High-Need Baby Support Thread II

[tickleme63]

Hey ladies, here's a shiny new thread for us to discuss, query, whinge about and rejoice our high-need bubs!

Pretty bad night last night, bleeding exhausted. Can see why so many of you co-sleep. We haven't gone down that route, but it's never looked so attractive...

Gawd, grizzly DS. Poor tooths. Hope you have had a decent night!

Where are you LWL? England? You almost definitely have a HV. Who came to see you when you and LO first came out of hospital? Our local SureStart centre also runs post-natal groups (with creches) for women with PND (diagnosed or not) and you can self-refer.

Oh, and the laptop has an off button? Really? Where is it? MN is always on here too. And KellyMom, Pinterest, Facebook, BBCGoodFood, DrSears, random wedding planning sites... I am the expert of going for walks 'because DS likes being outside' or watching Pointless 'because DS likes the music'. He's six months old! I like being outside; I like Pointless. But if it keeps me calm, then it must be good for him surely? Likewise, your laptop addiction is probably helping DD.

Yes England, but honestly think I have only seen thr nursery nurse - who told me to wean at 16 weeks, top up with formula at 5 days, and that DD didnt havr a tongue tie and that the NHS wouldnt treat it even if she did...

Ah yes walks... 2 a day some days!

Wow she sounds shit! Here the midwife visits for the first few days, then hands over to HV, who visits every week or so until you 'pass' the pnd test. If you don't then she keeps coming until you get treatment or get better. I was 'signed off' at 6 weeks but told to contact her with any worries (hence therm getting back involved when DS was dropping centiles) and feel confident that at the very least she would signpost me in the right direction if I needed help again. Worth calling your GP surgery and asking who the HV is?

Or, keep wall

Wall? Walking!

... and yes she is shit!

It constantly amazes me how bad health visitors are. They have to do quite a lot of training / qualifications to become a HV so the mind boggles really...

We have a team of local HV, one of them made me cry when DS was about 2 weeks old as I told her that DS was in with me and DH in the spare room. DH was working a long drive away the time (he contracts so goes where the work is) and out if the house 6am-7pm and spending a lot of time in the car. She told me that separate beds were no good for our relationship blah blah and that he needed to come back into our bed etc etc. made me feel really guilty that I was neglecting him and that our marriage would collapse. I wonder what she'd say if she knew that DS was still in with me?

Really hope you get to see someone in RL soon LWL.

DS is getting more and more mobile by the day which is terrifying. I can't turn my back for more than 10 seconds. He has one of those push along walkers which he pulls himself up on. He tried to climb on top of it today and managed to get both feet off the floor .

Does anyone else have a nipple twiddler? He's driving me mad twiddling with the opposite nipple whilst i'm feeding. Arggh.

at nipple twiddler! I have one of those. He also does the biting / scratching / hair pulling someone mentioned. I call him my tiger cub. Always play fighting!

God this thread makes me feel normal...

Morning all... I've had a load of posts to catch up on so sorry if I miss anything! LWL I was hoping to come up with some pearls of wisdom for you, but the other lovely ladies have done much of that. I really hope you feel better and get any help you need. Quiche hugs for everyone at the moment I think, seems to be a tough week for many.

Ha, nipple-twiddling - DS has taken to doing that at night just after he's finished a feed as a kind of settling device. I can't bear it though, it makes me want to jump out of bed!! I don't let him do it which now results in getting stroppy. Brilliant. Oh, and DS likes the music from Pointless too

Last night was horrendous for us. He woke up every 30-45 minutes from 7pm despite me being there the whole time. From 2-3 he was wide awake and rolling around the cot in between hitting me in the face/putting his fingers in my mouth or nose/poking me in the eye/laughing cos that's hilarious. I managed to get a full hour of unbroken sleep between 4-5 and then after a few more wakings til 5.30 what would usually be considered a lie until 6.30. I am knackered. I don't know whether it was the fact he had some different foods yesterday, or whether it's that he wants to practice his rolling (he's very very nearly crawling) but I'm not impressed!!

It really feels like this sleep will never get better. People keep asking me, and I keep feeling like such a failure, especially when then try to give advice - it makes me feel so incompetent.

