High-Need Baby Support Thread II

[tickleme63]

Hey ladies, here's a shiny new thread for us to discuss, query, whinge about and rejoice our high-need bubs!

Pretty bad night last night, bleeding exhausted. Can see why so many of you co-sleep. We haven't gone down that route, but it's never looked so attractive...

Gawd, grizzly DS. Poor tooths. Hope you have had a decent night!

And ta, LWL :) 7 months today, cripes...

Thanks Truth! Hope the move to separate bedrooms goes OK (for everyone! ) you'll have to let us know how it goes.

Happy 7m baby tickle!

Hey there! Just checkin in- same old same old here.
Just wanted to share a weird conversation I had today with a neighbour, who is friendly and we were at her wedding. She is pg with no 4, and loves babies, and she bf 1st 2, ff her 3rd due to reflux, and intends to bf this time again. She bf up until 4 months with older 2.
Now, I got to telling her I was still bf, and about the reverse cycling, poor sleep etc, as I think I just assumed she would have experience of it all. She was so shocked that I haven't switched to ff, giving all the 'problems' we're having. She even suggested aptimil as it's "closest to bm". I didn't even go down the road of debating this btw, but I just find it amazing that she has had a fair sized bf journey to date, yet she is so out of date in her thinking! Even the idea of co-sleeping shocked her somewhat!! When I told her that ds was refusing a bottle, she even suggested cold turkey for him: he would take it (bottle) if he had no other choice....

WTF!!! How can a fairly young, educated (she's a social worker) devoted mummy, not have a clue about other issues in relation to bf (apart from just a food-source). Personally, since bf, I've had my eyes well and truly opened, there's lots of things I had no idea about that I now know, mainly due to forums like this .

Oh, and I should add that she'd never heard 4 month growth spurt, or sleep regression, which is why she quit at 4 months, and weaned onto solids as she thought she didn't have enough milk and the baby couldn't be filled well enough by her.

I don't think it's that surprising tbh Mampig Why would you know about reverse cycling etc if you hadn't been through it? Is it really so bad to wean early / offer bottle etc? I do agree it's sad that she thought she wasn't able to provide for her son. I have a friend who's trying to wean her four month old as her milk is 'too weak' and it breaks my heart that she feels that way. Oh, and if I had a pound for everyone who'd suggested aptamil...

Btw ladies, we're over 200 posts here and 700+ on the other thread. Does this make us a quiche? I've never been part of a quiche...

Yes truth, I've now re-read my post and it comes across as a bit strong. I guess I must have felt attacked in some way, and it indicates my lack of confidence in continuing to bf. I suppose I blame myself for having a baby who doesn't sleep well, and who no longer takes a bottle (did in the past). I've never bf this long before, and truly am not judging her, but kind of felt like she was judging me iyswim? It's the old "rod" that I was afraid of, and it's biting me in the arse these days!!
But I am so very grateful that I am more knowledgeable now, and just sad that only for this forum, I would probably have stopped bf a long time ago, and sad for other mummies, who feel like their only option is to wean earlier than they would have liked to.

Erm, what's a quiche??

Sorry Mampig I think i misunderstood you last night. Your second post makes more sense to me. I think I thought you were judging her rather than the other way round (my mistake, sorry) and personally I just think that mothering is so bloody hard anyway that we should all support each other's decisions even if we wouldn't do them ourselves (unless it's to make your baby sleep in the garden shed or something!)

I completely agree that sites like this have restored my sanity and hugely improved my knowledge. My top tip to any pregnant friends is always "join mumsnet" Threads like this have kept me going.

Please ignore the 'rod for your own back' brigade. Personally I'd rather my rod be BFing or sleepless nights than a child who thinks I don't respond to him when he needs me. Someone on here once said to me that she totally ignored 'bad habit' comments as she thought it was a much worse habit to ignore your child's needs. I wish I could remember who it was. I've used her line in many battles with DP about CC, BFing and sleepless nights!

I think a quiche is mumsnet code for clique... But am a bit embarrassed now in case I got it all wrong!

Hm, that post's a but garbled isnt it? Sorry. needed I think!

Morning all. Mampig I understand what you mean about being judged. I have two friends who I've known since I was 14 (more than half my life then). They're sisters and have 2 LOs each ranging in ages from 5 yrs to 11 months. They've both bf and co- slept at various points but I went to see them this week and the old sleep question came up. They said I should do CC. I just shrugged and said it wasn't for me. Then told me stories of their friend who still had their LO in their bed aged 5 etc etc. They obviously think I'm mad and am making a rod for my back - oh well!

It amazes me how many people think it's ok to leave your kids to cry. If it feels wrong then it probably is! It's interesting how many people I disagree with over parenting styles when I thought I had a lot in common with them previously.

Atruth - would that make us the high needs quiche? I feel quite high needs myself at the mo - I am in need of chocolate and sleep!

I constantly think I'm being judged as a 'hippy earth mother' for parenting like we are. I think it's because we are in the minority and parenting is such an emotive issue. I've never once felt like I was doing it wrong though, all the judginess in the world could not make me do CC. But I am very aware that I'm different. Especially when I turn up at a NCT meet, and have to weave my way through the bugaboos whilst wearing DS in my new hippy ellaroo ring sling (which I luff btw!) The others think I'm eccentric, I know that but meh, I know this is right for DS and us as a family. Bit rambly there, but I do know how you feel Mampig. I think people feel more justified in judging AP for some reason. I don't judge other mums much but I think they do judge me so I get defensive.

