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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

High-Need Baby Support Thread II

983 replies

tickleme63 · 22/01/2012 09:22

Hey ladies, here's a shiny new thread for us to discuss, query, whinge about and rejoice our high-need bubs!

Pretty bad night last night, bleeding exhausted. Can see why so many of you co-sleep. We haven't gone down that route, but it's never looked so attractive...

Gawd, grizzly DS. Poor tooths. Hope you have had a decent night!

OP posts:
QueenKong · 18/02/2012 21:33

DS doesn't mind his jumperoo. I can usually plonk him in it for 20 minutes while I shower and get dressed in the morning. He doesn't jump though, just plays with all the little toys and mirrors etc, the little weirdo.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/02/2012 21:35

I love the new optimism on this thread ('oh yes, I love the sling', 'I love co-sleeping' etc.) It's brilliant.

Spanner - Jealous! Hope you have a lovely time Grin

McKenzie - My DS loves my friend's Jumperoo, but I think DS is a little different to the other babies on this thread. He loves time playing on his own(so long as he can se me!) and is a very boisterous little man. The jumperoo, a bouncer, walker, baby gym etc are all essential to help wear him out! My problem is the nights and constant feeding!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/02/2012 21:37

Queen - I love that you call DS 'the little weirdo' - it's an overused phrase in our house Grin

MissusTulip · 18/02/2012 21:57

Hello ladies, I have been under the blythe assumption that this thread was for mums of wee ones with medical issues, having not the foggiest what the term 'high needs baby' was... Until I came across it somewhere else, whilst trying to understand ds. The little chap is 16 weeks old, has silent reflux and has busted all my naive ideas of motherhood into sad little smithereens!

For example, that babies go down for naps / can amuse themselves on a babygym or bouncy chair / do not constantly need held / etc etc etc. Like my nephew and niece do or all those other b*stards' children on Facebook do!!! He's also sleeping very very badly at the mo, maybe 4 month growth spurt or start of teething - the longest he went between feeds last night was just under 2 hours. We're lucky if he goes down before 12.30am most nights - DH takes him for the start of the night, but DS has been cluster feeding so I've not been able to use that to catch up on sleep recently. i haven't been co-sleeping with him, cos of his reflux - if he lies flat after a feed he pukes it back up again. Tried wedging the matress of his side-car cot but he won't sleep in it cos he likes to sleep with his arms flung out to either side!

I feel pretty much at the end of my tether, last night was the worst I've felt in a while. I feel like I've tried nearly everything but nothing helps or only helps for a while - I also sometimes get the 'rod for my own back' thoughts (only way I can get him to sleep during the day / some nights is to sing while holding him and bouncing on the birthng ball, so every time I read something about how at this age he should be self soothing I feel like a failure!). Reading this thread helps a bit - none of the other mums around here have a scooby (again I feel like a failure or weird that my son isn't calm o sleeping in his car seat like the other babies) - as does reading that some of the babies on here are bounding over these sort of hurdles as they get bigger.

Sorry, just needed a vent! DH had to work today, so i've had o just man up and cope, thankfully DS gave me an easy eough time today!

Mackenzie I have a jumperoo. DS's favourite thing is not gazing adoringly into my face and cooing (Like he does for DH, humph) but sitting upright on my knee buncing, so I caved in and bought one. He does seem to like it and he's a big boy so his feet do reach the ground already / has good head control but it's pretty over-stimulating, as we found to our cost after an evening session in it (whoops, aaaaargh, go to sleeeeeeeep!). My sister lent us a swing as well, which he likes and will now chill out in for a while most days.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/02/2012 22:01

Welcome Tulip - Rant away, you'll find we like a good rant Grin

msbuggywinkle · 18/02/2012 22:05

Joined the thread...then fell off due to bonkers week long growth spurt. The creature has required constant rocking in the sling while awake all week, which has been fun.

On the plus side, last night she managed a whole hour asleep next to me on the bed, rather than on top of me. Of course she isn't repeating it tonight though!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 18/02/2012 22:25
tickleme63 · 19/02/2012 07:25

Welcome Tulip :)

DS took a little while to warm up to his Jumperoo, but he absolutely loves it now and bounces like a fiend. However, the timing has to be spot on - if he's the slightest bit hungry or tired (and I've missed his cues), he goes bonkers!

