Breastfeeding myths overheard in hospital

[hunkermunker]

Woman in the bed next to me was bottlefeeding because she "couldn't be arsed to breastfeed, and they're more settled on a bottle, innit". Er, yours wasn't, love - he cried, you snored through it. And as for the method of getting your newborn baby to take a bottle that your partner had discovered... Heard her telling her mum and dad as if it was hilarious that her DP had said "Finish the fucking bottle, then" and he'd drunk it

Woman in bed opposite me was told to "put the baby to the breast and leave him there as long as it took. It might be two hours. Just let him suck". Well, OK, but might've been nice to actually show her what to do, as she had no idea. Baby had a bottle in his mouth the next morning

Woman who was in the bed after woman opposite left said, "My milk isn't in yet, so I've been giving him bottles until it is". Instead of being told, "Just let him feed, you have colostrum, which is all he needs, your milk will be in soon, I'll help you if you need it" she was asked which formula she wanted

And today I've been told to only offer one breast at each feed and since I had DS2, they've asked me how often he's feeding - am I trying to get him to go three-hourly? Er, no, he's had low blood sugar. Nobody has mentioned feeding on demand to establish supply.

Am and and

midwife comes to my bedside at 1am saying 'i think your babys still hungry,how are you feeding him?'
my reply' SHE is breastfed, pass her to me then please and i will feed her again'

midwifes reply ' shall i take him to the nurses station and give HIM a bottle then? ' don't they ever listen!!!! this is a recent incident at ORMSKIRK HOSPITAL.

Karmamother- I think so too TBH, I am annoying myself going on about the charts not being for breastfed babies!

The Incubator: Can I just ask - what is an "incompetent placenta"??

Don't you just hate these expressions? Flaccid uterus, incompetent cervix... Not like they're designed to undermine your confidence or anything.

I'd say that it would help with feeding if you assess your nipples beforehand. If I'd realised that I had 'flat' nipples, I'd have bought that Avent 'Nipplette' thing last year and used it before she was born. Thereby saving me lots of stress trying to get a latch on a breast that wasn't having any of it.

threelittlebabies: Sorry to hear about your experiences.

What irritated me in the brief time I was in hospital was the midwives / HCAs who breezed in demanding 'Is she due for a feed??' Well - I'm breastfeeding ON DEMAND...

Suprised about ORMSKIRK bubblepop.

When I was there crying my eyes out in agony with cracked nipples, ds not latching on properly and talking about giving it up, they were very encouraging and supportive, or maybe I just got lucky with the midwives who saw me.

when my dd was born she was really jaundiced.i was trying to get bf established,but she kept falling asleep and was hardly feeding.a very lovely,well mannered,sympathetic midwife,told me (actual words) 'for gods sake,give her a bottle,your messing her about trying to force her to take the breast,she needs fluids'.she was discharged the following day after being on a billybed for 2 days.shes now 18 months,and is still breastfed.

hi ;0
has any1 had any experience of the QMC in notts have heard they are v pro bf and i'm planning to but have heard mixed reports of care and support can any one help ?

When my ds was born i thought id give bf a go. I tried to manage in the hospital but kept failing. I had to buzz a nurse everytime he wanted to feed as i couldnt latch him on. (My nipples were huge) anyway after feeling like a total failure and my ds screaming every 20 mins to be fed I felt I couldnt satisfy him. I was crying but nobody was there to sit with me even for five mins. on night 4 i was in a real state at 6 in the morning. I buzzed a nurse and I told her I wanted to give him a bottle as I knew he was starving. She turned and said to me "Well there goes your figure then, youll never get it back if you bottle feed" I told her again please please\can I have a bottle practically begging her. eventually she got me one and said "he's not hungry but try giving him 30 mils of this if you think he is" I gave the bottle to ds and he drank 150 mls and for the first time slept longer than an hour.
I still feel really rubbish about giving up but I was so emotional at the time and felt so alone.
I wish someone had just sat with me through the first feed or talked me through it instead of me crying and then someone coming along shoving his mouth on to my nipple and walking off. I dont think he even latched on properly even when the nurses done it.

Bloody awful experience Lynsey and all too common it seems.
As you say,if someone could have just given you the time you needed.
As the lovely midwives on this thread always tell us,you need to contact the hospital yourself in writing to tell them their care just isn't good enough.

