Right, that's IT, I am going to night wean her and this time I will bloody well succeed

[ohbugrit]

I posted a few days ago and got lots of lovely posts reminding me why BFing my 19 month old DD is a good thing. However, after another shite night totalling 3 hours sleep I am at the end of my tether -I haven't had more than a handful of nights with more than 4 or 5 hours undisturbed sleep for five years now and I am miserable, grumpy, overweight, run down and a crap mother as a result.

DH is off this weekend so I'm planning to leave him to it for 3 nights. After that he is working nights so I'll just have to tough it out by myself.

She can sleep without a BF but prefers to feed to sleep. I'm thinking of just camping out in the chair next to her cot . And for naps either doing the same or going out in the pushchair. How does that sound?

She's entered a seriously tantrummy stage so I am terrified but I have to do this now - can't go on.

No advice but you have my support. I started night weaning my 9mo DD on Saturday and still feel v conflicted about it. She's just a baby, she loves the comfort of feeding back to sleep, the closeness etc. and of course I want to provide her with all that. But like you, my parenting skills are being degraded by long term sleep deprivation and lack of any sliver of my own life. My poor 3yo gets short shrift just for being 3, I eat crap all day long and can't concentrate on anything. It's not how I want to parent.

So good luck from me! So far DD has been understandably pissed off during the night, but happy as usual during the day, if that helps :)

you have my complete sympathy. feel v similar, except only 4 years since I had a full night's sleep. my dts are 18months, and dt2 has always been an awful sleeper, had to be held to sleep till about a year, wakes hourly. then, just this week, he has cut down on his milk, particularly at night. I was in feeding dt1 a few nights ago, he woke up, sat up, stared at the wall a bit, went back to sleep and then lay down. amazing! a friend said need for milk peaks around now, and then drops, and dt2 seems to ne following this pattern. just waiting for dt1 to catch up.

not saying don't wean, I'd have done it if I could work out how. but wanted to give you some hope in case everything goes pear shaped. respite may be just around the corner! good luck.

Just don't feed her in the night. Why is it so hard?

She will cry for a few nights, then she will sleep through. Everyone will be more rested and happier.

Absolutely right, your DD needs a sane healthy and as-well-rested-as-possible mum a lot more than she needs milk in the night. She likes it, yes, but no healthy child of that age really needs the nutrition in the night, they are perfectly able to get through from bedtime to breakfast time without.

If you can get your hands on a copy of "The Baby Whisperer" this is the method we used to get DS used to the idea that night times were going to be different from now on, without doing "controlled crying" or allowing him to think he was abandonned.

OP probably doesn't have time to read a book between now and Saturday, but she doesn't need to. It is not rocket science.

Just STOP the night feeds. No more milk in the night. If/when she wakes up, your DH goes in and says "It's night time, let's sleep" or some such, gives her a cuddle, and leaves. Your DD will scream - it is normal that she will protest, let her. Your DH just needs to keep going in and repeat to her that there will be no more milk, that she needs to sleep now like a good girl or whatever.

She will soon get the message. She will eat more during the day to compensate, her "meal times" will readjust, and she will sleep through.

DH is trying to settle her just now and she's hysterical :( I'm not hopeful.

Cote it is hard because she's acutely distressed. Because I, an adult with control over my surroundings, want more rest. That's hard.

It will pass and you will all be ok. You have my sympathies. We had the same with DS (21mths) and I was sat outside his room crying but it took 1 full night before he seemed to accept that there were no more night feeds.

((hugs))

Oh CoteDAzur if only it were so easy... I night weaned DS1 using the method you describe when he was 18m. He stopped getting milk in the night but he still woke. Still wakes (he's 3), actually. I really feel letting him cry so much so suddenly was detrimental to his sleep long-term.

OP I really hope you find something that works for you. I'll read with interest, as I have a fed-to-sleep DS2 as well...

But you want more rest so you can be a better parent. Not just because you are being selfish. Having a parent that is rested makes a huge difference.

I increased my DS's milk intake in the day before and found that made an instant difference to the nights. Good luck!

Poor DH has to be up at 4.30am :( I may be indebted!

Hope it goes well for you OP. I'm following with interest, biding my time til DH and I have some time off work to do the same with DD2.

Thanks by the way - I've tried and failed at this before but this time has to work. Success stories especially welcome!

We've been through this recently, OP. It seems so hard at the time (you have my sympathies) but you'll get there. DH was becoming so concerned about his wife's state of chronic tiredness that he insisted on doing the night-shift .

We started when DD2 (now nearly 18 months) was 16 months old and eating three solid meals/day. Had a bit of a setback when she got ill, followed by a spate of terrible teething, but we got back on track when she was better and DH felt up to tackling it again.

We still have some difficult nights but, by and large, she's sleeping from 7-11pm (when she usually wakes for some reassurance - rub on back/cuddle) and then through again until (usually) 5-6am, when I feed her.