Bit of a rough one here - we're at my mum's 2 hours away ( he slept most of the way in the car and didn't make a peep, unheard of!) and he hasn't settled very well, which is weird as last time we stayed he had his (at that point) best ever night - I think the sea air knocks him out... But nooo, not last night. Bleh... Lots of crawling practice going on as well... Need coffee and copious amounts of it.

Wonder if Im allowed one sneaky Red Bull...

OP posts:
SpannerPants · 19/02/2012 07:39

I had a good time thanks, although I got a phone call from my mum just before we left to say DS was refusing to take a bottle and had gone for 4hrs without any milk. I was all ready for going over there and picking him up but she got him to sleep and then he wolfed down some milk 2hrs later - phew! I don't think she's had much sleep as she's been staring at him all night though Grin

JeewizzJen · 19/02/2012 07:58

Welcome Tulip!

Spanner glad you had a good night and that it all worked out with your Mum - fantastic!

msbuggy - I remember that feeling.... DS slept on me until he was 5 months! (sorry!!). Even now he quite often ends the night on my chest. He's flippin massive now so it's far from comfortable! I much, much prefer it when he's on the mattress.

makenzie - my DS really likes his jumperoo, he started going in it from about 4.5 months but he has always had really good head/neck control. I can usually get about 15 minutes peace while he's in it, but I also have to be careful with timing...!!

Well, last night wasn't great for sleep...but DS did manage about half the night on his own mattress in the cot. I did have to be very close to him though - he woke quite a few times looking for me if I'd moved away, and would only settle back down if I slid back over. But it's definitely a step in the right direction - him getting used to sleeping in the cot. One really noticeable thing is how rock solid his mattress is compared to ours. Ours isn't supersoft or anything, but his is really firm - I wonder if this is part of the reason he doesn't like the cot? Is there anything I could do about that - are things like mattress toppers safe for him in his cot?

TitaniaP · 19/02/2012 10:57

So it was my Grandad's 90th birthday party last night. Took DS along and we left just before 10 (it started at 5). He grinned for 5 hours, was passed from pillar to post and only grumbled once when he wanted feeding. He had a small melt-down in the car on the way home but soon feel asleep after I gave him a quick feed.
Everyone thought he was gorgeous (he did grab a fair few necklaces and earrings). He really is very sociable, I like to think that the sling wearing & co-sleeping mean that he's secure and happy which is why he's so sociable. So we had a lovely evening, and despite waking many time DS decided that 8.30 was a good time to get up for the day - so can't complain there. He does still need to be held 24/7 though.

I have to admit that co-sleeping is working quite well for us atm. The problem is going away and leaving him in beds without sides now he's crawling quicker than I can catch up (he pulled himself up to standing yesterday - argh). How do the rest of you cope with this?

QueenKong · 19/02/2012 12:51

Glad you had a lovely time, I'm sure it's you responding to his needs that makes him so relaxed. Well done tickle! And baby tickle!

Can't really help with the bed thing. For some reason, DS always stays pretty still at night, even though he is constantly climbing during the day. Even when he wakes up he just lays there and moans rather than roll about. But like I said, little weirdo!

We at at halfords at the moment getting his group 1 car seat fitted, he is such a fat knacker he has outgrown his baby one. I've always told myself "he'll be happier in the car when he can face forward and sit up". Well, now we will see... Confused

QueenKong · 19/02/2012 12:51

Sorry - well done Titania! Too many 'Ts' in this quiche. Wink

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2012 19:03

Jen - we have the opposite problem. LO's cot has a much bouncier mattress than our memory foam one and he definitely notices the difference! Not sure what the solution is though. I suggested buying a different cot mattress and DP gave me the Hmm face.

Whoop for sociable BabyTitania Grin Luckily DS hasn't started crawling yet so we're still okay with leaving him in beds without sides. Could you take travel cot with you? Even for daytime naps? Or is your car like ours and so full of baby paraphanalia that there wouldn't be room?

We're looking for a new car seat too Queen Which one did you go for?

