Breastfeeding myths overheard in hospital

[hunkermunker]

Woman in the bed next to me was bottlefeeding because she "couldn't be arsed to breastfeed, and they're more settled on a bottle, innit". Er, yours wasn't, love - he cried, you snored through it. And as for the method of getting your newborn baby to take a bottle that your partner had discovered... Heard her telling her mum and dad as if it was hilarious that her DP had said "Finish the fucking bottle, then" and he'd drunk it

Woman in bed opposite me was told to "put the baby to the breast and leave him there as long as it took. It might be two hours. Just let him suck". Well, OK, but might've been nice to actually show her what to do, as she had no idea. Baby had a bottle in his mouth the next morning

Woman who was in the bed after woman opposite left said, "My milk isn't in yet, so I've been giving him bottles until it is". Instead of being told, "Just let him feed, you have colostrum, which is all he needs, your milk will be in soon, I'll help you if you need it" she was asked which formula she wanted

And today I've been told to only offer one breast at each feed and since I had DS2, they've asked me how often he's feeding - am I trying to get him to go three-hourly? Er, no, he's had low blood sugar. Nobody has mentioned feeding on demand to establish supply.

Am and and

Yes, I was left in agony all night with two paracetamol and a success of sadistic, uncaring, heartless bitches who were the maternity service's gain and the South American torture industry's loss. I would have had more help, sympathy and support from a random selection of passengers on the number 12 night bus than from any of them. They laughed at me when I was crying with pain and bleeding. And, as I They now understand from reading mumsnet, they are not in the least unusual. The service is riddled with nasty, cruel, lazy and wicked sows calling themselves midwives. I don't understand why midwifery attracts these sub-human specimens, but it certainly seems to.

Aloha ......

this time round with my DS, i took my own paracetamol in - i knew that would be their first choice of painkiller (rightly i guess) but didnt see why i should have to wait up to 3 hours for such a simple painkiller.

i was fortunate enough not to have a drip with DS - when i was in with DD they insisted i must have the drip in for fluids through the night (which was painful as it had been ripped out twice during pushing) except that they had forgotten to switch it on. So i was hooked up to a painful needle for nothing all night - and clearly in need of fluids.

VVVQV.Wait until you have worked as an nhs midwife for a few years.Yes the care most women get these days is substandard at best.And your experience sadly doesn't shock me in the least.But I try my very best every day at work,and its sickening to admit it doesnt seem good enough.To my knowledge i have never been cruel or lazy to the women in my care. Maybe the midwives you came across had simply lost all hope/sense of purpose. They probably want to get out of the job(I know of many) but have their own children to feed and can't afford to retrain.And thank god they can't as every time a midwife leaves now the trust won't replace them(trust say they are thousands of pounds in debt).I just think some people use midwives as the scapegoat.

I took my own supply of co-codamol, prescribed to me by my GP. Also my own supply of syringes for expressing colostrum.

The afterbirth pains were pure wicked!

Crap. Don't care how stressed the poor darlings were. They behaved in an unforgiveable way. A bunch of trainee hairdressers would have been more use and infinitely more kind. Kindness costs nothing yet I saw NONE. If someone was in front of you sobbing, falling to the ground in agony (literally) and begging, absolutely begging you to help them, I think actually raisiing your eyes from the newspaper you were reading might be ever so slightly appropriate, don't you think?
That was the moment when I went back to the toilet to deal with another blood soaked bunch of tissues (I had had a caesarian for placenta praevia before so you can imagine how delighted I was to be bleeding) and I was sobbing, and I looked in the mirror because I wanted to see I still existed and hadn't become invisible - and I'm not saying that sarcastically. I felt like I'd entered some Kafkaesque nightmare where I was invisible and inaudible and could only see people through glass and they couldn't see me. I was SO afraid of them. I thought my baby was going to die and I had to make them listen, but they wouldn't. As I said on another thread, until then I thought that people were basically good. I don't believe that any more.

I was saying (and I'd practised this beforehand as I was so frightened of them and so desperate - 'please, please help me. I'm bleeding and I am in so much pain. I don't think this is right and I can't go on' and she didn't even respond. I hope she fucking dies in agony, I really do.

These threads and dd's upcoming birthday really bring it back. Emailed a complaint to the hospital today. Don't expect any kind of response.

So your saying that all our terrible experiences and voicing of such ellasmum is just using midwives as a scapegoat ? When its at the hands of midwifery care OR LACK OF, (If I look at it coldly,I was basically left to labour alone all night with no family or help & then post natally in the same room left bleed to death in a room alone, because they got a chip on their shoulder about caring for me in my private room), that I ended up with months of post natal trauma (PTSD)and illness ?????????????????? Im not discounting EVERY midwife, but I can only remember 1 who seemed human (& I so so wished they didnt have to change shifts I sobbed) and I came into contact with anything between 10- 20 in the 7 days I was in and out of hospital. Yes I am upset and traumatised & bitter and angry still by it all , esp as Im pg again. I just had no strength mentally or physically for months & months after and that proved detrimental to successful feeding, I was ill , aneamic and had terrible late detected mastitis. Im scared now , every time Im in a hospital and Im not sure I can face BF the next time as it all reminds me of a terrible ongoing nightmare from a part of my life.

Ellasmum1: From reading your comments you seem to be saying a lot of things that sound familiar. You are not in Staffs are you?

I had fantastic b/f support incidentally BUT I did have a home birth and fully beleive if I had been in hospital things would not have been the same. Local hospital is supposedly baby friendly but is a horrible place that I would not want to go in for anything. How you can establish breastfeeding on a ward full of 6-8 people I don;t know.