Lynsey, how awful for you. These stories really make me mad. The government bang on about how well they're promoting breastfeeding but don't actually provide the necessary resources to enable it. IMHO every postnatal ward should have a BF counsellor or a MW (who knows what they're doing) who only looks after the BFers. Staffing levels just don't facilitate 1 MW sitting for hours with one patient. Its like giving someone the keys to a car & telling them to go off & drive it when they've never even seen a car before. You just wouldn't do it. As already mentioned here, latching a baby on for a mum isn't enough. She needs to be shown how to do it herself. When you see the wealth of info on a website like kellymom.com you can understand how much there is to learn. I think if a MW can't help you she should just tell them about mumsnet instead.

The Birth Trauma Association are gathering information for a widespread survey on birth trauma and the results will be published in the summer. It seems to me that a lot of these stories should be passed on to them here

The charts are not just for bottle fed babies - and I have said this a zillion times on mumsnet so here's the zillion and first time!

If you say 'the charts are for bottle fed babies' to a healthcare professional and they know their stuff, they will think you are not as well-informed as you want them to think you are....if you know what I mean

The charts in use in the UK in the standard parent-held child health care record are taken from several data sets amounting to thousands of babies. These babies are a mix of bottle, breast, early solids, mixed breast and bottle, different ethnicities - the whole lot. There is no distinction made.

There are some (not widely used) 'breastfed from birth' charts which are based on a very small number of babies born in Cambridge. There is not a great deal of difference between these charts and the standard charts - but if you look you will see that babies on these charts grow very slightly faster in the first weeks and then plateau very slightly flatter round about 2-3 months on.

The problem with charts (either chart) is not what they say or what they are based on, but how they are used and how healthcare professionals do not understand how to guage the health and growth of a baby using the charts alongside other assessments.

Please don't perpetuate the myth that UK charts are for bottle fed babies.

I thank you

I think dedicated breast feeding coach in the first three days is a great idea -- someone to help you make the judgement about whether or not you are going to be able to.

My own experience is that I was trying to wait for my milk and on the fourth day a midwife told me my baby was 'starving.' How horrifying! Other midwives judged me the other way. Always ended in tears. My doctors were the opposite -- totally supportive and non-judgmental. Really helped me move beyond the trauma of not being able to breast feed.

There is so much judgment out there about not breastfeeding and blame is heaped on the mother. Often by other mothers which I think is really too bad -- those best placed to offer support often don't.

None of the healtcare practitioners I've encountered ever say the same thing. I'm convinced they just don't really know the answers. Yet their words can can prey on you because they are experts.

As someone who tried everything and still didn't succeed at breastfeeding (dd just snacks on me, not enough milk), I feel really strongly that we need to live and let live. I just don't have time for people who say it is possible for all women. Try on my breast for two weeks and see if you still say the same thing.

tiktok - what I found interesting in Canada is that the HV would always look and height and weight when assessing growth. Most areas have an open access clinic each week and if you weigh, you are expected to measure as well. I heard my HV say soooooooo many times, 'if he's gaining height, he's thriving'.

Highlander, length not done in the UK anymore, at least not routinely. Reason is that (apparently) it's very hard to do accurately and the info it gives is not helpful.

Don't agree that a baby who is growing lengthwise is automatically ok even if he isn't gaining weight - he may well be fine but it's surely not a rule for all....a normal healthy thriving baby gets heavier, and if he's gettng longer without gaining then he could be getting skinnier....not good news.

There are no rules that fit every baby though. This is where some HVs go so wrong. They act as if the same thing can apply to each and every baby.

As a BF consultant what do you recommend? I'm having a new sprog in Sept and I don't know what to do as regards 'the scales'. My gut feeling is never to have him weighed, but I don't know if I'm just being pig-headed and thus a teeny bit irrespnsible with the baby's health.

Nothing wrong with weighing, Highlander - it's a useful part of any assessment. It has to be taken in context with everything else that show the baby is feeding well. Weighing is such a routine part of 'official' babycare you might be marked down as a 'nutter' if you refuse it totally, and is it worth getting labelled, I wonder??

yeah, you're right. I'm just so uptight about the HV thing over here. I liked being able to go to the clinic, weighing DS myself then chatting with the HV if I had a problem. I do get the impression that they sniff you out over here and chase you round with bottles of formula if they are not satisfied.

jayjaybaby - how long til your due date? I had my DD at City Hospital in nottingham, they were bloody brilliant. I had midwives who came and sat with me for ages on end to help get breastfeeding established. We were still a little ropey when we left but 19 weeks on still doing it.
A friend of mine is having her baby at end of Feb by section at QMC so I can always ask her what it's like and let you know? The last person I know who had their baby at QMC was about seven years ago and they did not get any help with breastfeeding, but that was so long ago. Let me know if you want me to keep you posted.