DS is in his own room for the second night tonight. He gets excited when he sees his cot now ('little wierdo...') which is lovely, but he still doesn't quite understand that he can't just reach out for a cuddle so spends a lot of time with his hands through the bars reaching out to me and breaking my heart Last night was pretty good though. He managed four hours when first put down Grin followed by an hour of coughing, then another two hour stretch. By 2am he was Wide Awake and making sure the whole house knew how happy he was playing in his cot ('rararararararara') Miraculously he went back to bed for another three hour stretch after that (sleeping straight through a humungous poo and nappy change!) and then came in with me at about 6 and promptly fell back to sleep again! We're getting there Grin

My current problem is weaning. He is just not interested. I didn't know babies could twist themselves in so many positions to avoid a spoon! And how come he'll pick up anything else and put it in his mouth, but put some food in front of him and he'll just pick it up and drop it? Anyone got any tips for success?

LittleWaveyLines · 19/02/2012 20:34

Try baby led weaning. There is NO WAY my DD will let me spoon feed her - I have to put her food on her tray for her to pick up. If it needs a spoon I just put the filled spoon on the tray as well and she's pretty good at getting it in her mouth considering she's only been having solids for a month :)

TitaniaP · 19/02/2012 20:38

Atruth - ah the travel cot, my mum bought one of those. DS didn't think much of it and screamed the place down. I suppose I just need to persevere with getting him into his cot!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 19/02/2012 20:56

Yeah, travel cot is perhaps a little optimistic. BabyTruth won't stay in his either Grin

BLW works if the food is smooth (cheese, a chocolate covered biscuit) but anything with any kind of texture, or warm, or cold, or just doesn't feel like plastic, won't go anywhere near his mouth. I guess I just need a little patience...

Mampig · 19/02/2012 21:43

I'm with ya on the sociability factor tooGrin. We had to go to a large Christening today -50 guests- and ds stole the show Blush. He went to everyone, smiling and everyone commented on how happy and healthy he looked!Grin. Didn't get any nasty boob comments either, one person commented on him still bf and kindly stated-"every good red blooded boy likes it straight from the tap- draught just ain't the same" which I thought was just lovely!! Ds was eating sandwiches and cake, and everyone watched him shovelling it in, they were so bemused at a 7 mo feeding himself like that, and thought it was both the funniest and most advanced thing they had seen in a baby that age!! Needless to say he was covered in food, but that made him even more adorableSmile. So I'm feeling much better after all your lovely comments and after today- must be doing something rightWink.

Sleep really seems to be the holy grail for us all eh?? Suppose it will happen eventuallyHmm. As for feeding, thankfully ds will both self feed and take spoon, never had a issue, but it might be worth offering sweet foods to give them the desire to eat iyswim? Something like custard on a spoon, and let it touch their lips, they will lick it and maybe go for it??? Sorry - you've probably tried it, but again, another thing that will probably develop itself. Anyone think I'm in a very philosophical mood todayWink.

msbuggywinkle · 20/02/2012 09:16

truth thank you for the Wine it was needed! My 1st high needs baby (DD1) refused all food until she was 13mths, we just kept offering occasionally. She eats well now (age 5). Even chilled DD2 wouldn't eat until she was 9mths.

Over the weekend she actually napped! During the day! And she has been asleep for half an hour now! Only in the sling of course, but I am just happy to have had some time to play with the others.

Great bfing comments mampig!

buttonmoon78 · 20/02/2012 14:17

Mmmmm. Quiche (as long as it's not salmon and asparagus!)

Had lovely/hellish weekens Confused. Stayed with SiL (her of the new baby) and ds was a bit ill (think he caught a bug off her ds1) and so we had two ace nights but two awful ones.

