High-Need Baby Support Thread II

[tickleme63]

Hey ladies, here's a shiny new thread for us to discuss, query, whinge about and rejoice our high-need bubs!

Pretty bad night last night, bleeding exhausted. Can see why so many of you co-sleep. We haven't gone down that route, but it's never looked so attractive...

Gawd, grizzly DS. Poor tooths. Hope you have had a decent night!

Morning ladies. Thanks for the support and advice - tickle I did end up doing something similar to what you suggest with the lowering. Actually last night I managed to get DS down every time I tried! Unfortunately he would only stay down for around 20 mins at a time. We had one stint of an hour I think. DP was having no luck at all though for some reason - DS just woke every time he tried to put him down, so in the end I did pretty much every wake up. At 2.30 I tried to wake DP to ask him to have a go but I couldn't even rouse him!!! (well, I probably could have with some slightly mean tactics) I do think he finds it a lot harder as he's not used to getting up in the night. Still annoying though! In the end I gave up at around 2.30 and brought DS back in with us. I still slept really badly (as did DS, although marginally better). DP took him downstairs in the end just before 5 and managed to get him to sleep for an hour while I slept until around 7.30.

I feel at such a loss though. I know we probably just need to keep sticking it out - 2 nights isn't enough. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing though, and no idea how to make it better.What did I do to deserve such a terrible sleeper?? I think the next thing I'm going to try is staying in the room after putting him down, and trying to catch him just as he starts to wake so I can try and resettle him in his cot - currently only picking up will do. I've managed this a few time while co-sleeping, but it's been very inconsistent. DP was making noises about letting him cry, but I just can't. It'll break my heart! Not to mention I'm a stubborn cow and have always said I wouldn't do it

I do actually have one of those taggies - thanks for the suggestion, I may well try it in his cot, currently he just plays with it downstairs!

Hope your nights were ok.

Jen, I feel for you, I also can't bear to let DS cry. DP does, and even that upsets me!

We've been doing a version of what's described in this thread for naps and evening settling and then whatever works to get us through the night When I do it I do enough to calm DS so that he can make himself comfortable (usually wiggling his bottom, bouncing the mattress or rolling up the taggy next to his head) but I don't pick him up unless he's really crying. I then sit next to him and constantly talk to him and reassure him (usually repeating 'night night' really softly so that he starts to associate 'night night' with sleep) As I say, if he gets really upset I pick him up for a cuddle or a feed but then put him back down awake and start all over again. When DP does it he literally just lies DS down and then sits next to him playing on his iPad regardless of how DS is; this drives me mad, but I'm fed up of arguing about it and he's fed up of always following 'my' rules so I'm just taking deep breaths and letting him get on with it.

As you'll see from my comments on the thread, I was really unsure about doing it, but it really does seem to be working. DS settles to sleep in about 5 minutes and has started sleeping much better at night. I think the theory is that if he learns to settle himself at the start of the night then he'll be able to settle himself overnight, and definitely, with the help of a taggy and a lullaby light show, he does seem to be able to do that now. Only two wake ups last night - one for food and the other because he was freezing [bad mum emoticon]

I hope that helps, but I know that 'this worked for us' suggestions can be really frustrating, so feel free to completely ignore it!!

Thanks Truth! I think I'll have to try it, its great to hear you've had success with it. Something has got to work

I've joined the thread, am gonna get DP to read it later.

Can I ask, Truth, what was you DS doing before you tried this? If you tried putting him down what happened? Would he just cry? Had he ever settled in any other way than boob or rocking? How long did it take you on the first night before he settled (and how much screaming was there?!)

Boob or rocking before. To be honest, there is A LOT of crying if you do it properly. I probably do more settling than you're 'supposed' to, but even with that it's definitely improving his ability to self settle. I do just enough to stop the tears then back away but keep talking constantly. First night was awful (45mins?) Since then it is usually 5-10. I've not 'retreated' yet though - still right next to him. I think the beauty of this method is it gives you a very strict framework, but then you can edit it to suit yourself. Seriously, good luck. I hope it helps.