There is a great b/f clinic at the hospital and a great peer support scheme (one of my friends goes in as a volunteer and I am a peer supporter myself at a local b/f cafe but there are still a lot of midwives giving duff advice.

Lucky for me as Chair of the local NCT branch I knew who to turn to when my newborn totally refused to latch on and became dehydrated. I also had a great community midwife and HV who were very supportive.

Melsy, the being left all alone is bloody terrifying and absolutely cruel. I know how you feel. I thank god I got my caesarian, thanks to my dh coming in the morning and finding me in such a state. He finds it hard to talk about even now. And I cry when I try.
Congratulations on being pregnant btw - very pleased for you.
If I were ever to be pregnant again there is absolutely NO WAY I would let them send my dh home without me. I'd make him carry me home rather than let that happen. And I would have my caesarian at 38 weeks, which I don't actually think it is ideal but I'd never risk going into labour again. I'd rather be raped in a back alley.

Im aware of how Mws feel - the mw i had when i gave birth to DS spoke in great detail about how she wanted out of the profession.

That was after being introduced and her telling me she wanted to go home - she was expecting to be on ward duty that night, but "oh, no, I come in and they tell me ive got YOU to take down to labour ward. I feel like going home. Im not going to be getting home until really late tonight now". Just what i need after waiting 2 days to go down to labour ward to be induced - thank f*ck i went into labour on my own in the end.

After that she was pretty good - labour only last 6 hours in all, and straight after 3rd stage she went off - i had no complaints (although i have since found out that she had insisted on carrying out "managed" pushing - i was just doing as i was told) but other than that fine. It was the mw who took over straight after who hurried me off for a shower with no towel etc etc.

I want to be a mw because, aside from everything, its such a travesty that the one thing that is supposed to such a magical experience in peoples lives is treated in such a slipshod, couldnt-care-less, rush rush, hurry hurry, follow our rule, but oh no, dont have your baby at home way.

aloha i'm so sorry.I hope that midwife burns in hell the vile bitch.I DO think some egotistical power hungry bitches probably enter the profession as anyone like that will seek out a job where they can abuse people at their most vunerable.Very scary thought really. They are definately in the minority where i work though thank god.

I'm so sorry, Aloha! That's awful.

I have never encountered such cruelty. It was absolutely surreal. I know I am angry about it. I feel very angry. It took a while for it to seem real, and when it did I had panic attacks, which were also pretty terrifying. I feel very lucky I did not get PND like poor Melsy. I think if it had gone on any longer and I had not had my blessed caesarian it would have caused more damage.
When I was finally taken to the labour ward, I was getting prepped for the spinal and one of the staff - I think the anaesthetist - said, 'aren't you going to try for a natural birth then?' and at the thought of it I instantly burst into such violent sobs that the tears literally shot out of my eyes and landed with a big splash on the floor, which I didn't even know was possible. I remember people literally running to get paper towels to wipe me with as I was crying so hard. But at least they didn't mention the possibility again!

I got PND w/o having horrid treatment during hte birth, I can't imagine how it must have been, Melsy.

Aloha weird you just said "I know how you feel" , I had just written a post saying the very same to you , not sure why I decided to have another think before posting again, I supppose this is a very hard subject or me all round . I felt like I was walking in your same shoes reading your account just then. I havent read or written anything about this since 2 years ago. I also cry and shake when I do.

I dont want incite anger or blame to someone on here in midwifery , but I hurt quite deeply and Ive got to face it all somehow over the next few months. Its just not alright really , this is NOT how it should be in a westernised supposedly civilised country, we have a long long way to go. Im just thankfull that the next generation of carers and doctors now have sessions in university on physcholigical benefits of good bedside manner and care , as it greatly affects the treatment, prevention of post op problems and recovery of patients in some ways almost as much as the medication.

yes julie i am in staffs. Ok i have given my opinions and all i was trying to say is that even when some midwives do their very best its still not enough. I am not in any way defending the cruel behaviour of some of the midwives mumsnetters have encountered. Is there really any nhs hospital that anyone would really want to go to if they had a choice julie? I just wonder how all bf advice can ever be consistent when most midwives/hvs etc have had their own kids and if they bottlefed/found bf very difficult it will always colour the advice they give.Even on an unconscious level.

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Of course there must be - there are - some nice, caring, sympathetic, competent midwives. People I trust tell me they exist. I don't suppose for one second that Ellasmum or Mears would dream of behaving remotely like this. But the monsters are certainly out there and making women's lives a total nightmare when they are at their most vulnerable. Normally I could shrug off the unkindness of strangers, but this was totally different. Do they have any idea of the damage they do?

I meant despite all the training,advice could still be biased.

It's such a vulnerable time for a woman and for other women to treat them so appallingly...words truly fail me.

Like I said may they burn in hell Aloha. Definately think more women should complain about that type of behavior.IME most complaints seem to be about hygiene/medical issues. And name and shame-most women seem to forget the names of these horrible midwives.

I thought it might be when you used the phrase Mum2Mum, and also the PCT being thousands in debt.

I have heard wonderful things about the CMU and FG and M were lovely when I went in to see them. I know several midwives in the area and they are all lovely and I know there is at least one fantastic consultant (not many of those out there) but I do think that they are working against the system.

Different experiences will colour an individuals advice but its simple things like not explaining to a new mum that pethidine might make her baby sleepy and not want to feed so putting her on the bottle instead (baby now ravaged by excema) and just the general layout of the wards. Horribly crowded and no privacy when I have visited people in there.

EM1, I agree - if a midwife has bottlefed their baby from birth through choice, they're hardly going to understand why bfeeding is so important to someone.

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