Worst thing was her though. I love her to bits, but she's truly her own worst enemy. She had PND after her first (wouldn't get a diagnosis or drugs as that would = weakness) and was really ill - think phone conversations along the lines of 'I want someone to take him away, I don't want him anymore' etc Sad. She followed Gina Ford to the letter and felt an utter failure when the baby didn't slot into the routine perfectly. DS2 is a lovely little baby - so different - much more content, def not a HN baby (which I reckon ds1 was) but she's still following GF and stressing if he's awake/hungry/sleepy/not hungry at the 'wrong' time. She asks for advice but doesn't like being given it. She won't take help but then moans about being left to it. For eg on Sat pm we were downstairs with BiL cooking when she stomps down bored and fed up because she'd been up there 40 mins trying to get ds settled on her own and nobody helped her. But we're not allowed in the room once bedtime;'s begun so we don't over stimulate baby! Of course, with an increasingly wound up mum ds was not settling so I volunteered to go up where he promptly gave a huge burp and fell asleep on my shoulder. I laid him in his cot where he slept beautifully for 4 hours (makes you weep doesn't it! Wink) but I felt too bad to go straight down, like I was underlining her 'failure'. So I stayed put for a few mins singing 'go to sleep little baby' to a snoring child for the benefit of them downstairs listening on the monitor Grin

I'm sure we'd all agree that life's hard enough anyway without making it harder for yourself. If rigid routine works for you and your baby then that's great but if it's making you miserable then just stop it. Life's too short. She's turning a content baby into a miserable one by making him wait to sleep/feed. Sad

Sorry if I've missed anything momentous - I've only scanned Blush

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 20/02/2012 17:03

You sound lovely Button. I'd love someone to settle DS and then pretend it was hard

Interesting about the PND though. How do you persuade someone to get help? One of my friends is clearly struggling ('I just think my baby hates me', 'I'm scared to be at home with her') but absolutely denies it's PND ('I don't need to see a doctor, I just need DD to be easier') Thing is, her DD is the calmest, most content little thing, sleeps well, feeds well, smiles and gurgles at all the right times, but her mum just can't see it. It makes me so sad to think that neither of them get the help they need, but all I can do is offer tea, cake and listening at regular intervals Sad

MissusTulip · 20/02/2012 19:03

thanks for the welcome, ladies Smile

it's great to hear about all these sociable little cuties - have a trip home planned start of April so ds can meet the family and my friends and I've been a bit nervous, imagining a purple faced screaming bundle of joy delighting everyone from the airport onwards... He's been a little charmer whenever he meets new people recently, so hopefully he might throw a few smiles around while we travel. Though now I have a new worry about travel cots!

We've had a better couple of nights (amazing how restful 3 consecutive hrs of sleep can be!) but he's on an intermittent nursing strike. V frustrating for both of us Sad. He has finally had a reasonable feed and is asleep in my lap.

DH is in for a treat when he gets home - I am currently sporting eau de baby boak and calpol with a subtle undertone from where my deoderant has given up the ghost while wrestling with miserable baby...

truth I don't think you can do anymore than you're doing for your friend. I think the person has to have thst awful moment where they admit to themselves that help is needed. Hopefully things'll get easier for her soon, it sounds like she has a lovely baby (and friend Wink)

QueenKong · 20/02/2012 19:09

Well DS had two 35min journeys in his new car seat today and didn't cry at all! Think he likes looking where we are going and seeing me. Unfortunately the journeys were to meet my mum to go shopping, where she called me fat about 4 times (including to the shop assistant while I was trying stuff on). I left empty handed and depressed Sad. I know I'm still a bit bigger than I was, and I should have lost the baby weight by now. But DS gives me no time to exercise and cake is my treat to get me through the day.

Still, at least DS was a little angel.

Mampig · 20/02/2012 19:34

Thanks Tulip! Wouldn't go spending too much on a travel cot btwWink. Could you borrow one?? Hope the journey goes well- where is home??

Queen, not lost all my weight either! I'm doing slimming world now, so here's hoping!!! And you totally deserve that cake!! Plenty of time to diet, I've got a rush on me cos my brother is getting married soon

MissusTulip · 20/02/2012 20:15

Mampig Northern Ireland, so not too far (but still a 6 hr journey roughly, grrr!). We'll be borrowing my mum's travel cot - she looks after my DSis's 2 so she is pretty well equipped. Here's hoping DS takes to it Confused! She's over this week (my mum), cannot wait - for one thing I think DS is teething but haven't a scooby if he is or not (hence nursing strike), so I'll be consulting the expert!

Just had a lovely shower, so smell better and even better than that, I just found some Galaxy buttons in the fridge!!!!! Kong I have actually put on weight never mind losing the baby weight... WinkBlush