Thanks I'm just building myself up to it now, while DP has DS in the bath. I'm dreading the crying.... we'll see how it goes. It can't really be a whole lot worse than the last couple of nights to be fair. Except for the horrible crying bit.

Thinking of you Jen, good luck

Very quiet in here! Not sure if that's a good or bad thing...

Well the self settling experiment didn't go at all well - we'll be leaving that alone for some time. So now we're just trying to get DS sleeping in his cot by whatever means, until that point in the evening that it gets too much when he comes back in with us. It would seem at the moment DS cannot be settled any other way than being picked up and rocked (not fed). We've tried so many things!! More annoying though is that on the not overly frequent occasions we actually get DS lowered sleeping into the cot he wakes within 20 minutes! We tried from 6.30 til 11.30 last night and only got three 20 minute stretches of sleep. At that point I gave in and brought him back to my bed where he slept pretty well.

I think this is the best we can do for now - there's no point in persisting all night with none of us getting any sleep. We'll try every night for as long as we can in the hope that it'll get longer over time.

So how's everyone else?

I have been lurking on this thread for a fortnight, hoping DD3 was just having a growth spurt, but nope. She is my second high needs baby. DD1 was, DD2 was incredibly laid back, DD3 feeds all of the time (she has the occasional half hour break from bfing) and needs to be in the sling and moving from 7am to 10pm.

As soon as I sit down her eyes ping open!

So, this morning I am drinking a pint of coffee while rocking her. Happily the mantelpiece is the right height for me to use as an iPad stand!

Oh, she is 9 weeks old.

Welcome Msbuggywinkle :)

Jen sorry it didn't all go how you hoped. We end up with DS in with us at some point during the night (sometimes 10pm, sometimes not till after 4am). We are going to work on keeping him in his cot (unless he's obviously in need of us) as our bed (actually our mattress - we took the bed frame apart as it creaks so much!) just isn't big enough for all 3 of us :( But in the very early hours it's so much easier to have him in with us so we can actually get some sleep (not that he sleeps a hell of a lot better with us!).

Welcome msbuggy. Glad youre feeling a little more positive Jen.

One step forwards two steps back here...

Settling for naps & nighttime is a delight; he did two hours of a three hour car journey very calmly playing with toys; he's the happiest, smokiest baby you can imagine during the day (& can be left to play alone for a decent amount of time) but, oh BUT... Still waking frequently at night, still won't take a bottle or any solid food, screamed for the other hour of that journey, wouldn't sleep at all last night unless he was literally being held & rocked (tho, to be fair, he was in a strange cot in a strange house as we're visiting my parents)

When I think back a few months I think how far we've come, but when I look forward a month (back to work!) I'm terrified.

Smokiest?! Wrong! Bloody phone! "smiliest"

LOL @ smokiest - I did wonder Truth!! Glad your journey went at least 2/3s ok...I think we all need something to change at night at the moment don't we? I have a friend who keeps telling me how brilliant a sleeper hers is... driving me nuts. I am feeling more positive I guess - well, perhaps resigned is more accurate. I can only work with what I've got, right? I can't force anything on him, so I have to do the best with what I can. I guess we'll get there eventually.

Thanks for your sympathies and support too tickle - it really is good to know that my baby isn't the only one doing this or that. When I say DS slept pretty well in our bed last night, I mean he only woke and required me getting up and rocking him three times (after 11.30 when we brought him in), which is a vast improvement on the 20 minutes in his room! Funny that that is "slept well" to us!!

Welcome MsBuggy - welcome to us band of sling wearing, caffiene, chocolate and cake loving, matchstick-utilising worn down mums!

Do you know what. I give up....

She still wakes at least every 2 hours to feed. Plus last night she woke crying 3 times and needed walking around the house despite ibuprofen... we cosleep, use slings, I dn't go anywhere, and I've had the squits for a week....

Agghhh, feck it too!!! Going nowhere fast here!! Just when things might be getting better, ds gets really bad cough and cold, and every cough wakens him. So now he is back to sleeping downstairs with us until we go to bed - its the only way to keep our sanity! Have decided that once he's better we will really have to pick a method and stick to it! He still feeds during the night, but realistically, he doesn't need to feed until around 3 or 4 (which is fine btw), so I'm still complaining for now lol. My older ds is sick too, and off school, so its all fun and games here

Big helpings of cake girls, so sorry things are so shitty. Surely things can only get better from here?