Interestingly, 2 mums I met last week confessed to co-sleeping after I told them we do it. I felt so bad for them, they looked all guilty and ashamed about it. I told them to get on MN and they'd find a whole load of happy co-sleepers! Wonder how many more of them are out there - our quiche could be huge!!!

Motherhood has definitely brought out the inner hippy in me. Although us it really hippyish to want your children to feel loved and secure?

I was reading on MN about treasure baskets the other day. DS is getting bored of the same old toys and I refuse to have more plastic tat in the house. Our house is quite small and we're overrun with brightly coloured plastic toys which chime
and flash ( I sound ungrateful - I'm not). Anyway treasure baskets (would link but am on phone) use safe objects from everyday life. You can buy them online but they cost a fortune or you could just go round the house and look for stuff. DS spent a good half hour playing with a jar filled with lentils and a pumice stone! Obviously you need to ensure that the objects aren't a choking hazard and are suitable to be put in the mouth. You sit with them while they play and talk to them about what it is they're touching and what it feels like, but otherwise you leave them to it. Anyway I was called a hippy for giving DS a jar of lentils to play with! I don't care - he loved it!

Sorry for the rambling..

Do you know what? I actually now wouldn't mind if she was still in my bed at 5. I hate sleeping alone and hate the thought of her waking alone and scared of the monster under the bed, like I was.

I am now a proud co-sleeping, babywearing hippy, and on cold days I feel a bit sorry for the babies in prams - mine's all snuggled next to me getting cuddles and warmth.

I would like my evenings back though - so if the future 5 year old was happy to sleep in the family bed alone until 10.30pm, that would be grand, oh and sleep more than 2 hours in a row of course!

Whoop!!! I'm in a quiche. Even more surprisingly it's a massive high needs lentil shaking quiche.

BabyTitania's lentil jar sounds more interesting (but a tad more hippy) than the Starbucks paper cup BabyTruth us currently playing with in the back of the car (yes, back of the car! Two and a half hours into our journey & so far so good! I met a nervous dad driving his four month old to granny's house in the coffee shop tho & his DD was screaming every time he tried to put her back in her car seat. I should have suggested the quiche...)

Don't even get me started on my nct group and their sleep-through-the-night babies & posh buggies. They're all lovely, but they clearly think I'm a little strange with my BFing, second hand buggy, variety of slings & eBay bundles. I suspect they would have ousted me months ago if I didn't provide good cakes

Oh and Titania, BabyTruth's absolute favourite toy is an unopened packet of wine gums - bright yellow, makes a cool crinkly sound, right size and weight to be carried round with him - I suspect he may like treasure blankets! (will check them out when I'm home)

With you all the way ladies, quiche and all! I actually feel kinda smug and cool when I rock up with DS in the sling. People find it so different, we always get tons of randoms talking to us! I completely agree with you LWL when you say about feeling a bit sorry for the babies in prams not getting snuggled. I really love wearing DS!

I also like cosleeping although wish DS would do more of the sleeping part! Agree about the evenings too!

DS was awake between 2 and 4 again last night. DP and I shared rocking duties but my back is killing me! DS also decided he didn't need a nap until just now despite waking at 6!! Bet he only bloody sleeps 30 mins...fun fun fun!

LWL - to give you hope, 2 weeks ago, DS just started settling in the evenings. I've been able to sit downstairs and watch telly and drink wine without him! So it took nearly 8 months and probably wont last but who cares! It's progress. Kind of.

Yay for quiche! :) I too love wearing DS - am always the only one without a buggy at my Babbling Babes group. Attract a fair few looks, but lots of compliments too.

Well the cot has been moved next to our bed! Let's see what tonight brings! probably just exactly the same as last night but with a big empty cot next to me

Good luck Jen!

Thanks for the hope QueenKong. Actually the last few evenings DD has allowed me an hour off for good behaviour, but that's after she's stayed awake till 8.30pm....

I love cosleeping and carrying DS in the sling too! I have an Ellaroo ring sling too QueenKong - I love it! In fact my postnatal group have asked me to talk them all through my variety of different slings

DS is having a sleepover at my mums tonight as DP and I are going to a party. I was really looking forward to a night off but the house is way too quiet and I miss him so much :( it will be nice to wear dangly earrings without risking having my ear ripped off though!

Ooh have a lovely evening spanner!!

Have fun Spanner! :)

Ok tried the colic calm. Didn't do much. Then the happy tummi to see if it would comfort my dd to get her to sleep just a little longer at night. Yeah no such luck.
You know the co sleeping thing. There's no way we'd get the sleep we do with out it. So I don't care out others think about it. I feel we are doing the best we can with the needs our babies have.
Has any of your babies taken to a jumperoo? I ordered one to see if I can put my dd in it. Even for a little while. But my concern is that she won't take to it because she's not being held. Any advice?

My DD has tried a friend;s jumperoo a couple of times.
Hated it. :(

How old is your DD again Makenzie? I didn't think they were supposed to use jumperoos til 6 months?

Spanner - hope you have a great time! :)