" are patently wrong, for many are, with great results, and many others self-wean.

I ::think:: it is mainly because 6-12 month old babies should be getting most of their calories and nutrition from milk and mothers tend to produce much better if they feed at night because prolactin levels are higher at night.

Better than what? If you have abundant milk, would you really need to sacrifice essential rest for the elusive goal of "better milk production? Like SIL, still breastfeeding my 1.5 year old niece who has been sleeping through since she was 3-4 months old.

Also, if mummy is shattered because she hasn't slept properly for six months, is "but you will produce milk better" a good enough reason for the entire family to continue suffering? And will a relaxed, rested and happy mum not produce milk better than a worn out, tired, and depressed one?

OhBugrit - how were the last 2 nights? Sorry to sound like a stalker but am willing you success so I can repeat when we decide to go for it...

Pretty rubbish. Well, she's had a number of nights with a long sleep to start with, which is promising, but then she's awake for hours when she does wake. DH was up and down from 3.30 until 5.30am :(

No night feeds for a fortnight now. She's been crying and droning on for two hours so far tonight. I'm tired and very very pissed off. Night wakings I can tolerate. Night wakings lasting hours on end, all the time, I have had my fill of. Hacked off.

How much sleep is she having in the day?

Sorry I haven't posted - have been out of reception. Poor you - you must be shattered as well as v fed up. Have you had any more progress in the last couple of days?

Can you get a daytime sleep sometime in the next day or so to help clear your head before you decide what to do next. You are probably better adjusted than me but I can't make sensible decisions when I'm tired.

Do you think she is getting a longer chunk of sleep until about 2am? And could you live with that for a bit and try extending it in a week or so when you have recovered some sanity? Or do you think that if you feed her at 2 or 4am she will just go back to regular night time wakings?

Hope you can get a break soon.

Started reading this thread with interest. Although now I've read through to the end, I'm not so sure I want to night wean my 21 month old anymore! I'm worried that even if I do stop BFing at night, she will still wake up a lot at night and I'd have lost the most valuable parenting tool to get her back to sleep fastest with the minimum of distress for her and least hassle for me.

At the moment she wakes up about 2/3 times to feed and I just latch her on and go back to sleep as we co-sleep. Some days I do feel sleep deprived, but most days I feel fine, so in a way I don't want to rock the boat, but I would love some uninterrupted sleep - I've not had that for 3.5yrs now as my DS is also not a great sleeper and despite not been BF since he was 10 months still hardly ever sleeps through (although it doesn't affect me as my DH goes in and cuddles him back to sleep again).

Good luck OP!

choc, don't do it. DS was BFing at night until 2 and a bit, cosleeping, and it's survivable. DD doesn't settle in our bed or I'd still be happily feeding her at night!

Things are OK. She's waking every night, sometimes going back to sleep with a bit of persistence from us, sometimes just crying and whingeing for ages. Last night she cried and dozed from 2 until 4.30am and then when I gave her milk she grabbed it, drank it lying in the cot then settled immediately. I don't honestly think she's managing enough food in the day to go all night without milk. She's incredibly active and struggles to stay still long enough to eat at dinner time.

So overall better, but still pretty shit

Anyway, if anyone can think of a way to end the months of waking up to spend 2 hours droning on and whining night after sodding night, apart from night weaning which hasn't sorted it, I'm all ears.

ohbugrit does she wake up at the same time every night?

No - she's awake just now, crying and sleepy. She has stinky breath tonight and seems restless so maybe it'stonsillitis. She's 100% fine during the day though.

Bizarrely my DD has stinky breath too. I googled and apparently it can be down to teething as well as illness.

The reason I was asking if she wakes at the same time is that there's a technique called "wake to sleep". Basically, you rouse the baby gently about an hour before they normally wake up, not enough to wake them but just to make them stir. It's meant to help them reset the sleep clock. It's from the Baby Whisperer. I am going to try it on my DD.

What's her bedroom like? Is it dark or do you have night lights etc? I've just bought a revolving nightlight for DD that she adores - she lies in her cot watching the light patterns on the ceiling.

Good luck tonight!

Thanks :) she's still weepy and tossing and turning. It's always 2 hours before she settles down!

How odd. And random! There's nothing that could be waking her - boiler coming on etc? What does your DH think?