that would be great am thinking about changing hiospitals to be honest as was talking to my mate last night who had her ds there and she got no help so she ended up giving up at 10 days coz he'd damaged her nipps so much she couldnt cope wit the pain any longer

Tiktok - just read your post about the charts not being only for formula-fed babies! thank goodness for that! My DD was exclusively breastfed and has been on the 99th centile all the way from about 2 weeks old until now at 10 months old. Since I heard that the charts were for formula-fed babies, and that breastfed babies should be smaller (or something) I have been worrying that she has some kind of growth problem or something.......!!! (over-anxious first-time mum!!)

jayjaybaby - my friend is due for her c-section on the 28th feb. I'll see what she says re support. however, if you are wanting to change, I cannot recommend City Hospital enough. They were fab with me.

Not had time to read the whole of this thread but wanted to add my own experience. For the most part i was given reasonable support to bf whilst in hospital. The mw on the first night was lovely and when dd was too sleepy to feed - she stripped her down to her nappy and tucked her up my nightie for some skin to skin contact in the hope of encouraging her and to help with bonding (I had a 54 hour labour followed by ec/s), an hour or two later we suceeded with our first feed. The time just spent sat in bed cuddling dd was lovely. Due to having the es/c I was very determined to feed dd myself having not really had the birth I wanted, so when she was two days old I went along to the bf clinic in another ward to double check latch etc, was told I was doing well and given some extra tips to help as a it sore. That night I had the worst time ever with the midwife and auxillary that were on duty - according to them dd sounded hoarse and clearly wasn't getting enough milk, kept saying "you've obviously not got enough for her, she sounds thirsty" and other helpful comments like "still crying?" They kept on and on at me about giving her a formula top up and by 3am I was in bits having had very little sleep due to my long labour and not really sleeping the first night after my section, sad to say I gave in I just wanted to sleep and dd wouldn't stop crying - they then quized me on what formula they should give, I explained I knew nothing about the diff formulas as was bf and asked what they thought "oh" came the reply "we're not allowed to recomend formula" - told them any was fine. Cried myself to sleep once they'd gone and if I could would have walked out of the hospital with dd that night. Next night had same prob with dd crying, mw on duty was again fab took one look and suggested could be colic took her away and winded her for me woke me up a few hours later to give her the next feed, explained that if I wanted she could show me how to hand express so that if dd was unsettled for a long period the following night they could feed her via spoon/syringe for me so I could get dome rest, also said not to worry about supply as milk doens't usually come in until 2-4 days after the birth.

Still very angry about my experience the second night (as you can tell from the above rant )and still get tearful thinking about it. If I wasn't so stubborn it would have been so easy to give up then and there. Amazing how the advice and help can vary even within the mws on the same ward/hospital. Now I am more sure of myself having bf dd (still going, she's 5 months old now) there's no way I'd be pushed around again.

another alternative to changing hospitals would be to have a doula with you. They work with you before, during and after birth up to 6 weeks. Not as expensive as a maternity nurse or midwife, and profession focusing on support of the mother and the mother's wishes.

another alternative to changing hospitals would be to have a doula with you. They work with you before, during and after birth up to 6 weeks. Not as expensive as a maternity nurse or midwife, and profession focusing on support of the mother and the mother's wishes.

Twiga - as your post suggests, I feel that sometimes it is the midwife who makes and breaks it, not the hospital. One midwife sat with me for hours, she let DH stay late to watch as she showed me get the latch right so he could support me when I got home, she got the expresser out and fed my DD out of a cup as she was getting jaundice, and reassure me when I felt like I was doing it all wrong. There was one midwife who put a downer on it as the day I left, I wanted to get my expressed milk of the fridge to feed DD as she was crying but wouldn't latch on. Different midwife was a bit snotty, ask how I expected to go home if feeding wasn't established, so I just left it. In the end, DD wasn't even hungry, she had a little sleep in my arms, woke up and I put her to my boob (which felt like a frigging cement watermelon) and she fed. DH walked in later and I was sat there with the biggest grin on my face and I just kept saying "I did it alllll by myselfffffff!!"
Did feel like sticking my tongue out at the horrible midwife as I left, but resisted the urge. Think as well that she was in her 50's, whereas the nice one was youngish and still breastfeeding her two year old, so I think their personal experiences reflected in their attitudes.