Thank you!

I'm making attempts at eating something other than chocolate today...had a bagel with cream cheese, tomatoes and a big pile of carrot sticks. Anyone else find dieting impossible when they are tired?

Dieting, god I think sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane is chocolate and cake...

Well, I've survived the top 2 teeth arriving, but barely. It's been hideous. The last two nights have been a bit better (still waking at least 3 times though!) And I've just had a lecture from the bloody HV about night weaning him. Whatevs. I couldn't even be bothered to go into it with her.

Jen - I got to that point but with naps. I kept trying to make him nap in the cot and would get him down eventually but naptime was taking up about 5 hours of our day in total. Eventually I just thought 'fuck it, I can no longer be arsed.' I think there is only so much we can take. Happily, we've got a super king so plenty of room for us all. I think I'm jut going to resign myself to co-sleeping for the next year or so. I tell myself he'll be easier to reason with as a toddler. Haaaa!

In other news, I've just had him measured and he is above the 98th centile for his height. He truly is Baby Kong!

Agreed Jen - chocolate, cake and copious amounts of coke (the drink, rather than the drug!) are the only reasons I get through the day sometimes!

Go, Baby Kong! Big strong boy! :) Ooh I'd love a super king! I reckon DH and I would still end up clinging to the edges with the amount of wriggling and thrashing our boy does in his sleep... For a baby that hasn't rolled yet, he sure moves a lot...

Tonight we all had a nice Valentines dinner together - was the first time we've had dinner with DS rather than waiting till he's gone to bed. Was really nice. DS still not really eating much, but seemed happy to gnaw steamed carrot, pasta and grated cheese :) I think we might have some more tooth action on the horizon as he's been soo grizzly today.

Hope you all have better nights. I'm starting to realise that going with the flow might be the only option we have :)

We're not doing too badly at the moment. DS has a tooth and since it poked through he's been happy and smiley for the majority of the time. He's also getting on well with weaning (despite a minor blip yesterday when he decided he didn't want to do BLW, he wanted me to feed him puree!) and has dropped to 2 night feeds and is sleeping well in his cot, which means I spend the whole night in my own bed with DP instead of in the spare room with DS

He's still not happy in the pushchair but I have a growing collection of slings instead. He is happy to be left playing on his playgym or in his cot with a few toys for up to half an hour now, which has made such a difference!

Apparently the next developmental leap starts in the next 2 weeks so I'm making the most of the relative peace :)

Hope you all have good night ladies

Hi all, well the self-settling of last week is but a dim and distant memory. So much do that I think I dreamt it. At my mums all this week so resigned to doing whatever I can to get him to sleep. Mum has bought a travel cot - so far it's been used as toy storage and pushed up against the bed as a makeshift bed-guard. Ho hum. He's very mobile now - crawling everywhere into everything. He's also decided to scream every time I put food in front of him, but will accept being fed - argh. I keep trying to convince myself its baby-led if that's what he wants (as I shovel purée in).

Like Atruth said about her DS he is otherwise a very happy smily boy, as long as everything is on his terms.

Hope you're all have a nice evening, I'm in London and DH is back home -v.romantic eh? He popped a hotel chocolat slab into my bag which was lovely of him ( stayed the same this week weightwise -boo) I imagine after eating the slab of choc next week might not be a good week either!

Wishing you all

...some sleep (damn phone!)

Happy Valentine's Day all

Remind me Queen, are you BFing? If so, have the top teeth made any difference to the latch? I am in agony since DS got his fourth tooth.

Hi Atruth, yep we are bfing. Touch wood, I haven't had any nips with these new teeth and his latch seems ok. But they aren't very big yet! I went through it a bit when his bottom ones arrived though. Lots of biting, I think because they were sore bless him. I went back to basics really, carefully latching him on like a newborn and removing him as soon as I felt him shift. It sorted itself after a few days.