Breastfeeding myths overheard in hospital

[hunkermunker]

Woman in the bed next to me was bottlefeeding because she "couldn't be arsed to breastfeed, and they're more settled on a bottle, innit". Er, yours wasn't, love - he cried, you snored through it. And as for the method of getting your newborn baby to take a bottle that your partner had discovered... Heard her telling her mum and dad as if it was hilarious that her DP had said "Finish the fucking bottle, then" and he'd drunk it

Woman in bed opposite me was told to "put the baby to the breast and leave him there as long as it took. It might be two hours. Just let him suck". Well, OK, but might've been nice to actually show her what to do, as she had no idea. Baby had a bottle in his mouth the next morning

Woman who was in the bed after woman opposite left said, "My milk isn't in yet, so I've been giving him bottles until it is". Instead of being told, "Just let him feed, you have colostrum, which is all he needs, your milk will be in soon, I'll help you if you need it" she was asked which formula she wanted

And today I've been told to only offer one breast at each feed and since I had DS2, they've asked me how often he's feeding - am I trying to get him to go three-hourly? Er, no, he's had low blood sugar. Nobody has mentioned feeding on demand to establish supply.

Am and and

melrose - I love the Guinness story ! That's what I meant about the "Dark Ages". Long gone are the days when older generation women could help. Now we are stuck with MW's, HV's and GP's who aren't trained or bothered to help.

On the other hand, we have a situation where those of us with persoanl experience who offer to help friends and family are left out in the cold because bf has become too emotional and pressurised.

My mother was literally thrown out of the hospital ward by my SIL when she offered some advice to SIL. She then told my brother to tell my mother that she did not need advice as she was "a nurse". She managed to bf-ed my nephew for less than a week because she would not take advice. It's all gone mad !!

I work with norwegian woman who had her dd a few weeks after my ds2....she can't believe the whole thing about BF in UK. We both express at work and she is genuinely shocked that we are seen as 'odd'.

Maybe odd isnt the right word, but you get my drift

melrose and nanneh- Totally agree. My only competent post partum mw was my MIL. Who is in her mid 70s now ,and could not be phased by anything. It got to the stage that I was passing her number around friends who were having problems in spite of their own mw's.She always gave sensible practical advice and never talked down to any mother. What has happened to the profession ,when 1 retired nurse is more effective than the legion of mw's I've seen across 2 pregnacies?

Yes, we're not shy in Norway when it comes to BF - even male colleagues will come up to you and ask how the BF going / discuss about milk coming in, etc etc!! Takes a bit of getting used to if you've not got Norwegian blood. (had most conversations in lunch canteen with male and female colleagues on cms dilation etc - all very normal in Norway!!).

And ofcourse you can BF anywhere, no-one ever gives you a negative comment, although little old ladies might come and get a good look coz they think it's so lovely! (again you need to shed the British reserve to cope with such attentions)

Obviously any breastfeeding specialist eg LLL or nct etc will be able to help more than the average midwife/HV because they have more time!
Its such a shame more women don't seek their help!Our hospital Is trying to get better-we have mum to mum peer support who come in and talk/support the breastfeeding mums on the ward.I'm pretty sure these women are volunteers,so obviously preferable for the trust to use rather than expensive "midwives" .Also I am always shocked by the fact that most women come into our ward expecting to learn how to breastfeed from scratch and yet say they didn't read up about it while pregnant.Breastfeeding is a huge learning experience,extremely difficult to take it all in when shell shocked/in pain/sleep deprived!

I did a huge amount of reading about breastfeeding before I had my son. I did all the reading and researching I could possibly have done about al aspects of childbirth and early parenting. but there's no substitute for a bit of competent and caring support from a well-trained professional.

So they tell me, anyway.

always depends on individual IME - my mw was absolutely wonderful for ds2. However, 1st time round, all mws/hvs/bf counsellors fair at best.

Re bfing, just determined to get on with it with ds2 by myself having completely failed to get any decent help from hvs/NCT etc last time had no expectations of them being any use this time round - now got thro' 6 mths exclusive thanks to my bloody-mindedness partly and great, great support from dh and friends also bfing. I think, like others, it's more system failure (esp in NHS) than incompetence on the part of any individuals. Real, real need to prioritise all forms of support to new mums, esp when their 1st is born.

Incidentally,postnatal care is often referred to as the "cinderella" of the maternity services in midwifery textbooks because the lack of resources/attention given to it.MoM please don't take offence,I know some people Do read up on breastfeeding. I completely know where you are coming from. I only managed to bf my own dd for 4 weeks. Felt very unsupported myself tbh. Another problem I find is that most women on our ward say they really want to breastfeed but discharge themselves home day 1 when the baby has only has one feed or two at the most.We can only help them if they are prepared to stay in for a couple of nights. However I am also very aware that noone in their right mind would want to stay any longer than absolutely necessary!

ellasmum - I'm not taking offence at you, I am just disagreeing with the argument that under-resourcing is the problem. It is certainly a problem, granted. But I believe there is another, equally important problem which is causing many mums to stop breastfeeding, suffer unnecessary depression/poor confidence and discharge themselves early, as you describe. There is culture of cruel, bone idle, vicious negligence prevalent in many maternity departments. Until this is addressed, no staffing/resourcing solutions are likely to be effective in improving mothers'experiences IMO. It would be interesting to know just how many women "failed" at breastfeeding for this reason rather than the one you are citing.

I think innorway is right in that we really need to change our attidudes to bf in this country. So many restaurants and shops won't let me bf and I have to go to the toilets as if it's something dirty or something to be ashamed of rather than just feeding my dd. I was even on the point of expressing milk to put into a bottle for when I go out, but thought why should I risk her getting nipple confusion because of general ignorance? Trouble is it probs takes generations to change peoples' attitudes.