It helps that DH is now able to settle her in the evenings after I've fed her. We employed a baby sling for this (although she's growing far too big for it now!).

I'm now focussing on stopping the relentless day feeds! Would be happy to do morning and evening feeds for some time to come but I need to get DD2 to accept this new regime [guilty emoticon] .

Good luck and be consistent (easier said than done, as I am only too aware).

Well it's not going well before we've even started. She woke at 2.30 so I fed her for about half an hour then offered her a drink of water and she's still screaming hysterically now :(

She and DS share a room so she's woken him.

I have to try and get some sleep because I'm like a zombie at work just now.

Is she actually feeding for half an hour, or is she suckling/finding comfort? DD does the latter but (sometimes after a few tries) I can gently pull her off and she usually settles back down again.

If your DP goes to settle her she will protest at first (of course she will! That's where ear plugs come in handy!). It's important to be consistent with her so she gets the message (and, more importantly, so she doesn't start to realise that protesting will eventually get her what she wants). ---- She won't get this the first night, maybe not even the second - but she will get there. My DD was better after a week and really seemed to get the message after two, although we still have the occasional bad night even now (which is to be expected - she is still a baby). At least you or your DP are there comforting her in other ways. It's not like she's being left to cry.

Consistency is definitely key so you have to really be ready and determined to do this. I think ambivalence held me back for a long time. It's important to say that if something feels really wrong then obviously reassess. That's what we did when DD was clearly ill. I went back to night-feeding as I wanted to provide comfort any way I could. Once I knew she was better and that the demands at night were more out of habit than need, we went back to our plan. It's telling the difference that's key here and reassuring yourself that she's perfectly ok and your DP will eventually settle her.

Good luck.

We nightweaned DS1 when he was 20 months.

It took 4 nights, and night 2 and 3 were the worst.

We never left him to cry alone, DH stayed with him the whole time and offered water. Since then he sleeps brilliantly.

We will do the same with DS2, maybe a few months sooner though because I'm like a zombie with both of them full on during the day!

Hang in there OP, you will get there

Cote if it's so easy, then there won't be so many books out there promising a baby sleeping through is it? FWIW, my DD often doesn't want milk when she wakes at night. Sometimes, she gets really really distressed unless my DH rocks her. If I put her across my lap in the position I bf, she'll arch her back trying to escape! In fact, whether I sit next to her, cuddle her, rock her, she'll cry for daddy. Now, what do you say to that? No milk and DH going in doesn't give us a full night sleep, does it? She has been like this since around 7mo, and she's now 13mo. She usually has her last milk at around 10-11pm, and her next one anytime between 5-8am.

Not all bf babies are boob monsters, and non boob monsters also don't sleep through.

It isn't ever straightforward, as you say onelittlebaby . That's why you've got to remain observant and flexible (within a broadly consistent approach). Both my DD's (both boob monsters given half a chance) went through different phases. Our plan to nightwean DD1 seemed to work well between 15 and 18 months so that's the model we were used to, which is why we tried the same with DD2 (a tougher nut to crack - so very different!).

We did have the occasional night of back-arching with both girls up until about 13/14 months. In our case it was usually wind. I was so used to shoving a boob in the mouth and hoping that'd do it breastfeeding them back to sleep, feeling exhausted myself, that I'm ashamed to say I didn't always take the time to work out what the actual need was. It was DH who spotted that sometimes a gentle jiggle around the room eliminated the wind and enabled DDs to settle again. The wind issue has subsided now, thank goodness.

Bad nights still happen in this house even though we've broadly cracked the night weaning. We had one last night and I really notice the difference in my levels of patience with the DDs. God knows how I coped for well over a year. I didn't

We followed ncss techniques and it worked really well. Not completely night weaned though but gone from waking every hour to waking twice. Most important thing I found was to put down which they are still asleep so they learn to self soothe. That way they break the bf to sleep association, and learn other ways to put themselves to sleep if they are in a light sleep cycle. I also refused to feed if he wanted to feed and it was less than 5h from last feed, but found he just slept longer periods anyway. Worked pretty quick, within a week or so we saw a huge improvement.

The method is easy, although it is hard to implement it because it is so stressing to hear them cry.

ohbugrit - If you really want to stop night feeds, you need to Stop Night Feeds - no feeding her at 02:30. Be consistent, and she will adjust quickly. Short term pain for long term gain

Did you speak to her about stopping night feeds? She is a big girl now, no milk in the night for big girls, milk before bed is the last until the morning etc?

Thank you thank you, I am feeling steely!

I have talked to her about mum milk being tired and going to bobos (bed ). But for now DH is just doing bedtime and evening in preparation for doing all nighters at the weekend.

She ate really really well today. Let's hope she keeps it up. :)

You will be fine. Just don't give in

If you have another baby, stop his night feeds around 6 months (before teething and after you are reasonably sure he can go all night without a feed) as it is much easier then.