In other news I had a meeting with my manager last week and he has provisionally agreed to my request for some slightly weird hours, so I'm quite pleased. He has to ok it with his manager yet though. My problem is that it's a very male orientated dept (IT) so they're really not used to having to deal with maternity etc so I hope they keep open minds. I should hopefully hear today.

Jen fingers crossed. And the sleeping advice/failure thing? Lie. Seriously invest in some decent cover up for the bags - touch eclat is meant to be very good - and then smile and lie! At least you will avoid the well meant but intensely irritating advice

Haha Titania - we lied about co-sleeping to HV too. I just knew I'd get an ill informed lecture about it. As it was she prattled on about night weaning and the need for babies to be independent at night. WTF? He is 8 months old! And yes to the nipple twiddling, breast slapping etc. in fact, DS sometimes breaks off a feed to have a twiddle of the nip he was feeding from. So annoying.

ATruth - I'm starting to get that blistery soreness from his new teeth. Not biting but more rubbing and chafing. Did you find a solution in the end?

LWL - listen, I know just how you feel. I feel terribly guilty about MNing/reading etc when DS is playing. I listen to the Mayo & Kermode podcast (all the films I'll never see) on loudspeaker too and then the other day the HV asked me if I interacted with him with both TV and radio switched off so I felt bad about that. But I would go mad if I had no amusement for my brain all day, most people would. And I feel so guilty when I finally do interact with him and he looks so pleased and excited just to have me talking to him - I think 'why don't I do this all day?' Not sure that makes it right but I wanted to reassure you that you are not alone.

And I also understand your worries about attachment. I worry about everything (current preoccupation being that he is nearly 9mo and not crawling), attachment included. Not so long ago I couldn't go for a pee without him getting hysterical. Last week though, I left him in a supermarket cafe with a friend he doesn't know while I trundled off to the loo across the other side of the shop. Not a peep. I just think they go through stages that's all. Why not look at it like this - your DD is so confident you'll return that she is relaxed about you leaving. Isn't that the whole aim of all this attachment parenting malarkey?

Saying that, I reckon I'd score high on the anxiety test too, I know how you feel.

Jen Keeping fingers crossed for you! I know what you mean about feeling like a failure with regards sleep. I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass and how much we are benefitting our LOs by being there and responding. DH, however, has started making noises about controlled crying :(

LWL Sending hugs your way. I scored high on anxiety as well, with depression mild - I start CBT in a couple of weeks, perhaps you could speak to your GP/HV about that? I'm with you, gals. Sometimes the only thing keeping me sane is my iPad/laptop and tinternet (mumsnet).

I don't have a nipple twiddler yet, he's a scratcher. Ouch. Doesn't help that his nails are razor sharp no matter how often/short we make them. He's biting everything in sight usually my fingers/knuckles too. I think he might have a fair few teeth on the way shortly to follow his latest one. Poor fella.

Truth Hugs to you as well. I hope things are better.

Oh bugger it all, :)

Morning all. Ugh bad night here. DS woke pretty much hourly last night. Worst night in ages. He's a little constipated at the mo (sorry for TMI) so I've been cutting back on solids and offering lots of fruit and veg (fave foods are generally anything bread-like). Carrot and broccoli last night met with a screaming fit, oh and having been mixed fed since he was about 4 months he's started to refuse his bottle at night (he's done it 3 nights in a row). He also refuses to take water from any receptacle (sippy cup, bottle, doidy cup). Argh. Am worried about the constipation and dehydration so we're back to 2-hrly feeds during the day today to see if that helps.

I totally get the failure thing - DS doesn't sleep, he's still very small for his age (babies are meant to be podgy aren't they?), he won't eat vegetables and won't drink water, still breastfeeds throughout the night at 8 months, and screams when he doesn't get his own way! Is there anything i've missed? I love all the theories I had pre-DS about what my child would and wouldn't do. I think when you have these ideas you forget that they do have their own free will!

Off to the local toddler group soon so DS can at least crawl around in a slighter safer environment than my living room! DS is pulling himself up on anything and everything and scaring me half to death.

Thanks for the squishy near hug tickle - needed that!

Thanks for the support ladies

No nipple twiddling here (yet) but LOTS of scratching with sharp little baby claws. Trying to teach her "gently", as I have done previously with kittens and puppies - figure if they can learn it, then so can a baby!

