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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To just hate breastfeeding?

160 replies

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 16/11/2011 23:00

This is NOT an anti breastfeeding thread. Ok?

DD is 5 months old tomorrow, and quite frankly, I have had ENOUGH! I hate breastfeeding now, I hate that i'm constantly in demand 24-7, that when she's upset she only wants me as I have what she wants and no-one else does, also that no-one else can have her for a couple of hours as she won't take a bottle and is so clingy as she's been with me non-stop for 22 weeks.

I've had enough and want to stop so much :( but as she refuses bottles I don't know what else I can do! It was great at the beginning but over the past few weeks I've started to dread it when she's hungry as I know she'll feed on and off for about an hour and I won't get anything done! She's too clingy and I think this is because of the bfing, because of all the time we spend together. She'd be perfectly happy if she could be in my arms all day every day including nights.

Did anyone else ever feel like this? :(

OP posts:
PumpkinIroning · 16/11/2011 23:48

Hmm... Running. I bf'd DS1 for a year. Poor DS2 only had 8 weeks due to potty-training for DS1,and all other demands. It is entirely up to mum.

Kayano · 16/11/2011 23:49
Hmm

Closet militant. Let's just promote parental misery

pigletmania · 16/11/2011 23:50

Yes my SIL entirely expressed for 9 months, 5 times a day so that could be an option not to be ruled out, that way her baby will get the benefits of bm as well as she could leave her for a couple of hours with somebody.

Moominsarescary · 16/11/2011 23:50

I'd say try a cup, don't feel guilty if you do change to ff, it's not the devil

runningwilde · 16/11/2011 23:51

Who is forcing who?! Calm down! Hmm
op can do what she likes and I am merely giving my opinion.

Anyway op good luck with what you decide

Minus273 · 16/11/2011 23:52

running the way you have posted is not the way to encourage the OP to continue bf. All your posts will have achieved is to make her feel even more shit than she seemed to be feeling to make her post in the first place. You want to offer practical advice and support on how to continue to bf that's great otherwise I will continue to disapprove of the way you have posted on this thread.

BadDayAtTheOrifice · 16/11/2011 23:53

And just to add, it does get better, Gosh I had some low points but I thought formula would not necesserily be easier and carried on. It got better, I enjoyed it again. I stopped at a year the first time, went straight to a beaker (neither DD would ever take a bottle). It wasn't forever. It came to an end and I felt better for it. Ended up feeding DD2 for 2 years when I never expected it would.
I was so glad when I stopped but now I look back with fondness at thse times and actually miss it. Never imagined I would.

runningwilde · 16/11/2011 23:56

Minus you can dissaprove all you like!

Op, maybe you should repost in the bf section as well. Like I said earlier, I just wanted to give my thoughts on it without any mollycoddling - it wasn't to make you feel bad but to offer another way of seeing things and I stand by what I say. I am sure you will find your right solution.

Daisy1986 · 16/11/2011 23:56

On the clingyness side of things my DD was terrible never ever wanted to be put down. I never bothered to invest in a sling but I really wished I had so that could be away of you carrying on with your day without LO getting distressed that they aren't right next to you.

Will LO go to others for a cuddle or does she just want you? You could buy a cheap xl tshirt and wear it around whilst your indoors so that your scent goes on it and then when your partner/friend/mum or who ever comes round they could pop it on so baby is happy with them.

Do you ever get a break from her even for an hour or two? Make some time for yourself and go for a walk, buy a magazine and read it front to back, go to cinema etc. Even if someone has her in a different room or takes her for a walk and you can have a hot bath in peace will make a difference to you.

runningwilde · 16/11/2011 23:57

That's a great post badday!

Minus273 · 17/11/2011 00:06

OP are you OK? Please come back and talk, I'm worried about you, you sounded down.

pigletmania · 17/11/2011 00:07

It should be moved to bf/bottlefeeding section as there will be more advice there too. I personally would continue a little while longer but if its contributing to the op unhappiness than she should not, and try to express in a bottle or cup, use nipple shields so baby gets used to teat.

pigletmania · 17/11/2011 00:08

AT least you could leave the baby with someone whilst you have a well earned break or just have time to yourself for a little bit.

BadDayAtTheOrifice · 17/11/2011 00:10

It is hard OP. It can feel never ending. Come and talk to us, we want to support you.

allagory · 17/11/2011 00:10

I am a big fan of instinct parenting - if you really feel like giving up, maybe that's what you should do. Your instincts have served you well up to this point, right? Why would they be misleading you?

And if she won't take the bottle, maybe try a little baby rice and formula on the side? 4-6 months is OK to start experimenting with a few easy solids last time I looked.

[Allagory dons asbestos suit to protect against flames]

Daisy1986 · 17/11/2011 00:11

I dont really see what running has said that is so terrible apart from the happy baby, happy mum post.
She has simply encouraged the OP to continue bf although did say that formula feeding was ok if she wanted to do it. Too many people jump to say switch to formula feeding when things start to become difficult or you get fed up which is fine if the OP is truly unhappy.

When you have seen the benefits of bf/extended bf within your own child and the comfort and pleasure that they derive from it as they grow up then when someone is having a bit of a downer which we all have, why is it so bad to try and encorage them to continue so that they don't miss out on that?