I suppose the support I got at hospital and from the hv was fine, but I was lucky that my dh is so supportive of bf because if he wasn't I guess I might have been tempted to just give dd a bottle. So far she's been exclusively bf (she's 9 weeks) and I hope to keep it up till she's at least 6 months.

MOM that wasn't my experience. Bone idle and cruel seems way too harsh
Midwives aren't paid very much, work long and stressful shifts and (according to the midwife who delivered my dd) only get 6 weeks maternity leave !!!!
Now that's cruel...

thats rubbish, mw's get the same mat leave as anyone else

"Bone idle and cruel" is a mild description of the midwifery "care" I have received. They are the primary reason why I will not be having any more children. I can't face being treated like that again. And it wasn't one or two bad ones either - it was the norm.

I just hope to god I never have the misfortune to find myself wherever you had your babies MoM!!

Maybe she meant maternity pay? I don't know that's what she told me...
So sorry you had that experience MOM.
You were obviously really unlucky.
But they can't all be like that, can they? I mean I've come across appalling doctors, evil bus-drivers and horrible dentists. But that doesn't mean they are all like that does it?

It would be interesting, though to look at the stats for successfully established breastfeeding in various areas in relation to women having experiences like mine (i'm not the only one!) - I don't know if it's lower than the national average in the area served by the "hospital" I was at. I might try and find out.

Any way, what does everyone think is the way forward ?

Has any one ever heard of or been to a "Baby Cafe" ? I only heard of these when my son was around 8 months old. Never been to one though.

Apparently you can just drop in on a weekly session, have a cup of coffee, chat and get to chat to a qualified BF adviser, about any BF problems you have, etc. The nearest one to me here in North London is Kilburn, but there are several right across London and in other towns and cities.

Perhaps more baby cafes and more publicity for them might help new mothers who want to BF but have had rubbish advice in a hospital ?

Actaully Titok - Norway was used in our ante natal classes as a country which had started to use formula, but which they managed to redress the issue. The film that they showed was a Norewegain one, which showed women being encouraged to make the choice to breast feed - and the support that they then got. Can't remember any more of the details though - it was more than 5 years ago .

Have to say that the support I got at my hospital (Queen Mum's in Glasgow) was fantastic. Ds was essentially a breat refuser, plus developed jaundice so was sleepy and needed phototherapy. I needed help every time with getting him latched on and sometimes it would take over half an hour to get him on - and the midwives patiently helped all that time. On one occasion when we just couldn't get him on, the midwife helped me express some colostrum.

I could go on about the help I got - essentially it took about 8 weeks to get feeding established and they helped me throughout that period (they had two specialist breast feeding counsellors) helped me througohut that time - with the result that I went on to feed ds for 13 months, with no formula at all.

The senior sister was seriously pro-breast feeding and that obvoulsy had been spread throughout the ogrnaistion: this despite the fact that the West of Scotland has very ppor breast feeding rates and they were continually fighting an uphill battle.

Now.... some of the storied I have heard abot both the SOuthern General and the Princess Royal, the other tow maternity hospitals in Glasgow are not so positive!

You should name and shame, MOM

They sound fantastic. I think mothers would use them, if they were well run, clean loos etc I certainly would have

I definitely think we should keep striving to eradicate this "go and do it in the toilets" attitude though - not only is it prehistoric and offensive, it feeds mothers' existing inhibitions and I bet it leads to people giving up bf because they feel trapped in the house. I made myself bf in public on principle but I did find it horrendously embarrassing.

I don't know beejay...there are SOME decent hard-working professionals in that hospital. It wouldn't be fair.

The baby cafe sounds like a really good idea to get help and gain confidence. Might check out the one in Kilburn as live in N. London as well.

Hunker, this makes me mad too, the things I've seen over the last couple of weeks in hospital - the number of women who have just given their babies bottles just to get out of there! I haven't got time now to read the whole thread but will do next time - I just wanted to add my experience.

I've successfully breastfed all 3 of my children and if I hadn't I don't think I'd be feeding ds3 now at 6 days old. Long story but he had a traumatic (failed induction, failed ventouse, ECS) birth and was born 10lb 40z. While I was still being sewn up, I was told he was going to be tube fed formula because hospital policy says all babies born over 4.5kg should be until their blood sugars are stable. Apparently he needed at least 45ml x 6 a day? This pissed me off mainly because apart from establishing bf I don't like to sensitise my kids to cows milk in case of allergies. Loads of issues but

• they took him away from me to do this
• I had to push to try syringe feeding because I couldn't bear hearing him crying while they stuffed the tube in his stomach (he also ripped it out twice)
• why couldn't his daddy feed him? f**king nurses/midwifes taking over and stopping the 3 of us bonding
• when I mentioned expressing, tehy said it wasn't worth it!
• no-one helped me put him to my breast until I burst into tears! then they dumped him on top of horizontal me and left us to it
• once his blood sugars were stable, because of his size, it was implied that he would get dehydrated on just my colostrum and basically that I would not be allowed home unless I was topping him up with formula - so obviously I said I would but only after a good shot at my boob (on demand) - I filled in the feed chart and put 50ml taken each time (3hrly etc) just to shut them up and did my own thing!
• he is a bit jaundiced (perfectly unstanderable considering his difficult birth and awful ventouse caput) but again the implication is that he needs formula - ds2 was similarly jaundiced and never had a bottle!

at your story too Rach why do they insist on throwing formula down babies throats as soon as they are born? Aren't babies born needing only colostrum for the first few days anyway?