Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Right, that's IT, I am going to night wean her and this time I will bloody well succeed

131 replies

ohbugrit · 24/04/2012 07:51

I posted a few days ago and got lots of lovely posts reminding me why BFing my 19 month old DD is a good thing. However, after another shite night totalling 3 hours sleep I am at the end of my tether -I haven't had more than a handful of nights with more than 4 or 5 hours undisturbed sleep for five years now and I am miserable, grumpy, overweight, run down and a crap mother as a result.

DH is off this weekend so I'm planning to leave him to it for 3 nights. After that he is working nights so I'll just have to tough it out by myself.

She can sleep without a BF but prefers to feed to sleep. I'm thinking of just camping out in the chair next to her cot . And for naps either doing the same or going out in the pushchair. How does that sound?

She's entered a seriously tantrummy stage so I am terrified but I have to do this now - can't go on.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbugrit · 30/04/2012 21:32

Well that's good to know and stuff but not hugely constructive ...

She caved and went to sleep more easily than I'd expected. How often she wakes and how outraged she will get remains to be seen!

Sorry for chronicling this here, I know it's all very dull, but it helps me to stay galvanised and positive.

OP posts:
crikeybadger · 30/04/2012 21:36

Sounds like you're moving in the right direction ohbugrit.

Hope later on goes OK, you're on your own tonight aren't you?

Original poster
ohbugrit · 30/04/2012 22:42

Yep, all on my lonesome but I've had three nights sleep so I can do anything! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ohbugrit · 01/05/2012 00:59

This isn't good :( she's reallyly cross.

OP posts:
StrawberryMojito · 01/05/2012 01:42

Stick with it, this will probably be your worst night if it is the first one your DH isn't home. Am watching with interest as I have a 6 month old frequent waker.

Original poster
ohbugrit · 01/05/2012 02:29

Thanks that's what I needed to hear just now :)

FWIW I'd never have done it when she was younger (I didn't night wean DS at all and he gave up himself)because I can't bear the crying. I'm soft !

OP posts:
StrawberryMojito · 01/05/2012 08:28

I'm soft too and my DS will scream the house down if I try and refuse him. Interestingly though, he stayed overnight once at my mums and although he still woke frequently, he allowed himself to be rocked or cuddled back to sleep so I know he can do it.

hardboiledpossum · 01/05/2012 14:17

CoteDAzur Lots of people consider Controlled Crying or Cry it out to be cruel. I do agree with you that it is important to be consistent though.

ohbugrit I would concentrate on getting her to sleep through without milk and then if she carries on waking up after a week of no milk try teaching her to self settle so she doesn't need you there.

This might be of some use drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Fwiw I night weaned DS at 14 weeks but he was only having a tiny 5 minute feed at 5am. At 12 weeks I eliminated the 3am feed. This might sound harsh but at no point was he ever distressed and I was always with him. Anyway he did sleep through pretty quickly but at around 7 months old began waking frequently for comfort. So night weaning isn't always the main problem sometimes they will wake for comfort and you have to tackle that. I never wanted to leave DS to cry so have been trying gradual retreat with some success. He is 14 months btw.

CoteDAzur · 01/05/2012 16:17

Excuse me - when have I advocated controlled crying or even less, crying it out?

I said "Go in when she cries. Kiss, pat/shh, say 'It's time to sleep' whatever and then go out. Repeat as necessary." Where on earth is the cruelty in that? Hmm

I'm sorry to say that there aren't fifty different ways to sleep train a baby, or as with OP's DD, a toddler. You need to Stop Night Feeds, then comfort them as best as you can when they wake, without playing, talking loads, turning on lights, or otherwise giving them the impression that it is OK to stay up. Be consistent with this, and they will shortly sleep through as their metabolism adjusts.

Original poster
ohbugrit · 02/05/2012 03:35

She's only just woken up now, and she sounds so sleepy that I'm hovering in the hall as I'm not sure I need to go in! Excited!

OP posts:
DW123 · 02/05/2012 06:05

Ohbugrit - hope your night went ok. From other posts it sounds as though it may have been one of the hardest. Have no sensible advice sorry as I'm still feeding my 12mo twins when they wake. But am looking to at least reduce the wakings for one of them - possibly with night weaning - so really need to know how you're getting on, and hoping you have magical success by, oh tonorrow night at least...

Original poster
ohbugrit · 02/05/2012 07:18

OK so she ended up awake for two hours and only slept after I gave her a cup if milk. She was starving.

Don't know what this means but I'll persevere.