BadDayAtTheOrifice · 17/11/2011 00:21

The OP stares she hates it now but that doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't in the past or won't in the future. Its hard to know whether to get her through a rough patch or whether she really wants to switch to formula and want support with that?
Let us know OP.

runningwilde · 17/11/2011 00:31

Thanks daisy at least you get what I was trying to say. Although you put it better as you are more gentle than me! I am probably quite Frank with how I put things but the way you put it is great. I knew the op would get loads of give up if that's what you want posts and it's not always the solution. Sometimes it is about carrying on. Anyway you put it really well.
The 'happy mum happy baby' things was a quote from another thread that I replayed here as I do sometimes think it is too easily trotted out and not quite true in a lot cases.

pinkyp · 17/11/2011 00:35

I think it's natural to feel like that at times, but I also think it's great that I can calm my ds down instantly, never need to worry when we go out as I can feed him whenever etc. Ds is 11 months and just bf's morning & night loads easier. Smile

Moominsarescary · 17/11/2011 00:39

Add message | Report | Message poster runningwilde Wed 16-Nov-11 23:06:57
I'm sorry but you are probably making the poor wee baby so anxious if this is how you feel .... you are distressing her.

Telling an upset mum she is making her baby anxious and distressing her sounds pretty terrible to me

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/11/2011 05:04

Sorry everyone, my internet on my phone stopped working after I posted and wouldn't load anything!

I'm too tired to read all the replies now so I'll be back in the daytime to respond.

I did read a few though, running what the hell? How do you know if my baby is distressed? Are you hiding under my bed or something? Confused I would just like to clarify my DD is not distressed in anyway, shape or form. I don't sit here stressing out while i'm feeding her you know! I do love the cuddles and she enjoys it! There's absolutely no way on this earth that she is distressed.

OP posts:
SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 17/11/2011 05:34

OP - just to reassure you, brreatsfeeding does not make your baby any more or less clingy. if I'd had DD first, I'd probably wonder if it did too, as she is still so clingy, even now at 15 months (she is still b/fed). She's a total Mummy's girl and could happily live without another soul, even her doting Dad.

However, DS was my first, and he has always happily gone to other people, runs off immediately at parks and groups with never a backward look and forgets I'm even there until it's time to go home. He's always been like this and was b/fed until 13 months.

Clingyness or otherwise, is entirely down to personality, so please don't worry that you're making things difficult for her in the future. :)

You're really on the cusp of things getting so much better at this stage. I remember it well. You're in the verge of weaning, so they're nearly ready for solids but it's still 100% you providing 100% of their nourishment. And compared to when they were newborns, they're so much bigger, aware, more resilient and more demanding. It is so tough right now, I remember being completely exhausted.

But - you're about to move to solids and suddenly your role is going to dimish hugely. And what you're left with when it all calms down is an easy way to feed your baby - your boobs, your baby and nothing else - no bottles, no washing, no faffing.

This is really when it all comes into its own, but it's also when most people give up, since the ambiguous message of breastfeeding exclusively for the first 6 months suggests this is as long as you need to do it, as opposed to being what babies should have until they start solids - with breastfeeding continuing alongside (in an ideal world).

I also skipped bottles entirely with DD and went straight to a cup when she started on solids. She's never had a bottle and it's been a complete absence of stress. Getting DS to take a bottle was a nightmare that I didn't want to repeat.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

runningwilde · 17/11/2011 05:39

Well spaghetti that is great if that is the case - my point was that babies can pick up on their mum's tension, especially when breastfed. If this is not the case and how you feel about bf now doesn't come through then great. You can pick through the opinions here as you wish but I maintain that she is only a baby and it is natural for her to just want mum and to be clingy, especially if she is teething etc. She is only five months old.

ChrissasMissis · 17/11/2011 07:07

Wow, I am so glad that someone has had the guts to say what I'm sure a percentage of mums can really feel. Like everything in life, certain things come more naturally to some people than others and the rest of us have to really put our backs into it. There is nothing wrong with confessing that you find something tough and it is not unreasonable to ask for a little bit of support in this. BF is the first in a looooong list of things to torture ourselves about and it would be nice to think that other mothers who have shared similar experiences would react with compassion, thoughtfulness and real advice. It's why I began using Mumsnet. Perhaps it's foolish of me to assume that we're not here to foist our own parenting beliefs on others and make them feel like cr*p.

bigkidsdidit · 17/11/2011 07:17

YANBU

I bf for 6 months and then stopped with a sigh of relief. I LOVED it at first, loved that it was giving him his antibodies and could soothe him and that he only wanted me. By 5 months I was tired. I wanted to sleep, I wanted to be able to go out and have a few drinks, I wanted other people to be able to feed him, I wanted to wear jumpers! I had an operation when DS was 5.5 months and was in hospital a while and DH gave him bottles and he was just as happy - so when I came out I did 2 feeds a day for a while then stopped.

There's nothing wrong with stopping now. However, I do feel guilty occasionally - not that I should, obviously, but I do - adn I sometimes wish I'd kept the night feed before bed.

Good luck :)