Oh and to reassure - my 8 month old doesn't crawl, and shows no inclination to (only just mastered sitting without toppling!) and is also small, and feeds throughout the night...

yes to nipple twiddling here - he's taken to waking me up by either nipple twiddling or slapping me in the face! The other day he was stroking my face really lovingly then with no warning slapped me really hard

We had a reasonable night - only 2 night wakings again but I'm still shattered - managed to forget about our baby sign language course this morning which I'm really annoyed about!

DS is constipated too TitaniaP - his favourite food is bread too and I hadn't made that connection! Although yesterday he let DP feed him a full pouch of fruit salad puree so hopefully that will work it's way through soon

He's good at sitting unsupported but shows no inclination to crawl or pull himself up on anything which is fine by me - does that make me a bad mother?!

My health visitor thinks I should be CC-ing and night weaning too so I just smile and nod. I keep reminding myself that things could be much worse - one of my mum friends with a baby the same age is up 10 times a night with him! I don't know how she does it.

My mum has just left - boo. She's been so brililiant with ds, giving him all his bottles in the day and most of his solids too. Am more than slightly bereft.

Bee should be here anytime from 12 onwards so am getting excited about that now. Really want it to arrive before 2 so I have time to build and play before school run so I can christen it!

Sounds like everyone could do with hugs!

Ooh button how exciting about the Bee! Know how you feel about being bereft now your mum has gone. I miss my mum when she's not around.

Spanner - not sure if it is the bread that's causing the problem, but it seems to make sense. We too have been spooning pouches of fruit purée into DS. We haven't had an explosion yet! He's still going but it's very solid and he goes very red when trying to go. Poor little man.

To all those whose LOs aren't moving, enjoy it while it lasts. I spend days chasing him around, I can't leave him for a second and I wake up to him crawling on top of me. Yesterday he actually stood on my boob! (probably tmi again). I'm petrified of leaving him alone in bed and he's tried to crawl off the edge of the bed more times than I can count. Two of my friends have babes who are nearly a year old and have only just started to crawl. They all do things in their own time I think.

It's really hard when olders are up too. I tend to see to ds with bf , while dh sees to the others (one of the plus sides of wakening at night for bf).
My kids are all sick again, either flu or vomiting bug and it's a nightmare tbh- no easy way through- do what you can and worry about the ironing next week. Hope all our wee sickies feel better soon x

Mine are all so different. DDs are capable of looking after themselves at night (being 14 & nearly 12) so rarely wake me up. DS1 sleeps like the dead. When they've been drugged. He suffered loads from tonsilitis and ear infections when he was little and I never had a horrible broken night with him. The worst was having to get up and give him a bit of calpol. Seriously - he was such an easy baby!

Maybe you should all take a little comfort from that? Maybe if you do ever decide to go through this madness again, it doesn't mean that they will be HN babies - I've had a 1 in 4 HN rate!

Hey ladies. Thanks for the hugs. I need them today Another rough night last night that culminated in a huge row between DP and I at 5am (just what I needed after spending two hours trying to settle DS) He's been model father/partner today, but keeps telling me that 'something needs to change'. He's right of course. I remember going to a school training thing where they sais that "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results"
'My' way of doing whatever LO seems to want whenever he seems to want it clearly isn't working. We're all absolutely exhausted. I really don't want to do CC though and I can't see how we'd get onto more of a routing without. I thought we'd made progress with that gradual retreat idea, but it works for settling him to sleep, but not overnight. I go back to work in 7 weeks and there is just no way I'll be able to teach if I'm this exhausted.

Queen - I never really found a solution to the nipple chaffing (naice!) but found that by swapping positions each time I fed then they didn't blister. He stopped doing it after a week or so (I think because he got used to the teeth) but has now gone back to biting. Ouch!

Oh, did anyone else's LO's go through a 'sticking their tongue out' phase. DS's cuteness in sticking it out at every possible opportunity (especially when concentrating) is probably saving him at the moment!

Gosh, lots to catch up on will post properly later, just needed a quick hug from quiche after 3 hours of non stop high pitched screaming. Feel like utterly awful mum after screaming at him to stop. Needless to say that totally backfired. Randomly, wrapping him in a blanket and putting him in his cot with his mobile on so I could pee worked. For a while. then more screaming until White noise bouncing and singing has just got him to sleep. Feel a bit shell shocked!

I really hope this is not how teething is going to be?!?