OP posts:
tooscary · 02/05/2012 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaChocoholic · 02/05/2012 08:36

DW, we have been half night weaning this week, dts are 19 months, just. dp slept in their room and resettled when they woke. most wakings were surprisingly easy, but 430 am was awful, so I've been going to feed then. we have a 4 year old too, and he has to sleep so we can't let them cry too long in the early hours. it seems to be working, each has slept till 5 one night without waking. but last night dp needed a full night's sleep (3 broken nights too much, even though I've done every night waking for 18 months!). dt2 woke but wouldn't resettlement for me without milk so he had an extra 11pm feed.

tbh, I don't think this would have worked at 12mo as they were not good eaters then either. yours may be better?

obr, think it's good she settled after a cup of milk, it's still a step away from bf, and you can make the milk increasingly dilute and uninteresting if she does still wake for it. my problem is that dt2 either sucks it cries to sleep every time, he can't just lie down and sleep.

hardboiledpossum · 02/05/2012 14:23

CoteDAzur I must have misunderstood you. When you you spoke of going out of the room it sounded as though you were suggesting controlled crying. Are you actually suggesting she only leaves the room for a second and then comes straight back in?

Original poster
ohbugrit · 03/05/2012 14:43

She slept until 4.30am then went back to sleep after an hour .I gave her a cup of milk but she wasn't desperate for it. I then had to wake her at 7.30 so we're possibly getting somewhere! :)

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 03/05/2012 17:28

ohbugrit - It sounds like you fed her twice in the night. Am I understanding this right?

You need to be careful not to teach her one very dangerous lesson: That she gets milk if she cries long enough.

spammertime · 03/05/2012 23:04

God cote, give her a break. A cup of milk twice is miles better than bf on demand. You clearly have different views on night feeding which is fine but I get the impression the OP is after some encouragement rather than chastisement.

OP you are doing brilliantly. Cups of milk are such a huge step forward. My DS1 stopped night feeding at about that age - he was much easier than my DS2 was or my DD will be as he was onto bottles. The reason this was easier was because in bottles we could very gradually water down his milk over a week or so - so he started the week on 8oz of milk at 2am, a week later it was 7oz water and 1oz of milk. He quickly adjusted to the loss of calories at night and slept much better.

DS2 wouldn't take bottles and we did have to go cold turkey. Night weaning DS1 was the method I preferred, the child who seemed happier at the time and who is the far better sleeper now.

Anyway long post but beakers is a huge leap forward. You'll do it!

Original poster
ohbugrit · 04/05/2012 09:24

She's had milk in the night from a cup, only once each night. She was trying to sleep but got progressively more miserable. So I gave her cows milk. Then she slept.

She's been eating huge breakfasts so is obviously taking more food to compensate but isn't eating well at dinner. I could stuff her with rubbish in order to make her sleep longer but I don't want to. If she sleeps through until 4am that's massive progress for us.

However, DH took last night off work so went to her when she woke at 2am and it took 4 hours, a cup of milk and a dose ofCalpol to get her back to sleep. Go figure.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 04/05/2012 20:24

spammer - I am giving OP advice, not a hard time. "Give her a break" is completely uncalled for.

If ever I need someone to tell me what to write on MN, I will give you a shout. Until then, do please back off.

CoteDAzur · 04/05/2012 20:25

You don't need to stuff her with rubbish food in the evening. Does she like pasta? If you let her eat heaps of pasta (which is not "rubbish"), then you will be sure that she is not waking up with hunger. Would that make it easier for you to think of her night wakings as habit (which can be broken)?

crazy88 · 04/05/2012 20:45

Genuinely doubt that a 19 month old who eats reasonably well during the day can be hungry in the night. It sounds more like a habit that you rightly want to break. I honestly wouldn't offer milk in any form during the night. Going in and shushing them and then leaving the room without picking her up, repeat as necessary like Cote says and eventually she will be so bored by the predictability she won't bother. It's not cruel, it's common sense and it works Smile

MamaChocoholic · 04/05/2012 22:32

can only assume cote and crazy you have more compliant children than me. my dts are same age as the op's. dt2 already on a mattress on floor because he vomited when put in cot. he won't eat pasta, carbs in general. I got all excited today because he ate 3/8 of a cheese sandwich.

if you have never been in the position of getting up every 1-2 hours for 18 months, then perhaps you can't see the progress that is getting up once a night with a cup of milk that can be given by either parent and watered down gradually. op, I think you and your dd are doing great. I will try the cup of milk myself soon I think, to try and substitute the 4am feed.

Original poster
ohbugrit · 04/05/2012 23:03

Well, by stuff her with rubbish I mean she isn't interested in loads of pasta etc so to get her to eat a lot I'd have to fill her with sweetened yogurts, ice cream, biscuits etc. I'm not going to override her natural appetite and encourage her to eat junk just for my convenience. I'm in no doubt that she's been truly hungry by 4am, and to be frank I'm delighted that I'm undisturbed for so long. After almost 5 years of broken sleep it's a huge step forward.

OP posts:
DW123 · 05/05/2012 08:08

Ohb - after the last 2 nights I've had I am in awe of what you've done. If you could switch her to 'just' a 4am feed for now would that be enough for you? It does sound like a huge step forward. Maybe you could start the watering down business in a week or so when you are confident she is going through that long regularly? Is your DH around this weekend to help with the night wakings?

Mama - thanks for sharing. I have decided to keep feeding for a bit longer and will copy and save your suggestions and TooScary's for a few months time when I have some idea why they are waking (and can be confident its actually not hunger or distress).